Dealing with perceptions and reality is what it is.

[Anne Bonny]

If I were gay I could say "I'm Gay" and come out, they are in a better position because most people today then just say "oh...ok" and that's it (they have their problems too no...it is not as simple as that for them with their family but it is more common and society is beginning to grasp and understand them better so acceptance is greater today than it was even in recent history). Being an occasional transvestite is not quite the same thing but people do not just think "oh...ok" about that, a few would as long as you are not out and about which I have never been inclined to do really...(and some would not even mind that but that is our call not theirs! tough!) but who knows (I do really believe we are just at an earlier part of the acceptance stage than those who are gay and lesbian they are now finding wider acceptance we have a long way to go but we I believe will eventually get there too wearing a dress is not a big deal people just do not understand us have not grasped or accepted who we are but I think Jenner's story will be looked back on as a major turning point toward greater understanding and acceptance for all who are under our huge umbrella). No mostly I am a strong, independent, masculine man, a male with little interest in the other except on occasion. Funny how our thinking changes depending on the prevailing gender inside my head at the moment...Anne would tone that last statement down a little...Down boy...Yes...you are strong, independent, a typical masculine man and a male but "Little interest in the other?" I mean here I am in a green knit sleeveless dress eye make up and lipstick, gel inserts in my bra with my dress pumps ear rings and necklace...I am a transvestite. Yep Occasional but even occasional is debatable because Anne - I will give my feminine gender feeling a name - is in your mind daily, and you seem to dress just about every day for a few hours (I do go for days, sometimes longer too between it varies and cannot be nailed down) wishing you could just be out so you would not have to change until you felt like changing on your own. Being feminine at times does not however change my orientation or my desire and attraction for women. But we have to deal with the reality that confronts us as best we can. I suppose we always have more work to do in our head. I would have no problem with the Nurse and the Aid both women knowing if I knew they were not going to potentially talk about me to everyone in very derogatory terms and would accept me as they would any client but most people are unwilling to do this closed minds, lack of understanding prejudice. There are very real consequences that vary...I would not mind at all their knowing and thinking I am what I am if they accepted me and also accepted that sometimes I am also quite typically masculine in every way being a transvestite has no impact on any of that. I am not "less" of a man perhaps I am "more?" I have wondered if perhaps I may be hyper masculine and dressing is a way to compensate for that - that is a possibility. But nah I am not hyper just kind of average but to the strong side of masculine but not hyper masculine. Oh well. So I find myself mostly closing blinds on the side where my neighbors live depending, certainly if he drives up or either is out in the yard. I also know no one can really see inside the house except under certain lighting conditions there is some security but also some caution to protect my privacy yet allow myself the freedom to be who I am even in my own home!!! on my own property!!! And I am also a good neighbor and citizen but what difference does any of that make to the close minded. I have no clue what my neighbor would really think. We are free to be who we are...They are free not to like it.

[Marissa Mae]

Hi,

I wonder how the two perceptions differ: public perception of gays vs. perception of CDers and other cross-gender people. Gays are certainly in the public eye. Gays' battle is by no means won, but at least they're on the playing field, so long as they're careful.

Transvestites/CDers, TGs, cross-gender people in general? We aren't on the playing field yet. Our goal is in most cases to disappear: not to be "read," but to be taken for what we're dressed as. Being "read" usually isn't pleasant.

I don't know, but I make a guess that what we do is perhaps even more subversive and thus harder to gain public acceptance for. True, a gay person runs terrible risks; there are many parts of our country where rejection is still the norm. But they do have the law on their side.

We have no legal protection. If we go out in a dress and are "read" by the wrong people, we can get heckled, ridiculed, roughed up, hurt, railroaded, killed. Prosecuting our murder is a little bit too late.

Gays can get similar treatment, of course—the law can't prevent it. But it does, or should, make aggressors more careful, make them think twice (usually).

So is the answer to seek protective legislation for cross-gender people similar to that for gays? It could help.

Trouble is, though, compared to gays we are miles behind in public recognition of what we do and why. In a large sector of the public they still think we're automatically gay, when the truth is largely the opposite. How do we combat those perceptions?

It comes down to: with most women (malling teens excepted), a man in a dress is pretty much not seen as a threat. But to males, Jenner notwithstanding, a man in a dress is a powerful threat to something very deep-seated that brings out fear-based aggressions. How do we break that circuit so we can put together a sympathetic public?

Marissa Mae

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Depends on the country concerned and the same way every one has to in being accepted .

Well i can only repeat what i have told 1000.s of people wether you belive me or not its well over 3 million people so dare i say very few will do what i have done any way , yet to show others whats going on one gets off thier backside and does something about it and i have done just that , and im very well known ,

Okay TVNZ nation wide our Papers the net and public speaking to 100,s joined many groups 10 at this stage on 3 commitees work with many people involved with them work hard out and do what ever im asked to do with in those groups , being in front of people and a PR person work with them at close quarters so they get to see me in action what im like as a person and how i do things under stressfull condions how i interact with and around people those i know and strangers and word of mouth = grapvine news gets around fast, have i got it all down , i doubt it any way this is just a little of what i do ,

Will you or other ,s accept let alone belive me , well i can only tell it as it is for an intersexed female by default , and different , I could have just said im a female by birth and been done with ,and is right in many aspects of who i am , depending on how you percive me as a person , well then what would i have to say then not much .

So having said all that , im well accepted as a normal female though some will use my birth name of no-el and thats cool its female and male so no bigge , and legal , im female at birth ,

To be accepted one needs to be willing to join in with others not have an attitude of ...i cant be accepted ....because ...because ....

I did not have to prove any thing i had to be willing to give of my self and i,v done that and still do / will .

...noeleena . Loch-head ...

[Robyn]

Everyone’s opinion is right, nobody is wrong, and we can easily analyze and dissect this topic many different ways. However, to me it’s all pretty simple. Of course we cannot currently gain society’s full acceptance (generally speaking) because we’re not “the norm”, simple as that. Just as the individual with their face covered with tattoos gets singled out while mingling with the common population. In a tattoo parlor that person is readily accepted just as we are amongst our CD peers. I think the keyword is acceptance.

Yes, we all want more, including me of course. In a perfect world I’ll apply my makeup and select a pretty dress with some cute shoes and head out the door. While I’m out Jane Doe and I will compliment one another on our outfits in passing. Actually, it’s kind of that way now: Just earlier this year I began going out in public, and now it’s a frequent occurrence. Where I go and what I do are all common activities, i.e. shopping, dining, salons. When a person interacts with me it’s not hard to tell I’m a man. For I have all the tell-tail signs that almost all CDs/TVs have identifying us for who we really are. Even the best drag queens can be identified as males when you look close enough. But, on the advice of those who’ve been there before me I’ve found proper behavior and a smile goes a long way.

Last Saturday at our TG group’s get together I had a lengthy conversation with the co-founder of our group who’s been dressing for 50+ years. From the stories she tells, wow how lucky I have it!!! Society has come a long way since her early days of dressing. It wasn’t that long ago that a male could actually be arrested just for dressing as a female in public, which isn’t the case now.

We all have different circumstances defining the comfort level and ease of our cross dressing needs. Some of us have unsupportive spouses/SOs, children in the home, or live in a local that’s not conducive to crossing the gender barrier. Well, that’s the beauty of an online forum. We can share, vent, celebrate, or just chit-chat together and use this as an outlet.