Ever stay on your femm side while feeling drawn to the male?

[Anne Bonny]

I know when I am feeling my feminine side rising sometimes I will resist...equivocate or feel ambiguous or could be someone is coming over who I would hide my femm self from so I stay masculine. I wonder have any of us ever been on our feminine side and found ourselves resisting so we stay feminine while we...equivocate or feel ambiguous or for some reason be somewhere where we cannot change back perhaps we are away from home visiting someone or for some reason stay on our feminine side.

I feel my masculine side is stronger so most of the time I revert to masculine and am on my masculine side. Some of us may live predominately on our feminine side and tend to settle there more often than not...some may be in between...

Betwixt and between...does your femm side ever become your defalt?

Just an interesting thought that crossed my mind...probably not if you are trans or live full time this is more for those of us who experience two distinct sides within our head.

I have realized that I am not "temporarily insane" when I default to my male side and suddenly find things I had been thinking about on my feminine side suddenly dissipate it is not insanity that suddenly I am in the male again and think no I am changing back to briefs, no I am not going to stay dressed all week or go out.... things my male side attribute to being temporarily insane are not insane at all to my feminine side but are quite real and reasonable for Anne to do. I realized there really are inside my skull...two competing sides...I mean Anne does not want to dress male and spend time doing some of the things my guy self wants so his thinking also seems to go away too. There is some sharing of interests that are consistent....anyway I have found this perspective interesting lately. Not sure if anyone else does?

I think this defines those who like myself are transgender but who identify as being "gender fluid."

Maybe no one is really interested...that's ok too!

[DonnaT]

I never experience being drawn to the male side in any way similar to how I feel drawn to the fem side.

My default is male, of course. When CDing, I don't remember ever having an urge to stop and dress male instead.

[KimberlyS]

Ann I used to have my feelings jack me around at times but have just come to accept I am just a guy with masculine and feminine feelings. I am almost always in a mix of masculine and feminine clothes. Most of the time i am presenting a male image to the world, but my feelings all over the masculine feminine spectrum through out the day, mostly hang around the middle. But I do not let my feelings dictate what I do and how I dress. I dictate based on my function and what I want for the day. Do not need to look feminine to feel feminine, and do not need to look masculine to feel masculine. Just dress what works for you at the time and your feelings are just who you are.

[Anne Bonny]

I can see that...for myself if I am seated on my male side my thoughts and desires including what I choose to wear are dictated by the masculine...But! when Anne pops in my thoughts and desires including what I choose to wear are dictated by the feminine. For myself the two do not really mix, they tend to be consistent and I feel a definite switch the female will drop and the masculine with ascend into place. As a Guy I have no desire to wear or to be how I am when I feel more feminine and vice versa.

I have as a male resisted my feminine desires but as a female I have not resisted my masculine desires...well...that's not really true because I have felt ambiguous and dressed female resisting or over riding my masculine desires to change a few times but usually I will change back.

Perhaps I should experiment when feeling masculine dressing feminine to see what happens will my masculine over ride leading me to change back to masculine? I recognize that I am a girl sort of so it is appropriate for me to dress according to feminine conventions with make up and jewelry etc.


It is not the clothing that makes me feel I am male or female. For myself it is my mind that feels male or female and drives me into wanting to feel consistent with which ever gender is predominating and to dress that way.

I will affirm I have feminine and masculine sides some of which is blended I suppose sense men and women share some desires, Personality is personality...I am probably a softer male, sensitive.....but not always.

I suppose I am not in a consistent ambiguous middle I am fluid I am gender fluid it flows back and forth that is the definition of being fluid.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Oh dear , I wonder is this about what clothes you wear or thoughts you have about things going on around you or just about you ,

Clothes don't enter into any detail for myself really its about my being who I am and can I say how I express myself as a person , wether im influenced to ether male or female does not come into it ether I don't think about it I just do it or what ever , = say working what I wear I wear for the job in hand shorts and overalls and tee sun hat or doing welding head wear visor , being drawn to male or female no not really I don't think about it I just do it ,

If my friends come round I don't care what im wearing depending on the job say chain sawing all dusted up hot and sweaty , no makeup looking like lady muckworthy , does not bother me in the slightest because my friends know me well enough ,
I will say yes it bothered me to some degree because im a woman years ago, hated being seen all mucked up after doing Joinery again sawing timber = lumber, not any more , and on some jobs it would be worse, oh yes this woman in her mucky clothes , no I cant allways be looking pretty , wont comment on that part,

To me life is life gota live it and that means doing work and stuff so wether you see this chick in the dirt or looking pretty will depend on what I need to do,

We have a concert this sunday on stage I belive this time an open air so I,ll take my drum kit and things , be in uniform and I can be in male clothes or female clothes - black skirt long one that really is my stage dress wear, I do have a womens pair of slacks I,ll only wear when marching , so there you have it , the male style of dress is longs or slacks just the mens clothes are not very comfortable so I stay with womens and I can.

Any way time to be ready for our Scottish evening I,ll head off and catch up latter,

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

Hi Noleena...Yeah that is because your gender is consistent...many people are...like those who are cis gendered or those who are trans...

Being gender fluid it is like having a split personality only the split is a split gender! For people like me it flows back and forth so it does make life rather difficult to deal with and to figure out we feel conflicted it is crazy! Now this is not to say my skin is crawling with angst all the time...not at all...once my gender is "seated" which is most of the time I am quite comfortable being a man...or being in the female...the discomfort or angst stirs when the gender is aroused and wants to switch.... but most of the time I live as a man. At least I have finally figured that out for myself which will now allow me to more easily just go with the flow when I can. When I can because I am preferring to do it more privately now, hiding it from everybody...I do not want to be judged or tolerated or hated when my female side is just who she is...Anne should not be subjected to resistance for who she is she should be loved and fully accepted and encouraged to just be who she is so If I, once my wife leaves me, can find such a partner the rest of my life will be better. My wife loved me...kind of understood and allowed and tolerated Anne but really she would have much preferred for me to be a cis gendered male. She told me that she had to completely change how she thought about me...sad but still she did love me and stayed with me even so and I have stood by her all the way and will to the end of her life because I love her too.

Yeah...you I would say are a woman and are so consistently from the sound of it. I am not most of the time I default to the masculine side because I am a man...I am just a female part time.

[Ralitsa]

kinda, sorta, but not really.

To some extent I've always had some tendency to be emotional, less aggressive, and a few other things which are typically (not necessarily correctly) understood as feminine characteristics. And like you Anne, this does fluctuate over time. But I think I cannot honestly say that I ever really felt like a woman - or really "like a man" as far as that goes. I'm just a confused wacko, and all I really know is that I love wearing nice dresses, skirts, sexy tops, etc. And I really, really, really hate (did I mention REALLY HATE) being stuck into some category that says -> "you must wear pants!!!!"
That being said, I do find that when I'm dressing the way women generally do, that I find myself adopting mannerisms, modes of speech and so forth that I hope might be consistent with being a woman. And at those times, I never never feel drawn to male stereotypes.
I have a friend who observed that I can't ever be a real woman, because I'm too much an insensitive jerk. I guess that's probably true, but I'm not happy about it.

[Estefania]

Anne,

Since my dressing in the past has been usually limited to very specific times which would happen maybe once a year or once every two years, but then they would be a couple weeks at a time, I would plan ahead, get my stuff ready for the occasion, be dying with anticipation... only to "run out of pink fuel" after the first week. And then I would find myself kind torn between having the chance to dress and do things, go out, etc, and the feeling that I wanted to get back to my much simpler every day life. Being pragmatic about it, usually I would have recognized that my next change to dress may take a while to come, so I would kind of "force" myself to keep on going and trying to enjoy my Gaby time.

And by the time I was getting back to drab, while I couldn't help to feel somehow sad by the transformation (Always kind of shed a tear when clipping my long nails short, for example) I would also be relieved by it.

Yeah, a bit crazy here.

Gaby

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Had a good night last night at our Scottish soc evening some 50 of us good tucker as well . one young man does sing for us all though the style is a little differenthe is a lovely singer, i do talk with him and getting to know him and we did talk about music,

Today sunday 20 th we our Brass Band 19 of us played our music allmost an hour, and had lots come and watch and listen, it was our Oamaru Heritage week = Victorian times and many were dressed for the event. i caught up with one friend she,s lovely ,

Now many men do get dressed in Steam punk plus the women of cause. not my style well not this day as i was in uniform ,my black long skirt, white top tee and tie black, redish jacket,
white dress hat army style white and redish band around and insignia emblem black shoe,s and black tights, plus my side drum . this time i could not be in full kit = drums and gear, i thought it went well and others would say the same, ,

Any way just a thought about our day i did not see any dresser,s as such yet this would be a good event for some if they wonted to .

while writing this what comes to mind is when i was issued my uniform my first thoughts were oh the uniform will be male as most members if not all and from old photos were men, and in army uniform , so here we go cant get away from these bloody male clothes, so i looked at all the uniforms and what did i see two skirts ...what... so i thought right im sorted, so got mine form a 2nd hand shop well it is lovely and to wear, just the right fit and looks very smart so i was happy so my uniform is at least 1/2 male and 1/2 female .

Cant have this woman being seen as a male now can we.....ya ya i know im nuts. give me a Navy uniform and i,d be set any Navy bands have an opening for me...

Anne Bonny.

Thankyou.

Yes your right i am consistent and like my women friends we just are, I dont belive we have been any different I know we are blessed because of that, would we wont to be different i dont know any who are or would wont to be, i sure dont, im too grounded in that being us,

...noeleena...

I know as i read your,s and others writings i slowly see little details about you all i find it very interesting and some time,s quite heart breaking at the same time,

[Anne Bonny]

Well...great responses and interesting differences and perspectives. Thumbs up!

[Anne Bonny]

Wow Huge surge for Anne Day after Thanksgiving Now that everybody's gone....Welllll....Not sure if My wifes' brother and Sister-in-law will be stopping by unannounced as they head out of town...hum...And one son is on the road back to school but the other phoned so not sure if he is off today and will bring their 3y/o son by but his wife had to work today....The Nurses Aid is due today too but they usually call before coming to make sure I am home....which I am but a call is nice. I have to start working with my wife...feed her before the aid comes to clean her up then I go for my daily run after that. So....now that I am more private out of choice I feel the need to change and be very watchful until I do...Not that I have not been out to this son and to the nurses and aids of the other Hospice company but I have been keeping it all private.

Ho hum...guess I will go change ....