Girls don't understand

[Anne Bonny]

Girls don't understand us. That we feel the same way that they do on the inside, and that we want the same things...
We want someone to love us. We sometimes want someone to take the lead for us. We inexplicable desire the same things when we are dressed, we want to be and desire to express our femininity, we want to be pretty and express our beauty. When I have done everything well and look in the mirror It makes me happy. I am thrilled when I see a nice looking woman looking back at me, does not happen every time but usually once my hair is shampooed conditioned and has been fluffed out and styled appropriately, when my make up is correct, and the ear rings and other jewelry is hanging and sparkling, and my clothing suits and works for me it is very fulfilling and wonderful and I just want someone who will admire and accept me someone who get's it! Ok, yes I am a male but I am as any other woman inside and I want someone to hold my hand, a woman who loves, admires and who actually wants me to be around wherever I am inside and when I am here in my inner self someone who loves me as a woman too. This is who I am inside, I can't help who I am and I deserve someone to love me too no matter where I happen to be.

[Emily]

Everyone deserves to be loved no matter who they are. It's a basic human need. I hope you can find that one day Anne. But please don't despair... there are women who will still love you just as you are. It may take some time to find that "one" but for every one that doesn't understand, there is another that does. Keep your chin up, continue to be your beautiful self, but most of all, be patient. It will probably happen when you least expect it.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks Emily, just finished reading your post, and I hope you can find that special person who will love you too.

[Diana Michelle]

Anne, IMO women do understand that men and women want the same things as far as love, friendship, security and that warm fuzzy feeling. That said if you were to ask 100 women what they want in a man on a deep level you will get 100 different answers, same with men. Now if you were to ask if they want a feminine man that is a very different question. I am sure there are some though a small minority that would say yes but to a point. What that point is will probably be different with each of them. Yes whether dressed femme in a dress and heels or masculine in khakis and boat shoes you are the same person but it takes a very special person to see that. Girls who transition experience that but as they stay femme time has a way of showing that but when one day you are in a skirt doing dishes at the kitchen sink and the next day in the garage in your greasy jeans changing the oil on her car is bound to muddy that sameness image.

[KimberlyS]

Actually Anne my ex liked a lot of my feminine traits and she said several of them were why she married me. She just could not handle the feminine traits wanting to also look feminine at times. So she liked who I was but did not like how I looked at times.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Noeleena]

Hi.

See if I get this right, more directed to Diana,


How i see other women = female like myself , - feminine is that how you look or how we are in our being of who we are,

Its makes little difference to me how i,m dressed overalls and wood dust all over me or muck from under the wagon or spray paint , i wont look feminine no matter what,

now change the dresswear to dress,s skirts and tops i wont say dolled up as i dont any way. so i,ll look smart nicely dressed maybe even sexy in one or two nice feminine clothes i have,even so i still wont look feminine. its just not even close, thats the facts i have to live with,

How do i ...really... see a guy from a born female point of view, yes i have had to maybe not change my thoughts as look at what i see would work in a relastionship and sexualy as well, what i can ...hopefully... bring and do. to please a guy.i have my reservasions on that as to how do i please fullfill bring pleasure to him in a way he would be more than pleased with and i could know he would love me for who i am and with my short comings of not being complete as a normal female is and dont forget theres one out of every 7000 of us women in similar situasions so i have a lot to content with in being accepted into that relastionship, its just not straight forward .

In myself i,m very feminine, i wont say a girly girl just a very mature woman who,s expreanced life in different ways, form many.

What would i seekin a guy, love companianship friendship to be there when i let go of having to allways be in charge, you the Boss and i,m well equpted to be that, just sometimes would be nice to let go that i think will be hard for me when you,s meet me youd understand ,and yes theres a few things i,m dead scared of , while i,m in charge i can not let go.

My friends and a few others know what i,m like . yeap she,s that woman who gets stuck in and works hard out, one crazzzy woman whos very strong and even the guys with mouth open you cant do that or lift that ,,,,bloody well watch and see.

am i type cast. does not look like a weight lifter or one of those fitness hard out ones. nope just looks ...ya well .. ??? dont think so,,,, normal female, dont be decived.... come on have a laugh .

I know i,ll have to let go , i did a lot of reading studing and just trying to understand men over the last 2 1/2 years all very new to me, ,looking at how to have a guy look at me in a way that says he wonts to be with me , is that ...just... sexualy because i know guys can find women to be with and they wont a woman whos complete and sexualy expreanced and who turns them on so thats feminine in looks or sexy as, expections.

I,m smart well rounded can put my hand to many things well trained can take controle of situasions when needed and guys some would stand back because of a lack of knowing what to do,

In some ways from my study i would have to let go, even though i,m trained i doubt i,d do that or could am i then seen as different ...hard fact yes.would ..a.. guy accept that of myself. these are details that would become a wall between a guy and myself,am i two bloody minded as well,

So for myself its not going to be easy to let go of what i can do, and for the guy to be incharge,

some one i talked with said i,m a bloody perfectionst and hate men being in control so yes he told me a lot after we wrote many pages of letters, so he told me , so at least you get some idear of what i,m like . and from my learning i dont think men like a woman like i am so maybe i have had to be this way to remain alive and had to push myself to over come a lot of detail .

Bottom line maybe i have made it to hard to be with a guy,


Oh and dont be afraid to tell me what you think i,v been given a few barrals of hard words i,m tough so i can take it.

Okay Fun,,,,,,geeepers is there any hope of being feminine or do i grovel in that bloody MUD,and i have to have some one else wash me. ......you know what i mean , dont wont to yet,,,,may have to.


...................TO........ LET......... GO.................if i wont to have a guy,


...noeleena...

[Emily]

Thanks Emily, just finished reading your post, and I hope you can find that special person who will love you too.

Thank you, Anne. I'm in no rush at the moment... but maybe one day.

Actually, your OP reminded me of something my ex said to me before we broke up... She didn't think she could continue to be with me if I decided to physically transition (HRT). In all other aspects, she was OK with me living life as a woman, being a woman. There were a whole host of other factors leading to our eventual break up, but at the end of the day, we need to do what is right for ourselves. We can't live our lives for other people, but sometimes, we do find that one who loves us for who we are, just as we are!

[Diana Michelle]

Looking back I really didn't get my point across well in my last post. When I was talking about one day doing dishes wearing a dress and the next day changing the oil in greasy jeans I was referring to the CD and how how the wife or SO sees them. It does have the potential of clouding the issue when the CD comes out and says "but I am the same person regardless of how I am dressed." Some women handle it well, some tolerate, some have almost a DADT attitude and some just cannot cope with it. We are all clouded by the stereotypes we grew up with and are exposed to everyday and for the CD its particularly difficult to get someone to look beyond the clothes and see the person inside. Wish I had a good answer here or even something witty to say about this but it is just what it is.

Noeleena I think you and I are on the same page here. Male or female is what you are, feminine is what you are like. I and I am sure everyone knows a woman who they feel is not feminine, it doesn't make her any less a woman. As I have said many times I can be just as feminine in my grubby jeans and sweat shirt scrubbing the boat as I am in my nicest dress and heels adorned in jewelry out to dinner. Granted I may feel more feminine in that dressy outfit but how I am clothed does not change what I am or what I am like. What is it they say? "You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl."

Too many get hung up on the clothes thing and that is a function of stereotypes and the environment we were raised and live in. I am what many would call a girly girl, well maybe at my age it is a womanly woman, but that doesn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of life? As I said above we all know at least one woman who may not be the stereotypical feminine type. That doesn't make her any more or any less a woman than I am. It is just how she is same as being a girly girl is just how I am. How do you quantify something like this other than through stereotypes? I can honestly say I have never been in a conversation where someone would say yes you are more feminine than her but not as much as me. Until we can truly quantify something how we can compare it other than with vague generalities like more or less? Many out there particularly in the CD community associate femininity with the housewife of the 1950's or the secretary of the 1970's or the business woman of the 1990's. That is their opinion and they are just as entitled to it as we are ours. Contrary to the beliefs of some there is no right or wrong when it comes to opinions.

Full disclosure and you can call me a starry eyed optimist here but I believe there is more than one out there for all of us. It is about finding that someone at the right time and under the right circumstances. I have been blessed to have found it several times in my life and without a doubt it is the most wonderful sensation you can ever feel. That said love is something different to all of us and I will go as far as tell you what love is at one point in your life can be something different at another, at least it is for me. Doesn't make it any better or worse , just different. Think about it for a minute. As we mature and grow as people our needs change, should love be any different?

So the question now becomes how do we find this love? Well one thing I can tell you is unless you are out there you will never find it. Only in fairy tales does the white knight ride up to your house, hitch his horse to your railing, and come in telling you he is there to sweep you off your feet. There are hundreds of books out there purporting to tell you how to find love and to be blunt they only serve the purpose of lining the wallet of the author and publisher. I am not saying you have to be constantly on the hunt for that special person, For me I am not sure when it has happened that was what I started out looking for and I am not a believer in love at first sight for love like many things requires nurturing and time to grow and blossom. What I am saying that I was out there and kept my mind open to possibilities and it happened. So the one thing you cannot do is sit at home and feel sorry for yourself because you don't have anyone. If love and that special person is what you want you have to play the game to use a trite term. I will say here I kissed my share of frogs before I found my Prince Charmings.

Remember love is a feeling, an emotion, a sensation. It defies logic or science. It can't be quantified nor can it be reduced to tests contrary to the beliefs of Cosmopolitan magazine and some of those online dating sites. I look at the 3 significant relationships in my life, 2 late husbands and my current SO, and all are very different from even the start. One I met on a blind date, one at a friend's church picnic, and the third through an introduction at a charity function by a mutual acquaintance. In one he took the initiative, another I took that first step and the third a connection that led to coffee after which led to a dinner to finally a real date where he picked me up at my place rather than meeting him at the restaurant. I know couples that are still in love and with the first person they ever kissed in several cases over 40 years ago. Others where one of them went through relationships like I used to go through pantyhose when I wore them 5 days a week to work. Some couples you look at who are so alike, they are even the right sizes for each other and make a good looking couple. Others are so opposite you wonder how they lasted a day together let alone years. Some find that love in their teens, others don't find it until their 60s and beyond. How many times do I need to say it? There are no rules here, no right or wrong! It just is. You need not change yourself for love unless you and only you desire to change for other reasons. Love IMO is built on trust and truth and if you are pretending to be someone or something else how can you expect it to grow, thrive, and survive? Is that what you would want from a partner? I certainly hope not so isn't your partner due the same respect?

The one thing for sure ladies is it is up to you. You need to take that first step and get out there and mingle with mankind or womankind or whatever the hell kind you are seeking but again always keeping your mind open to possibilities. The ball is in your court now. The question is are you going all the way and score that winning basket or are you going to pass it to someone else and let them do it?

[Anne Bonny]

DADT...yes, quite. There is a certain amount of resignation...knowing this is something we are not able to move past because it is who we are...so as in my case my wife eventually weighing everything in a balance found she loved me never the less even so...my value was much better than this one aspect of who I am and so there were rules...moods...and tolerance which allowed me to be who I am I had the freedom to dress but sad in a way because full acceptance a full embrace of all of who I am was never really there and it did I believe change how she thought of me. Why is it that they are seemingly incapable of seeing us, of "getting us" and of loving us as they always have? Yes she loved who she married...the man who never fully disclosed who she was until several years into their marriage.... I still feel awful about that because that was wrong, though based on naivete that it would evaporate in a marriage, and even so I hurt the woman that I loved so deeply...I am sorry Pat....

I believe it is difficult for women to understand that inside we are as they are and that the clothing worn to fit our body requires us to use means to tailor our body so as women we can look our best. That is exceptionally hard for people to understand and leads them to thinking we are mentally off, or that it is a fetish which is off and they cringe and just reject us flat out because they do not believe who we say we are inside is real...they believe we are off rather than accepting that this happens to really truly be who we are inside our head and there is not anything that we are able to do about it! If they did we would have full acceptance by everyone...they may not want to be with us...but they would fully accept us. Some of them would want to stay with us, some would stay as friends, and some would move on...

Wow! I love that! "You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl." "Feminine is what you are like." Point being Clothing does not make us who we are. We do not become Masculine or feminine because of what we put on...we are just who we happen to be.

Vagueness...that is what is so difficult about being who we are, it is very difficult to quantify, to be precise, to speak about it all with definition. This leads us down many dead ends because we fail to grasp to fully comprehend who we are ourselves. We tend to fall back on stereotypes, labels, personality traits, etc...but these are all rabbit holes. When I realized this about myself at the age of 9...I was of course absolutely clueless...by the age of 20 there was little growth...I believe I have come a long way after years of thought, but some people come to it in their teens it seems, transition...and there they are!

I am a male...but I am different than other men, I am not female, but I am very much as the women around me are. I am not like all women but I tend to share much in common with them while not sharing some in common with men and how they happen to be...yet...in some way I feel in a way I am a little as both are in some respects.

Yes, You have to get out there...fortunately there is a local Facebook based social group in which events are posted and people can state if they are going, may go, or cannot and can even make comments...like where exactly is this? or clarifications. I am making contacts this it better than any dating site because you mix and mingle you are face to face and can communicate get a sense of people etc...this is how dating sites should be! I have a list of criteria but having found those in someone...then you have to figure out if the magic exists....chemistry...the spark...that only comes or develops over an extended period and absolutely must be based on trust and truth. The radar will be up and depending....will mean having to fully disclose and lay my heart out there....At this stage of life I am not interested in marriage. I need a local woman who is fully independent in every way from myself but because we really do want to be with each other we will come to go everywhere together. perhaps stay at her home one night, mine at another, or sleep in our respective homes separately yet go to eat, go to do things, travel and enjoy life ... would that require full disclosure if I have space?? I believe it would you have to.