Lorna has to go away indefinitely - UPDATE!!!

[Honey(SO)]

Lorna, I feel sad that you so upset by this. I have worked with 100's of children over the past 26 years and I really feel the best you can do for yourself and the child is say NO to this. You are in no emotional place to care for a child. In the long run you will hurt yourself more and the hurt that it will cause the child is just as bad.
I do not mean this as a negative dig at you. Look to other family members to help you work out something different, you could take the child some of the time as a backup but not to the extent that they want you to. Maybe week nights but no weekends, you have to have a break sometimes.
If you must stay with the situation as it is then please try and find some positive in this for you and the childs sake. Kids are so sensitive to negative feelings and they generally react in a very negative manner.

AS to the dressing, you could still dress in your bedroom when the child is sleeping, just lock your door. We have 2 of our children still at home, my husband does not get to dress as much as he probably would like, but takes advantage of a locked door plenty of nights.

Hope this works out for you all.

Here is a big ((((((HUGGG)))))) for you
Love, Honey

[Erica Shade]

Lorna girl,

I am so sorry to hear about this recent turn of events. I think Penny T. actually had a good point. Just because you are raising their child does not mean that Lorna has got to go. Since your whole family now knows about Lorna, openly continue to be Lorna at home. Let them know that you have no intention of drastically changing your lifestyle. Two pluses 1) you still get to be Lorna, 2) your neice gets to grow up see that CDers are not bad people. If your niece doesn't understand why you dress try to explain it to her, children are very accepting. And if she doesn't know now, she will later in life, even if you try to hide it. If you have described your relatives accurately they will spill the beans themselves to her sooner or later. So why hide?

Now you only have to find a babysitter for those weekend gigs.

Nuff Luv,

Erica Shade

[Brianna]

Lorna,

Like many others here on the discussion forum, I feel for you. I have no children but I can honestly say that there was a time in my life when I did want children. Now, because I am in my mid-forties, I believe it would be wrong to have a child. I have had limited opportunities to be around children but when I have I can honestly say it makes me wish I had some of my own. I'm sure you have had your fill of advice from concerned parties here on the forum but I offer my support and some insights I have based on reading this entire thread.

I know this situation is not of your making and not something you would choose for yourself, however... like many have pointed out previously, you have a wonderful opportunity here. Even you realized it when you said you would teach your neice tolerance.

Many people do not want children... (I know because my parents did not want me but that's a different story.) but after they have them they love them. Love shows itself in many ways and it is difficult to understand.

You have this wonderful opportunity to give Lorna full sway as you nuture and care for your neice. Perhaps you won't be able to wear the clothing and makeup but that is not what makes you Lorna. What makes you Lorna is that part of you that is female inside.

Let Lorna take over... have fun with your neice... play games, eat ice cream, take walks, and talk to her. You can even play dress up with her... as you dress her up.

I believe children, if placed in a loving environment, love instinctively. In the future, your neice will eventually learn that you are a crossdresser. It's obvious that your family will one day 'out' you to her. The memories of the love you lavish on her today will soften her heart to you then and she will understand. That is when your lessons on tolerance will really pay off.

Your sister and Brother-in-law may believe they are being responsible. At the end of this, when they return to assume their roles as mother and father, you may find, (hopefully,) that you are grateful to them for allowing you this opportunity.

I have read many of your posts here on the board. In fact, you have responded to a few of my posts and I appreciated your comments. Hopefully you will know that we all have your welfare at heart as we all pitch in our two cents here on the forum. That's because we have a family here on the forum... not in the normal sense of the word but in the real sense of the word. Family loves one another, cares for one another, supports one another, laughs with one another, and crys with one another.

Please don't leave our family. The hole you leave behind will not be filled and we will miss you. Surely you will be able to find some free moment to log in and check the forum occasionally. Perhaps you can even post occasionally to let us know how things are going. I believe we will all be there to support you if you give us the opportunity.

I will be sending good vibes your way...

Brianna

[Elizabeth]

Lorna,

Hurry back, you have been such an inspiration to me.
Love always
Elizabeth

[Lorna]

I'm back. I took a stand. I have decided NOT to do this. I can't. It would REALLY be unfair to the child.

I smoke, I use foul language, I have a short temper, and I enjoy my extensive collection of R rated movies. Not to mention that I get grumpy and just want to be left alone at the end of a long hard day.

[Virginia]

Lorna,
You talked of strength! Honey, you have great strength. You made a tough decision and you will stand by it. I must admit that I was a bit concerned about you, being single trying to raise a child. As for abusing, I don't think you could abuse a child, especially one that you were caring for. I additionally think that calling Family Services or Child Services is the better alternative given the situation. Again it is what is in the child's best interest that should guide you.
Keep us posted.
Love,
Deborah

[Beauty]

Hi Lorna,

I know I've already said this in private, but I'll say it here too.

I think the decision you're making is a healthy one. If you change your mind it means you really thought about everything involved.

Regardless I support any decision you make.

Beauty

[Anita]

Hi Lorna--
I've been into the trenches on this one, too, and it's no fun. I think you made the right decision, because the child would have felt your unhappiness, no matter how well you treated her.

I spend time with one of my ex-girlfriend's 8 year old boy, and I do it once a month. In an ideal world, I'd see him more often. But realistically, it's what I can do and still feel like I'm taking care of my own needs, too.

I have experienced the benefits of having children around me, and can see how wonderful they can be. I also see that people like my dad enjoy their grown children a lot, but didn't know what to do with them when they were little.

I would have been that way, too, so I steered clear of having children. My last GF had two children, and I did...OK by them, I hope. But it showed me once again how there is not time in life to "have it all."

Lorna, it would have felt MUCH different if you had really liked the parents, and wanted to help them out. But, jeez, how many months were they planning to put this on you?
'nita.

[Lorna]

Hi Lorna,

I know I've already said this in private, but I'll say it here too.

I think the decision you're making is a healthy one. If you change your mind it means you really thought about everything involved.

Regardless I support any decision you make.

Beauty

Thank you, Beauty. Thanks for being a wonderful friend! `

[Honey(SO)]

Lorna,
You have made the right choice for the both of you. Now be a good uncle and invite your niece over some evening for a tea party and play barbies with her. These will be fun memories to make with her. You know little girls love dress up too!
Honey

[Lorna]

Thanks everyone, for all of your input. It was all very valuable and has really helped me big time. Thanks for all the support!

I will say that I am happy to report that since I took a stand NOT to participate, my mother has owned up to this. After all, she did encourage the whole abandonment thing by allowing and sometimes ASKING the deadbeats to drop off the child at her house wherever and whenever, sometimes for weeks on end. Then either one of them would have the nerve to call ME & ask for help because she’s too tired from chasing the kid. I’d much rather be the “cool uncle” instead. Or “cool auntie”!

I am also VERY thankful to my younger sis. Although she is busy with her own 2 y.o. son, my nephew, she has stepped in and was happy to do so, even though she DEPSISES my other deadbeat sis. My younger sister is a stay-at-home Mom so she pops by my mother’s with her son & the little cousins get to play together. Problem solved.


Deborah – thanks so much for having confidence in me having strength. I was really starting to doubt my own strength simply because I didn’t want to raise this child.

Jessie – As far as single people not wanting kids, that may or may not be true, who knows? But place me with those who do NOT. I was actually fortunate enough to have enough experience with children to reach this decision beforehand. I already have a niece and nephew. That’s enough for me, and I’d still be happy to take either or both of them in – but for only a day or two and only every so often – that’s it!

Penny – I really liked your suggestion! Maybe I’ll take the kids for one weekend & do just that! “Hi! We’re playing dress up! They love their new Auntie Lorna!”

Kersten – Thanks so much hon, and I am so glad to be staying! Plus you’re right, I’ve always been a firm believer in preserving one’s happiness, and I know that my misery and anger at this particular situation would have only had a negative effect on my niece.

Honey – you hit the nail right on the head. I have taken all the proper precautions to ensued that I live a childfree life. Had this been MY child, there’s no question whatsoever that I would take care of MY offspring. Had her parents been more like parents, and something were to have happened to them, I would have happily taken in my niece. But this is NOT my child, and the parents are just deadbeats… they’ll learn the hard way once she’s 18. PS hugggggs back at ya!

Erica – That was a wonderful suggestion! Like I said to Penny, maybe I can do that for a weekend when they stay with Uncle Rick… or their new Auntie Lorna!

Brianna – Thanks so much for your beautiful input. Our own CD family right here has acted more like a real family more than mine ever could.

Elizabeth – Thanks so much! Now I can continue to do so… and yes, you’ve all inspired me too!

Beauty – Again thanks for everything that you do! You ROCK!!!

[Elizabeth]

Lorna,

I beleive that the decision to have and raise children is such a personal decision that no one should be invloved in it but the person wanting the child. I don't think it is wrong of you to not want this responsibility. If you wanted it you would prolly already have children of your own.

You have certainly made a lot of sacrifices to free Lorna. I completly understand why you would not want those sacrifices to have been for nothing. Not to mention it is just another way for a non supportive family to pressure you into not dressing.

Good Luck, I love you
Elizabeth

[Kersten Lee]

Lorna,

I'm to late, but I still want to say congratulations on taking care of your
self. I would feel different if you were the one who brought the child into
this world. There were options and it sounds like things are working out
for the better. You are not evil for this. I believe you do have some
mothering instinct in you as we all. Baby sitting can be such fun.

My wife and I never had children by mutual agreement. I am only first
getting over the abuse that was heaped on me. If I had had children,
I would only have continued our families cycle of abuse. Believe me it
does exist in some families generation to generation. Now that I am
getting better I have regreted never having children, but all was
for the best. For many years we have enjoyed spending time with
neighbors and a couple friends of my wifes children.

Take Care,
Kersten