Preoccupation as a CD

[Gelinda]

Erica: If it is this way at work, Then I think you will have to explain it to her. Tell her that you will never do it in front of her and keep it in a lock box in the garage or something. You are going to lose your job because of it if you don't tell her and then you will have to explain it to her then anyway or lie again.

I have as of this morning been found out by my best have so I maybe in the same boat as you. Not sure but I will not give it up as it causes me too many problems if I do as it does with you but I may never be able to do it front of her and if that if what she wants then I will live with it.

Gelinda,

[Beauty]

I am not sure about you ladies, but I find myself so preoccupied with the CD aspect of my life, that it is hard to truly find a balance. When I am at work, each day I must log on to see what's happening (this takes a few hours sometimes), and I'm afraid that I may get fired eventually. I do this because my wife would be upset if she saw me on this site at home. When I am in the mall, I am constantly looking at female clothing (despite the fact that I purged over a year ago, own nothing now, and know that I won't be buying anything). I just seems that CDing really takes over everything. Am I the only one? Those of you who post daily, how do you keep everything else in check? CDing is like an addiction at times, and I see myself slipping further and further into it, instead of it becoming a part of my balanced life. Help!! Any ideas.

Nuff Luv,

Erica Shade

Hi Erica,

I missed this one.

Yes, it is very easy to become preoccupied with CD'ing. Oddly enough, I find that after you are open it becomes less daunting. When I kept things secret I would spend SO MUCH time making sure it stayed that way that became part of an addiction. I was also always fantasising about what a wondeful life I'd have if I was allowed to dress. Then I'd lose myself in the tales of others.

I've also noticed that repression will turn into eroticism. Meaning the more CD'ing is replaced the more erotic it becomes. Odd, but true in the cases I've seen and in my own experience.

Then there's phase two of after someone has accepted you. Then I've noticed that if we aren't careful we become obsessed with buying things girly, not watching the pocket book (pun intended), spending time not focused on our relationships or family. Thankfully this period ends after about 6 mos. to a year. If it's noticed it can be stopped before it's started though.

The second phase is a one timer thing. The secrecy or denial thing takes up time, with what could be forever. I found that I was more addicted to looking at things femme when I denied myself than now when I can dress when I want. I do come to the boards everyday, but that's more of me having fun and moderating. I was a web head since the first time I dialed in.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, the more your repress these feelings the more time you'll spend wanting to be you. This will, in my opinion, lead to more and more time spent wanting to dress, looking for things, reading things, and more. When repressed I do believe CD'ing can become an addiction and for a smaller minority, even after expressing themselves, it remains one.

Not sure if I was clear. What do you think?

Beauty