Everyone in our community is aware of the parallel threads that surface when members of the cross-dressing community get together, either in person or on the Internet, to talk about the problems with which we are coping. Each of us has experienced or currently is experiencing very great difficulties, and this is true both for cross-dressers, and the significant others of cross-dressers. More than once, you undoubtedly have thought that another person’s experiences parallel yours. Not only are you likely to find similar incidences to those you have encountered, but you also are likely to hear recurring themes.
It is these themes that I think might be worth while to re-examine. For each theme appears to me to be very representative of problems that each of us encounter as we try to understand the impact of cross-dressing on our lives. How well we handle the underlying problems may well determine whether we are able to forge the basis for a lifetime of happiness, or we are going to be doomed to a lifetime of despair.
It has become very apparent to me that each of us, CD and SO, are working the same basic problems from different perspectives. Each is struggling to understand, and at the same time offload the baggage of a lifetime of exposure to societal biases. Neither would have voluntarily chosen to have anything to do with cross-dressing. While neither probably totally understand what their partner is going through, they often can benefit by working through their concerns together.
When cross-dressing enters the picture, the success of a continuing relationship is dependent on the couple achieving a balance with which both can sustain. Emotions often run high, and it is easy for one member of the relationship to get hung up on what their partner said in a moment of anger. There are periods when either partner will feel that they can not endure another moment related to cross-dressing. A wife may feel that that she just doesn’t want to deal with it, while her husband may wish he could drop dead. However, through all of the difficulty, it is important to allow each moment filled with negative emotion to pass, and then to press on. And the biggest rule is to communicate.
Too often, one partner will assume what the other is thinking. When this happens, constructive progress is in grave danger of being set back or derailed. Probably one of the worst cop-outs is to say, "I just want what my partner wants" without any real conviction. This approach appears destined to produce negative emotions, discontent and stress.
The sustainable balance that accommodates the needs and expectations of each partner is as varied as the possible combinations of marriage partners. What works for one couple may not work for anyone else. Where each of us is in our personal journeys to achieve an acceptable balance with our marriage partners probably has a lot to do with the relative amounts of pain or happiness each of us currently is experiencing. As we begin a new year, perhaps it would be especially useful to review common problem areas with the goal of adopting realistic new-year’s resolutions that could help us improve the quality of our lives.
(To be continued.)
Love
VickiCD
