One of the most difficult parts about being either a CD or the SO of a CD is getting past the societal baggage that each of us acquired during our formative years. Until we do this, it is difficult, if not impossible to accurately assess our own strengths and weaknesses. In my own case, I considered my feminine side as a big weakness for many years. My wife assured me that she accepted me just the way I am, but I thought that I knew better. Surely I reasoned, she really would rather have someone who more closely fit the male stereotype, someone who was "a real man." The result was that my accounting of my own assets and liabilities was grossly out of balance, and I spent years going round and round the cycle that is all too familiar to so many of us: cross-dressing, feeling progressively guilty about it, purging and then starting all over again.
As a result, I was forced to accept the fact that I was always going to be a cross-dresser, I became completely comfortable with myself and was ready to say that my second self is a real blessing. True, I had always tried to consider my wife feelings , always been very careful to make sure she knew she was the only woman in my life and made certain that she had any clothes she needed before I got anything for Vicki, but I always had been so busy feeling guilty about not being the kind of man she should have that I failed to really listen to what she was saying. She had been telling me for years that she was very happy with the man she married, and when I finally paid attention, the feelings of guilt disappeared. However, it took several years for my wife to feel certain that my purges were a thing of the past.
The third thing that I had to do was to make certain that I knew what I needed to be true to myself. But I also have been blessed with a feminine second self, and as a result enjoy cross-dressing as much as possible. So the issue for me was to maintain our comfortable life style while getting the opportunity to cross-dress as often as possible, in other words to make cross-dressing additive to our quality of life.
I told my wife that I would like to cross-dress as often as I could while keeping the risk of disclosure within limits acceptable to both of us. We agreed that I would tell her when I wanted to cross-dress, and she would tell me if she had reservations. Neither of us had any idea of how well it was going to work, but we both knew that communication was the key. We have been doing this since we have been together, and for us it works. (By the way, I check periodically with her to make certain she feels that we are still on track.) There is nothing magic about the frequency with which I cross-dress. It is the frequency with which we are both comfortable given our current circumstances, but we both know that it will undoubtedly change as our circumstances change.
Love
VickiCD
