Where has the compassion gone

[Rebecca]

Hi All

This forum is boasting an ever increasing membership, yet only a relatively few people post regularly. When we welcome a new member, we do so with open arms, and then go back to our intense debating. It is so important that we have a voice for ourselves (and that is as it should be), but are we nothing more than waving our own flags with our own smugness to the detriment of others ?

I know every new member is welcome to join in with these debates, some join with an exlposion, and every new member is welome to start new topics. By and large though, it seems a lot of new members drop by the wayside. It could be argued that they decided not to post after all (why), but then why go through the often hard emotions of joining in the first place. Do we realize how scary it must be for a new member.

It is beginning to feel like a survival of the fittest, and when a lot of CDers or SO's join they are not feeling fit, in fact they may be feeling extremely vulnerable. Are we letting them down ?

It's one thing to feel we can lug it out with the best of them, show caring to the team when they are down, but can we find a way to help those frightened people who come here hurting, to open up, feel safe and grow.

I know every response to this post is an expression of freedom, I will feel I am incorrect with my concerns when I see peole responding who are usually quiet.

I would be far more happy knowing I could help someone to express their feelings, than to express my own thoughts. It is not enough to chat away thinking someone may read and learn, I want to be of worth and help those less secure than ourselves. We can't make people post their feelings, we wouldn't want to anyway. But to find a way to help people feel safe enough to post, that is a worthy task.

If I had joined this week rather than when I did, I would not have stayed, it would simply have been too daunting.
I am sure this post is probably full of holes that can be picked up on, It is just from the heart

Compassion

To all of you who come here with hope in your heart
Love
Rebecca xxx

[Beauty]

Hi Rebecca,

I've already kind of prepped you for this post via PM so you know I understand what you're saying. (So you don't think I'm saying you're wrong)

I think we just had one topic that got hot and it was spread in a few of the areas.

I doubt you are alone in your feelings though, so I decided to post just a few links that have been posted in just the past few days.

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 7767#27767

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 7520#27520

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 7721#27721

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... php?t=1954

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... php?t=1911

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 7814#27814

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 7815#27815

The love and compassion is still here. It was just harder to see as easily. I'll stay more on top of the hot topics again. The nurse has returned.


Thanks for posting this thread!

Beauty

[Rebecca]

Hi nurse Beauty,

Thanks for the reply. I'll add a little more of my story at this point, if that's ok.

Having had my share of abuse, I long since lost any ability I had in the first place to put forward a good argument. I was always in the fight or flight territory, and eventually I kept my mouth shut. Only standing up to speak on rare occasions and then going over the top when I did.

Since I have been getting therapy and joined this forum, I am doing my utmost to learn how to speak my view while keeping myself from panic. It is a slow process.

So, all in all, I think I have a valid point, though my post was probably a bit rough round the edges. I do apologise for any hurt I might have caused, it really isn't meant. Please know that my intentions are quite honorable, I probably over-reacted as we all can do from time to time.

I will get there eventually... honest !

I'll try to word it different........

Imagine a household somewhere in the world

CD-- well I don't b*****y know, I just want to be me
SO--if you didn't have all those clothes, we would get along
CD--you can't f****ng stop me
SO--do something about it, or wer'e finished

TWO DAYS LATER

CD--sweetheart, Iv'e found this site on the computer
SO--well give it a go if you must, we have nothing to lose anyway
CD--I daren't they might not like me
SO--well don't then, see if I care

cd attempts to dip a frightened toe in the water
we all welcome like we do
cd replies promising more but very frightened and cautious
posts a small beginnings post
we all reply like we do

it's about here I feel we let people down

SO--what happened on your forum
CD-- well, everyone wrote back, it was really nice
SO--so what you gonna' do now
CD--I don't know, theyr'e all talking about ****** I just don't feel part of it
SO--there you go again, chickening out as usual

To the future for ALL of us
Love
Rebecca xxx

PS- ~D~ said to me this morning, we need more of beauty on the forum, she loves your avatar, bbw

[Lorna]

Hi Rebecca,

I know how you feel; I felt the same way myself not even a week ago. But I can assure you that the compassion is still as strong as ever. Sometimes a few of us will become entangled in the "hot topic" of the day. But that doesn't mean we still don't have open ears and hearts to whatever it is that anyone here should wish to discuss. I think the links which Beauty posted prove just that.

I'm sure that Beauty, CJ, Sharon, and the other mods don't want the new members (or ANY members for that matter) to feel "out of place" or out of touch for any reason at all. I know for a fact that they want everyone here to feel equally at home. As long as we're within forum compliance then we are all free to post and discuss whatever is on our minds.

The love is still here... and so are we.

[Marda]

Hi Rebecca

First of all ...

*HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE* *HUG*SQUEEZE*

Pass It On Pls :-))

Next ...

Ouch ... I think I got *Excited* sometime recently ... correct me if I'm mistaken OK ?

Here's my *HEART* ... if it seems I was a teeney bit *vigorous* in my argumentation on any given subject ... it sort of goes that way in my territory

This is not meant as an excuse ... rather an explanation ... I too have been abused ... particularly in the workplace ... WHY? ... well, for the same reason I'm here with all of you ... and everytime I defended myself, I got "WHACKED" even *HARDER*

There's a saying "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you Stronger" ... well ... Lucky Me, I was born with Irish blood ... killin' us Krazy Irish ain't that easy :-))) ... so I got stronger ... even though I was locked in my "closet", I got stronger ... because I simply was too "Stubborn" to give in :-)))

Hopefully ... in all my *Excitement* over the last week +, I didn't cripple anyone ... imagine a *racehorse* that's become energized and finally has a chance to run off some vitamins ...

Here's my committment to the *Forum* and all the Dear Sweet Ladies here, now, and in the future ... as mentioned in my Tribute to Ms. Lynn Conway ... I pledge to fight with every ounce of energy and every particle of my personal powers for the benefit of the CD/TG community ...

Soon, hopefully, I will have a "local" outlet to "runoff" my excess energy ... maybe some volunteer work

My *Dream* is that someday soon, we'll all meet for a *Super CD/TG* Convention and after business is over we'll chase butterflies and pick flowers and shop 'til we drop and feast 'til were fat and then dance until the sun comes up :-)

OK ??

Are we *Friends* ??

Love / Marda

[Rebecca]

Hi girls,

thankyou for your replies, and thankyou for your love.

Lorna,
I suppose we all feel down at times, it was my turn this time
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou At a time when needed

Marda
Y'know the CD/TG convention you talked about ?
Can we make daisy chains ?
and sing songs ?
and paint the sky with colour ?

Friends ? ...... Well aye man

Tonight is my night with the lads on the town, I'll raise my glass in a private toast to all of everyone here

You will all be in my heart
Thankyou all for being who you are
Rebecca xxx

[Beauty]

Morning Rebecca,

Response to the Nurse Beauty post
What a very cool post. Sorry if it came off like I was saying you did anything wrong. I thought your post was right on the money. With the hot topics and debates that were happening I kind of felt the same way your post read, but then I remembered, "Oh yeah what about this post and that post." I'm just saying it was good therapy for me.

The way your wrote about your experience was AWESOME!! It opened my eyes big and wide. Thanks for giving me a view into what this forum did for you as a beautiful spirit. That was awesome!!

Thank you for this entire thread! Look how much love you generated!

Beauty

[Beauty]

. . . Ouch ... I think I got *Excited* sometime recently ... correct me if I'm mistaken OK ?

Here's my *HEART* ... if it seems I was a teeney bit *vigorous* in my argumentation on any given subject ... it sort of goes that way in my territory

This is not meant as an excuse ... rather an explanation ... I too have been abused ... particularly in the workplace ... WHY? ... well, for the same reason I'm here with all of you ... and everytime I defended myself, I got "WHACKED" even *HARDER*

There's a saying "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you Stronger" ... well ... Lucky Me, I was born with Irish blood ... killin' us Krazy Irish ain't that easy :-))) ... so I got stronger ... even though I was locked in my "closet", I got stronger ... because I simply was too "Stubborn" to give in :-)))

Hopefully ... in all my *Excitement* over the last week +, I didn't cripple anyone ... imagine a *racehorse* that's become energized and finally has a chance to run off some vitamins ...

Here's my committment to the *Forum* and all the Dear Sweet Ladies here, now, and in the future ... as mentioned in my Tribute to Ms. Lynn Conway ... I pledge to fight with every ounce of energy and every particle of my personal powers for the benefit of the CD/TG community ...

Soon, hopefully, I will have a "local" outlet to "runoff" my excess energy ... maybe some volunteer work

My *Dream* is that someday soon, we'll all meet for a *Super CD/TG* Convention and after business is over we'll chase butterflies and pick flowers and shop 'til we drop and feast 'til were fat and then dance until the sun comes up :-)

OK ??

Are we *Friends* ??

Love / Marda

Morning Marda,

As I've said to you in private PMs, it's obvious you're a creative person so I don't want to inhibit you in any way.

Some people show excitement by posting one line, one thread or many lines or many threads. If you were to change you for the sake of this forum it would be an injustice to the forum and to you as a creative soul.

I may have rolled my eyes or breathed sighs as I had to clean up the forum from some of your posts, but I promise it was because it's my job. I like you as a person very much Marda. Newbies are like babies here and at times it becomes a Nursery. So I do my job and that equals following behind them to make sure the forum doesn't go out of whack. Using the nursery analogy. It's like following a child who can walk on their own for the first few days.

You're not the first, but you are the first and only Marda. Though each newbie has a different personality and is unique you all share the newbie traits. Each is unique and redefines the traits.

The kind of discovery and feeling of elation you get by finding so many other like minded individuals is incredible and for a creative mind you responded the way that allowed you to express yourself. There's NOTHING wrong with that.

Creative people are usually hateful or loving. You fall into the loving category. Your responses have always been up front and expressed how you feel. Again, NOTHING wrong with that.

Using the child analogy one more time for newbies. Everyone runs out of steam eventually and takes a nap. It's a progression or growth. In other words when I see someone who's making a lot of posts and they are new I expect what happened the past week. It's ok honest. I accepted this job.

Your posts were loving. That's the most important part to me (not as a site admin)

You will always be a friend Marda. You never need to ask.

You didn't cripple anyone, you just said, "HI!!! MY NAME IS MARDA AND I'M EXCITED TO BE HERE!"

The bottom line is we love you too Marda. Don't change. You're starting to understand the board rules and norms. You're doing fine.

Beauty

[Rebecca]

Hi Beauty,

Thankyou for your valuable words. Y'know, I reckon all in all we do do the right thing on this forum. Our voices are like leaves on a tree, all a small part of the whole. Sometimes the wind blows and we all bend this way or that. Sometimes there is a storm and lots of the leaves shake, some on the edge of the tree blow away. Yet, I believe the tree is still growing, it's a tree I'm proud to be part of.

Hey, I am quite pleased with that analogy, sounds dead good, I impressed myself there.

I'll pinch a line from the beatles- And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

Have a great day everyone
Rebecca xxx

[Beauty]

Hi Rebecca,

I know how you feel; I felt the same way myself not even a week ago. But I can assure you that the compassion is still as strong as ever. Sometimes a few of us will become entangled in the "hot topic" of the day. But that doesn't mean we still don't have open ears and hearts to whatever it is that anyone here should wish to discuss. I think the links which Beauty posted prove just that.

I'm sure that Beauty, CJ, Sharon, and the other mods don't want the new members (or ANY members for that matter) to feel "out of place" or out of touch for any reason at all. I know for a fact that they want everyone here to feel equally at home. As long as we're within forum compliance then we are all free to post and discuss whatever is on our minds.

The love is still here... and so are we.

Morning Lorna,

You are as wise as you are savy. And let me tell ya'.. You're one savy baby, babay!

You are right on the money with your post. I mean I can't say anything it was so perfect. Ummmm... well.. ok then.

Beauty

[Beauty]

Hi Rebecca,

That really was a GREAT analogy and a warm and loving post.

BRAVO!

YAY FOR LOVE!!!! (our SO Mod Love too)

Beauty

[Marda]

Hi_Beauty

Thanx for the Requested Words of Wisdom

Herein rec'd and logged

Much Appreciated

... and for the Work you do cleaning the PlayRoom after the
* KosmiKidZ_Birthday_ParteeZ *

Love / Marda