My SO and this site

[CJ]

Hi all,

Me too, back in the fray.

There's truth on both sides of this equation, I think. If your prime concern is personal considerations (such as issues of security, for example), over and above a truly healthy relationship with another person, then, yes, by all means, be circumspect in what you think you can reveal without causing damage to yourself or another. On the other hand, if your prime concern is to take part in a truly healthy relationship with another person, over and above any qualms you might have about putting yourself in a vulnerable position, then be as honest and true as you humanly can, and accept that hurt feelings and other damage are often the birth pangs of a more open, loving bond.

This is why, as we're telling Chantelle, here, it's a personal decision. There's no real wrong or right about this, outside of the individual circumstances surrounding the two halves of any given couple.

Figure out your priorities, then act accordingly.

Love,
CJ

P.S.
Again, I'm definitely not a marital counsellor, here. So take anything I say with not one but two grains of salt!

[Chantelle]

Thank you for all of the responses. They were all very helpful. This one hit a nerve.

I read into what you say about being open as suggesting that you're not totally 100% open in what you convey to her about your feelings, needs etc?

My SO knows all of my history and there is always some evidence of my CD side. I have several books on the subject and she is fine with that. She is even fine with the fact that some people know about it. Actually, she is the one who rolls her eyes at me when I will not go out with even clear coat on. I was very upfront from the beginning.

Having said that, however, she is a very supportive conformist. Perhaps what I keep from her is the depth of the schism? Does that make sense? The only concern I have she whether she would be concerned that I am reaching out to others as we have a very private relationship. By that I mean that we generally keep to ourselves. It might go either way. I hate hiding anything from her, so I suspect that after a little thought, I will let her know. It could very well end up that she simply brushes it off as trivial. I am a worrier after all.

Again, thanx for all of the experiential knowledge!!

P.S. Perhaps I should not say she is "fine" with things. In my experience, "fine" is often a word women use to say things are most definately not fine.

[Loretta Ann]

Cj.

Thank you for your contribution, well said.

I would just like to say that I aspire to live by being as honest and true as I "humanly" can, upon consideration of the circumstances of any given situation.

Chantelle.

You asked; Perhaps what I keep from her is the depth of the schism? Does that make sense?

Yes that makes perfect sense, you need a safe place to sort through those issues.

[Jassmine(SO)]

Howdy Folks,

While I agree with Love "Honesty is the best policy" I also agree with Darlene, "Discrestion is the better part of valor" (I hope I got that quote correct). Honesty, as with everything else, is a double edged sword. One must find the balance between honesty and discrestion.

*Hugs & Love*