Couples Counseling

[Julie M.]

Yesterday my wife and I went for our fourth session. The previous session left me filled with frustration as I heard my wife tell stories about me that were just that, stories. There was a lot of hurt happening in that room that day.

I went for my personal session the day before, dressed. One of the suggestions I was given was to not attach myself to the ups and downs of my wife. A week ago she's helping me with my makeup and watching me dress, a few days later she's mad I am dressed four hours before I planned on leaving for a support group meeting. So Deb asked me to detatch myself from both the ups and downs.

While sitting in our couples session I listened as my wife went on and on seemingly blaming me for all that is wrong. It didn't bother me at all. I had connected with Deb the day before and I knew she knew me and all that my wife was now saying wouldn't be taken as total truth. And I was practicing detatching myself from this too.

During the session we each talk and the rules are don't interupt when the other one is speaking. I stuck to that but my wife didn't interrupting me several times. At the end of the session Deb suggested to us to work on something. She said she noticed that my wife was the extrovert and I the introvert. When she spoke she said exactly what was on her mind. When I spoke I said only that which I had processed and felt was necessary to communicate what I was thinking. When I was interrupted I shut up and shut down. I spoke less and my wife spoke more.

As Deb explained, when my wife was talking on and on about things I went further and further into my shell. That would bother her and she reacted by talking more and more, and I went in deeper and deeper. So Deb suggested my wife formulate what she has to say then say only what is necessary to get the point across then leave it there for me to absorb. No matter how long that was she had to allow me that time. As for me I had to speak more what was on my mind. Don't clam up and withdrawl. I have to be more open to her.

I haven't seen much of her this weekend so we haven't practiced this yet but I like the concept. Deb really picked up on our communication problems and I'm anxious to see how it goes, if we practice what we were asked.

[Candice]

yep, that's good advice, i mean you've went further than most of us have...you are there, at the sessions, its your chance to get what you feel off your chest with no sugar coating, be free, you'll get alot of retribution, shedding that skin that you've hid behind for so long.

[Anne]

Hang in there Julie.

Anne