A wish for others to share myself with

Josey · Post by **Josey** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:16 pm

Hi Y'all,

It is almost Halloween and, while I love this time of the year, it gets me down. Yes, I plan to go out on Halloween to a party and really enjoy myself. I am even getting a wig styled just for that night. Sounds great, doesn't it? Why, then, am I down? Well, it's like this. This is just one day of the year. I want to do it more often but in the Bible belt, that is a no-no. I am in an area with no support groups, or at least none I can find. I am not a gay bar type of person. All I would like is a place to go to enfemme in the evening once in a while. You know, go out, get in the car, go there and get out of the car without getting shot. It would be nice to be able to spend some time with others who feel the same or accept me as I am. The Everly Brothers said so well years ago, "Dream, Dream, Dream".

Sorry to lay this on all you. You are my only family and once in a while I have to let lose. Thanks for being so wonderful. Love you all.

Hugs,
Josey

SophieLawson · Post by **SophieLawson** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:45 pm

Josey!

I know where you are coming from, I want to have some friends or just like a support group nearby who I could dress with etc, but at least your going out on Halloween

I don't think I'll even be able to do that!

Nooo fairrr lol

So enjoy ya Halloween

Gettt some photos to keep the memories as well

*hugssss*

Sophie xx

Cindy Michelle · Post by **Cindy Michelle** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:50 pm

If misery loves company, you've got plenty!! I'm in the same boat, but wil dress at home and simpley watch TV or maybe give out Halloween candy enfemme. Love and hope it works this way for you, Cindy Michelle

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 4:39 pm

Are there any Tri-ess groups in your area Josey?

http://tri-ess.org/SSS_chapdir.html#Region5

or other groups such as listed at:

http://www.tgguide.com/Guide/florida.htm

or

http://www.abgender.com/support_f-i.htm

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 5:31 pm

Hi Josey,

You weren't bumming anyone out. In fact there are lurkers and people who feel the same way that you do and you helped them express what they can't or don't want to type.

It doesn't change the fact that I'm still sort of bummed you feel that way. That's an empathy bummed though, not a bummed I read about it.

I can relate with the isolation feeling, but when I was in NY I was around the most TG'd people ever and never ventured out.

As you can see from the support here, we love us some Josey!

Thanks for letting us know how you feel. I don't know if this hug will help, but I'll try it anyway.

Great links Donna!

Beauty

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 6:13 pm

Well then.....happy dreams girl.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 7:29 pm

Hi Josey,

I understand what you are saying. You just want to live your life in a way that makes you happy. Having spent most of my life not doing that, I totally get it. It just all depends on what you are willing to give up for it.

I dress en femme pretty much 24/7, I do love being able to dress how I please, and it makes me feel great. But I don't work, and I live in what could arguably be called the most liberal part of the country. Even so, there is a cost.

I empathize with your desire to want to go out dressed. It feels great. And I am really accepted, and that also feels great. But as I have said before. I am still lonely. I too am not interested in the "bar scene" gay or straight. So I am not really sure where I will meet people. I am not really interested in hanging out with other transgendered people, because what I really want is to meet a GG. Not to mention I have all my transgendered friends here who support me. So in a way, even though I go out dressed, I am still just as stuck as you.

Good luck sister, follow your heart.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Julie M. · Post by **Julie M.** » Tue Oct 26, 2004 11:18 am

Josey,

As I learn more and more about our special gift I have come to the realization there are so many more of us than anyone realizes. If you haven't found a local support group, don't give up. There has to be soemthing within a reasonable drive.

I live in the Chicago area and there are girls who travel over 200 miles to make it to meetings and events and think nothing of it. I wonder if I would do the same. I'd probably just move

. But if you keep looking you should be able to find something.

If you are a leader and organizer you could always start your own group by placing ads in the paper, etc. Tri-Ess would almost certainly help you along those lines.

Whatever you can conceive and believe you can achieve.

Love,
Julie

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Tue Oct 26, 2004 11:56 am

Hi Josey--
I certainly feel for you, in that situation. It has to be very painful to put away the "public" outfit for a year at a time.

There are many good suggestions in the posts before mine. Unfortunately, it's true that 200 miles is nothing for many CDs, as Julie said. If you do find a Tri-ess group, it's probably going to be that far away.

I don't know Florida that well, having been there only one time. (To Naples, to visit my aunt). But I have often suggested going to a fairly liberal city (college town, maybe?), and just stay the weekend in a motel, coming and going as you like.

Maybe I wouldn't go out unaccompanied if I were in truly hostile territory, but I think that in a big city, you can go out without expecting trouble on every corner.

As Elizabeth said, there's a price you have to pay for any of this, and how much are you willing to do? It doesn't have to be all at once, but I think you will be able to find a way out there within the year, if you persevere.
Good luck! And have fun on Halloween.

Josey · Post by **Josey** » Tue Oct 26, 2004 6:32 pm

Hi again, Y'all,

Thank you so very much for expressing your feelings and support. This is truly a wonderful family.

To Anita, Florida is very varied state. In south and central Florida, there are much more liberal feelings than in north. Unfortunately, those areas are also very crowded and I really don't like large crowds. You get one thing and lose others.

To Beauty and Julie, if I looked like either of you, I would be out all the time. Being tall and well overweight (spelled F*A*T), I certainly don't pass very well. Then again, I have seen many GG's lately who don't pass either. What can I say?

To Donna, thank you so much for the links. I had already researched Tri-ESS and they are not near me. Of course, as was said, they are closer than 200 miles and might be very plausible. More research is needed. Besides, I love to drive in heels and that would be an excuse to do it more than once a year.

Again, thank you all so very much. Your are all lovely ladies.

Hugs,
Josey

CJ · Post by CJ » Tue Oct 26, 2004 7:49 pm

FAT?

As in, Femininity-Aspiring Transgender? Yeah, me too.

Seriously, Josey, I feel for you. I know it musn't be easy working on two "appearance fronts" at once--both gender presentation as well as weight. Cruel people tend to deride both. Still, cruel people aren't the majority (not even in North Central Florida, I imagine).

There have been some very good suggestions in the thread so far. I especially like the idea of your casting about for support in starting your own group. There just have to be others in your area you could hang out with. It's often the case that the more "repressive" a social environment, the more a need to break free from it makes itself felt. I can't see the Bible Belt as being exempt from this.

Anyway, Josey, it's good to hear from you, even though you sound forlorn. I hope that whatever contacts you've made here will help tide you over until you find a way to set yourself up properly in the "real world."

Take care and I hope that you nonetheless have a Happy Halloween! (Like Sophie said, grab some photos, eh?)

Love,
CJ

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 2:26 am

Hi Josey--
I went back and edited my post. I didn't mean to say that "200 miles is nothing," and leave it at that. It's a long distance, and really inconvenient. What I went on to say is that I know of many CDers who have to do such a trek, because they're in the same situation as you are.

Sorry to hear that you're not wild about the crowded conditions in the cities. That can make it harder to find like-minded souls, but I second CJ in feeling that they ARE in your area, too.

Just a thought--I know around here, one of the year-round costume shops is a gathering place for CDs. The woman who runs the store loves to help CDs find clothing that works for them. I'm not sure how you could DISCREETLY find out about this, but it might be worth a call to the ones in your area. Especially at this time of year, since you have a reason to be in the shops yourself. Even small cities (5000-10,000) can have more than one costume shop.
A

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 2:44 am

Josey wrote:To Beauty and Julie, if I looked like either of you, I would be out all the time. Being tall and well overweight (spelled F*A*T), I certainly don't pass very well. Then again, I have seen many GG's lately who don't pass either. What can I say?

...

Again, thank you all so very much. Your are all lovely ladies.

Hugs,
Josey

Hi Josey,

I'm tall.

I also am also not as petite as Sophie, Merinda, or Sharon Rose (3 that came off the top of my head). I don't think I pass to well, but my wife tells me to shut up whenever I say that.

So, I don't go out because I am tall and I have the fear of not passing problem.

It's the grass is always greener thing, I think?

You're welcome and don't be so tough on yourself. We are most assuredly our worst critics. Duh, right?

Beauty

Josey · Post by **Josey** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 5:32 am

Hello Ladies,

I just want to thank you all for such wonderful support. I have contacted a Tri-ESS group in Orlando and gotten a reply back from them. I may follow up on that although that is quite a ride. Most certainly, my activities would be limited.

As for the weight, I joined weight watchers a little over a week ago and have been doing very well on it. My goal is to get down to a 14 or 16 where I can buy some decent clothes. My daughter is very supportive of my weight loss but doesn't want me down too far. She wears an 8 or 10 and told me I had better not get down to her size. Hah! Dream on!

Again, I thank you all. Everytime I get an answer on this forum, I feel again how wonderful this family is. Love you.

Hugs,
Josey