I am Really Cheesed Off

[Kerri]

Why does my wife not take me seriously? Why does she refer to my crossdressing as "Wanting to dress up". Why cant she understand that I want to express myself, all the time, not just on a Saturday morning when nobody else is at home?
I am seriously pissed off with this. I want to be me 24 / 7. I am fed up having to live a lie. I am not saying I need to wear a dress or make up every day, but what I am saying is that I want to be myself!

What do you think?

Kerri

[DonnaT]

Well Kerri, you are you 24/7. How you present yourself, however is a want, desire or urge. Usually a very hard to control urge born from deep within you. You have every right to do as you wish, but your wife has rights too. Those rights are based on Mutual Respect.

See the "Boundries" thread in the SO section -- Finding Out / What's Next--.

Explain to her that you've respected her boundries, but need more. Work out a deal that you BOTH can live with.

After 29 years of boundries with my wife, I'm still negotiating for more and she's accepting a little more. I think it has a lot to do with trust, also.

If she won't give you more free reign, you need to find out why and ask what you need to do to get more. We've read where there was no flexibility, and some of those marriages tend to break.

Love, Communication, Trust and Respect: four essential ingredients to a successful marriage.

[Kerri]

I know you are right Donna.
I'm feeling so down at the moment, I just feel so empty! I have been having treatment for depression for over 18 months now. I came off medication last month and felt so good.. But now I just feel so bad!

I've got to think this through. I dont want to go back on medication if I can help it.

I appreciate your help.
Thanks

Kerri

[DonnaT]

Oh Kerri, no. You have to stay on the meds. You didn't say whether the doctor stopped them or you stopped them.

I've seen too many cases of someone feeling so good that they take themselves off. This leads right back to depression and denial on top of that. If the meds have side effects you can't handle see the doctor about a new prescription. Ask the doctor about Omega 3. If the doctor stopped them, then he needs to know you are again experiencing depression.

[Beauty]

Hi Kerri,

I agree with you 100% and I relate with you that much too.

What worked for me was time. My wife went from not accepting at all to "slowly" accepting me and now I can dress 24/7 if I want to. I didn't happen overnight and I took lots of advice from many different people online to get me where I am now. I was patient when she wasn't ok with it, but then I started to get upset because it was me.

It was me in a dress or whatever femme attire I wore. I wasn't any different than the person she fell in love with. There was just more about me to get to know, but fundamentally I was/am the spirit she fell in love with. Well eventually I got really upset with not being allowed to be me. I told her I wasn't sure I was going to be ok living without this part of my life and we grew apart. I mean totally apart. In my mind I even left the relationship, but I believe in the union of marriage and I wasn't going to be the one to ask for a divorce. Because of my faith I believe that I made a promise to God in front of witnesses to stay with her forever and I plan on doing it. I didn't agree however (just because I was married to her) to not be myself. I didn't expect this and I was truly sorry it impacted her because she is my wife. I also don't think I am the latter part of the phrase for better or "for worse".

We were together, but were living a part for almost a year. We had "relations", we slept in the same bed, but we were growing apart. I thought it was over, so I started being me. For whatever reason something changed. I am pretty sure it was my confidence in me, but I can't be sure. I could be way off.

Eventually I won her over again and now I can live like I want to. My wife feels like Kay(SO) does.

Hi,

I knew before I ever dated my husband and have known him for over 7 years, married for 3. I alternate between being supportive, accepting and not bothered to wishing it didn't exist, wasn't a part of who he is and that it would simply go away. Constantly filled with ambivalence, it has been one helluva journey for me. Some of the time my own insecurities and issues get in the way, other times I really just don't like it at all. When I express negative feelings about it there is usually some type of backlash in my groups about it because of the attitude that if I truly loved my husband then I wouldn't feel this way. I disagree. There are other things about him I don't like too but that doesn't mean I don't love him. Just like there are things I'm sure he doesn't like about me. We have a good relationship, we communicate constantly and I do feel grateful that he is in my life. Would I have made the same decision to marry him? It depends on what day you ask me. Not a good response I know but that's how I function. There are days when I think I must have been out of my mind. Then I'll have a day when it just isn't so important or big and I find myself feeling silly for even questioning my love for him. So, that's my answer. Confusing or not. We're still at it and trying to support each other with all of our eccentricities. And we're both committed to our relationship.

Kay(SO)

Stick in there and be strong! The way you feel right now is perfectly ok. You're right to feel that way, but also be patient with your wife. She'll need some time to take it all in and I believe she might even do it her whole life.

I wish you only the best.

Beauty