Okay, I'm a Crossdresser!

Maggie · Post by **Maggie** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:51 am

As you may have gathered from my previous posts, I have been struggling with the question of whether I should consider myself to be a "crossdresser" or simply an actor who does female impersonation.

There is no doubt that I am a "female impersonator," because I have done this in public performances with my church's theater group. Members of my community theater group also know about this, and have seen a picture of me as "Maggie" that was taken at one of the rehearsals. Publicly I will continue to classify myself as a "female impersonator."

However, in reality I realize that I am also a "crossdresser." I know that my opportunities to perform in drag will not be sufficient to satisfy my need to express my female persona. I suspect that I will need to go out in public as a woman at regular intervals (perhaps as often as once a month) in order to keep my life in balance. This will probably entail going to TG meetings or perhaps to a TG-friendly church that I once visited, in addition to seeking opportunities to perform on stage.

As I have previously mentioned, I don't get any pleasure from simply wearing female clothing. I don't dress in private unless I am rehearsing a performance in front of my video camera or taking digital photos for the purpose of perfecting my appearance. What I really love is the total experience of being Maggie with other people - that is, giving as convincing a female presentation as I possibly can in looks, voice, mannerism, and feeling. (See my picture below.) As long as I feel satisfied that I am doing a really good job at this, I want to continue. When I am not satisfied with how convincing I am as a woman, my enjoyment is gone, and I lose interest.

I have discussed with my wife the fact that crossdressing is a part of who I am and that we must plan to accommodate it. My wife is able to accept this fact, although she doesn't like it one bit. I have assured her that I will not impose my crossdressing on our relationship, and that she will not have to see me dressed.

I'll see how this works out.

Post by **DonnaT** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 11:12 am

It's is nice to finally come to grips on who you are, ain't it!? Good for you.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 11:45 am

Hi Maggie--
It sounds like a sane appraisal of something that can be irrational as all get out. Your feelings about being convincing are understandable, and if there's no audience, those feelings aren't satisfied.

I knew that if I bought any clothing, I would be going out. It was a package deal; if I started CDing as an adult, then it would be a public presentation. Doing it on my own worked fine as a teenager, but it wasn't going to be enough as an adult. This really surprised me, but it was an unmistakeable feeling.

We CDs are all artists, to some degree. It's a real transformation that we do, so it's natural that we want to show our work off to others. It's a shame that there are so many obstacles to this!

It sounds like your wife is willing to work with this. I don't sense that you're going to rush into anything, so it should be workable.

Kersten Lee · Post by **Kersten Lee** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 9:17 pm

Maggie,

This is such happy news! For me life became less complex and became easier for me to enjoy once I accepted my reality.

Take Care,
Kersten

S. Lisa Smith · Post by **S. Lisa Smith** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:33 pm

HOORAY!! I'm glad that you have figured things out!

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Thu Nov 18, 2004 12:45 am

Maggie,

As you know I have been watching you struggle with this, as we all do. You seem to have a good sense of yourself, and I am truely happy to see you accept this part of yourself. You seem very happy in your resolve. Good luck on your journey, sister.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Maggie · Post by **Maggie** » Thu Nov 18, 2004 2:25 pm

Thanks for all of your encouragement and good wishes, and for so warmly welcoming Maggie into your sisterhood.

I really enjoy being Maggie from time to time, and I am relieved that she is now accepted as an integral of who I am. The fact that I now feel free to be Maggie periodically has also resolved the mental struggle I was going through.

My wife says she is willing to accept my crossdressing as part of the "whole package." As a result, our relationship is going very well right now.

Calina_Leigh · Post by **Calina_Leigh** » Thu Nov 18, 2004 8:21 pm

Coming to grips with me being a crossdresser was one of the biggest steps I ever had to make. I was so sure that I was one of those "freaks" you always hear about. I am so happy to find out that there are not just a few, but many, many people from all walks of life that felt similar to how I do. I was not a "freak", I was one of those that are gifted with an insight to life many will never know.

Congradulations, accepting your self for who you really are is one of the hardest things to do in life.