So, you're a CDer or TGed, where are you to find a mate?
Clearly most religious venues (with a few exceptions such as the Universial Unitarians) and most conservative leaning organizations, venues, and gatherings are OUT (again, with a few even rarer exceptions)! So, what do you do? where do you go?
Finding an understanding SO . . .
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Alexandra
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1149
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 8:27 pm
- Location: In Monolith We Trust
Finding an understanding SO . . .
Alexandra
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RikkiOfLA
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 298
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 11:39 pm
- Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Hi Alexandra,
It may surprise you to realize that there are women out there (intelligent, interesting women) who are interested in meeting men, but who have had it with oversexed, under-brained, beer-fueled knuckle-draggers.
They're looking for a man whose idea of conversation is more than, "Hey, baby, come here often?"
They want a man who has interests more than sports, cars, work, and sex. Those things are fine with them, but they long for someone whose life includes more, like maybe some of the things they are interested in.
Here are some of those interests. (You might think of others):
Gourmet cooking, psychology, dramatics, human sexuality, alcohol and drug counseling, sociology, travel, hiking, aerobics, vocal music, etc.
1. Pick an interest--preferably one you have, know something about, are somewhat good at, and would like to learn more about.
2. Either take a class at your local community college, or join a volunteer organization that does the interest. Join an amateur theater group. Take a class in psychology, etc.
3. Be friendly. Smile. Help others in the group who need help with stuff you know how to do. Be patient and level-headed. Groom yourself well. Show up on time consistently. You'll have all the women checking you out. Wondering about you.
4, Now throw in a curve. (Women are fascinated by curves!) Dress a little androgynously some of the time. Wear a blouse instead of a shirt once in a while. A black silk or satin one is an excellent choice--it's sophisticated without being femme. All the women in the group will be wondering if you're gay. That's exactly what you want!
5. Now, wait for the right moment. It WILL come, because the women will be curious about you. Someone will mention crossdressing, or going to a drag show, or seeing a movie about it. Then you want to carefully and skillfully gauge the mood of the group and make the Admission.
If the group is very positive, you might say (with a friendly smile on your face), "I crossdress now and then. It's actualy kind of fun."
If the group is less positive, kind of a mixed feeling, admit a bit less, such as "I dressed up as a woman last halloween. A lot of my friends didn't recognize me, which was a blast."
If the mood is too negative, don't speak up.
Whatever you say, smile and act very confident.
6. Now watch for women in the group who give positive feedback. They'll say they like that, or ask you a follow-up question, which is even better.
7. If you find one of those women attractive, ask her out when you can get a moment alone with her. If she says yes, you're now going out with a woman who finds crossdressing at least intriguing.
8. Be very nice to her, thoughtful and attentive.
9. If the conversation hasn't come back to crossdressing by the third date, you might give it a refresher. Suggest a movie with a CD theme, for example. In other words, encourage her to bring up the subject.
10. If you know a CD-friendly club nearby you might suggest a date there. Explain to her that you'd like to go as Alexandra, and would that be ok with her. Don't do this on every date, of course. See how she likes it.
That will get you started.
Hope this helps!
It may surprise you to realize that there are women out there (intelligent, interesting women) who are interested in meeting men, but who have had it with oversexed, under-brained, beer-fueled knuckle-draggers.
They're looking for a man whose idea of conversation is more than, "Hey, baby, come here often?"
They want a man who has interests more than sports, cars, work, and sex. Those things are fine with them, but they long for someone whose life includes more, like maybe some of the things they are interested in.
Here are some of those interests. (You might think of others):
Gourmet cooking, psychology, dramatics, human sexuality, alcohol and drug counseling, sociology, travel, hiking, aerobics, vocal music, etc.
1. Pick an interest--preferably one you have, know something about, are somewhat good at, and would like to learn more about.
2. Either take a class at your local community college, or join a volunteer organization that does the interest. Join an amateur theater group. Take a class in psychology, etc.
3. Be friendly. Smile. Help others in the group who need help with stuff you know how to do. Be patient and level-headed. Groom yourself well. Show up on time consistently. You'll have all the women checking you out. Wondering about you.
4, Now throw in a curve. (Women are fascinated by curves!) Dress a little androgynously some of the time. Wear a blouse instead of a shirt once in a while. A black silk or satin one is an excellent choice--it's sophisticated without being femme. All the women in the group will be wondering if you're gay. That's exactly what you want!
5. Now, wait for the right moment. It WILL come, because the women will be curious about you. Someone will mention crossdressing, or going to a drag show, or seeing a movie about it. Then you want to carefully and skillfully gauge the mood of the group and make the Admission.
If the group is very positive, you might say (with a friendly smile on your face), "I crossdress now and then. It's actualy kind of fun."
If the group is less positive, kind of a mixed feeling, admit a bit less, such as "I dressed up as a woman last halloween. A lot of my friends didn't recognize me, which was a blast."
If the mood is too negative, don't speak up.
Whatever you say, smile and act very confident.
6. Now watch for women in the group who give positive feedback. They'll say they like that, or ask you a follow-up question, which is even better.
7. If you find one of those women attractive, ask her out when you can get a moment alone with her. If she says yes, you're now going out with a woman who finds crossdressing at least intriguing.
8. Be very nice to her, thoughtful and attentive.
9. If the conversation hasn't come back to crossdressing by the third date, you might give it a refresher. Suggest a movie with a CD theme, for example. In other words, encourage her to bring up the subject.
10. If you know a CD-friendly club nearby you might suggest a date there. Explain to her that you'd like to go as Alexandra, and would that be ok with her. Don't do this on every date, of course. See how she likes it.
That will get you started.
Hope this helps!
Love and respect,
Rikki
Rikki
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Alexandra
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1149
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 8:27 pm
- Location: In Monolith We Trust
Rikki, thanks for such a great response. Your wisdom on all things TG/CD are spot on as usual.
Actually, I DO know they're out there and I know of some good places where the success ratio is higher but I didn't want to send this thread into Mordor right off that bat!
So this thread has 28 views so far . . . anybody else with suggestions?
ps: I've been married, and still married for 14 years now.
Actually, I DO know they're out there and I know of some good places where the success ratio is higher but I didn't want to send this thread into Mordor right off that bat!
So this thread has 28 views so far . . . anybody else with suggestions?
ps: I've been married, and still married for 14 years now.
Alexandra
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Jabbela
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 100
- Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:08 am
- Location: Germany
- Contact:
Hm, I never made up my mind, where I could find a mate, who is supporting my CDing. I simply found a wife, who is supporting me at all. And I am blessed, as I found her and she also supports my CDing. I met her at a place, where you might not expect intelligent women - a small hard rock club.
I don't know what attracted her, but at least it was my "difference" to those machos, she was surrounded before. Even she just met She-Me a few weeks ago, at least the existence of Jabbela impressed her, even Jabbela was living in my heart at this time.
In my opinion it makes no sense to look at a special place to find someone special. Best way is still, be yourself - and someone special will find you - without searching.
I don't know what attracted her, but at least it was my "difference" to those machos, she was surrounded before. Even she just met She-Me a few weeks ago, at least the existence of Jabbela impressed her, even Jabbela was living in my heart at this time.
In my opinion it makes no sense to look at a special place to find someone special. Best way is still, be yourself - and someone special will find you - without searching.
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Violet
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 300
- Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2004 2:24 pm
- Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
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Beauty
- Retired Site Administrator
- Posts: 3662
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:30 am
- Location: Northern VA
- Contact:
Hi. 
I'm with Jabbela. I think you can meet a gal who'd accept CD'ing at any place you'd find a woman who'd love you. Love accepts no matter what, so the venue isn't important. It's the honesty you share with her early on that's important and the chemistry that lets you know, "OMG! I found her!!"
If you're looking for a place, to just start out with where a gal would accept you first as a CD'r and you wouldn't have to work through this because they understand CD'rs then I think the suggestion by Violet is a very good one.
Virginia I also think this is a very good thread btw! 
Beauty
I'm with Jabbela. I think you can meet a gal who'd accept CD'ing at any place you'd find a woman who'd love you. Love accepts no matter what, so the venue isn't important. It's the honesty you share with her early on that's important and the chemistry that lets you know, "OMG! I found her!!"
If you're looking for a place, to just start out with where a gal would accept you first as a CD'r and you wouldn't have to work through this because they understand CD'rs then I think the suggestion by Violet is a very good one.
Virginia I also think this is a very good thread btw!
Beauty
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Oregon (SO)
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 83
- Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2003 12:27 pm
- Location: Canada
my .02 cents...
Hi gals,
Hmm...I can tell you what 'I' did while I was a single woman who wanted to date cd's....
I liked visiting web pages of crossdressers who were confident enough with who they are that they had a website. Any guy who had decent pics (meaning no photos in panties/lingerie/naked ect), who was clear and sure and honest about his sexual idenity and his gender idenity got an email from me. Other key traits were guys who seemed genuine and real and just not totally lost in fantasy land. That meaning they were not going to become consumed by their crossdressing if they indeed meet an acepting woman.
Finding cd's was easy, but finding one who woudl not take advantage of who I am was tough. Most guys thought (and think) just becuase I like this, I find it fun and sexy that I want it 24/7 but that is not the case. I still like the 'male' side too, don't want him to get lost in the gender euphoria that having an accepting partner could cause.
After that i woudl say the next best place I went to meet cd's were at tg friendly bars. I know not most peoples choice place, but it did put me in the right spot to be where they were.
But I did wind up meeting my husband via his website, so I am a bit biased about how well that meedium can work when handeled with class.
Now, knowing what I know...and if I had access back then (but I lived in po-dunk Texas)...
Next I would suggest any goth bars or alternative clubs in general where you dont' get typical girls. The goth bars up here are crawling with girls who crave diffferent guys. In addition that whole scene up here (toronto) has book clubs who meet in coffee shops where there are really open minded women as well. NExt up Renisannce (sp?) fairs where you have women who are into a bit more of role play in general. Having guys dressed as women is not unheard of in that community either.
So there ya go,..but Rikki, was dead on with everything mostly. Jstu wanted to throw in what I did..
hugs
kathy in canada
Hmm...I can tell you what 'I' did while I was a single woman who wanted to date cd's....
I liked visiting web pages of crossdressers who were confident enough with who they are that they had a website. Any guy who had decent pics (meaning no photos in panties/lingerie/naked ect), who was clear and sure and honest about his sexual idenity and his gender idenity got an email from me. Other key traits were guys who seemed genuine and real and just not totally lost in fantasy land. That meaning they were not going to become consumed by their crossdressing if they indeed meet an acepting woman.
Finding cd's was easy, but finding one who woudl not take advantage of who I am was tough. Most guys thought (and think) just becuase I like this, I find it fun and sexy that I want it 24/7 but that is not the case. I still like the 'male' side too, don't want him to get lost in the gender euphoria that having an accepting partner could cause.
After that i woudl say the next best place I went to meet cd's were at tg friendly bars. I know not most peoples choice place, but it did put me in the right spot to be where they were.
But I did wind up meeting my husband via his website, so I am a bit biased about how well that meedium can work when handeled with class.
Now, knowing what I know...and if I had access back then (but I lived in po-dunk Texas)...
Next I would suggest any goth bars or alternative clubs in general where you dont' get typical girls. The goth bars up here are crawling with girls who crave diffferent guys. In addition that whole scene up here (toronto) has book clubs who meet in coffee shops where there are really open minded women as well. NExt up Renisannce (sp?) fairs where you have women who are into a bit more of role play in general. Having guys dressed as women is not unheard of in that community either.
So there ya go,..but Rikki, was dead on with everything mostly. Jstu wanted to throw in what I did..
hugs
kathy in canada
