It's been about four months since my last post. It's been about forty minutes I've been staring at this screen trying to think of how to start this post. So I'll just dive straight in -
October 2004. Depression hits me pretty bad. After about three weeks off work my employer tells me they can "no longer support" me and I'm jobless. Darkness. No income, all I can think is that we cannot afford the mortgage and will lose our house. My wonderful wife, Cathy(SO), comes to the rescue with the plan to sell the house, buy a smaller (cheaper) place and we'll be able to survive on her income. Medication helps and my mood improves, though there are still some bad days.
February 2005. We say bye bye to our "dream" home and move to the new place. Our cats are terrified, I spend a couple of hours comforting them while Cathy directs the removal men - that box goes in that room. I can't believe we have so much stuff ... the "spare" bedroom is floor to ceiling with boxes and office equipment, the "office" is full of cat baskets, cat blankets, cat toys and three very very nervous cats. Moving boxes of books to the loft I discover a hole in the roof. At least it's the driest winter in years ... and I manage to patch the hole with plastic and gaffer tape.
March 2005. Decorating, installing new light fittings, ripping out old carpets and oh look - leaking pipes in the bathroom and a flooded floor. No real damage and I manage to repair the leaking pipes. I finally get an appointment at the local hospital mental health unit and somehow get booked for an Anger Management course. Discussions with Cathy and my doctor, the course is cancelled and I should be getting an appointment with a psychiatrist "soon".
The house is gradually getting organised, the cats are settling in nicely, the new place is starting to feel like our home and my medication is keeping my mood stable. From our bedroom window all we can see is fields. At times I'm even feeling happy!
A Saturday. We let the cats out for the first time with their nice new collars and ID tags. They have a quick explore, find the field behind the hedge and come back indoors cat-smiling. Sunday. Twigs (the small female scaredy-cat) has gone out before we wake, there's still no sign of her at 5.30pm. Really worried we go out searching but there's no trace of her. Is this a good or a bad sign? 11.20pm and there's a "brrrrr" and a flash of black cat with yellow collar as a very excited Twigs tells us she's home. Then she runs out and back in again, "brrrrr"ing like crazy. We think she's trying to say "I've found some woods, fields, birds, mice, rabbits!". She's never seen countryside before ... she sees a lot of it over the next fortnight as we only see her during daylight on the two Fridays. Maybe she's got a job working on a nearby farm?
April 2005. I'm feeling good. I can go out and have a few drinks, banter, joke, smile and laugh with my friends. One day I forget my medication and I have a bad couple of days. This reminds me that my mental state is still rather fragile, I will remember my pills every morning!
I have my first purge ever! Though in my bass-ackwards way it's all the male underwear that gets thrown out. Several old shirts are shown the door and I go on a ruthless sock cull.
The local semi-pro football team Cathy and I support finish the season in third place. No automatic promotion, but the dreaded play-offs for the lads. Our mutual friend D has been visiting and staying over some weekends. It's good to see him - he's been through some bad times recently - and even better to see him looking happy. He introduced me to Cathy and was best man at our wedding.
May 2005. Our football team loses in the play-off final. Cathy and I decide we'll do our own thing that evening as we reckon everyone will be a bit down, or downright miserable. We end up at a pub with about fifty opposition fans ... but they're really friendly, offer commiserations and wish our team all the best for next season before they leave.
D wanders past, joins us and we decide to all head home for food beer and wine. I'm a bit merry. Maybe a bit too merry.
Arriving home I have this incredibly strong urge to dress. Nobody but Cathy (and you fine folks) know I crossdress. I fight the urge bravely for all of three seconds, rush upstairs and slip into my gypsy skirt and top ... no bra, forms, wig or makeup. All I can think of to say is "Sorry, D" to D and "I hope you're not angry with me" to Cathy.
I'm really nervous, D is confused, Cathy just hugs me. Within about an hour D has gone from "How many other people have you pulled this stunt on?" to "It's Steve, he's got feminine nails, he likes to wear skirts. So what". Later he says (to Cathy) that my walk "suits a skirt more than trousers(pants)". He stayed the weekend, disappeared for a fortnight, stayed another weekend and last week helped me install a new bathroom suite (those metal baths are darned heavy!).
Consciously I have always felt terrified of the reaction of my friends if they found out about my CDing. I think subconciously though I have felt the need to tell someone other than Cathy for a while. Cathy and I have discussed who of our friends could cope ok with my CDing. We thought three of our friends wouldn't freak to find out, D being one of those.
It seems my subconcious (partly fuelled by alcohol) decided that it was time to tell D. Luckily it all turned out ok ... it could all have gone so horribly wrong.
Wow, that turned out longer than expected! Congratulations to anyone who made it to the end. Thanks for letting me share.
I'm a CD and I'm coping.
I do like long posts, but yours honestly wasn't that long, but it was a really great read, not boring in the least. 
Wonderful! 
