Crossdressing and sexuality

How are you dealing with or handling this aspect of your life?

Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn

Dressing as a woman, for me, is sexual...

always--the two are inseparable.
5
8%
most of the time--but not always.
21
34%
only occasionally--it depends on the circumstances.
19
31%
only rarely--presenting as a woman has little to do with sex.
13
21%
never!--the two are totally unrelated.
4
6%
 
Total votes: 62
Marlena Dahlstrom
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Post by Marlena Dahlstrom »

I answered "only occasionally" although when I was younger dressing more often had a sexual component. From what I've heard, it's pretty common for the sexual aspects to become less primary for folks as they grow older. May be a combination of gradually dropping testosterone levels as well as the mid-life introspection that causes men in general to pay more attention to their emotional side.

But I agree with Celia, my experience has been that there's a group of girls for who the sexual side seems to be one of the main reasons they do it, and others who it's of secondary or little importance. From what I've seen, age doesn't seem to make a huge difference.

I think the sexual aspects have a couple roots. Most of us began around puberty and at that age anything having to do with girls had sexual overtones.

Plus for many of us, dressing is a chance to express a sexy side of ourselves, which we often feel we can't do so in guy-mode. To give a quick example, back when I was in college and buffed out, I once asked a girlfriend if I could dress sexy for her. She thought about it and suggested I wear a suit. :? Um, not quite what I had in mind.... This goes along with the "teenage GG" look favored by a number of girls. Both are exploring their sexiness as women.

An acquaintance of mine has an interesting theory about self-as-a-woman fantasies being a coping mechanism for dealing with gender discomfort. (http://members.tgforum.com/jamie/dmt/index.html ) Jamie is living a full-time TG, so her focus is more on TG/TSs, but I think it's still relevant for CDs.

For some girls, I think it's less threatening to think of themselves as "perverts" (i.e. fetistic transvestites) rather than acknowledging that they've got some degree of gender discomfort.

And of course, some (both CD and TS) are just horny. :bigsmile:

Darla
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Paulie
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Post by Paulie »

I really love the interesting and thought provoking topics on this forum... so glad I joined!
I voted for "most to the time, but not always".
Like many, when I was younger and had to seize the opportunity to dress when I could, it would always end up sexual. Now it's not as urgent as it was then.
I really enjoy just being dressed, and consider how wonderful it would be if I could be dressed all the time. I haven't thought much about this change, and it could be many of the reasons others have posted.
I guess I would just put it down as, we all change over time.... hopefully for the better... LOL. For me, I think it's just a matter of being more comfortable with who I am, and having less of the feelings of guilt that I experienced in my earlier years.
Thanks to all for the great question and your posts!
Paulie
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Anita
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Post by Anita »

Hi CJ--
I voted "occasionally." It is surprising sometimes when the sexuality does resurface--that is, what situations bring it out, how do I deal with them, and what do they mean? For the most part, I'm OK with the level it's at now.
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Michelle
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Post by Michelle »

Hi, CJ,

I'm glad you've brought up this topic, because I,ve pondered it for a long time, now.

I've voted "always"

I'm 59, and have been dressing since I was young, and have always done it for the sexual "thrill".

Maybe I used dressing as a substitute for having a real girlfriend in my earlier years, but now I'm married (25 years) I still have the urge.

I still haven't 'progressed' to the next level that I have heard about, where the carnal urge diminishes as the years go by.

I feel that if the "thrill" ever went out of it, then I would give it up.

Don't get me wrong; I enjoy dressing on many levels. I love the feel and look of femme clothing. I DO feel calm ,relaxed, so feminine and at peace with the world while dressed.

It's just that, on the rare times that I have dressed for the wrong reasons-boredom, or just because the opportunity arose, and I can't get my 'hit', I usually stop, return to 'drab', and engage in some other activity- working on a car, painting, etc.. But I always return to dressing at a later date and enjoy it immensely.

Please! - I'm not 'knocking ' those whose dresing has taken a different path. I'm happy for them. We all enjoy Cd'ing in different ways. It would be a boring world if we were all the same. I'm just telling how it is with me.
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Post by Beauty »

Hi Michelle,

I think it's glorious that you posted who you are and how you feel. These days it seems that it's tabu to tell people you dress for the sexual thrill. So I applaud you for your honesty. I doubt anyone will take it as a knock. :) =D>

Beauty
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Post by Valerie »

Hi Michelle! I'm not knocking it. I used to enjoy it sexually also. But as time went by I just enjoy the feeling when all dressed up. Just wish I had more opportunities. But you did give me the urge to be a little naughty again, :-k
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Michelle
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Post by Michelle »

Hi, valerie,

Sure - give it a try. You don't have to be 'naughty' all the time - maybe just one time in ten, for example. You might be surprised.

No matter what, though, CD'ing is always fun.

Hugs, Michelle
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Valerie
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Post by Valerie »

Michelle wrote:Hi, valerie,

Sure - give it a try. You don't have to be 'naughty' all the time - maybe just one time in ten, for example. You might be surprised.

No matter what, though, CD'ing is always fun.

Hugs, Michelle
Yes I would agree with you Michelle, Cd'ing is always fun, =D> . Just can't get enough of the dresses, :lol: .
Valerie

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Nikki
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Post by Nikki »

Michelle,

If you haven't read anything about autogynephilia, you might want to give it a look. It literally means 'loving oneself as a woman'. While most of the info on the internet about this subject wil focus on transgendered individuals, I feel it describes my attitude about CD'ing better than anything else.

Forgive my bluntness, but it sounds a great deal like you also!

And you look great in those dresses - wow!

-Nikki
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Nonsensual

Post by Becca Chambers »

Doesn't anybody just dress up for fun anymore? I, somebody who dresses up like a hooker every available chance, admit in some cases it's remotely sexual....I guess...but seriously, I'd say it's just really fun. Who doesn't love that feeling of lookin' so hott? (mispelled on purpose as a form of teenage rebellion, FIGHT THE POWER!)

But, judging my NEVER vote against general concensus, I guess I could be wrong.....
Marlena Dahlstrom
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Post by Marlena Dahlstrom »

FYI, the autogynephilia theory is hugely controversial and a lot of those in the TS community are offended by it, since it implies they want to transition for reasons bordering on sexual fetish. An aquaintance of mine came up with an interesting re-framing: namely that many transgenders develop the ability for "self as a woman" fantasies in adolescence as a coping mechanism as they attempt to live in the masculine role. The pain of gender dysphoria is counteracted by the pleasure of sexuality. So rather than being a primary motivator, autogynephilia is a more of a side-effect. More here: http://members.tgforum.com/jamie/lemonadestand.html

Darla
Nikki
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Post by Nikki »

Darla,

Thank you for your last post. What a fascinating theory. More grist for my mill, let me tell you!

-Nikki
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Absaroka
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Post by Absaroka »

I guess I would have to say all the time although there should be some qualification.

When I first started at about age 8 it was incredibly exciting in a sexual sense. That remained true for a very long time. When I began crossdressing often (I also work alone at home) it was at first still extremely sexually exciting. Now becasue I am able to do it many days during the week for a few hours it is less exciting.

I will try not to be graphic. Early on in dressing while working I discovered that if I masturbated while dressed, afterwords dressing seemed like a lot of bother and I would go back to the drab clothes for the day. So I tried to do it less and to wait until it was almost time to go back to drab anyway, an hour before the kids return from school. Sounds like it is still sexual, huh?

However most days now I don't get terribly aroused. Just a warm pleasant glowing feeling like my clothes are hugging me. The feeling is a lot of things but definitely there is still a sexual component to it.

A great question which addresses something that we sometimes would rather not discuss. I have said it here before. FOr me crossdressing is about being a heterosexual male.

On a related note, sometimes crossdressing doesn't require womens clothes. I will sometimes mix and match guy and girl clothes and enjoy that. But then GGs wear mens clothes all the time so if I am wearing a mans shirt with all my femme clothes it is still crossdressing, even with the shirt. At least that is how it feels. After all I have a bra on under it with inserts.

Andrea
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Shenica
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Post by Shenica »

Andrea -
I find much of what you have written also applies to me. I did a post here about it last week, so I will try to void repeating anything.

I started at about 13, and found the same thing. I don't get a lot of 'alone' time each week, but I have enough to find the excitement drops off the more time I spend dressed.
I also found that if I released the sexual energy, there was a compulsion to get the clothes off and return to male mode, and this was far greater than any compulsion to get dressed in the first place. At the time, it was almost a situation fo 'the clothes have served their purpose, now get rid of them.
Over time this has settled down, so now I can just enjoy being dressed, and enjoy the sensations. As posted earlier, if I am working hard, I become much less aware of the sensations.
A good example is doing a photo session. It is entirely focussed on the clothing, but I am so busy with the technical considerations, right outfit, wrinkles & folds, right pose, etc, that I don't relax and enjoy the experience. So, at the level of sensations, I am not that much 'aware' of what I am wearing. I could learn to slow down & relax, and therefore get a lot fewer photos .

In public, I always present as male, but usual attire is ladies' jeans, socks & shoes, and sometimes t-shirts or turtlenecks, as long as they are not too feminine in appearance. Just about always, panties and pantyhose.

There is a theory about the heterosexual male dressing as a female to increase his feeling of maleness. If that theory is correct, then it would probably apply to me.

shenica
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Absaroka
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Post by Absaroka »

Shenica that is an interesting theory. Where did you hear of it? Doesn't quite sound like how I feel but I would definitly be interested in reading more about it.

Helen Boyd says that often when CDing is linked to sex it has to do with wanting to take on sexual characteristics that are considered feminine in our society. Things like being submissive. That rings true for me somewhat. Also sometimes I feel it is about pretending to assume power. Women in our society are usually the ones who say no (I will stay away from the issue of rape for now) and thus it can be about assuming power and being submissive all at once. How delightfully confusing! Sounds made to order for someone as complicated as me and no doubt some others.

Andrea
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