It was bound to happen

[Estefania]

Hi all.

As I'm typing this, I'm on day 4 of my much anticipated FT Gaby time. Still at least 15 days more to go. It is been fun, but since I don't really have any social life as Gaby, kinda boring too. (Highlights so far have been the minor interactions with other people, mostly store clerks)

Anyway, I guess the anticipation was a lot more intense than the reallity of things. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but... I guess that the problem I'm having is not being able to create a feminine image that I can find enough good looking to be happy about it. Doesn't matter that this time I'm going the whole 9 yards, I just can't look like I would like to. And it is not a matter of lack of makeup skills or clothes. Plainly, there are aspects of my face and body which are not exactly what they used to be. (In other words, they are more masculine than before) Also, I hate sun... not because of my arms looking toasted from the elbow down and the rest pale, but because of my face being sunburnt too. Really hard to work with that!

So, I'll continue with this FT experience, but as in the past, the feeling of satisfaction out from it is lessen even more. (Weird little creatures we can be...)

Gaby

[Anita]

Hi Gaby--
That's a hard place to be in. You anticipated this, so there's some pressure from yourself to go on. Yet I seem to remember you saying that you were dressing less, and not really needing it so much. Have you not been dressing, and then suddenly went back and discovered these changes? Nineteen days of full-time is a big change from how 99% of us on here live, so I wouldn't be surprised if it brought out strong feelings of all kinds.

I am sorry to hear that you don't have a social life set up as Gaby, since I have found companionship from other TG women (of all kinds) to be important to me. There is no one else who can quite understand this as well as they do, so they play an important part of my life. If I were trying to do full-time without them around some of the time, it would get lonely for me, I think. I hope that you fare OK, and don't be hard on yourself if you go through distressing feelings around trying to do this. We're all still here, too. I hope you can find a way to get enjoyment out of it in the long run.

[Jeannie]

Hey Gaby. Don't worry so much. I go out and don't look half as good as you Hon. Since coming out the GG's that I've known like me more. I could not pass as a woman on my best day not with my mug! GG's tend to love you as long as your not married to them! I know everyones situation is unique but for me I just have to be who I am. If people don't like me I can't do anything about it. I'm not a serial killer(I stopped that years ago! ). I'm just a person like all of us who is a bit differant from the norm. Maybe it's getting older but I had to come out of the closet. All I want to be is happy with myself and life. That's all.

Love
Jeannie

[KimberlyS]

I guess the anticipation was a lot more intense than the reallity of things. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but... I guess that the problem I'm having is not being able to create a feminine image that I can find enough good looking to be happy about it. Gaby

Gaby, I agree with you and IMHO and experience for me the anticipation is almost always a lot more intense than the reality. Experiences are not what we think what they will be, most people will react very little and reactions will be more of surprise and curiousity than anger or terror. I have yet to really receive what I would call a negative or bad experience.

And Ah the Feminine Look.... I think your current pictures are great Gaby. I think most of us wish we could go back to a point in time and do more than we did at that time. Yes for me it would be great to be 18-25 with my body than and wear all of the cute clothes. But I am not, and I hate to point this out Gaby, but you also are getting older... and in general even GG's look more masculine as they get older. Why do you think there are so many things on the market to make people look younger??

Have fun and enjoy what you have.

Enjoy the rest of your time.

KimberlyS-CD

[Jeannie]

What the heck are you worrying about Gaby? You look great in every picture you posted. Stop it or I'll get mad at you. Not really. You're too freaking cute! You look fabulous!: You could pass no questions asked! You have a very pretty face and a great figure Hon! Hugs


Love
Jeannie

[Estefania]

I guess I was feeling a bit odd when I wrote the original message. After that, things improved a lot, since my dear friend Rachael invited me over to visit her in Georgia.

So, off I went. I had a wonderful time with Rachael. She is the greatest! We did lots of shopping, dinning, pampering, etc. That most definitelly picked me up!

I also got to meet other friends from the chat rooms and even from this Forum. (Hi Cindy!!) and I had a great time with them. Even friday night was a great time with other friends (This time in Nashville).

However, my "fun" was cut short because I received a call from my alarm security monitoring company. There had been an alarm event, so I had to leave Nashville and got back to Memphis. Things were quite complicated when I got back, but I won't get into details anyway.

So, anyway, thanks Kimberly and Jeannie. Reading your messages was also good for me.

Thanks.

Gaby

[Jeannie]

Gaby. Enjoy your life whatever works for you hon. It took me 55 years to realize that. I don't want to make others hate me but I was tired of hating myself. By the way Gaby you look fabulous! You're very pretty,have a great figure and are always beautifully dressed. You have to be yourself or you end up as no one at all. Glad to hear you are having fun. It's nice,isn't it? Rock on Honey! Hugs.


Love
Jeannie