I don't write this to get any sympathy- I have cried until I can't cry anymore. I guess this day was bound to happen. Some things in life are inevitable, and unfortunately it has happened to me. In some ways it is very freeing, and believe it or not, my wife and I got closer after talking about it and crying our eyes out than we have in 2 years. Anyway- this was her response to my letter-
You are right about everything about your day...and because of the truth we are both unhappy. I want you to be happy and what you need to be happy needs be be done when you are not with me. It is what it is.
I think the first 5 years I totally only thought of you and what you were going thru ,but I could not deal with "us" and I didn't even think about me, cuz it was too hard.. I feel the past few years I have started thinking about me escpecially after M. went to school and having my own room and with the boys gone and K. so busy, here we are with less and less things in common and spend time apart to be happy.
I don't want to keep doing this.
Telling the kids and friends will be a start but our relationship has changed so much that even tho we love each other our marriage is gone. We need to grieve our marriage and treasure our wonderful memories always. We need to build a trusting friendship again so we will always have each other in our lives.
K. and the boys really know you who you are now, you are their Dad. They have not had to grieve the balding head,, the hairy chest, the shaved legs, the earrings, the nail polish, the jammie dress, you are not their husband ,you are N. , their Dad, and you always will be no matter what you look like.
I think we need to sell the house next year and find our own places and try to build a trusting friendship again, supporting each other the best we can but find some happiness.
B. would like to be there when we or I tell the kids so maybe not this week. He knows its hard but also is hard keeping the secret and not talking about it.
I love you , see you thursday.
I guess I knew it was coming eventually. But wow, is it ever painful when you confront it head on. I'll keep you all posted. I'll be ok-
Nicole
Well, I got my reply :o(
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Nicole Pearce
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 10:36 am
- Location: Oregon
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KimberlyS
- Site Administrator
- Posts: 3341
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:01 pm
- Location: North Central USA, SD
Nicole, 
It does sound like your wife is reluctant about her decision. If I remember she said no to marriage counseling once, but you could ask again. Otherwise I wish you much luck with this change in your life. We will be here and leave the light on.
I have thanked God many times for my wife's willingness to try and work on things. I just hope it can continue.
For every door that closes another one opens. Our job is to find the open door as it usually is not just put infront of us. We must walk across the room to get to it and then go through it.
KimberlyS-CD
It does sound like your wife is reluctant about her decision. If I remember she said no to marriage counseling once, but you could ask again. Otherwise I wish you much luck with this change in your life. We will be here and leave the light on.
I have thanked God many times for my wife's willingness to try and work on things. I just hope it can continue.
For every door that closes another one opens. Our job is to find the open door as it usually is not just put infront of us. We must walk across the room to get to it and then go through it.
KimberlyS-CD
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi Nicole--
I'm going to start out by emphasizing that she's right in saying that you both need and want to be happy. That is something you both can agree on, although the means may need a lot of negotiation.
This is very sad, but it can lead to something better than what you described in the other post. It is good that you took some kind of action to change things--they were not going well, as they were. Your wife is being honest with you. Maybe if she can talk about this, she'll find that her feelings will go in other directions. For now, at least, you know where things stand.
I'm going to start out by emphasizing that she's right in saying that you both need and want to be happy. That is something you both can agree on, although the means may need a lot of negotiation.
This is very sad, but it can lead to something better than what you described in the other post. It is good that you took some kind of action to change things--they were not going well, as they were. Your wife is being honest with you. Maybe if she can talk about this, she'll find that her feelings will go in other directions. For now, at least, you know where things stand.
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Stephanie W
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 905
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:57 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Nicole
At least you know where you stand. It's sad, but it does allow you to plan your next move. I also would suggest not giving up in trying to get her to counselling with you if at all possible. If she loves you like she says, it shouldn't be a difficult decision for her. However, one thing to keep in mind is that Cding does provide a convenient way out of a relationship that may have 'other' problems - on, or below the surface so if there is anything to that, it might be a good idea to explore it as a means of addressing the relationship as a whole. Cding is seldom the sole reason for a breakup. Just a thought, but I wish you luck.
Stephanie
At least you know where you stand. It's sad, but it does allow you to plan your next move. I also would suggest not giving up in trying to get her to counselling with you if at all possible. If she loves you like she says, it shouldn't be a difficult decision for her. However, one thing to keep in mind is that Cding does provide a convenient way out of a relationship that may have 'other' problems - on, or below the surface so if there is anything to that, it might be a good idea to explore it as a means of addressing the relationship as a whole. Cding is seldom the sole reason for a breakup. Just a thought, but I wish you luck.
Stephanie
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Jeannie
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1308
- Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:19 pm
- Location: Connecticut
Nicole Life is not easy for anyone. You have a 50/50 shot today of staying with someone CDing or not. Sometimes you just have to move on. It's not easy but staying with someone which makes you both unhappy is worse. Just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. You will find other people both male and female that will be your friends. Trust me. I've done it.I wish you the best and more so, to be happy. People like us don't have an easy life but most people don't. Be yourself and don't live your life for others. They don't. Why should you Hon? Hugs and kisses. I feel for you. Life is short. Play hard. You will do just fine. I don't know how old you are but don't wait 55 years like me to be happy. It makes no sense. You are differant not evil. If others can't see it, show them the way out. Don't make others happy at you're expense.
Love
Jeannie
Love
Jeannie
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Nicole,
Many of your sisters here and on other forums can say, "been there done that!" and no it isn't easy. I am in the middle of it right now myself. Thirty years last April! I can only say, that if you sincerely believe that you have the "gift" that of allowing the feminine aspect of you to continue to grow she will serve you well - that I can assure you! If you simply let Nicole out and let her guide you - you will be amazed at how well you can come throught this. I can't tell you how to handle your future, as several of my sisters recommended, counselling if she will go with you. How you will handle your "coming out," to family and friends. Just never forget you are indeed blessed with something that given the right understanding, will serve you well the rest of your life. Woman are such marvelous creatures and to have even the smallest insight and ability to find that you have the love, empathy, understanding, insight, gentleness, that comes with the gift, it can make life wonderful.
Don't give up the faith, Nicole and as you can see we are here for you so keep posting and stay in touch. My sisters here have done more for me than I could ever repay and this girl is smiling every day and thoroughly enjoying her, "Magical Mystery Tour!"
Love you,
Virginia
Many of your sisters here and on other forums can say, "been there done that!" and no it isn't easy. I am in the middle of it right now myself. Thirty years last April! I can only say, that if you sincerely believe that you have the "gift" that of allowing the feminine aspect of you to continue to grow she will serve you well - that I can assure you! If you simply let Nicole out and let her guide you - you will be amazed at how well you can come throught this. I can't tell you how to handle your future, as several of my sisters recommended, counselling if she will go with you. How you will handle your "coming out," to family and friends. Just never forget you are indeed blessed with something that given the right understanding, will serve you well the rest of your life. Woman are such marvelous creatures and to have even the smallest insight and ability to find that you have the love, empathy, understanding, insight, gentleness, that comes with the gift, it can make life wonderful.
Don't give up the faith, Nicole and as you can see we are here for you so keep posting and stay in touch. My sisters here have done more for me than I could ever repay and this girl is smiling every day and thoroughly enjoying her, "Magical Mystery Tour!"
Love you,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Nicole Pearce
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 10:36 am
- Location: Oregon
Hello gals-
Thanks again for being there for me. After my wife and I talked, we actually felt closer than we have in 2 years. A BIG wall came down. That same wall is now exposing me, and I'm a little scared but relieved at the same time. I don't know how things will progress, but I think this was bound to happen,and now I'm kind of glad it did- (as painful as it was). I guess sometimes it takes a little pain to grow.
As some of you suggested, we both need to be happy, and if we're not, we need to move on. I know we will always be in each others lives. It will just be different- not necessarily bad.
Anyway- thanks again and huge hugs all around to you beautiful people. You have helped me through a huge crisis in my life. I only hope I can be there for you if need be.
I'll keep you all posted-
Love-
Nicole
Thanks again for being there for me. After my wife and I talked, we actually felt closer than we have in 2 years. A BIG wall came down. That same wall is now exposing me, and I'm a little scared but relieved at the same time. I don't know how things will progress, but I think this was bound to happen,and now I'm kind of glad it did- (as painful as it was). I guess sometimes it takes a little pain to grow.
As some of you suggested, we both need to be happy, and if we're not, we need to move on. I know we will always be in each others lives. It will just be different- not necessarily bad.
Anyway- thanks again and huge hugs all around to you beautiful people. You have helped me through a huge crisis in my life. I only hope I can be there for you if need be.
I'll keep you all posted-
Love-
Nicole
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Jeannie
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1308
- Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:19 pm
- Location: Connecticut
Nicole.If you are with a partner for many years and it doesn't work out that's life. But remaining friends instead of enemies is important. I was with my wife Mini for 25 years. We are still married but live in separate homes. Do I miss her? No. Do I hate her? No. I always make jokes about her on the forum but I love married jokes. I call her The Warden. But they are just jokes.That's all. She did a wonderful job raising our 19 and 22 year old. She quit her teaching job to stay home for ten years with our kids. She went back to teaching and loves her job and her 5th grade inner city kids. She was always on the phone at home talking to parents and old students would stop over to say hi. I make jokes about her always calling me now to do things for her but I still do them for her. As I said to Lorna on another post "It's takes so much energy to hate but no energy at all to be someones friend." People just don't always get along for a million differant reasons.
Breaking up for anyone is never easy. I love music and I'll leave you with one of my favorite songs from Lyle Lovett. Big hug Nicole and I wish you the best.
Love
Jeannie
If you were to wake up
And I were beside you
Would you gently smile Dear
And whisper my name?
Would you remember
The way that I held you
And would you want me
To hold you again?
Time reaches to you
Just like a willow
It bends to the water
And clings to the shore
There was a time Dear
Once you did love me
There was a time
You love me no more
Rain on your window
Light on your pillow
Where you lie sleeping
Was it like before?
There was a time Dear
Once you did love me
There was a time
You love me no more
Niclole. Love appears out of nowhere and can vanish just as quickly. It can be as illusive as a Unicorn. If it comes into your life enjoy while you can. As Dennis Leary says "Happiness comes in small doses. Life sucks. Get a freaking helmit" It's so true Nicole. I always wear mine now!
Hugs.
Breaking up for anyone is never easy. I love music and I'll leave you with one of my favorite songs from Lyle Lovett. Big hug Nicole and I wish you the best.
Love
Jeannie
If you were to wake up
And I were beside you
Would you gently smile Dear
And whisper my name?
Would you remember
The way that I held you
And would you want me
To hold you again?
Time reaches to you
Just like a willow
It bends to the water
And clings to the shore
There was a time Dear
Once you did love me
There was a time
You love me no more
Rain on your window
Light on your pillow
Where you lie sleeping
Was it like before?
There was a time Dear
Once you did love me
There was a time
You love me no more
Niclole. Love appears out of nowhere and can vanish just as quickly. It can be as illusive as a Unicorn. If it comes into your life enjoy while you can. As Dennis Leary says "Happiness comes in small doses. Life sucks. Get a freaking helmit" It's so true Nicole. I always wear mine now!
Hugs.-
Nicole Pearce
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 10:36 am
- Location: Oregon
Hi Jeannie~
I have been out of town- that is why I haven't been able to reply to your loving post. Thanks for your words of hope. I know my spouse and I will be good friends forever, simply because we love each other and would never hurt each other. We have been married nearly 27 years, but have known each other almost 30. So our history is long, and for the most part very loving. She simply can't accept the transgendered thing in me. That sucks, but as you say, it is not the end of the world, and actually could open up a new and much more beautiful world for Nicole. That excites me very much! I hate the thought of losing the life I have, but I need to be courageous and think of the possibilities for a new and liberating life. Hopefully with family and most of my friends intact.
Thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement. It means a lot!
Hugs-
Nicole
I have been out of town- that is why I haven't been able to reply to your loving post. Thanks for your words of hope. I know my spouse and I will be good friends forever, simply because we love each other and would never hurt each other. We have been married nearly 27 years, but have known each other almost 30. So our history is long, and for the most part very loving. She simply can't accept the transgendered thing in me. That sucks, but as you say, it is not the end of the world, and actually could open up a new and much more beautiful world for Nicole. That excites me very much! I hate the thought of losing the life I have, but I need to be courageous and think of the possibilities for a new and liberating life. Hopefully with family and most of my friends intact.
Thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement. It means a lot!
Hugs-
Nicole