Dilemma of telling a friend

[Pauline]

Hello all.. i hope you can help me deside once and for all this situation

As some of you ladies know within the last few months i have gotten married to my loving and somewhat understanging (so) (and my job of bein the house husband i just love as most days i get to dress en femm)

One of our neighbours (a GG) was a whitness and is the best friend of my wife... The relationship between them is like they are mother and daugher.. my wife bein the mother..lol, i have discussed it with my wife about telling her but there are issues that are a factor. In fear.. the "what would happen" being the most obvious...

With my wife away most days working 8am - 3 ish pm and our friend is at home (looking after her kids as her hubby is at work and most days its the same routine) Our neighbour ile call S'... now S' does come up and visit alot of the time with her youngest two chldren... and for which i have almost been caught by her and her kids on two seperate occasions (she forgets to text or phone first..lol).. We discuss all kinds of things.. kids, relationships, bills, other neighbours, shopping ect.. she's like the sister i never had...

I have left some of my clothes (ladies) on my side of our bed.. sutble hints like that around... but most likely S' thinks that they are my wifes...no help there..lol (our pc is in our bedroom for which i am most of the time)

Here's the dilema and sorry if i ramble or rambled a bit..

If i/we do tell S'.. and things go badly.. we could lose her as a firend.. my wife would lose a best friend, i would most likely turn my wife against me because of her losing her best friend and it could get around that i crossdress for which the area i live don't like ppl who are "different"...but i feel that its getting harder and harder not to tell S' as over time we get closer and closer with each other. My wife and i have tried to approach the subject in a "outside oppinion" to it, but did not get a answer either way of her oppinion of ppl whom crossdress. I don't and hope i won't just blurt it out; some days this is all thats on my mind and i can't really concentrate on the day to day stuff n my emotions are all over the place..

I know the upside would b great and we would b closer still....its just the "what would happen" bit that scare's me most with the consiquences.. i do understand that there is never a "right time" to tell someone/anyone but with the not knowing which is the hardest part to what the reaction is going to be. so to back to main question.. do i/we tell her??

All replies and comments are v welcome and will reply as soon as i am able to.

Pauline

[Virginia]

Pauliine,
bluntly, I would not tell her! Why, well in the "Colonies" over here we have an expression, "need to know basis?!" From what you have described, she really has no reason to know and as you stated, "hints" did not even draw a response! Anyway, if push comes to shove, another coloquialism, I would let my wife tell her, assuming you kinda coach your wife and you feel comfortable with her having enough insight into crossdressers and who we are and why!
Just one rebel"s opinion,
good luck and tell us what you decide (or if you get caught!)
Love,
Virginia

[Loretta Ann]

Pauliine,

With her being your wife's best friend, If she is told; that decision should be up to your wife. However I would caution you as to the likely hood that she will eventually catch you, if some boundaries are not firmly established..

[SophieLawson]

dohh... sorry I mean

Sophie xx

[CJ]

Hi all,

Pauline,

You wrote: its just the "what would happen" bit that scare's me most with the consiquences..

What would happen if you lived??? What would happen if you were yourself???

Now before all of you start thinking I'm encouraging Pauline to throw all caution to the wind, no, I'm not. Always, always look at your circumstances, Pauline. Is S' more your wife's best friend or yours? If hers, then the decision is up to her whether or not to tell (with your approval, of course!). From all you know of S', do you think this is something that will cause her to forsake your friendship? You need to look at this closely. Are there any subconscious, ulterior motives on your part (save for the deepening of your friendship) that make you want to reveal yourself to S'? Look into this, too. Do you think you'd ever be able to come to terms with your own feelings if both you and your wife decide to keep S' in the dark? In other words, would your continued secrecy so negatively impact your friendship with S' that it would imperil it? You need to figure all this out.

Let us know which way you're headed, eh? And good luck!

Love,
CJ

[Elizabeth]

Pauline,

This is such a personal decesion, I have no advice for you. I can tell you that I am now pretty much completely out of the closet. I live in an apartment complex and I don't look before I go out, or come in, and have been seen by my neighbors.

So far I have not had one negative experience outside of my wife. Not saying that this will happen to you. I live in California which is probably the most liberal place here in the USA.

Hope that helps.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Pauline]

Ladies

Thank you for your comments and insites...

To answer a question or two.. yes S' is more of a friend to my wife than to I... and that my wife accepts that i do crossdress and at the moment she doesnt fully understand why i do (still ongoing discussions).. My wife has mentioned that most of the time that she prefers me as Pauline... im calmer, relaxed more and react to situations with a more clear head but wouldnt want me dressing full time..

To the boundry's... yes there are for when i can and can't... more can than can't..

My wife will b telling her at some point but will have to wait for the best time and situation... so i will keep you upto speed when it does happen with another post either on this one or another one in this section... thank you all again

Pauline

[Chrissie]

It would be very sad if your wife lost her friend over this, so I would be very careful. And I'd try to think this over thoroughly.

She's your wife's friend, and also is becoming closer to you. Why would your wife want to tell her? Why would you want to tell her? Perhaps these answers would be different. And do the answers really have the friendship in mind, or is it just your desire to "tell" or be "seen".

And before before telling, I would want to be sure of how she would react. How to find out? I think the "What If" question is good. Though you said that you tried that, perhaps you should keep trying. Or bring up a popular movie that involves cross dressing, and get her talking. Then "what would you think if (I) (a friend) (someone you knew) was a cross dresser...etc. If you really have your friendship in mind, you'll be able to find out her deeper feelings, and your response to her will be true.

[Pauline]

Hi Ladies.. This is the update.. so this can be closed asa.. the gg in question, our neighbour who we thought was our friend.. backstabbed us and since my last post has moved.. She still has no idea of my dressing which is good as she from what we found out could not keep secrets.

I thank you all for your time and replys.

Pauline