Somewhat Confused

Melyssa Anne · Post by **Melyssa Anne** » Sun May 20, 2007 9:16 pm

I am curious if anyone else has gone through what I am going through--how normal it is (whatever that means...lol).

First a little history -- After many years of being deeply closeted, my wife (Stormy) found out about this last fall, and is extremely supportive (I know how lucky I am in that regard!!). She has helped me a lot with things, gone out on outings with me, shopping, plays, etc. and helped me with all the little and big things that help me be very passable (as I have written about numerous times). I have gotten very comfortable in that role -- even going out by myself and being comfortable being one of the girls out shopping, or whatever--blending in with no one but stormy knowing the reality when we are out (I am lucky--never been outed when out--so never had to deal with that either).

So heres my problem -- I have not yet been to a tri-ess meeting and I am going to the Be-all...but I will be giving up a great deal of my anonymity to do this...and I am, to say the least, apprehensive about this, and worried...but I can't specify exactly what I am worried about or what I am nervous about. Maybe I think they my sisters will look at me with a more critical eye than the world at large? Maybe there is a greater chance that others may find out that I am a CDer...(and that could be harmful to my livelihood)? or maybe its just something unknown, and thats enough to scare me. I have made up my mind that I am going...but...??

Anyways, any thoughts, experiences, advice, etc would be welcome.

Thanks girls!

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Mon May 21, 2007 6:57 am

Hi Melyssa Anne,

Gosh I don't see the problems you are worried about. You are going out of town (Chicago) where no one knows you, you have been out in public with and without your wife so I don't see what you are worried about. You will find out that Tri-Ess members are great people and they would never do or say anything again or about another member. You will be told all the rules when you join. Sweetie just do it and enjoy yourself have fun and meet all kinds of ladies.

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon May 21, 2007 7:11 am

Well, I don't know where you and Stormy have gone when out, but doing the same thing in Chicoago and at the be-all really won't be that much different. Just a bit safer.

And if you should happen to run into someone you know, well, they are there for the same reason as you. So, there won't be any "outing" going on.

You'll find a lot of people just as apprehensive as you are, and a number that are at ease. Don't be afraid to mingle, as many of us are just sweethearts, and easy to talk to.

JoAnnDallas · Post by **JoAnnDallas** » Mon May 21, 2007 12:43 pm

Last year, I got talking to one of the local Tri-Ess officers and she mentioned that HEF2006 was being held here in Dallas, TX. When she told me what Hotel it was being held at, I discovered that the Hotel was only three miles from my house. I could attend all four days, but I did sign up for Saturday. I was also invited to happy hour that Friday evening. This was the first time I have ever been around other CDers. I was welcomed with open arms, greeted warmly, and had a great time. That Saturday and evening was one of the greates days I have had. That day I was invited to visit/join the local Tri-Ess chapter. I visited the first time, and joined on my next meeting.

So put your fears aside. There is nothing to fear, you will be welcomed openly and the meeting places are secure and safe. Tri-Ess makes sure that ONLY CD/TG/TS and their SO's ae more than welcomed. There are ususally 4-5 SO's at our meetings. They usually have their own meeting and then sit in on ours and the socail/presentation session after the main meeting.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Mon May 21, 2007 11:04 pm

Honey,
I have been to several of these "meetings" and although I understand your apprehension, fear not! When you report back to us - and that is a requirement, it is in the fine print of your contract

- you will wonder what you were really concerned about. I will have to admit you will see some things that will make you "scratch your head." Just remember, the crossdresser's continuum has room for everyone, even some, shall I say, "interesting" sisters.

Go, have fun, and you will meet some of the nicest folks. If you happen to meet a girl named Julie, from right there in Chicago, tell her her friend Virginia said - "write me you hussy!"

You will have a great time!

Virginia

Kari · Post by **Kari** » Wed May 23, 2007 3:55 pm

Get out there and have a good time, we're only here once...

Although i am working on that...

Good luck

Sylvia H · Post by **Sylvia H** » Wed May 23, 2007 9:03 pm

You are in good company.
I too was having second thoughts about going. But I think it is only a fear of the unknown. A common thing.
I have no SO, and no one else who knows anything about my CDing. Yet.
I do have business aquaintences in the Chicago area, and if they are going to the Be All, good for them.

I will be going alone in broad daylight and expecting to have an entertaining time. No more , no less. Besides, SL said I couldnt go,so Im doing it for spite

See you there!!

Sylvia

Post by **DonnaT** » Wed May 23, 2007 9:24 pm

There you go, Melyssa, exchange info with Sylvia and meet at the Be-all, thus you'll know someone else there.

AnnaMaria · Post by **AnnaMaria** » Sat May 26, 2007 4:06 am

Melyssa Anne,

Believe me I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I went through the same thing the first time that I went to the Be All. Take my word for it there will be no one who will look down on you or be critical toward you because of the way that you look. Remember that we are all there for the same reason and that is to be able to get out and meet others like ourselves without the fear of rejection.

This will be my third year at the Be All and I can't wait to get there. Unfortunately my wife and I cannot be ther until friday due to my work but if you want to pm me I will be more than happy to let you know how to find me. You will have the chance to meet a lot of wonderful people there and make new friends that you would never imagine you would have.

By the way don't forget that Helen and Betty Boyd are going to be there as well. Helen is the author of a couple of books on the subject of cd's and from what I understand she will be presenting a couple of times also.

If we don't get the chance to meet while we are there I hope you have a lot of fun and just remember we are all sisters there.

Anna

Carla L · Post by **Carla L** » Sat May 26, 2007 9:51 am

I am considering attending a Tri-Ess meeting in my town also, for the first time. There is a changing room and it opens 1 hour early for those who want to dress.

Do most people dress on the first meeting there? New people that is. I don't want to go early only to find I am the only one who dressed...

Melyssa - I'd be very interested in your opinion after you go to the function, I am also very apprehensive for the same reasons.

DeniseL · Post by **DeniseL** » Sat May 26, 2007 3:17 pm

Go and Enjoy your self.

As others have already said, there will be no outing there, as you will all be there for the same reason, to enjoy the company of your sisters, and also spend a day or 2 enjoying wearing the finer clothes in Life

Last year was the first time I was out to a CD TG gatering. I was quite surprised to see one person there and that was a Clergyman from a Church not over 20 miles from where I live.

He was there with his wife, who is very supportive. We had a great chat. I felt very comfortable with him, as I remembered were were there for the same reason, to enjoy, and again this year they were at the same function again

Please let us know how things go, and I am sure you will have a great time

Denise

Geri Robinson · Post by **Geri Robinson** » Sat May 26, 2007 7:54 pm

Carla,
I was a member of Tri Ess for several years in las Vegas. I was president of our chapter for two of those years. We always welcomed new comers to the meetings in either boy mode or enfemme. We would usually meet with the new person first to insure the safety of our members. Go and enjoy yourself they are all a great bunch to be around.

Geri

Melyssa Anne · Post by **Melyssa Anne** » Sat May 26, 2007 8:45 pm

Thanks everyone for all the advice and support. I am usually a very confident person, but this does intimidate me some as I said. However, I am excited to go. My wife is very supportive and is encouraging me to go to this and generrally is encouraging towards outings and dressing in general...so I don't know what my problem is....lol . I know I am one of the lucky ones and just need to get over myself.

Got my outfit more or less picked out for the Be-all and golfing. And am excited to be going.

I will be sure to report back afterwards. And I am going to try and meet Slyvia while I am there.

Thanks again.

JoAnnDallas · Post by **JoAnnDallas** » Tue May 29, 2007 11:44 am

Carla...I went dress to my first Tri-Ess meeting. Then too, I went dressed to the Tri-Ess HEF2006 convention. Tri-Ess will accept you either in male of female mode. I went to Friday night happy hour at HEF2006 with the girls and I was in male mode the whole evening. It stuck me that here I sat drinking beer, talking with other CDer's and they are calling me by my fem name all evening and it did not make any difference that I was in male mode. LOL