Tri-Ess... What do you think of it?

[Shannon]

Janyne C.,

I am intrigued by your comments about the "interview", because I had to be interviewed before I could join the national group and I think my membership to the local chapter was dependent on a vote by th local's board.

So at least in Houston, and interview is a requirement for membership, and I think that is a GREAT idea..... I think not atleast meeting with persons before allowing them in would be risky at best.

I admit it does throw you back a little at first, but I think it is needed.

[Alexandra]

"Are the members to Christian, too Republican and too mainstream America? Only you can answer that, I think so but I love them anyway."

Very interesting comment Janyne, Anybody else share that opinion? I'm curious.

[Shannon]

Hi Shannon
Tri-Ess is the best group there is for the new girls to get experience.

Janyne C.

I could not agree more with you Janyne... Tri-Ess is a very valuable organization for the transgender community. There are aspects of it that I don't agree with, but they are very minor and overall do not detract from it's overall value.

Now to be honest, I have gotten into a discussion with the leaders of the Houston Chapter over the comments I posted above. I do defend all of my statements above, I try hard not to make statements in a public forum that I don't know believe, but they are just MY opinion and not all of my opinions....

The leaders I speak of, I think feel my comments are unjust, unfair and at times a personal attack on them.... Let me clarify, I would never say anything to degrade them personally, if any of my comments are coming across that way, please realize that is not my intent and is not true. They strike me as very fine people who truely wish to enjoy the friendship of others and help along the way...

Now I did use some unfair wording that I would like to clarify.

Mis-statement #1: "But I feel they are limited to their support... other competing support sources are not welcome. "..... this is not correct, Tri-Ess is very defined in their goals and target audience, but they are also VERY open to other groups, they mentioned others to me during our meeting and welcome combined efforts with other support efforts...

Mis-statement #2: "I have been trying for about a month to get "permission" to post a comment on their email forum about this forum and I get NOTHING BUT RUN AROUND and lack of comment.... ".... this too is not correct, the people I was asking have been extremely busy lately and just have not had the opprotunity to respond to my request. I sincerely apologize for that statement.

Mis-statement #3: "I am seeing rumors and comments about Tri-Ess starting a Internet Discussion forum for members... from what I am hearing it sounds a lot like this forum.... I HATE TO BE COPIED..... ".... I realize and have NO delusions that I invented this type of discussion forum, in fact I copied this format from a friend of mine that runs a car discussion forum and I have seen the thousands of other sites the use this phpBB software for discussion forums.... So far I do not have delusions of granduer....

But I still say there is NO other internet discussion forum like this for crossdressers... I spent MUCH time looking, so I said what the hey, lets start one..... I asked the leaders of the Houston Tri-Ess chapter about using the idea and they seem un-interested.... But fortunately there is others within Tri-Ess that see the value in it and have been working on it for a long time... even though it took me all of two weeks to put this together and get it out...

So Tri-Ess is NOT copying me, anymore than I copied the thousands of other discussion forum out there.

Mis-statement #4: "The only thing I disagree with is how they want to keep it SO's and CD's seperate for the most part (the CDSO email forum to me is just hand waving in my opinion)" .... well actually I don't feel the need to clarify this statement... I must say "hand waving" was not the best choice of words, but it conveys MY OPINION pretty well.... From the extremely limited exposure I have had to Tri-Ess I feel the SO and CD involvement is designed to be limited and they present more opportunities for CD's to speak without the SO's hearing and vise-versa....

I realize that is needed in some situations (for comfort level) but I personally feel it leads to more lies and secrets.. which I don't feel CD's that are in commited relationships need.

I would love to hear other's opinions on this last topic here, or any of them for that matter......

In closing I hope you all understand I am really impressed by 90% of Tri-Ess... it is a fine organization that benefits many.... It is a leader in the world for us as crossdressers and SO's of crossdressers....

Our world would be a less comfortable without Tri-Ess and the work they do....

The opinions I express are just my own, I believe them, support them, will stand by them, will correct my wording as needed, but always state what is in my mind and will not sway from what I really feel....

Now that I have bored you all silly... I will shut up....

[Beauty]

Hey Shannon,

The truth can hurt and though you didn't word it in a way that was the most polite, if you had been more polite you wouldn't have had an opinion.

You quoted several mis-statements, but I didn't see them that way, I just saw them as your opinion.

Every group, sorority, fraternity, organization, company, etc has problems. Tri-Ess would be the first to say, "Hey.. shut up.. we're evolving. We do make mistakes and we learn from them."

No post on this board harshed Tri-Ess, you opened up a discussion. I'm actually sort of p'd that you are having to defend yourself. I TOTALLY understand why you would want to clear it up, but to me you cleared up nothing. You just re-explained what you meant.

Anyone who has a problem with what you said is being too sensitive and will mostly likely still say you haven't done enough to clear up what you said. 95% of your posts praised the group and 5% said, "I'd like this to change" or "I want to be listened to and it mirrored back that someone heard me." Anyone who's looking at a "mis-stated" word here or there is looking for a nit picky tiff. The overall message was very positive about Tri-Ess and your local chapter.

About there being another board like this. WRONG! Anyone who says there is one out there is dead wrong. I scour the web. This is the first site I've seen that's public and has this format and proclaims itself as a CD and SO support web board. You didn't invent the internet either, but that doesn't mean that your idea isn't unique. It is unique.

The CDDF is the grandmother of all CD webboards and it's the closest I've seen to this board, but it isn't a domain owned web site. You and Sharon have created something unique and it will be copied. I think you'll be flattered.

Anyhoo.. Man am I p'd about anyone attacking (let me watch my words too) Did I say attacking I mean something that is pretty and polite. The bottom line is in your posts you went SUPER out of your way to talk about how much you LIKE Tri-Ess and how helpful they are. INCLUDING your local chapter.

Sorry this happened to you for nothing. <--- I still love that!

Beauty

[Shannon]

Thanks a bunch for your thoughts and comments Beauty..... I think we feel similarly (<--- is that a word?)

Anyhow I just wanted to make sure my wording correctly reflected what I feel.....

I do agree that I think the objections I have heard from Tri-Ess are un-justified to an extent.... the main problem is that they expond on a few negative comments (which I still totally defend) and incorrect wording (which I think I have corrected) and have made no comments to me on the MANY good things I have to say about Tri-Ess....

But it's no skin off my butt....

[Beauty]

Hi Shannon,

I'm glad you said that and you're very welcome.

Hopefully it will get anyone who thought there were any negative posts to re-read them.

This is a great thread and should enlighten lots about Tri-Ess the organization.

Beauty

[Nancy]

Years ago when Tri-Ess got started there were very few places heterosexual CD's and there SO's could turn to, so there was a real need for Tri-Ess and the way it was set up.

Years later there are still those same needs for it and the way it is set up. True it is not for everyone and I think Tri-Ess clearly makes that known. Everyone can make a choice if it is right for them or not.

Like any organization there are things that some member dislike or disagree with and if these issues are that important to them they have the right to challange them and change them.

I think and feel that those who are incharge of the National Organization as well as those who chair the local chapters, do make their best effort to see that all who approch Tri-ess are directed in the proper direction, and are Tri-ess is very up front about what is and is not allowed.

Those that have come to Tri-ess and have found that it is not to their needs or liking are not stopped from going else where and in fact I know our chapter is more than willing to put those that do not wish to be a part of our organization in contact with other local support groups that have different agendas and would better suit those that do not wish to be members or part of the Tri-Ess organization.

Tri-Ess does offer forums for CD's, for SO's, for children of CD's and for SO's and CD's together. Our chapter and others do have nondressing events for couples. We have a Couples Group that meets on a differnt night then the general meeting. There is also the anual SPICE conventions, another nondressing event for couples. So I do not see where there is a lack of open dialog between CD's & SO's?

There are issues such as how those with facial hair are handled and even about how non heterosexuals are accepted as "Friends of" but not full voting members. What organization dosn't have limits or acceptable guidelines. Even the open support groups have their by laws and points of order.

For me Tri-Ess was the light that shined in when I opened the door to my darkness and lonliness and hurting relationship with my wife. For that I will always be thankful for and in debt. Even if it had turned out not to be the type of support group I needed it would have been my first contact and I know that I would have been directed towards the help and type of support group I needed.

As for this forum? like I have said it's the best one I have come accross both in how it is organized and by its content. Not to mention all the great, fantastic and supportive caring ladies that are members. However, as for learning from the Tri-ess list server forum all anyone has to do is ask a question and it will be answered up the whaaa zooo! So yes, one can learn a lot there but one has to wade through a lot of fluff as was started in this thread earlier.

Don't take me wrong about this I did not get offended by how Shannon worded her statement and it was not for me that she felt the need to reword her self. What she stated was how she felt and what she thought. If we can not do that then down with freedom of self, thought and expression and lets all just throw in the towel.

This is an old thread that has not been active for some time and I, being home alone sick on Christmas Eve found it interesting to put my 2 cents in on. So please do note that I did not chisel one letter of this into stone.

[Shannon]

Thank you Nancy for reviving this post.... I forgot about it, and enjoyed reading through it again....

I liked how you stated your views on the subject..... Tri-Ess is certainly there for many and it has provided so much help to so many.... It sounds like you are one of those it has helped.....

I am also glad you find this forum helpful.... I still personally beleive Tri-Ess has nothing like this forum and the people here.... but that is not wrong, it is just different.... And that is what makes the world a GREAT place to be... as opposed to space which is cold and dark...

But thanks Nancy for being this topic back up

[Carol Ann]

Hi everyone I kinda got to put my .02 in. I'm one who found Tri-Ess as a very big help. The wife and I had our problems when she found out about my CDing. We were so welcome on our arrivel and taken in by the group with loving arms. For us it was wonderfull and filled our needs. Shannon I'm sorry things did not work out for you , things haven't worked out for me here in the New Orleans area, as these groups are not Tri-Ess and really lean to the TS side not my comfort zone .Ha Ha you wouldn't believe so of the rules they have .On another note Nancy I hope you are feeling better , Hugs to all Carol Ann

[Carolynn]

Hi Shannon, Nancy and all. I dithered about posting this, as it is really of a historical nature and not germane to the recent Tri-ess organization, I hope.

When I first heard of it, the organization was called the Society for the Second Self (from which came Tri-ess), and I stumbled onto the address and a cryptically worded add in the personals of a back issue of Mechanics Illustrated :o from about the mid-1960s. I had been back from my stint in the military about two months and was beginning classes for an advanced degree. Though the add was somewhat cryptic, I thought I understood it well enough, took a post office box, and wrote to the address for information (I think it was in Colorado).

In about two weeks, I received a much reduced, xeroxed, smudged information sheet, and an application form. I had asked three questions in my letter, as I was in search of people who had been in my place in my struggle (and sometimes it really seemed (s) like a physical struggle that would (does) leave me exhausted from conflict and lack of sleep) with GID before, and who might be able to help me with what I needed to do. I understood from the Benjamin Standards that therapy and transition was the usual treatment, but there was nothing about trying to deal with it short of transition. And as I described in my introduction to this forum, right or wrong, I did believe that I had to deal with it, short of transition.

Unsurprisingly, the answers were not in the information sheet, nor were the questions acknowledged, but it did make it clear that the people who had written the information sheet considered themselves to be normal people who liked to dress up for their own enjoyment. They weren't gay, and they were from every walk of life, and most or all were married. I understood from this content that these people were unlikely to be in my position, but wrote to the address once more asking for help to find the resources I needed. I received no answer. Before this is perceived as being too critical, I did not view the lack of response too negatively, but it is just offered as an example of how difficult it was to obtain information about GID in the late 1960's (pre internet, ya know) (actually, pre- personal computer, pre-personal calculator even). I had earlier gone to an anonymous phone line in the Department of Psychology at that institution of higher learning, and they were -0.00-% help too. I knew more than they did. So I did not take it hard that the early Tri-ess did not have any answers. I did feel a bit disappointed that they didn't acknowledge my second letter or otherwise seem to try---but then neither did the so-called caring professionals of Red-nedk U.! Again that is likely unfair for that entire university organization, but I did have knowledge of three of the people in that department in classes elsewhere, and in the case of two, it is a deserved description. Why do you think I used the anonymous line?

Anyway, a historical ( or is that hysterical) perspective for whatever it may be worth to the discussion.

[Nancy]

Carolynn, It's seems that you got the same nonanswers to your questions searching outside of the closet as I did in the closet.

When I started going to Tri-ess I had my questions that I wanted to ask but once I got there and found my self sitting in a room with twelve other first time girls and new comers I decided not to ask my questions but to sit and listen to what all the other girls and group leaders were asking and talking about. I found that almost every question I wanted to ask was asked and discussed.

The questions I did not ask and were not answered I eventually got around to asking once I had a better grip on who was who in the Chapter. Not all of my questions have been answered and many more questions have come up but I sure am glad from what you discribed that I did not join Tri-Ess back in the ealry days.

Really, Tri-Ess and all the other organizations as well as the community as a whole have come from the Stone Age and into the Space Age over the past 40 years but still in many areas we are far behind in getting our rockets off the ground and the information to questions out, both to the community and the general public.

[KristenS]

A couple of years ago, myself and two other business associates had the opportunity to do a presentation for a Tri Ess chapter. They were an interesting group of folks. A bit different from the multisided gender groups, but still with the focus on gender. I didn't go "dressed" yet I didn't go in drabbe, just the day-to-day androgynous style that's the norm for me. I got chatting with their leader and she said that while I am not a crossdresser pre se, I would be welcome in their group

[Virginia]

Gheesh Janyne, is a tough act to follow she knows the nuts and bolts of the organization which is great that she did post - THANKS!
My contact with the Charlotte chapter came over the internet )they are about a 3 1/2 hour drive for me - one way). I sent them the information they needed and they did call me for an interview, however, the call came at 6:00 am in the morning. My wife answered and they asked for Virginia (aka - Deborah - then) I had come out to my wife, but nothing else. I took the phone and was asked if this was a good time to do the interview with Tri-Ess - uh?? No !!!! They never called back and fortunately it was shortly after that that I found my home here!
Virginia

[Nancy]

Been forever since I last posted on this forum or this thread. I am still a Tri-ess member and active in the Chi Chapter in Chicago. In the past several years that I have been a memaber I have come to know and become friends with a good number of the gals and their wives or SO's. I guess I am not one to get all tangled up in the politics or rules as it just all seems to fit how I am and feel like being.

The President of our chapter stands right up there at each meeting and makes it very clear that we do not turn anyone away that our support is there for eveyone. Now I don't think that she is saying we are open to however anyone cares to show up or act. There are set guide lines for that. Still, one does not have to be dressed at a meeting to find support.

I would not call Tri-ess and open group becuase it's not and I personely don't see Tri-ess as the spokesman for the TG community either. However, I do find that month after month for over 40 years our chapter has been there with it's doors open and has welcomed and helped a lot of girls get on their way or to better understand the journey that lays before them.

No group, organization, or anything is everthing to eveyone. Tri-ess is not the answer for everyone in everyway but for me the past several years it's been there for me. Just like this forum. I think this is one of the best things going for our community but I often do not agree or accept many of the issues that are openly posted here in.

[Beauty]

Hi Nancy,

What a wonderful post.

Beauty