I see a shrink

[Wendae]

I'll keep you all updated. A surprising side effect is that my wife has gotten easier to talk to and is giving me time to my self once in awhile. I am no longer hiding what I like and am being more open with her. Of course dressing around her is a no-no. I'm hoping my therapist will ask me to come in dressed as Wendae. Does that ever happen?

[KimberlyS]

More communication is a good start to helping a relationship. Being open and honest is good addition. Just to not overwhelm her all at once. Take it easy and hopefully get her communicating better also.

As for going to counseling enfemme. Never discussed it with my first counselor I just showed up in most femme. no wig and little makeup if I remember correctly. Skirt, blouse, heels, bra and forms. She seemed uneasy with it. I was comfortable. Sessions went down hill after that.

My current counselor it has been not a problem. Does not matter how I come in for anyone in the office including the office staff. I kid around with them that they never know how I will show up.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Absaroka]

I'm glad you are feeling better and more able to talk to your wife. Sometimes the mere act of beginning therapy constitutes an awareness that things must change and helps bring about the change.

I don't pass, not remotely, and had also talked to my therapist about how I never underdress when I went to see him because it would have felt dishonest. After all I'd have needed to tell him and who really wants to sit around discussing your underwear with your shrink. However at one point he asked me to bring some pictures in of myself dressed. Wherupon I took a bunch of new pictures and added them to ones I already had. He had a good time trying to figure out what my female garb presented to the world as opposed to my male garb, even though my female clothes are presented only to me, nature, and God.

I'd bring the subject up before doing it. She may want to talk about what do you hope to accomplish by doing this. Is it merely acceptance, or is it a way of revealing something more about yourself?


Nag, Nag, Nag. Did you talk to your therapist about drinking yourself to sleep? Have things changed in that area?

This will be an exciting journey and I'm glad you've embarked on it. Looking forward to your next post.

Zari

[Wendae]

Zari I have cut down on the booze. I asked mt theapist if she would like to meet Wendae and if there would be a problem. She's fine with it and would like for me to come in dressed next time. I'm really looking forward to this but, haven't figured out how to get wife to agree. This could be a problem.

[Absaroka]

You could change in the car. What you wear to your therapists is private, just like what you say there.

[Wendae]

Zari, I'm a type "A" personalty and have to do it right. I don't have enough experience to do it in my car. Make-up takes me over half a hour and getting my hair(wig) just right takes time. Getting dressed would be easy. Guess I'll have to plan this like a military operation.

[April Rose]

Damn. Wendae, you are up front. That is something I admire about you. If I have agreement to go out I'll go out. If I don't , I won't. This presents a two fold challenge to you. On the one hand, You have the therapists okay to do this, on the other, how will your wife react? Horns of a dilemma.

If this was was Halloween drag, her feelings would come first. But this is therapy, You're trying to open up. If you make mistakes, you will be forgiven, especially if it works out. Ultimately, she might be freaked out by it.. She might not. But You Have The Right To Ask. You are an adult, a moral person, and you are trying. This is not self indulgence. Ultimately, if she just can't handle it, well, then you have the topic for your next therapy session.

[DanteCarrie (FTM)]

glad to see things are going a bit better my friend. I hope it continues to improve and your wife warms. i think the therepy will actually be good for her i mean if the therepist shows her how illogical she is it might hit home with. Its one thing to be told your acting like a hypocritical, illogical idiot by your partner but it can really ring in your mind if a proffesional says it to you. i think this should help her warm up a great deal.
giving up alcohol is a great thing. I gave u because of an ear condition making me dizzy and i really hate the sensation of getting drunk and only really like wine and champagne anyway then i found food tastes stronger without it and i only really like good champagne and now i can't affrd to buy even a drop of alcohol anyway. its a good money saver when things are tight.
I agree i couldn't changefrom anything to anything in car. i just fall over and get trapped in a twisted mush of my clothes.

[Anita]

Well, I typed out a post for this thread last night, and I thought I submitted it. It's not here, so--joke's on me.

I guess you're going to have to talk to your wife about dressing for therapy, but it doesn't seem fair. This is your therapy, not couple therapy.
My girlfriend used to go to a therapist who allowed her clients to change at the therapist's office. That was an MtF therapist, who understood that not everyone was comfortable being 'out' in the world. But I'm not sure how that worked on a practical level; LeeAnne didn't do makeup, I'm pretty sure--she just made the clothing change.

I am glad to hear you've cut down on the alcohol.

[Wendae]

After much deliberation I told my wife what the therapist had said and give her 5 options on how I could do it with the least amount of stress for us both. We are still working out the details. I'm surprised that there wasn't a major blow up and very happy with how it appears to be working out.
Yesterday some clothes arrived she had sent for and was unhappy with. I loved the skirt and said "if someone wanted it would you give it to them?" She gave it me and it fits.

[Absaroka]

I'm glad you were able to make progress with your wife about this.

My memories of both therapy and working in an institution lead to the next thought.

Often therapy is not so much about the decision to be made as how the decision is made. In your case it is not so much the decision to dress for therapy as how is that decision made. One possibility would be subterfuge, another outright defiance, another just giving in to your wife. It would seem that you have chosen what many would consider the more reasonable and mature process of discussion and negotiation.

Then of course there is the dynamic of your therapist telling you it's okay to do something that your wife may not be comfortable with. It's easy to say well it's my therapy, but that may give the issue short shrift. You may want to discuss this dyanmic with your therapist. No doubt the issue of therapist support for things your spouse is uncomfortable with will come up in other areas as well. it can be useful to consider how can you avoid having your wife not feel ganged up on by the combination of you and your therapist-a complaint my wife sometimes had.

I'm glad things seem to be going well.

Zari

[Anita]

Absaroka wrote:

No doubt the issue of therapist support for things your spouse is uncomfortable with will come up in other areas as well. it can be useful to consider how can you avoid having your wife not feel ganged up on by the combination of you and your therapist-a complaint my wife sometimes had.

I really wasn't thinking about this, Zari. Thanks for bringing it back to my attention.

This is reminding me that even the process of picking a therapist can be a minefield. I'm thinking more of couple's therapy, here. My girlfriend's ex-wife wanted to select a religious therapist who would agree with her views about 'curing' crossdressing; my girlfriend wanted a therapist who would help the whole family deal with the issues that come up around transition.

So if the wife feels ganged up on right from the beginning, it's not going to make for useful therapy. But neither can the CD feel like they're not going to be heard. My girlfriend did "cure" therapy on her own for four years. She was desperate to save her marriage, and worked hard at denying her need to transition. In the end, it didn't work for her.

[Wendae]

Both my GP and therapist have said that there's not much sense in trying to change my behavior at my age and after 40 some years of CDing. I don't want to anyway. The aim is to find out what is causing the shakes, spasms and drinking. Maybe Wendae will be able to clue her in next week.
I never considered the therapist talking to my wife. I'm not sure that would go well. Right now I'm just happy she is thawing out a little.

[Wendae]

My day yesterday.
It took me 2 hours to get dressed for my therapist appointment. This does not included all of the shaving that took place starting the night before. My wife retired to another room in the house allowing me the time to prepare without feeling self conscious. 2 years before I had painted some false nails but never got to wear them. Gluing them on was a thrill. They were what I call “drop dead red”.(see gallery) Once I passed my inspection I picked up my purse and showed my wife the results. She had little to say so I headed on out. It was a great feeling of freedom as I drove to my appointment. It was a half hour drive and I hadn’t a care in the world. I arrived 20 min early and had to wait for her to finish lunch. Only one person, another therapist, came in while I waited. The visit went well and she said she could see the difference in me. More calm, relaxed and happy. When I arrived home I poured a drink and sat in the living room with my wife. I told her of my trip and a bit of what the therapist suggested. I was really surprised that she sat there with me while I was in Wendae mode. Once I finished the drink I regretfully had to revert to male mode.

[Anita]

What a good post, Wendae! I hope you can keep taking steps in this direction, and not have to lose momentum. This is a big deal, what you're done so far.