I am in the presence of greatness here on this forum, and it is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable. I always thought of myself as smarter than most, but I am certainly not as smart as the rest of you ladies. My relatively shallow comments may also detract more than they add.
Religious extremists - Fred Phelps for a disgusting example - seek to control other's thoughts and behaviors. I find this very offensive.
Until only a few years ago, I had a great deal of difficulty making friends. I still don't know exactly why. Perhaps I am intolerant of those who quickly seize upon any opportunity to find fault with me. There are certainly plenty of opportunities, because I have many faults. But now I have learned that I can accept or tolerate faults in others, and still be friends.
Still, communication remains a big obstacle. I recently became a ham radio operator, and was discussing overblown presidential security with another ham one day. The next day I heard the same other ham complaining to a third person that I was a "Bush hater". (I'm not, but I am not a Bush fanatic either.) This person had totally missed all my points, and had extrapolated a totally untrue characterization of me. To him, I was rabid and irrational. I was so disturbed by this mischaracterization that I did not even try to correct the other ham.
I feel like I have made some good friends on this forum, and I suppose now that I ponder this, that this has to be in part because the flaming that would occur anywhere else is prohibited here.
I have a family problem (totally unrelated to crossdressing) that directly relates to the tendancy for people to project their own faults onto other people, in this case - me. I have matured to the point where I can recognize that this is what is happening, but not to the point where I can explain it to the projector in a way that does not cause a thermonuclear reaction. This is eating me alive from the inside out, but this forum is not the place for airing that nightmare.
Shucking right down to the cobb, I'm afraid it is still true that "mean people suck", and it probably always will be.
So, I have to concentrate on not being mean, even when others are mean to me.
Hugs,
Bernice
What are we as Cross-Dressers?
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Deborah,
That's exactly what I meant!
As you can tell from the last, tiny, paragraph in my previous post, I feel that I am who I am because the culture I grew up in is what it is. Part of me wishes that I had somehow been spared the pain and anguish of growing up transgendered (for years, holding on to my own life was a daily struggle). I couldn't come to grips with the fact that the society that gave birth to me also rejected me until I began to see that, as a member of that society, and thus having internalized many of its attitudes, I was the one who couldn't accept and embrace who I was and am. It was me all along.
Still, I believe, as I said above, that I was fortunate in my circumstances to have had the chance to develop my strengths and let my own healing powers bloom. It's not necessarily so for many out there. I'd be curious to know if the suicide rate is higher among the transgendered than it is among the general population. I suspect it might be.
So, having gone through the ring of fire that is my own self, what can I now do that might be helpful to others? The first thing that comes to mind is to just be myself--this is the white line on the highway of my life, even though I stray on the gravel shoulders once in a while. The other is to try to make myself available to those just discovering who they are (and I'm not talking just TG or CD, here), should they ever ask for the benefit of whatever wisdom I may have gained from my own experience. Of course, my first reaction is always to say, "go out into the world and be!" Like Einstein did, I believe experience is the greatest teacher. Still, the truth is, we could all wish to learn something, about the world, about ourselves, without the knife cutting too deep--there's a risk of our "bleeding" to death. But it will always be the case, I think, that this risk is one that comes with being, and with being alive.
One of my own heroes, Joseph Campbell, author of The Hero With A Thousand Faces and Myths To Live By, a man who spent his life studying the mythologies of countless cultures around the world, posited a "typical" journey for the ordinary heroes that we all are. This journey is mirrored in the stories found in almost all cultures worldwide. It goes like this: The hero often has an unusual birth (some flaw or defect); the hero, for various reasons (often because of some innate character trait), is shunned by his kinsmen; the hero is exiled (or exiles himself), abandoning his social cradle; the hero "hits the road," so to speak, whereupon he undergoes a tremendously arduous set of trials that will force him to face his fears, his flaws, himself; the hero then inevitably triumphs over adversity (an adversity that often comes from within); finally, the hero returns home with a great gift (a boon, in Campbell's words) for those very kinsmen who once shunned him.
Of course, the hero can be a man or a woman. There are many examples of such heroes, fictional or otherwise. Ulysses, Mahatma Gandhi, Jonathan Livinston Seagull, Henry David Thoreau, Moses, Siddharta Gautama (the Buddha), Frodo Baggins, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Malcolm Little (or Malcolm X, as he's known), Theseus, etc., etc. Campbell's contention was that all our life-stories parallel, in some way, the journey of the hero--sometimes literally, sometimes psychologically, sometimes spiritually. And the journey is not ended until the hero comes home to deliver his gift, a way of saying that we haven't yet finished our story until the moment we start returning to the community that which we've learned during our travels (and that takes a lifetime, too).
From the most ancient times, our stories (and, today, our films) are modeled on the hero's journey. They cannot help but do so; they're a reflection of who we are. We are all heroes and heroines.
All this to say that I very much see my life (indeed, our lives) through the framework of Campbell's "hero." Who I am, who I've become, is the result of my having had to face my own self on a road full of difficulties, dangers, and pervasive hopelessness, a road probably not all that much different from that of all my sisters here. Now, I feel a need to give back what I can as well as to learn from what all of you out there have to teach as a result of your own struggles on your own road. (Actually, I think that's all I really mean when I speak of "education.")
Peace to all. Perhaps we'll all meet at journey's end.
Love,
CJ
Deborah,
That's exactly what I meant!
As you can tell from the last, tiny, paragraph in my previous post, I feel that I am who I am because the culture I grew up in is what it is. Part of me wishes that I had somehow been spared the pain and anguish of growing up transgendered (for years, holding on to my own life was a daily struggle). I couldn't come to grips with the fact that the society that gave birth to me also rejected me until I began to see that, as a member of that society, and thus having internalized many of its attitudes, I was the one who couldn't accept and embrace who I was and am. It was me all along.Still, I believe, as I said above, that I was fortunate in my circumstances to have had the chance to develop my strengths and let my own healing powers bloom. It's not necessarily so for many out there. I'd be curious to know if the suicide rate is higher among the transgendered than it is among the general population. I suspect it might be.
So, having gone through the ring of fire that is my own self, what can I now do that might be helpful to others? The first thing that comes to mind is to just be myself--this is the white line on the highway of my life, even though I stray on the gravel shoulders once in a while. The other is to try to make myself available to those just discovering who they are (and I'm not talking just TG or CD, here), should they ever ask for the benefit of whatever wisdom I may have gained from my own experience. Of course, my first reaction is always to say, "go out into the world and be!" Like Einstein did, I believe experience is the greatest teacher. Still, the truth is, we could all wish to learn something, about the world, about ourselves, without the knife cutting too deep--there's a risk of our "bleeding" to death. But it will always be the case, I think, that this risk is one that comes with being, and with being alive.
One of my own heroes, Joseph Campbell, author of The Hero With A Thousand Faces and Myths To Live By, a man who spent his life studying the mythologies of countless cultures around the world, posited a "typical" journey for the ordinary heroes that we all are. This journey is mirrored in the stories found in almost all cultures worldwide. It goes like this: The hero often has an unusual birth (some flaw or defect); the hero, for various reasons (often because of some innate character trait), is shunned by his kinsmen; the hero is exiled (or exiles himself), abandoning his social cradle; the hero "hits the road," so to speak, whereupon he undergoes a tremendously arduous set of trials that will force him to face his fears, his flaws, himself; the hero then inevitably triumphs over adversity (an adversity that often comes from within); finally, the hero returns home with a great gift (a boon, in Campbell's words) for those very kinsmen who once shunned him.
Of course, the hero can be a man or a woman. There are many examples of such heroes, fictional or otherwise. Ulysses, Mahatma Gandhi, Jonathan Livinston Seagull, Henry David Thoreau, Moses, Siddharta Gautama (the Buddha), Frodo Baggins, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Malcolm Little (or Malcolm X, as he's known), Theseus, etc., etc. Campbell's contention was that all our life-stories parallel, in some way, the journey of the hero--sometimes literally, sometimes psychologically, sometimes spiritually. And the journey is not ended until the hero comes home to deliver his gift, a way of saying that we haven't yet finished our story until the moment we start returning to the community that which we've learned during our travels (and that takes a lifetime, too).
From the most ancient times, our stories (and, today, our films) are modeled on the hero's journey. They cannot help but do so; they're a reflection of who we are. We are all heroes and heroines.
All this to say that I very much see my life (indeed, our lives) through the framework of Campbell's "hero." Who I am, who I've become, is the result of my having had to face my own self on a road full of difficulties, dangers, and pervasive hopelessness, a road probably not all that much different from that of all my sisters here. Now, I feel a need to give back what I can as well as to learn from what all of you out there have to teach as a result of your own struggles on your own road. (Actually, I think that's all I really mean when I speak of "education.")
Peace to all. Perhaps we'll all meet at journey's end.
Love,
CJ
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Kathy
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 433
- Joined: Sun May 30, 2004 2:38 pm
- Contact:
Bernice, please don't sell yourself short. Your closing statement indicates a depth of wisdom that serves you well. And, I don't think the lack of flaming has much to do with the prohibition. I believe that it simply isn't in the nature of the people here to do that.
Whatever you accomplish in life is a manifestation not so much of what you do, as of what you believe deeply within yourself that you deserve. - Les Brown
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Bernice, I didn't even see your post... you slipped in there while I was writing my own!
I agree with Kathy. I genuinely think we have a nice bouquet of gals on this site. And you're definitely part of that brightly coloured bunch!You're right about projection, I think. The splinter in our neighbour's eye and the beam in our own are often made of the same wood.
Love,
CJ
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Loretta Ann
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 2199
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
CJ.
There not a single word in your last post that I don't agree with. This thread has served to bring more of us into a shared kinship with each other, as Sisters in the real meaning of the word. The kind of sisters that I have never had. A real blessing indeed.
The kind of activity that goes on in a lot of other forums in which as Beauty said;
I have read posts that stated they felt there was a click on this board, that others could not enter or become a part of it. I now see that statement as a defense mechanism, that has not worked on this board. There is something about this board that keeps those kind of people at bay, even though they are welcome, and as for me that is the way it should be. There is a door that one has to walk through (on there own) before they can be a part of something like this. And if it is not very clear what that door is after reading this thread I am sorry.
We cross-dressers are not the only people who have the opportunity to benefit from who we are. As Tea Cake has pointed out there are other things in life can that bring about this. The common thread in this is how we look at it. If all we focus on is this is unfair and spend our time trying to correct what ever we think is the cause of this unfairness, we will not be conducting an in depth search into discovering who and what we are, and I feel we are the losers if that is the situation. It just so happens that cross-dressing is our lot, or our cross depending on which way one chooses to look at it.
As Lorna states;
And the reason that has not been my destiny is because I have had some things happen to me that has served to destroy those gates, or masks, that I once hid behind. Yes you are right Beauty we are no different than others we all have that same need in life.
Bernice - You are an intelligent person no different than the rest of us with the same needs as the rest of us, Welcome.
And last of all thank you Sis for being a large part this shared community.
Thank you to all who contributed to this thread, and for keeping it on topic.
You are wonderfull.
Blessings to you all.
There not a single word in your last post that I don't agree with. This thread has served to bring more of us into a shared kinship with each other, as Sisters in the real meaning of the word. The kind of sisters that I have never had. A real blessing indeed.
The kind of activity that goes on in a lot of other forums in which as Beauty said;
I now see as nothing more than a defense mechanism, and as Kathy says:There are other boards out there where CD'rs post and you can see that the first thing that happens is they find fault in someone or the negative is seen first.
While I believe that statement to be true, CJ, Deborah, Beauty, Lorna, and I were all members of a board such as this, and you could not get to first base with a topic such this, the negativity there (the defense mechanism) was too strong (I tried).I believe that it simply isn't in the nature of the people here to do that.
I have read posts that stated they felt there was a click on this board, that others could not enter or become a part of it. I now see that statement as a defense mechanism, that has not worked on this board. There is something about this board that keeps those kind of people at bay, even though they are welcome, and as for me that is the way it should be. There is a door that one has to walk through (on there own) before they can be a part of something like this. And if it is not very clear what that door is after reading this thread I am sorry.
We cross-dressers are not the only people who have the opportunity to benefit from who we are. As Tea Cake has pointed out there are other things in life can that bring about this. The common thread in this is how we look at it. If all we focus on is this is unfair and spend our time trying to correct what ever we think is the cause of this unfairness, we will not be conducting an in depth search into discovering who and what we are, and I feel we are the losers if that is the situation. It just so happens that cross-dressing is our lot, or our cross depending on which way one chooses to look at it.
As Lorna states;
Is a sad reality, and the price one pays for holding on to there defense mechanisms, which serve to keep one comfortable.Some people never look within, and as a result, will never change. They will never grow.
And the reason that has not been my destiny is because I have had some things happen to me that has served to destroy those gates, or masks, that I once hid behind. Yes you are right Beauty we are no different than others we all have that same need in life.
Bernice - You are an intelligent person no different than the rest of us with the same needs as the rest of us, Welcome.
And last of all thank you Sis for being a large part this shared community.
Thank you to all who contributed to this thread, and for keeping it on topic.
You are wonderfull.
Blessings to you all.
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Bernice, honey ya' done good! Thoughtful input! And the more I think about it perhaps its good that society does not totally accept us and those of us who are wise enough to look iniside ourselves and allow the anima to present herself - it has only been a positive to us and for those who benefited from her compassion. Those who may have been on the receiving end of the love, caring, empathy that we are now able to exude may not know the how or why, but that is not important. It is that we know and that we have made a positive difference in someone else's life! Isn't that what we are on this veil of tears to do?? To help out our fellow travellers?!
I repeat to adage:" There is no end to the good one can do if they don't care who gets the credit!"
Again you girls are the GREATEST!!!! Rock on & GIRL POWER!!!
Love,
Deborah
I repeat to adage:" There is no end to the good one can do if they don't care who gets the credit!"
Again you girls are the GREATEST!!!! Rock on & GIRL POWER!!!
Love,
Deborah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Darlene,
As is everyone else's, your contribution here is valued and valuable. I want to thank you for starting this thread and also for not being afraid to ask tough questions merely for fear of inviting debate. We call this a discussion board, but it isn't necessarily unhealthy when discussion turns to debate, as long as we remain willing to listen to what others have to say (something that doesn't seem possible on the "other" board--of which I am also a member and to which I've also tried to contribute).
In another thread elsewhere on this forum, Sharon (SO) voiced her opinion on a subject, which she prefaced with a statement to the effect that she hoped she wouldn't have her neck chopped off for having stuck it out like that. So, too, did Deborah, in one of her posts, include fine print stating that it was merely her opinion. They worry needlessly. I don't think anyone here ever has to worry about this, even when things get a little rough, if they remain respectful of others--which I think is the case in this forum. We respect (and appreciate, understand, enjoy, and, yes, love) each other here. I always look forward to your posts, to Deborah's, to Lorna's, to Beauty's, to Kathy's, indeed to all of you gals' posts, all 580 some odd of you! I come here to learn and to share, and find myself so much the richer for my being here.
When I consider who I am as a crossdresser, I don't tend to cast the matter in the form of my being either a fault-finder or a good-finder (that seems, as Bernice and others have pointed out, a more general human issue--a view I tend to agree with). No, what I wonder is this: has my gender variance, or the fact that I think of myself as being in closer touch with my feminine side than men usually are, made me a more compassionate, understanding, and tolerant person? I think so. But, as you yourself pointed out, Darlene (and you're absolutely right about this), crossdressers don't have a monopoly on the kind of pain and suffering that often leads a person to adopt a stance of lovingkindness, both toward others as well as toward herself.
My sense of myself as a loving person carries over (I would hope, anyway) into my life as Daniel. From the feedback of those around me (the mirrors to our selves, without which we cannot have an unbiased view of who we are) seems to indicate that this is so. I know I come on strong and opinionated (okay, pig-headed
) sometimes, but it's an attitude that comes from my own confidence and sense of worth as a person. I'd like to think that I'll be mellowing out a bit as I grow older and mature. I never hide the fact that I also think of myself as a work in progress. In the meantime, while I have the energy and the momentum to do so, I feel a need to refuse to ignore the wrongs I see around me, and for which I can actually do something. This, even if that something is merely just being who I am.
A question I do have, though, is this. I've read many SO's comments to the effect that who we see in the mirror, when dressed, is definitely not the same thing they, or others generally, see when they look at us. They tell us we're pretty or beautiful anyway, so as to encourage or support us. My question: when we see ourselves as compassionate, understanding, "emotionally intelligent," caring, sympathetic, in touch with our feelings, etc., do we do so because we truly are? or is it, rather, a case of our feeling, again (as when we stand before a mirror), a need to embrace, espouse, and value a femininity that isn't truly ours? Of course, the basic assumption, here, being that such characteristics are almost exclusively the province of women--Mars and Venus stuff, as Beauty so aptly called it. I'm still examining myself on this, trying to work it out in my own life.
Indeed... who am I, as a crossdresser? Will I ever really know? Perhaps. Perhaps not. But I'll keep looking at myself anyway.
Love,
CJ
Darlene,
As is everyone else's, your contribution here is valued and valuable. I want to thank you for starting this thread and also for not being afraid to ask tough questions merely for fear of inviting debate. We call this a discussion board, but it isn't necessarily unhealthy when discussion turns to debate, as long as we remain willing to listen to what others have to say (something that doesn't seem possible on the "other" board--of which I am also a member and to which I've also tried to contribute).
In another thread elsewhere on this forum, Sharon (SO) voiced her opinion on a subject, which she prefaced with a statement to the effect that she hoped she wouldn't have her neck chopped off for having stuck it out like that. So, too, did Deborah, in one of her posts, include fine print stating that it was merely her opinion. They worry needlessly. I don't think anyone here ever has to worry about this, even when things get a little rough, if they remain respectful of others--which I think is the case in this forum. We respect (and appreciate, understand, enjoy, and, yes, love) each other here. I always look forward to your posts, to Deborah's, to Lorna's, to Beauty's, to Kathy's, indeed to all of you gals' posts, all 580 some odd of you! I come here to learn and to share, and find myself so much the richer for my being here.
When I consider who I am as a crossdresser, I don't tend to cast the matter in the form of my being either a fault-finder or a good-finder (that seems, as Bernice and others have pointed out, a more general human issue--a view I tend to agree with). No, what I wonder is this: has my gender variance, or the fact that I think of myself as being in closer touch with my feminine side than men usually are, made me a more compassionate, understanding, and tolerant person? I think so. But, as you yourself pointed out, Darlene (and you're absolutely right about this), crossdressers don't have a monopoly on the kind of pain and suffering that often leads a person to adopt a stance of lovingkindness, both toward others as well as toward herself.
My sense of myself as a loving person carries over (I would hope, anyway) into my life as Daniel. From the feedback of those around me (the mirrors to our selves, without which we cannot have an unbiased view of who we are) seems to indicate that this is so. I know I come on strong and opinionated (okay, pig-headed
) sometimes, but it's an attitude that comes from my own confidence and sense of worth as a person. I'd like to think that I'll be mellowing out a bit as I grow older and mature. I never hide the fact that I also think of myself as a work in progress. In the meantime, while I have the energy and the momentum to do so, I feel a need to refuse to ignore the wrongs I see around me, and for which I can actually do something. This, even if that something is merely just being who I am.A question I do have, though, is this. I've read many SO's comments to the effect that who we see in the mirror, when dressed, is definitely not the same thing they, or others generally, see when they look at us. They tell us we're pretty or beautiful anyway, so as to encourage or support us. My question: when we see ourselves as compassionate, understanding, "emotionally intelligent," caring, sympathetic, in touch with our feelings, etc., do we do so because we truly are? or is it, rather, a case of our feeling, again (as when we stand before a mirror), a need to embrace, espouse, and value a femininity that isn't truly ours? Of course, the basic assumption, here, being that such characteristics are almost exclusively the province of women--Mars and Venus stuff, as Beauty so aptly called it. I'm still examining myself on this, trying to work it out in my own life.
Indeed... who am I, as a crossdresser? Will I ever really know? Perhaps. Perhaps not. But I'll keep looking at myself anyway.
Love,
CJ
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Kathy
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 433
- Joined: Sun May 30, 2004 2:38 pm
- Contact:
Bernice wrote:I am in the presence of greatness here on this forum, and it is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable.
These two quotes highlight something that has been nagging in the background of my thoughts since this topic started a few days ago.Darlene wrote:I have read posts that stated they felt there was a click on this board, that others could not enter or become a part of it. I now see that statement as a defense mechanism, that has not worked on this board. There is something about this board that keeps those kind of people at bay, even though they are welcome, and as for me that is the way it should be. There is a door that one has to walk through (on there own) before they can be a part of something like this. And if it is not very clear what that door is after reading this thread I am sorry.
There are well over 500 members on this site. This topic has been viewed over 200 times. Why has it been just a conversation between Darlene, CJ, Deborah and myself? Yes, Gelinda, Beauty, Tea-cake, Lorna and Bernice have contributed their views but the ongoing discussion is just four of us?
I am curious, Bernice, why you felt compelled to make that statement. What is it that makes you uncomfortable? Is it CJ’s way of expressing herself so beautifully? Is it Darlene’s penchant for asking that question that makes one stop cold and think hard about one’s true feelings? Or Deborah’s bold confidence? Or is it my willingness to take a step outside my comfort zone and simply express what I’m thinking and feeling for all the world to read?
As for the click thing, I remember seeing another reference to that in another post elsewhere on the site shortly after joining only three weeks ago. If there was a click in this forum, it would have been well established and fairly exclusive by the time I joined. If it exists, I simply haven’t seen it. Or, at least I haven’t recognized anything that I would consider to be a click.
I joined this forum because I felt I had found a place where I could enter into a serious discussion about cross-dressing with intelligent, like minded people. I recognized some time ago that dressing is a part of me that will never go away and that I needed to accept that. But, with nobody else in my life to talk to, I was having difficulty sorting out my feelings.
When I joined, I took some time to browse the topics and found one that struck a nerve with me. So, I took the plunge and posted what I felt. That’s when I got my first real introduction to Darlene and the exchange began. Was I comfortable doing this? HECK NO! I had never done this before in my entire life. But I sure am happy I took that initial plunge.
I guess what I’m trying to say to those who are lurking out there is something I read in a book a short time ago. If you really want to grow as a person, you must force yourself to step outside your comfort zone and take a chance.
Bernice said she felt she was in the presence of greatness. Well, I can’t speak for the others but, I’ve never been much of a book worm, especially in regards to philosophy and/or psychology. I have no college degree of any kind. Beyond high school, the only “higher” education I have had was from the School of Life. If this makes me “great”, then I have to say that I, too, am in the presence of greatness because every one of you, like me, has attended and will continue to attend that very same school.
Which simply brings me back to Beauty’s statement that I am really no better than anyone else here.
We are all on the same journey. So please, come join us.
Whatever you accomplish in life is a manifestation not so much of what you do, as of what you believe deeply within yourself that you deserve. - Les Brown
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Tea Cake
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 129
- Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 11:20 pm
- Location: Ak
painters-crossdressing
Great question CJ---The first thoughts that come to me when I read your post began to compare creatively exploring cross-dressing to the path a visual-artist might walk:
---Painters live with an intrinsic value to their works no matter how accessible they are to the eyes of others.
-----using technique and intuition to express something that will only define itself AS it is created.-
Its more than the works though---its a path. Noticing the world's colors-textures--or the way light and shadow might play on the water.
And I think its more than just developing a visual world-view as well
There is a tension that creates expression.
It comes from "the world behind the world"
----To be more specific: There are aspects to cross dressing that ARE about exploring---attaining---or AT LEAST becoming aware of feminine virtue---not every gal is issued a compassion-kit on there way into the world of course--but there is something---something slippery about feeling that energy.---its hard to explain to someone that hasn't felt it. It's beautiful to try to explore being that way.
-----Have you noticed a healing--comforting side to it? Isn't this from strongly feeling feminine energies that fuel the more nuturing virtues that aways seem to come out quietly on top whenever the dust settles?
THat "feeling like a girl feeling" is what has kept me cross dressing since I was very young. Like a lot of others here it stayed a constant with me despite my own uneasy acceptence of it when I was younger. It's a strong impulse---and like all acts of expression---does lead somewhere. I think it is real---but defining it?....hmmmmm I can't.
Tricky buisness trying to write what I'm thinking right now.
To close: When a painter is a beginner---no technique--no real knowledge---just an attraction to it, they are much different than one who has spent a lifetime painting and creating with well-developed notions of their craft...but the tensions that fuel their art are the same.
Maybe the tensions that keep CDing-expression alive in oneself wouldn't exist if we didn't sometimes stumble on REAL female energy...if only for the slightest moment. Maybe some of this energy stays with us---can help us becme more whole----maybe it's always there all the time---maybe realizing this is part of it.
I wish you all lived around the corner---I'd have you over for Tea! I really enjoy your writings---bye for now!
-Tea-cake
---Painters live with an intrinsic value to their works no matter how accessible they are to the eyes of others.
-----using technique and intuition to express something that will only define itself AS it is created.-
Its more than the works though---its a path. Noticing the world's colors-textures--or the way light and shadow might play on the water.
And I think its more than just developing a visual world-view as well
There is a tension that creates expression.
It comes from "the world behind the world"
----To be more specific: There are aspects to cross dressing that ARE about exploring---attaining---or AT LEAST becoming aware of feminine virtue---not every gal is issued a compassion-kit on there way into the world of course--but there is something---something slippery about feeling that energy.---its hard to explain to someone that hasn't felt it. It's beautiful to try to explore being that way.
-----Have you noticed a healing--comforting side to it? Isn't this from strongly feeling feminine energies that fuel the more nuturing virtues that aways seem to come out quietly on top whenever the dust settles?
THat "feeling like a girl feeling" is what has kept me cross dressing since I was very young. Like a lot of others here it stayed a constant with me despite my own uneasy acceptence of it when I was younger. It's a strong impulse---and like all acts of expression---does lead somewhere. I think it is real---but defining it?....hmmmmm I can't.
Tricky buisness trying to write what I'm thinking right now.
To close: When a painter is a beginner---no technique--no real knowledge---just an attraction to it, they are much different than one who has spent a lifetime painting and creating with well-developed notions of their craft...but the tensions that fuel their art are the same.
Maybe the tensions that keep CDing-expression alive in oneself wouldn't exist if we didn't sometimes stumble on REAL female energy...if only for the slightest moment. Maybe some of this energy stays with us---can help us becme more whole----maybe it's always there all the time---maybe realizing this is part of it.
I wish you all lived around the corner---I'd have you over for Tea! I really enjoy your writings---bye for now!
-Tea-cake-
CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Kathy,
I agree with you a 1000%! I'd love to hear more voices here. And, yes, the School of Life, more than the classroom or wall-mounted diplomas, is what makes us who we are and gives our thoughts and our voices their true import.
Tea-cake,
I'd love to join you for tea... so long as you served cake with it! The ineffable "I," so hard to paint, so hard to sculpt, so hard to write, so hard to sing, nevertheless is. And, in my case, is glad to be among your company.
Love,
CJ
Kathy,
I agree with you a 1000%! I'd love to hear more voices here. And, yes, the School of Life, more than the classroom or wall-mounted diplomas, is what makes us who we are and gives our thoughts and our voices their true import.
Tea-cake,
I'd love to join you for tea... so long as you served cake with it!
The ineffable "I," so hard to paint, so hard to sculpt, so hard to write, so hard to sing, nevertheless is. And, in my case, is glad to be among your company.Love,
CJ
-
Aislin
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 99
- Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2004 1:23 pm
- Location: SW Idaho
Perhaps my own experiences and thoughts will help having just found this thread.
We can preach to those who would listen. We can not share our ideals and thought with those who would decline to comment. I have found the thread and am wishing to add comments, realizing that I am not censored for stating my beliefs in a rational manner. A thing that is wise and good , and only appears to happen here. I will try not to preach.
We speak of the onion, and I am reminded of Shrek. " No donkey an orgre is not an onion." It is simply the way we explore those life experiencess that created our perception of the world. Perhaps a better explanation would be that we are in essence an singularly large onion with many, many smaller onions and shoots within. It is my experience that major layers are actually formed in a myriad of events, allowing our armor to stretch and thicken as we go through life. At some point we may become aware of this armor.
Realising that the armor has become more of a hindrance than an opportunity, we indulge in a form of self-play. Peeling away the layers, not sure of what we may find, but sure that the issues exposed will be manageable. This can occur when challenging society's norms in a fit of teenage rebellion, the mid-life crisis, a pseudo relgious experience( one generated by forces outside us), a genuine relgious experience or a myriad of other triggers. The experience requires choices that must be made.
The requirements while sometimes stressfull if handled correctly, enhance the game. We find guides and confidants, to help us along the journey. As the layers peel off for recent events our point of view changes, to reflect our understanding now without the coloring of the last few layers. Things become clearer , offer more substance, and we are given the opportunity to make some changes, to express our regets.
( A few Lines to express the concepts a little more clearly)
Peeling away the shadows of my life
Shadows dark and those extremely white
I ponder this acension
Wondering aimlessly thru fields of regret
Realising events unfolded, all actions neutrall
Acceptance requires cleansing
A life unlived without challenge or loss
Boring beyond measure growth unchanged
Above all no regrets
(I am not sure why I use poetic form when trying to convey an essential spirtual thought. Perhaps it makes the communication easier.)
Perhaps this then is the premiss; that an alive soul requires inner questioing to maintain equilibrum. That acceptence of a higher power allows an entity to rationalise their existence adinfinteum. That when a society becomes stagnant, it rests upon the individual entity to accept societies normalacies or to seek the fire within.
Seekers one and all continually search for enlightenment, opening themseleves to societial riducule while exploring the inner boundries of self. Communication venues like this alow seeker to share the knowledge gained while encouraging others to share the joy of one possible way. for some this may be the final step, being unable to rationalize the issue and it's solutions. for others tis simply one more step on the raod.
Personal observation: This could be the reason I am dressed completly in black today. A hard truth as I see it needed to be said. I hope that someone understands and comprehends.
We can preach to those who would listen. We can not share our ideals and thought with those who would decline to comment. I have found the thread and am wishing to add comments, realizing that I am not censored for stating my beliefs in a rational manner. A thing that is wise and good , and only appears to happen here. I will try not to preach.
We speak of the onion, and I am reminded of Shrek. " No donkey an orgre is not an onion." It is simply the way we explore those life experiencess that created our perception of the world. Perhaps a better explanation would be that we are in essence an singularly large onion with many, many smaller onions and shoots within. It is my experience that major layers are actually formed in a myriad of events, allowing our armor to stretch and thicken as we go through life. At some point we may become aware of this armor.
Realising that the armor has become more of a hindrance than an opportunity, we indulge in a form of self-play. Peeling away the layers, not sure of what we may find, but sure that the issues exposed will be manageable. This can occur when challenging society's norms in a fit of teenage rebellion, the mid-life crisis, a pseudo relgious experience( one generated by forces outside us), a genuine relgious experience or a myriad of other triggers. The experience requires choices that must be made.
The requirements while sometimes stressfull if handled correctly, enhance the game. We find guides and confidants, to help us along the journey. As the layers peel off for recent events our point of view changes, to reflect our understanding now without the coloring of the last few layers. Things become clearer , offer more substance, and we are given the opportunity to make some changes, to express our regets.
( A few Lines to express the concepts a little more clearly)
Peeling away the shadows of my life
Shadows dark and those extremely white
I ponder this acension
Wondering aimlessly thru fields of regret
Realising events unfolded, all actions neutrall
Acceptance requires cleansing
A life unlived without challenge or loss
Boring beyond measure growth unchanged
Above all no regrets
(I am not sure why I use poetic form when trying to convey an essential spirtual thought. Perhaps it makes the communication easier.)
Perhaps this then is the premiss; that an alive soul requires inner questioing to maintain equilibrum. That acceptence of a higher power allows an entity to rationalise their existence adinfinteum. That when a society becomes stagnant, it rests upon the individual entity to accept societies normalacies or to seek the fire within.
Seekers one and all continually search for enlightenment, opening themseleves to societial riducule while exploring the inner boundries of self. Communication venues like this alow seeker to share the knowledge gained while encouraging others to share the joy of one possible way. for some this may be the final step, being unable to rationalize the issue and it's solutions. for others tis simply one more step on the raod.
Personal observation: This could be the reason I am dressed completly in black today. A hard truth as I see it needed to be said. I hope that someone understands and comprehends.
Aislin
What started as a dream has become a reality.
Above all no regrets.
What started as a dream has become a reality.
Above all no regrets.
-
Kathy
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 433
- Joined: Sun May 30, 2004 2:38 pm
- Contact:
-
Loretta Ann
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 2199
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
Thank you CJ.who we see in the mirror, when dressed, is definitely not the same thing they, or others generally, see when they look at us. They tell us we're pretty or beautiful anyway, so as to encourage or support us. My question: when we see ourselves as compassionate, understanding, "emotionally intelligent," caring, sympathetic, in touch with our feelings, etc., do we do so because we truly are? or is it, rather, a case of our feeling, again (as when we stand before a mirror), a need to embrace, espouse, and value a femininity that isn't truly ours?
If I understand you correctly I believe your statement to be true. This may be just my opinion, but I do not believe that it is possible for me to be compassionate, understanding, "emotionally intelligent," caring, sympathetic, in touch with our feelings, etc., unless I am first loved. If I do not have people in my life who are that way to-wards me I will be spending my time searching for that, and therefore be unable to provide that for others. However being as that no one is perfect, what this world has to offer will never be enough.
That is where my higher power comes in. My higher power has enabled me to love myself. When I dress up as pretty as I can - stand in front of the mirror - I don't need to see a beautiful woman. "I need to see a beautiful person that I can say oh you beautiful darling you sure look good like this you sweet thing you, I love you". A fantasy... Yes, but I don't mind that.
I am not saying that some wrongs in society should not be changed, It's just that with some we have the power to change, while with others an attempt is futile (wasted effort) and not productive. Some of them all we can do is benefit from them. (for example Hitler had to be stopped.)
Tea-Cake we do not live around the corner, but thanks for having tea with us. Please do that more often? and thanks for providing the Cake. Yes there needs to be a healing--comforting side to it.
Aislin, What a wonderful contribution you have made to this thread, you appear to write from a higher education level than I, but I think I understand what you have said.
My interpretation of the onion skin is as follows; I see us as an onion in which we form hard crusty layers of (defense mechanisms) to protect us from certain things as we are growing up. These are necessary at the time we form them, but as you have said there comes a time when they are more of a hindrance than a benefit, and become what is later referred to as "extra baggage". Those of us who remain immature are simply those who are unable to peal off those skins which need to come off one layer at a time. I think that some what parallels with what you have said.
A layer comes off for me when I am made aware of the damage that is doing to me, and something new that works better than the previous is then understood.
Kathy - Thanks for a very beautiful post, yes others are welcome.
Thanks to all of you again.
Last edited by Loretta Ann on Sun Jun 20, 2004 10:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Well ladies, I have read and reread what you have posted, that it is virtually impossible to grow with out regrets, with out exposing pieces of ourselves, that we must be loved in order to understand giving love. That looking at the pretty girl in the mirror not only enhances and suports our crossdressing, but reinforces our desire to furthur develop and share the gift we have. Whether we battle society by dressing and going forth to do battle with the "unwashed masses." or are content to stay home , but to still share our gift with our family and those we come in contact with while "en drab." We are gifted and as such we have a responsibility not only to those who may benefit from our gift, but to ourselves to understand to our own capacity the expanse of this gift and thank whatever diety you please for affording it to us.
Peace and Love my sisters,
Deborah
Peace and Love my sisters,
Deborah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!