The Cross-dressers Driving force

[Jassmine(SO)]

Howdy Y'all

Darlene, you are right about denial clouding one's conscious judgements and choices. From my experience, my subconcious tried to over-ride my concious denial of my problems. This led to 2 years of deep depresion. When I finally "saw" what I was doing to myself and made a concious choice to change things, my depression was gone. My subconcious had already found the solution to my problems and I chose to ignore it. So, indeed the subconcious is very capable of making it's own choices.

Kersten, I feel that with your statement:

I told and showed her the evidence that badly abused children become abusers themselves by a majority percentage. I told her it was set in stone

You already made a choice. If one closes the door to possible solutions by saying; I can't, or in your case that something is set in stone, one has created a negative self fullfilling prophecy. In other words, one has already made up one's mind that this is how things are going to be, so things end up that way. Of course, the opposite is also true. One can achieve a postive self fullfilling prophecy by thinking or saying, I can or I will find a solution to my problems, etc....The mind is an incredibly powerful tool. I have a little trick. Ok, I know this is going to sound silly, but it does work Whenever I find myself bogged down with negative junk, I think of the "Little Engine That Could' or that silly ant that moved the rubber tree plant My motto is "Anything is possible and nothing is impossible" That little phrase allows me to keep all my options open.

*Hugs & Love*

[Cathy L. Anderson]

Life is filled with many losses, conflicts and traumas This can lead to varying degrees of emotional distress. This forces us to seek bliss in many forms. We all need to develop an inner soothing, an inner cooing, We seek it in our relationships with others, and with ourselves in our art, our play, and our work. This drive is so strong that some of us begin to demand that others provide it for us.

I tend to agree. The driving force is bliss or something like it--perhaps a basic need for "ecstasy" or experience of inner transcendent realities.

In this article:

http://www.genderweb.org/experien/obstg.html

psychologist Lin Fraser refers to the experience of bliss reported by crossdressers several times. For example,

"The guy is usually rational and concrete; you might say he's kind of boring. The female is spontaneous and blissful and in the moment. That frequently is what people report to me, typical crossdressers."

This leads her to suggest a CD should seek ways to feel this bliss that are consistent with ones male self:

"You need to seek other ways for bliss, for the risk taking and spontaneity that's associated with the feminine. Being in the moment - how else can you get that, besides dressing?"

Along these lines, I would suggest to anyone here reading the book "The Power of Now," by Eckhart Tolle. It is a very good book that talks about being in the moment, and the kind of magical, blissful aspects of that.

Cathy

[CJ]

Yes, I agree with Cathy, The Power of Now, is well worth the read. Here's more info:

http://www.eckharttolle.com/mainpage.htm Click on "Books."

Love,
CJ

[Violet]

I believe 'free will ' to be an illusion, so a lot of this feels irrellevant to me. I'll try to address just one point:

I do not think it is a voluntary process. I base this on my own account only. If it was voluntary then I could destroy it in my mind and it would go away. It is like my drinking problem as long as I do not drink at all (alcohol) then I do not have a problem but if I drink one then I can't stop until I am passed out.

Addiction can be overcome with willpower because it is caused by something external to the body. Your genes may make you more susceptible to physical dependancy but the alcohol doesn't come from within you. You can keep it outside yourself if you want. CDing comes from an internal cause within the psyche/soma; You could set torch to all of your clothes and never buy a skirt again, and you would still be a CD - just a very frustrated, depressed, angry, likely suicidal one. I know from firsthand experience, when you're addicted to something it may *seem* like you couldn't live without it, but as time goes by the feelings lessen - perhaps never quite *go away*, but at least become manageable. Whereas CDing, the more you ignore it the more assertive it gets until it becomes unignorable. Same with masochism, liking boys, or any other sexuality-issue. They are not even close to the same thing.

[Loretta Ann]

For some folks 'free will ' is an illusion, and for some folks by Dressing more actually lessens the desire to where some are able to quit at least for a while. Some folks actually claim to have lost all desire.

Everyone's experience is not the same, and we just all do not fit in the same box.

[Virginia]

my Sis Darlene, said it, we are all different, and I also agree with Violet that to try and ignore a part of oneself will cause internal conflict albeit in various ways and results depending on the person. Like it has been said if we as CD'ers were placed on a scale we would cover it from one end to the other - hopefully it would however balance for all of us! For Virginia, we are still studying the whys, but we do not dwell on it. At this juncture in our relationship, I love her and she loves me and I am her and she is me and we are happy in our relationship. Wherever this "Magical Mystery Tour" takes us (or we take it) we will go there happy and content in eachother, I guess what I want to say right now is that I do not want to over analysis this right now, I am content in where we are and I will look at it but not to closely. I will continue to read my sisters' posts and try to understand how they feel and how it applies to Virginia, but we will not allow anything negative to seep into our world!
Love you all,
Virginia