Poll about Libido

[RikkiOfLA]

Hi Beauty,

Normally I enjoy polls. They're fun to fill out, and I enjoy hearing what other people said.

This one felt strange. Maybe hurt a little bit. When I got to the "non-CDed" sex part.

I'm a fulltime crossdresser. Christmas day, with my wife's family, will represent one of my rare returns to dressing male, for the benefit of good relations with her family. We plan those out ahead of time, in fact. I don't look forward to dressing male, but it is a sacrifice I do for her (and only for her).

To specifically dress male for sex just ain't gonna happen. She's turned on by what I wear for foreplay. In fact, we usually put together matching outfits. It's not roleplay--it's more like the common theme is "red" or something like that. Dressing for each other has become one of the things we often do before sex.

Undressed sex happens. Especially when the weather is warm. And I am often completely undressed by the time actual sex happens. But I don't think that's what you mean.

So I guess, for me to answer the poll, you'd need to add a box that says "Never." Or am I in the right place at all here?

[Beauty]

Hi Rikki,

Sorry about that. You're right I should have thought of that scenario. I'm really sorry.

I explained to Christina why I posted this poll. I had hoped it would be a place for those who are experiencing a loss in libido could come to find out that perhaps they weren't alone.

Again, I'm sorry about that omission. I've added Never to the options.

Thank you for not keeping that in and letting me know how you felt. That can be as tough as not saying anything.

Warm regards,
Beauty

[RikkiOfLA]

Hi Beauty,

A big hug to you! Thank you, sis, for explaining what the poll was for. After I read that, and prayed about it, I realized I needed to get off my self-absorbed hobby horse and say something that would really help someone else who was hurting.

And here it is...

This is really the question that got me to accept my crossdressing. This was a couple of years ago when my wife and I had been married about a year. (The truth is, we've been married 25 years now--so you can do the math to know how long ago this really was.)

Out of the blue, I had a bout of impotence. At this time, I wasn't dressing. I was laboring under the misconception that crossdressing was all about sex. And here I was married (for the first time). I had access to sex, all the sex I wanted, with a willing, enthusiastic, beautiful, sexy partner. Perfect sex, right! So why impotence?

Along with the impotence came the urge to crossdress.

<flashback> I had had the urge to crossdress come back once before in the middle of a relationship, back when I was in college. Here's how screwed up my thinking was--that time, I figured since crossdressing was sexual, and I had the urge to crossdress, I must not really have been in love with my girlfriend at the time! In reality, nothing could have been further from the truth. But I broke up with her!!! What a dummy I was! </flashback>

Back to a year into marriage. It had taken me years to find the woman I married. It had been hard to find a sweetie like her--we were really perfect for each other in so many ways! I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was in love with her. I wasn't going to end our marriage over this!

So I did the only other choice I could see (and a much happier one, it turned out). I asked her if I could wear the garment I had an urge to wear (pantyhose) during foreplay! To my great delight, she agreed. I did, and we both enjoyed it. And that was the beginning of my adult, non-crazy crossdressing.

Recently, I have done a bit of informal research about crossdressers and sex. Now, crossdressers are a very mixed bag. Some of us are strongly transgendered, while there are others of us who just don't think of themselves as transgendered at all. So what I might say doesn't apply uniformly to all of us. But here it is:

For many of us, our orgasm is not the same as it is for non-crossdressing men. It's often much slower. In fact, many of us often fake orgasm. We could outlast our partners. Foreplay means more to us than to most men. We really like to snuggle. Love for many of us, like for women, is the most powerful aphrodisiac. For some of us, casual sex is an alien concept. Being with a prostitute has no appeal.

Now I know that for me, being crossdressed IS normal. Dressing male is actually the abnormal condition. Being crossdressed is the normal way to have sex. Having sex dressed male is the abnormal way to do it, a form of sex under imperfect conditions. It's sort of like sex during her period, or sex when a favorite erogenous part of her body is sore from injury. It's a challenge, to be sure, and one that I'll try to do to prove that I still love her. But it doesn't always work.

Before I began to understand these things, lovemaking was a serious challenge for me. The timing was so crucial--it was like operating a nuclear reactor or something! Now I can relax more.

OK, I'll admit that I'm very, very lucky to have a partner who will let me be dressed when we're getting ready to make love. I'll also admit to doing a pretty good job of listening to her likes and dislikes, as well as my own. It's not necessary for me to feel or look like a woman then--sexy androgynous will do just fine. No breastforms, lipstick, or big earrings for that either--she finds those too femme.

What would I do if she required me to dress male for the bedroom? That's a very good question. No easy answer! But I certainly understand your dilemma!

[Allena]

At this time I seem to be the one vote for "2-3 months".
Same pattern here as far as frequent sex intitially, but diminishing over time.
Part of the reduction in the frequency of sex between my wife and I stems from marital problems we are addressing lately with a counselor.
My wife has always suggested that her lack of interest in sex was due to tensions between us.
I was worried that I would lose all sexual and intimate contact with her when I came out recently, but that has not been the case.
With counseling and me being in a better place about myself, I feel as though things are on an upswing...a slow one...but up none-the-less.

I find other's comments about having sex while dressed up, very interesting.
Since I now feel I can understand my earlier propensity for tying sex in with my crossdressing (always by myself), I find myself losing that connection, although if my wife came to me and asked me to "put something on" prior to having sex I would probably try it. Actually, I'd want to talk a bit and learn about her motivations for having me do so, and if they were positive, I'd go ahead with her request.

[Melissa]

Interesting to read this post and it's reply's.

I was thinking that I didn't quite fit in hear as many posts seemed to be about people who crossdress just to be a women and not for sex. For me it's always about sex, but to be honest sometimes I also like wearing some lingerie whether i'm excited or not but am concerned that this will lead me deeper down this road which concerns me as I don't want to turn into a full time crossdresser - if you know what I mean?

When I am dressed I always want sex, sometimes I may dress hours before the occasion which gives me a longer build up to the act itself which is even better. If I can't dressup I like to fantasize about it during instead or do both, dressup and fantasize even better. My wife would prefer it if I didn't have all the "other stuff" as well. I keep telling her that I'm not her, in that plain sex doesn't do anything for me most of the time - this sounds very SAD doesn't it?

My wife is concerned that sex for me is all about dressing up when we are together. Sex has been the single, most difficult problem in our marriage due to this. I have often talked to my wife about the fact that she never seems interested in sex and that I do all the initiating which frustrates me - in other words if I am not pro-active in this department nothing happens. She says she never initiates because of what comes next - a very big catch 22.

What do others experience, can you have sex without dressing up? and if so what is your sliding scale of sex dressed compared to sex not dressed 50/50, 60/40, 75/25 ???

[Beauty]

Hi,

For me it's 50/50.

Beauty

[CJ]

Hi all,

Like Beauty, I'd have to say about 50/50. However, it's difficult to gauge because most of my SOs actually wanted my CDing to be a part of our sex life, so I've never really had the chance to see whether or not sex is possibly as (or more) satisfying without the element of crossdressing. My libido does tend to decrease dramatically, though, when our sex life is rather on the vanilla side. So it's hard to say. :|

Love,
CJ

[Cindy Michelle]

>>and if so what is your sliding scale of sex dressed compared to sex not dressed 50/50, 60/40, 75/25 ???

Hi Melissa! In my case, it is now (since I've come out to my wife) about 90/10. She is accepting of my wearing feminine gowns and/or silk pajamas to bed. She even bought them for me. These clothes are arousing to me and make our initmate moments more enjoyable, at least for me. It has also increased the frequency of these intimate moments which she likes as well. Similar to you though, I must always initiate the act. It would be a little exciting if she initiated once in awhile, but..... Oh well!!

Hope this answers/confirms your thoughts, Cindy

[Paula]

this pole takes place a long time ago for me for I was married 26 years ago yesterday March 11. wow has the time gone bye fast. my wife and I have always had a very loving and sexual relationship. A couple times a week is stil the norm even after all these years. but very rarely wile I am dressed in any manner at all she is not very accepting of my dressing even though she has known about it for many years. I hope this helps your poll LOL paula

[Beauty]

Hi Paula,

Your response was perfect!!!

Congrats on 26 years!!!

Beaitu

[Bobby]

i'm horn... all the time. my so of many years rarely initiate's it thou. i even bought her the book 'the mistress manual', the good girls guide to female dominance, thinking it would give her more confidence. she read half of it and put it away with no change on her part. she says she thinks 'i'm not in the mood' about me. short of telling her i want sex now i dont know what to do.

[KimberlyS]

Bobby, you just need to quit being a guy and communicate your needs like a woman would. Well most women would.

[Noeleena]

Hi,.


Ill take it this is for dresser's maybe trans , i dont know . im nether.

Okay being intersexed is a bit different what did i feel , that there is no difference between male or female as to being sexualy awakened, you have to remember if i had the right words id explain it better, dislexcia major stops me in some details,

Im an intersexed female and im not going to explain this properly, in my thinking there is no male or female difference as to one's sexual time with your partner, iv only had one partner , and i wont have an other because im a non sexual ,

Jos & i were together for 37 years, known each other 39, married 35, we dont live together now,
20 years ago as i was going through my changes for life as a woman my own hormones started changeing i knew one change was going to be anything sexual was stoping, as it did with in a very short time, at the time there were no ...NO... HRT or other drugs meds just my body was changeing ,

I dought many people would belive this well because of our being intersex our bodys do change & can mine did, any way does not matter, so at allmost 66 now go back those 20 years that would be strange for normal people in sexual relasionships at 45 there were other changes as well , ill say this though we had lots of times to gether so Jos could have children 3 we have though the 4th one did not make it,

sexualy i know i was not very good ill only say i tryed to please Jos, my issue was / is ,i was not a male in the true sence of the meaning hence my lack when your different there are details that stop you from being true to form. as i see it theres nothing straight forward, its so mixed , sorry if this all sounds like a made up story. as i said i cant explain this very well . in fact, im embarrised trying,

...noeleena...

[Alpinia Y]

I am usually single. When I was dating women, sex was usually about once a week. If I were dating a man, sex might be a bit more often. By myself, sex is a bit more, but rarely more then a few times per week. I dont often dress up, preferring to be buck completely naked for any sex with anyone. Sometimes a sexy outfit helps with foreplay...
A