My way or the Highway. (touchy subject).

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I personally experienced threats of being outted continually. It was the perfect defense for any argument. I could be shut up with just a few words, threatening to out me. This is the reason I am such a strong proponent for the "no bounderies" approach to crossdressing and relationships. I feel that in many ways "baby steps" is just a slow manipulation.

If a SO really wants to find out how far the crossdressing will go, I suggest not limiting it. Because wherever it it goes, is where it is going to go anyway. Whether by oxcart or space shuttle the crossdresser will inevitably have his needs met. And I think we see evitdence of this in marriages of such long duration ending when the crossdresser finally must express himself.

I don't believe calling the SO's who have this "my way or the highway" attitude to task is going to help either, and I know that it was stated in this thread that, that was not the intention of this thread and only brought it up because it's hard not to, if we are to discuss the issue indepth. It is my belief that there are many SO's who's core beleifs just do not permit them to accept crossdressing. And therefore the "my way or the highway" attitude is more of a personality trait that is inflexable.

That is another reason I promote the "no bounderies approach". I believe in the end it is much better for everyone and moves the process along much faster to where it is going anyway. IMHO.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Jenney Love]

No boundries in a relationship, that is a relationship headed for disaster!

[Loretta Ann]

Thank you Elisabeth for your contribution to this thread.

There is a lot of food for thought in your post. Boundaries are restrictive, Boundaries are a method of controlling the other person. I do not have any friends that I need to control, Period. Nor will I have any, and that is a two way street.

There are those in my life who would like to be my friend, and on who I need to place limits on, I need to keep them at arms length, due to the fact that they are unable to respect my rights of an individual. They will never be my friend, even though I care about what happens to them more than I need to with my friends.

This has reminded me of a saying I think a lot of us have heard. If you love someone set them free. If they return you have what you are seeking. and if not they never were right for you in the first place.

I think there is a lot of truth to that.

Love Darlene.

[Cathy L. Anderson]

I agree with Violet. The best situation is to not be afraid of being outed. That should be the case anyway. There's simply nothing to be ashamed of. I don't tell colleagues, friends, family etc. about my crossdressing. But that's for *their* sake, not mine.

If a partner would ever seriously threaten outing, then the relelationship has issues. It could just be a sign that the partner is confused and insecure--hopefully that can be worked through. Or they could be, as you suggest, a control-freak--in which case why would one want to be in such a relationship?

Cathy

[Laura Ashcroft]

I have resisted posting here, not sure why, but I had this exact situation. It was not "blackmail" per se, since it didn't involve money, so the police could do nothing about it. An ex-gf, after we broke up, threatened to out me to all of my co-workers(among other things), if I didn't continue talking to her. I didn't break up with her because of this reason, and actually, I never thought she would stoop to that level. She TOTALLY accepted my CD'ing, even enjoyed it. I broke up with her because I caught her in too many lies.....big lies. First she threatened suicide, and after 2 hrs(at work) of trying to talk her out of that, she then accused me of not trying hard enough. So then, she threatens to hurt me back, and apparently took pics of me dressed and sleeping. She was kind enough to send me 2 so that I knew she had them. Then she also sent me the email addresses she was going to send them to. This was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life. This was in no way the woman I knew for a year and a half, she just went psycho. I will stick to the theory, you never know a person, ever. That experience, along with several others, have shown me that my CDing can be the coup de gras of any argument, and they win......unless, I accept it, and am not afraid of it getting out. I don't share my secret. Just an unwise thing to do. But if it got out now, with the help of all of you, I would no longer be devistated. I would raise my head up and let out a triumphant "OH WELL DEAL PEOPLE". I couldn't have said that 6 months ago. You all are wonderful people.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Laura,

Thank you for this contribution and letting us know how this forum has helped you.. Following is some thing that arrived in my inbox that I think may fit in this thread, And so I pass it on.

During college, my favorite television show was Star Trek.

The opening theme in Star Trek was:

"Space: The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the
starship Enterprise. It's five-year mission: To explore strange
new worlds... To seek out new life, and new civilizations...

To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before."

Captain Kirk spoke that. Captain James Tiberius Kirk.

He was a fictional character but a real type of spirit.

We all have a final frontier and it is not in space, at least
not outer space. It's in inner space. That's where all of the
real battles are fought. That's where the real untamed
territory is. That's where the greatest victories and defeats
happen.

Far too often, we stay closed within confining walls that we
think are safe, but actually, they are just a prison.

Dreams will never be realized without risks.
Love will never be experienced without exposure.
You can't even help another person without risking being hurt
yourself.

The more people we reach with this forum, the more we help.
Always among each new few hundred, there is someone unbalanced
and filled with hate who will lash out at us. It's a risk.

Inner and outer space has dangers.

So many wish for things that are never achieved.

Love, financial security, good health, peace of mind, even just
a good night's sleep are things that can elude some for life.

Mike Murdock put it like this:

"If you want something you've never had,
you've got to do something you've never done."

You've got to boldly go where you've never gone before.

One definition of a fool is a person who keeps doing the same
thing and expecting different results.

We often stand on the dock but are afraid to launch out into the
deep. Afraid to go into space, afraid to move, afraid to speak,
even afraid to dance.

If you want something you've never had...

Boldly go where you've never gone before.

There is a new life to discover.

[Virginia]

Laura,
You are so right, isn't this just the greatsest group of girls!!!! On a personaly note, making the assumption that that is your personal avatar, if I looked that pretty, I would not be the least bit concerned about who knew. On the other hand, I like you and most of our sisters, just don't advertise the fact that we have the gift of crossdressing. If someone were to ask I would certainly tell them, but beyond that it is none of their business.

Elizabeth, honey, as you know I am evidently going through what you went through, (divorce) but for different reasons. As you know my wife does not want to meet Virginia AT ALL. I could simply disregard her request, but it would not be the "nice" thing to do. I do not think that it is fair to simply throw "it" (crossdressing) into the face of anyone with whom we have any type of realtionship with. As for society in general, going out in public is a different thing.
Virginia

[Beauty]

Hi,

I agree with Virginia, Laura.

Thanks for posting about what happened to you. That must have been scary, weird, and another word I can't think of that describes the Twilight Zone.

I think you handled it very well. I'm very proud of the way the members have handled themselves in this thread. It shows we can talk about touchy subjects and be polite to each other.

Congrats for getting through your ordeal Laura and thank you so much for posting your story about how blackmail can happen to any one of us. I don't think it's worth being scared into no action (CDing), but I do think we should all consider who we tell and realize there's no promise this person will always be our friend. Your words are going to help someone or lots of people who lurk and may be going through the same thing and they don't know how to cope with it.

Darlene's reference to Star Trek I thought was very appropriate.

Beauty

[Kyra]

Hi all,
I must say I am well pleased with this thread. (Thanks Darlene)
Although I was never in an intimate relationship with a control freak, I do have contact with those types of people on a daily basis. And I remember when I was younger (High School) my self esteem was pretty low. It was easy for people to walk all over me. And they did. It took several years (and a wonderful woman named Amber) to help me realize my worth. I don't want to stray from the topic here, but I just wanted to add this comment. They say that in order to be walked upon, you must first be lying down. If you're lying down, get up. If you have the ability to recognize this kind of situation, get out of it. Don't let yourself be a victim.

Thank you everyone for contributing here. I am learning more everyday.
Thanks also to Laura, for sharing your experience.

Hugs to everyone,
Kyra

[Loretta Ann]

Hi all,

I am just stopping in to thank everyone here who helped to make this thread turn out to be as positive as it has been. You are wonderful.

Love Darlene.