Counselor ??????

[KimberlyS]

I need to chime in here also as I am also going through Counsoling. My Counsolor tried to go the addiction route and the sexual routes. But I have stuck with it and I have had a good Counsolor that is doing her homework / research and she is listening to me. Much of the information you can tell she initially comes from the standard text book approach and is quickly changed after talking with me.

Yes there are those out there that CDing is a sexual addiction and those that do it because of a childhood issue. But most of us from what I have hear are just pain cders, some just because, some for relaxation of stress, some do come from or may have been assisted with the behavior because of childhood issues.

Personally my counsolor and myself have talken the approach of "this is me" and how do we deal with it in my life, with my wife, with my family/kids, with my job. How does Kim fit in and how much does Kim need to come out for Kim to be happy.

We are also looking into and trying things to be alternative Kim time. I cd to relieve stress. So what are other things that I can do to help relieve stress to make my needed Kimmy time fit better into my life.

Notice I am not saying Kim is going away or being "Cured". My wife, our counsolors, and myself are working on ways to make things work together.

WOW a relationship and COMPROMISE.

Is has been a slow process, and a long ways to go, but it is starting to work and it has also made the rest of our relationship better when we just communicate more and better about everything.

I am going to take a different stand here. Since you have already been seeing this counsolor and it sounds like you already have a good relationship, you may want to see if the counsolor is willing to do their homework and learn more. You may even want to give them some references to information.

Good Luck,

KimberlyS - CD

[Kersten Lee]

Hi,

I am a proponent of counseling, but agree, I think with everyone here. This is probably the wrong counselor if she is closed to the truth that most cross-dressers just are.

I agree entirely with KimberlyS. I am sure that there are cases where cross-dressing can be induced or learned. The thing is, there is no way to determine that and possible never. If it is a truth for an individual to actually be cured of the behavior patterns that cause the individual to cross-dress, that can not be known by that individual for a very long time. Underlying problems must be tackled first. And certainly a therapist can not know either, especially in the beginnings of therapy. If the therapist says they do know it can be cured, they are starting with a false assumption.

Whether cross-dressing is a learned behavior or a natural part of you, starting with the idea that curing cross-dressing will cure you is a very dangerous and wrong assumption of the therapist to say so. Ask her again if that is the route she proposes taking. If it is, I say you need to find another therapist, even though you do like her.

Remember, I am only talking of my own beliefs and experience. Gelinda, trust yourself to do what is right for you! You should not follow any of our advice if our advice seems wrong for you. If any of this rings true to you, you owe it to yourself to question the therapist further. She is there to help you be you, not the person she believes you should be.

Trust yourself to do the best for you,
Kersten

[Cathy L. Anderson]

Well, I am confused. My counselor tells me that a CD can be cure. She tells me that if she can find the root cause to what caused me to CD then she can cure it. From what I read from other posts on this forum and the other forum then she is totally wrong.

First off, let's immediately avoid thinking in terms of absolute, conflicting dualities. In this issue, as in most, nobody is either 100% right or 100% wrong. So I think it would be mistaken to merely dismiss what your counselor said because most crossdressers seem to disagree.

"Cure" is only a word, and it has different meanings depending on context. I think it is appropriate to speak in terms of a "cure" here, even though crossdressing is not a "disease." Lacking a better word perhaps it is reasonable to use it in a loose sense.

Personally, I believe a cure, defined as (1) the absence of crossdressing, and (2) happiness without it, is possible--though it might require a heroic committment.

In suggesting it requires a "heroic committment," have I set the bar too high? I don't think so. Most people seem to agree that heroism is what life is about.

With that in mind, I give the example of St. Augustine. Though not a crossdresser, many suggest he had gay sexual affairs. In any case he admits his life was dominated by sexual issues. His 'cure' - or conversion seems a better term - was complete.

Now we can look at the experience of such a person and either:

• 1 - Write it off saying, "that is for great souls only; I'm just a 'schmuck' and it doesn't apply to me"; or say
  
  2 - Indeed, it is precisely because society presents such lives as examples that I should consider it worthy of emulation.

So we are back to avoiding either-or thinking. The fact that one might not be a "St. Augustine" doesn't mean one can't hold up an example like that as an organizing influence in ones life.

In any case, believe yourself capable of doing things few or none have ever done before. Think of yourself as a hero.

You might wish to read my online essay, "Is Crossdressing 'Incurable'?" found at this link:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... g/cure.htm

Cathy

[Pauline]

hia ladies

As far as i understand it.. its genetic.. so unless the counselor can change your genetic structure or is qualified to be a genetasis.. then no way can it be "cured".. and i dont see it as something to be cured.. its a gift.. why would anyone want to "cure" a gift, a gift is to be treasured..

The counseler is to help you and your SO. with it. not cure it.. help to try and understand. To be there when you feel you can't talk to anyone else. in a way our sisters on here.. are all your and each others counselors in a way as we can see, go and be with you every step of the way as we are going through it our selves at different stages.

Them counselors cant do that.. not unless they are of our variety themselves... and i say variety as there are many levels of us.. you wont find us in any text book.. not the diff levels.. no striaght answer from them books.. only alot of assuming on a "standard crossdresser"

I hope that has helped and somewhat clearer and not hindered.

Pauline

[RikkiOfLA]

Interesting philosophical topic!

Cathy is right. What we DO can be cured--changed, fixed, recovered from, etc.

But what we ARE can't be cured. Is there a cure for being Irish?

I have cured my gray hair. Thanks to the wonders of chemistry, it is now a lovely brown color. I've been a brunette all my life, although people are surprised to hear that my current hair color is one I never had naturally. No matter, it looks good on me.

I can't cure being a brunette. If I was one of Charlie's Angels, I'd definitely be the brainy one. (I hope!) Yep, I'm just an incurable brunette. In English we don't have a word (like blonde, brunette, redhead) that means "a person having gray hair." We refuse to think of it as an identity.

It's easy to give up crossdressing. I have given it up many times. That, of course, is called purging. The last time I purged, it was going really well. I was focusing my mind on something else. And then, one day, I needed to get a little angry. No, not mad, just a little angry. It was necessary and a good thing. But I discovered something. I get angry like a woman. What confused people about my anger wasn't the intensity. It was the sureness, the confidence, the righteousness. As Cathy might say, the animus. (No, not the anima, Cathy. I know the difference.)

I was surprised to discover that even when I am not crossdressing, even when I have given it up, I am still transgendered. The core of my being is feminine. It is not a "feminine side" for me. I have lots of "sides." Most of them are male, in fact. I have my railfan side, my computer side, my silly side, and so on. They are socially acceptable ways of expressing parts of who I am.

But I discovered my core being that day. That part of me that I can never, ever give up. Surprise! She is female.

Suddenly I realized why I had so many disconnected sides. They are socially acceptable outlets for my core being. Yes, I even had a crossdressing side.

So, could I give up being masculine? Well, not really. My core being is masculine, too. There's a LOTof energy floating around in there. Powerful, positive energy, that can work together to do a lot of good things.

And that day, I stopped worrying about trying to give up or be cured. I turned on to the exciting possibility of all my core energy working together.

So, to come back to the topic, I agree, crossdressing, like any behavior, can be cured. But if it expresses something about yourself, there is no cure for who you are.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

[Virginia]

Beautifully expressed, Rikki, just beautiful!
Love ya,
Virginia