Private vs. Secret

[Elizabeth]

Hi CJ,

I beleive it is possible, but I think it's rare. I beleive that anger is one thing that we continually hear our members saying resulted from supressing who they were. Depression is another.

There are a rare few who may keep this a secret their entire life and no one suspect a thing, but thier level of discomfort must me somewhat lower than our members here.

Because I think it's a fluke when it happens, I voted no.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Absaroka]

Jeanie I loved your comment about many of us after all are just men in dresses and lets not always take ourselves so seriously. Something I definitely need to remember.

I was thinking about the whole private vs secret thing and trying to come up with some good examples. Here's a great one. Sex with your spouse. Not a secret at all but not something most of talk about that much with others.

Actually I talk about it with the same three people I mentioned in my other post. My therapist, my sponsor, and my wife. Plus an occaisional very close friend. Which is about how many people I feel I would like to be able to talk about crossdressing with.

THe general public doesn't need to know. But the secrecy with my wife does take a toll sometimes and the whole unanswered question is would honesty take a bigger toll on the marriage in this case. Wixh I knew.



Absaroka

[Jeannie]

Absaroka.The one thing I've found about coming out to most people in my life is you can never tell how they will react. I was afraid to tell some people and they were great and others I thought it would not be a problem were very upset. I know it's a difficult thing for most people to absorb. Hey. It's difficult enough for us! If you can't maintain some bit of humor about it you will drive yourself nuts. Life is crazy enough so you might at well laugh than cry. Hugs


Love
Jeannie

[Jeannie]

I think that whatever people may be,gay,bi sexual.a lesbian, trans sexual or anything considered out of the norm if they keep it hidden and in the closet they will minimize there lives and no one even themselves will never really get a handle on who they are. I have to tell you what happened to me when I told some people.
When I told my daughter Katie,she called me later that night and said "I so glad you are only a crossdresser. I always thought that you had problems and were doing drugs or hitting Mom. I told my wifes girlfriends and they thought I was always hitting on them because CJ they always dressed beautifully and I would always comment on their outfits.
My longtime friends from Boston always thought I was a closet drinker and when I called Mini's girlfriend Clorinda who I always liked because she was so nice I said"Rindy. I always liked you and I have to tell you something" She said" If want to ask me out I can't. Mini's my good friend" CJ. Everyone had a the complete wrong idea of who I am. They thought I was a drug addicted,alcoholic,wife beating wolf. Oh my God! It was depressing.
When your hiding something in your life people feel it but they end up thinking the wrong reasons what it is you're hiding. If your not yourself you end up as no one at all. I know we all can never go back but I would of come out when I was young and not waited so long. It makes your life miserable.Not coming out does a million times more damage than coming out does to you and the people you love most. The old song lyric is true CJ. "You always hurt the one you love"
It's not easy going out dressed to supermarkets,my Aunts Assisted living,telling all the people you know and some of my customers but compared to my life for the last 55 years it's a piece of cake. If people don't like me it's something I can't control. If I were Mini and living with a man like me that lived in the closet,unhappy and tormented inside, I would of left me after a couple of years. Mini is very good woman. There are not many like her. I can't just dismiss her after 25 years and two great kids she raised. But that's just me. Hugs


Love
Jeannie

PS Mini is a good woman CJ but I still will makes jokes about her! I have to have some fun! I hope she never reads my jokes on this forum or I'm dead woman walking!

[Jacqui]

What a great question CJ and fascinating awnsers

Picking up on Virginias point that we are on a very wide spectrum I think there are some for whom CDing is rather casual who would be able to keep it concealed unless they get caught unexpectedly. For those of us for whom it is a much deeper part of our lives I don't think we can hide it. But what emerges from us may steer people to quite a wrong interpretation (assuming we haven't come out to them). As Jeannie points out, people saw something but they were totally wrong in working out what it was. It may not just be the signals we send. The other people may know so little about TG that they simply can't put it together. For reasons I will discuss some other time I am only partly "out". It would be destructive in a number of ways to come out fully. Some of those who don't know (some of them quite close to me) would not even guess that I'm a CD. If and when they find out I am sure they would be surprised unless they came to understand more about what TG really is all about. Let's face it there are many who still lump us with gays, perverts and call us faggots. My friends may see something different in me but they wouldn't even dream that its because I am a CD because then they would then have to think as weird, which they don't think now.

So....my vote is... I don't think you can hide that you have "the gift" but most people would have no idea what that gift is unless you come out to them

Ahh I love this form - thank you ladies
Jacqui