Outed In the Office

[Anita]

Hi Alana--
I'm glad to hear that you don't appear to be suffering any negative consequences between you and other workers because of this. But you do have to second-guess yourself, and that is a momentary set-back.

It is very hard to police yourself for anything that might be offensive or upsetting to others, especially when you're not getting any feedback from them. These are just the growing pains we CDs have to go through, and it's sometimes hard to navigate on your own. We're here for support, but you're the one out there in the field, working through things.

[Alana]

It's been about six weeks since I was first informed of my two co-workers being overheard talking about my crossdressing. Apparently the discussion was about what it meant and how they might respond to the revelation; apparently nothing malicious.

Nothing major or overt has occurred as a result of this incident. As mentioned before, I don't think anything major will come of it.

However, while it may be my imagination, there appears to have been a subtle switch in how one of the women involved and a supervisor now interact with me. Previously, the woman, when she found out that I had pierced ears made the comment that she would like to be my Secret Santa; she was going to give me all sorts of earrings. Also, the year I dressed en femme for the office Halloween luncheon, she was one of several women that either gave or considered giving me girlie things as unofficial Secret Santas. The supervisor had previously kidded me about my pierced ears and at one point had suggested I wear a necklace to go with a new pair of black enamel studs I had worn one day. Now, they seem to be more reserved and engage in less banter. For both of them, it may be that my pierced ears and studs and dressing for Halloween are old hat and no longer a source of amusement. Or, it may be that the knowledge of my crossdressing is a source of discomfort and so the kidding/banter has been put aside. I really don't know, but don't plan to push the issue.

Beyond that seeming decrease in banter/kidding, I haven't seen any change in how my co-workers interact with me. I have either met many of the people that now know in the halls or have met with them on work related subjects and nothing seems to be different. No one appears to be uncomfortable in my presence or unwilling to work with me. Also, no one has come to me to talk about my crossdressing and how it might affect our working relationship; perhaps at some point in the future.

I miss the banter and kidding, but still look forward to the potential of getting girlie items during our Secret Santa game. However, I understand if those who now know don't want to go that route.

Lately, I had a somewhat disturbing thought related to this situation. If as part of a diversity discussion, my office manager were to ask me to do a presentation on crossdressing while en femme, how would I respond. A part of me says go for it and don't look back, but another part of me says, whoa, do I really want to be totally out. It's an interesting thought, but I doubt that such a request will ever materialize.

Love ya,

Alana

[DonnaT]

I doubt you'd be asked to give a presentation, but if you were, I'd say go for it. Nothing like a chance to educate others, to let them know we are not perverts, not sex fiends, we have feelings too, etc.

[Danielle La Belle]

Hi Alana:

I think that it is safe to say that we all at some point desire to gain acceptance from others even at work over being TG people. Everyday that we are out and about we are comparing what we see in front of us against what we have previously stored in memory.

This technique was very helpful to our early ancesters as they too became the hunted at times and needed to be "aware" of changes in their surroundings. So to will you become more aware of your surroundings. It sounds like to me that you were wanted some recognition after posting photos in your work area.

Short people, tall people, male or female, we are constantly making these internal mental comparisons. Much of this goes on routinely in the subconscious. We build a mental library of information to quickly compare to as needed by our psyche. All humans do this as a matter of belonging to the human race. This clearly sets us apart from the animal kingdom.

While you have a private life, unfortunately courts have agreeded in the past with employers when their is a lawsuit over termination by the ex-employee. Not long ago, there was such a case with Winn Dixie Stores, Inc. and they won their case. Bottom line was, CD'ing in public may give people the wrong impression about their employer and affect sales etc.

I think that until there are major changes in our culture, people outing themselves will be relegated to lower paying jobs and one's that will not have an impact on the enterprize doing business.

I have a multitude of pictures here in my "HOME" office. I never show them to clients that I visit but I have been tempted a few times with woman that I enjoy talking too but none the less are paying clients. I always take my latest pictures with me to the Doctor's office that I had my IPL work. The nurse/technician Donna always was so kind and thrilled that I brought in some new ones.

I gues there are just times and places still that are pretty much high-risk and even off-limits.

Your out! As time passes you may be one of the lucky ones and not see any negative results from it.

All of us must keep in mind that GG's are very concerned about finding us in the "Ladies" room with them. Good, bad or indifferent, if you have a "penis" you have a social problem being female.

Hugs

Danielle Marie

[Alana]

Donna T,

I agree that such a request may never happen. It was just a strange, crazy thought that crawled into my mind a couple of days ago.

Alana

[Virginia]

Hi Alana,
I too am glad that things seem to be working themselves out. They don't happen to do "cavity searches" where you work do they? Wearing the "wrong" underwear could present a problem as well.

The similarity I see to what some of us have had to deal with is no one evidently has seen Alana so it is left to fertile imaginations I guess. Well, if they sneeked in your office and saw your pictures, but beyond that no one as even approached you?? Now my "ex" had never seen Virginia (and she would totally freak if/when she does) but that was the grounds for divorce. Kind of like you have six toes, you wear shoes, no one ever sees your "different" feet, but someone finds out and you are immediately "branded" as being weird. The argument would go like "well he has all these women's clothing hanging in the closet!" my parry is "well, take the judge for instance, I understand he has a garage full of golf clubs - does that make him a golfer? Word on the street is that he is a professional. Anyone actually seen him play and collect a paycheck for is golfing ability?" Kind of the same thing, all circumstantial if you ask me!

However, in deference to present company, I would not change a thing!!!!

Just this girl's feelings,
Virginia

[Alana]

Thought I would post a quick update on the situation at work.

Its been about 6 months since the incident. There has been no apparent effect from the outing other than about 15 more people (supervisors) now know, who didn't know before. Also, the seemingly slight shift in interaction on the part of two people that I reported in my 6-week post.

No one associated with this outing have approached me to discuss my CD'g further.

I presume that will be about it.

Love and hugs,

Alana

[Virginia]

Alana,

Glad to hear that you are not being inundated with questions from the GG's about "What Not To Wear!"

You are probably right, it has become a "non-event" so you can go on your merry way!

Keep the faith, honey!

Virginia