Opening up to others

[Absaroka]

This whole subjec of just being me....Sometimes it seems to me that the standard disclaimer of men and their emotions is that men don't feel comfortable crying. But there is so much more to it than that.

My father was one of those emotional guys who would cry over the opera and similar things. He was very emotional generally. Sometimes way too emotional, acting on negative emotions in destructive ways.

I am pretty emotional. I get choked up at movies sometimes. Not West Side Story but on the other hand Peter Pan used to really get me. The play, not the movie.

I don't really cry much however, for what ever reason. I suppose it just got socialized out of me but I don't. But I am still pretty emotional.

What I have found is that often my feelings are better understood by other men. Not always. But a lot of the strong feelings I have men seem to relate better to. Maybe I have just been lucky in my choice of male friends. The women who do relate to them all seem to have a big streak of Tomboy in them. Funny thing is I still often feel more comfortable around women than men.

My wife has a joke which we sometimes share with others. Now and then she will make the comment that women married to men who can't express their feelings don't know how lucky they are. And we both laugh but for her there is truth in this. Because when she used to say how she wanted a man who was in touch with his feelings, she had the idea that they would be similar to the feelings she has. Like many women I think. And they aren't. They are sometimes different. Not better or worse, but different.

But our feelings are OUR feelings, not any one elses. And we are who we are, not someone else.

Absaroka

[Elizabeth]

Hi Kyra,

Coming out of the closet, for me, meant the emotional closet as well. No more crying in silence for this girl. I let my emotions hang out there now. I beleive that repressed crying turns into unrepressed anger. I cry when I cry. I don't suppress it anymore.

If something makes me emotional, I am ok with people knowing I am having an emotional moment. Sorry for being human. All I know is that I feel like a more balanced person now. Better able to express myself all time, not just when emotional.

Good luck to you, I beleive you will benefit emensely from expressing your true self.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Lisbeth]

Never apologize for showing your feelings because when you do you apologize for the truth.
Love,
Lisbeth

[Kyra]

Hi Elizabeth,

You know, when I'm dressed en femme, I feel more comfortable. I guess it's because I'm not afraid to show more emotion. In my quest for being true to myself, I find I'm more comfortable with opening up and expressing myself more. I am finding balance in doing so.

It makes me want to bang my head on the wall for not doing this years ago!

Hugs,
Kyra

[CJ]

Hi all,

Great thread.

Emotions (and the expression or quashing of them) are intricately linked to issues of mental health and illness. Holding things in (as I and many men I know were--sometimes explicitly, sometimes subtly--taught to do) led, in my case, to much anger, bitterness, and depression. The worst part of it is, it took me a very long time to realize what was going on within me. For years, I thought that this is what it simply felt like to be, well, to be a man, I guess. What a crock of crap!

I much prefer being a human being first. In my soul, I am now free. And if I needed to be "genderly creative" in order to achieve this, then so be it! I will not look back.

Love,
CJ

P.S.
Kyra, I'm trying really hard not to be a stranger but I'm slightly overwhelmed with life right now, what with special projects at work, moving into a new home in a couple of weeks, and a generally topsy-turvy schedule. I'll try to be more, uh, reg'lar.

[Virginia]

"A crock of crap" " A crock of crap" now what kind of language is that from a lady. I look at that pretty face in your avatar and "a crock of crap." from such a demure, intelligent, sophiscated woman Just a bit, yeah I know, a very little bit of levity!
Moving on:
When I think about me/us = me and Virginia or Virginia and I -- whatever, I remember the movie, "Flight of the Intruder" and the line, "Cole, they oughta study you!?" Well sometimes I think they oughta study me!? Virginia has "introduced" me to feelings and emotions that I evidently had all my life, but she has shown me how to bring them out and "deal with them." It is actually a beautiful thing and there are more that I have had glimpses of, like how to be "catty" or "envious" without showing it. How to act uninterested, yet be jello on the inside!
See, the situation I am in (not with SL) but where I go during the day, at times requires a male approach and as Absaroka said there are times when it seems that is best in maintaining some semblance of status in "the Pack" so to speak, i.e., the alpha male thing. BUT........... I feel Virginia there - now - virtually all the time and she questions some of the "attitudes" that I in a male role, emit. I know, I know it sounds really weird, but that is what I have to deal with. We do compromise and it has worked out so far. But, as Virginia has more and more influence on my life I begin to wonder if there is a point where the "alpha male" syndrome will just disappear all together? If it does then I am sure it will be replaced with the feminine alternative (which WE HAVE ALL SEEN IN ACTION and it is way way better than the alpha male thing anyway!!! ) I think it is called feminine subtrafuge or the "not tonight I have a headache ---------- and until you see it my way I will have a headache for a long time!"
If we let these emotions and feeling out in us and learn to use them and control them, wow - things can be so wonderful. It is a learning process and it takes what??????????????? baby steps, girls, baby steps!
Love ya,
Virginia

[Absaroka]

Actually there is also the alpha female thing. You can see it in any group of teenage girls and it can be a lot more aggresive then the alpha male. I've known a few women who relate that way with men also. I vividly remember one rather petite and attractive woman telling me about her problem with weapons. Her solution was not to carry them but there was still furniture and kitchen utensils readily available.....

Absaroka

[Kendra Lynn]

Hello all: I've always been er... "emotional" be that for better or worse.
I remember crying as a young child at the 1950's Disney film OLD YELLER...
And now, at the ripe young age of 55, I still get emotionally involved with films, books, graphic novels, etc. etc. I have a need to feel connected, and if I connect with the characters in a novel, film, tv series, graphic novel, TG web site tale, I have cried with joy and or sadness when something important happens with a character/characters. Of course that is relatively easy to do when watching a DVD a reading a story at home.
I have begun corresponding with one of the TG site authors and that has helped deal with some of those feelings-- I can't interact with a fictional character, but I can with a living author.
But do I express emotions differently while cross dressed? Do I interact with people differently? Do I actually express emotions more clearly? Am I more willing to do so? Do people I know well treat me differently? Have I "changed" overall as a result of my "dressing" and related activities?
I can tell you that "dressing" is a natural "high."
This thread opens up a lot of questions...
Have to ponder this some more...
Peace-- Kendra Lynn.

[Kyra]

But do I express emotions differently while cross dressed? Do I interact with people differently? Do I actually express emotions more clearly?

Hi Kendra Lynn. You know, it's odd that you ask that. I was mulling it over Sunday evening. I went out Saturday evening with a friend and we ended up at a GLBT club. I saw a person there I knew. My male personna would have bellowed a hello and waved, then walked over to talk. But Kyra walked up and hugged her first, then talked. So, yeah. I do express emotions differently when dressed. Why? It feels right. That moment, in that particular situation it just felt right.

I'm trying to integrate both halves into my everyday life. I, as a guy, should be able to go up and hug someone without feeling embarrassed. I can and have done this, but the feeling is a bit awkward still. I was reflecting on this. I put myself in the same situation, only without being dressed. It doesn't feel quite the same.

You're right. More questions. Finding the answers is starting to be fun, though.

Hugs,
Kyra

[Ronnie M]

[quote="Kendra Lynn"]Hello all: I've always been er... "emotional" be that for better or worse.
I remember crying as a young child at the 1950's Disney film OLD YELLER...
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emotions? yeah. when it comes to lil critters that have no one to help them,..yeah. when it comes to pets,...OH YEAH! I won't lie. those tear jerkers get me going...but then,..so is my anger!!!!!!!!!
the pain hits SO far deep down..all I can do is lash out...
to borrow a line from "alice's restaurant"...
"I was jumping up and down yelling kill..kill...I wanna see gore and guts and veins in my teeth"

so yeah.........as a male..........I CAN show emotions.
but as yet,..........I have not been able to divide fem side from alpha male side.

someone tell me how ya do it? that's one I ain't figured out yet.

ronnie