what is ur greatest conflict and how do u cope with it?

[Latanya]

i found a great statement by a famous rabbi
"the way in which a person conducts himself in life, whether in material or moral matter, and whether private of public affairs, is based on his or her recognition of his own worth.
one who is poor in consciousness of his own worth will, owing to his low self worth, hold himself in disdain, and likewise all of his life in disdain, to the point where he may even sometimes expose himself to harm.
not so a person who has a healthy sense of worth. he or she treasures life and try to elevate him(HER) self and elevate all fo life together with him(her)?"

[Paulette]

My greatest conflict has nothing to do with my cross dressing. It has to do with retiring from active political work, or not. My sexuality and cross dressing conflicts were resolved when I came out to my friends and relatives. I'm sexual and I cross dress, and sometimes the two are combined. Sometimes not. BFD.

[Davita]

I still have to hide with some people -- in-laws. How do I cope? I'd like to keep them as in-laws. Sometimes the better half comes first instead of me... It just so happens making number 2 happy makes number 1 happy and this is one of those times.

[Gina]

Excellent discussion...thanks to all. I had religious issues...Deuteronomy, etc yes indeed. Literal Bible interpretation, to me, is futile. The old Jewish laws were meaningful for the time perhaps. I solved a lot of religion conflict by leaving a conservative Texas protestant church. Where I am now: GLBT friendly, in action, not just words.

The big conflict for me: a controlling, unaccepting, but knowing wife. To be frank, my CDing and other issues have gradually eroded our relationship to the point where it is very unfulfilling to me. But the pain is not so high as to move me to go through divorce hell and put my daughters through it. Lack of space/privacy to dress up is personally painful, it is so rare these days.

The largest unresolved issue/mystery/situation in my life remains Gina. I have more questions than answers.

[Carla Michelle]

...for me it is my religion!!!!...

That was it for me as well. Until I found a wonderful letter, written by a 95 year old man who had been in a church all his life. He is also an avid Bible studier. In this letter he listed 10 reasons why he had to change his way of thinking about GLBT people. He gave Biblical as well as modern sciences reasons for this change. He no longer believes these people are living in sin because they are GBLT.

I also am a person that believes the Bible and I know the passages he refers to, I also am fairly current with modern sciences related to GLBT people. I no longer feel I am doomed and can confidently pursue my path to discovering who I really am.

*signed by one who is tired of hiding*

[Kara]

Nunya,

Do you still have that letter? Or link to it?

[Kara]

My greatest conflict is figuring out who I am. Why do I dress? Why do I want to dress?

Its like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other
"Dressing as a woman makes you feel so good" "You're a freak" "Other people are doing it" "What would your wife say?" "What would your kids say?"

There is a part of me that thinks living as a woman would make life so much easier. And another part that knows that is not true.
Part of me is jealous of transgenders who have taken the step, shaving their legs, having breasts, sexy clothes. Part of me is not sure that is what I really want.
I think my crossdressing stems from being unhappy with who I am and I fantasize that being a woman would make it better. There have been long periods of time when I was happy and did not dress - or should I say did not feel the need to dress.

Lately, I have been dressing every day and it is becoming more and more "natural" to me. Even wearing a corset daily to try and force a feminine shape. But there is a dark side to this that scares me. That the sexual aspect of it will take over and I head down a path of risky behavior. It hasn't happened, don't know if it will, don't want it to, that little angel on my shoulder seems to always win.

From the time I started dressing, I have always thought of myself as a lesbian when dressed.
Oh, to be a woman with another woman, to share this, to have her make me up, dress me, to make love.

Why am I tortured so!! To have these feelings and no one to share it with makes me want bust! I feel I am being punished for being this way!

What is the answer to Why were we created this way and put in a society that forces us to hide for fear or shame or harm?

[Carol Ann]

Humm ,
I ofter wonder why myself but believe I have found a little light in the tunnel. In all honest I believe it all goes back to a very unhappy childhood. Parents split father wanted nothing to do with me so more or less it was mom and me.

Now not complainting by I learn how to be a goodie two shoes son, do as you are told and respeck others and have good manners, come home from school do what has to be done as mom worked.
So as like a lot of others for fun I started wearing my mothers cloths and yes was busted big time one Saturday when she wasn't do home until 6PM.

Oh my I will never forget that day but it was the beginning of my CDing life as I was make to dress and go to town with my mother and be a girl in short to teach me a lesson. Well it didn't work as I love it and after getting caught a few more times my mother said OK you can dress all you want but must say inside.
So I ended up with my own cloths as she didn't want me wearing her's, so life began for Carol Ann the name I picked out.
So after 13years in the service the old feeling came back and going back home to live it didn't take long for Carol to come back to me.

Long story short my wife knew before we got married and she LOVE it like you wouldn't believe and life continue for Carol. Now retired I dress everyday and live more or less 95% of the time as Carol would go full time but the wife saids after she passes I can do what every I want.

So you see I don't fight the problem anymore or wonder why and I enjoy my life to the fullest and the only goal I have will be full time 100%

People stop wondering why and enjoy your gift as life is to short to be in pain all the time be who you want to be and worry not

[Carla Michelle]

Nunya,

Do you still have that letter? Or link to it?

Here ya go Kara, http://www.sdakinship.org/images/storie ... Letter.pdf" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
It's a long read, in .pdf format, but well worth the time.

[Anthony Simon]

My greatest conflict is figuring out who I am. Why do I dress? Why do I want to dress?

A lot of the time you remind me of me in the things that you say and FWIW my analyst says that I dress up for "compensation". Like when my life isn't going so well I turn myself into a woman to give myself something to do which feels good. So, in those terms it has a basically positive reality.

Its like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other
"Dressing as a woman makes you feel so good" "You're a freak" "Other people are doing it" "What would your wife say?" "What would your kids say?"

Well, I'm not married so I don't have those particular problems to do with a wife and children. But, certainly the "freak" thing is there. It used to be much, much worse, but after a while you just start thinking "I'm enjoying this, it's doing me good, what's the big problem?" So then a lot of the stuff about being a freak goes away.

The resonance of angel versus devil, I wouldn't put quite like that - in those black and white terms. The difficulty for me is "too much", like sinking into the CDing so much that it just starts to eat my life.

There is a part of me that thinks living as a woman would make life so much easier. And another part that knows that is not true.

I don't know that I think it would make my life easier. But there is a really powerful fantasy, a wish to live like that - at least part of the time.

I think my crossdressing stems from being unhappy with who I am and I fantasize that being a woman would make it better. There have been long periods of time when I was happy and did not dress - or should I say did not feel the need to dress.

Which does fit with the compensation thing.

Lately, I have been dressing every day and it is becoming more and more "natural" to me. Even wearing a corset daily to try and force a feminine shape. But there is a dark side to this that scares me. That the sexual aspect of it will take over and I head down a path of risky behavior. It hasn't happened, don't know if it will, don't want it to, that little angel on my shoulder seems to always win.

If you feel yourself losing control of the CDing (in whatever way) there's always the possibility of going to see a therapist - just to give you an extra resource and emotional space - before it actually gets to the point of doing serious stuff in the outside world. I know that's what I did last summer when I felt myself losing control of it.

From the time I started dressing, I have always thought of myself as a lesbian when dressed.
Oh, to be a woman with another woman, to share this, to have her make me up, dress me, to make love.

I have that fantasy. But mine is more centrered on being with women as a woman. (Bliss).

Why am I tortured so!! To have these feelings and no one to share it with makes me want bust! I feel I am being punished for being this way!

What is the answer to Why were we created this way and put in a society that forces us to hide for fear or shame or harm?

I don't think it helps to beat yourself up about it. If the answers are going to come, they're going to come - and it doesn't look like they're coming with you. Not at the moment. So all you do is beat yourself up with no result.

Or that's how it is with me. At that point I have to find some way of stopping - like give myself something else to do. FWIW.

[TammyT]

Thank you for the link!

[Marda]

Hi Latanya,
Easy, Good Book by Rabii, "When Bad Things Happen To Good People"! No Joke!! Education, not Frustration

My conflict is dealing with a dishonest accountant by paying too much for an indifferent lawyer who is disinterested in confronting the accountant. Simple!Jesus Saves"!!!Prayer!!! Plus, Napolean Hill book!
Love,
Marda


*** Post edited to remove redundant quote, as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Bobby]

for me, not looking like the woman i want to be. if i could go out and be 'perceived' as a woman i'd be very happy. so i spend lots of money on stockings and nylons. it's still depressing thou.

[Paulette]

for me, not looking like the woman i want to be. if i could go out and be 'perceived' as a woman i'd be very happy. so i spend lots of money on stockings and nylons. it's still depressing thou.

Hi Bobby,

That got me too, for quite a while. The girl in the mirror was not the girl in my mind. I didn't look like a sexy 13yo, I looked like the ex-mayor of Portland, Vera Katz!

That's why I put the picture of my first complete dress-up here, to see every day so I could get used to that image of myself. Full face, no contortions or gymnastics. Just me, as a 72yo woman; well preserved, but old, and neither sexy nor beautiful except to those who already loved me.

It took a couple of months, but now that's as much me as any other picture I have. I recognize myself there.

It also helped to understand that I was not about to go through childhood and adolescence all over again. I've earned my age and I like my chops! Trying to live sixty years all over again, but as a girl, struck me as incredibly and inexcusably self indulgent. My wife loves me and I love her, but I probably wouldn't put up with her doing that to me.

So I had to accept the person in the picture as myself. It helps that I like me, and that I accept my cross dressing as part of the male that I am. But the key was working towards acceptance rather than building a fantasy.

Find someone to help you put on the full kit, in ordinary age-appropriate dress. Have them take a dozen pictures of you and select the best one that shows your full face, shoulders and chest. Put it up here and look at it as often as possible.

For me, the alternative was to dissolve myself in the pink fog, and never be seen again.

But that's just me. YMMV!

[TammyT]

Excellent post, Paulette. Definitely some food for thought.