What are we as Cross-Dressers?

[Wendy Seymone]

What a marvelous thread... Thank you all for your passionate responses.

Hugs,
Wendy

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Sis.

You have stated something that I need help in understanding.

We are gifted and as such we have a responsibility not only to those who may benefit from our gift,

I have heard others make similar statements, and I have never understood what they mean by saying we have a responsibility to others. I've just never been able to get a hold of that one, I don't feel that I am here to live as others would dictate, and that confuses me.

Some people here have indicated that they have benefited from what I have posted, but I don't feel responsible for them, It is just something I enjoy doing. I just feel that my gift is sort of useless, unless it is something I can share.

So I share it here, and there are those who will benefit from it and there are those who won't. I have no control over those who will receive it and those who won't, that is simply not my responsibility. So I do not concern myself with it.

Can you elaborate Please.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Darlene,

I think all Deborah meant by the statement (and, please, correct me if I'm wrong, Deborah) is that it's a good and vital thing to let others know that it's possible to be both a crossdresser and serene at the same time, to be simultaneously gender-variant and psychologically/emotionally healthy... to share of ourselves so that others may know that there can, indeed, be a "light at the end of the tunnel." That you yourself are willing to do so, Darlene, by coming to the forum and allowing us to discover your own inner balance and peace, may be a sign that you understand this to be true also. Am I way out in the pumpkin patch on this one?

Love,
CJ

[Virginia]

Thanks girls for expanding on what I was trying to say and yes you are correct in that (no offense intended to anyone) some of us who are furthur along the road can reach out and help our sisters who may be struggling - that is one responsibility that we have. Just as many of you have helped me!
My main point was that we should use this gift in our everyday life. I know that in the past while 'en drab" or "P-D" (pre Deborah), I would see situations or be in situations where either my male ego or selfisness would be "in control" and when I think back on my responses I am embarassed to think how I reacted, when I could have handled it much different and really helped someone as opposed to not helping or even making things worse for some poor soul.
With Deborah, she has given me the insight to see situations from a much more nuturing perspectve and her gift is to lend that helping hand, loving, compassion, empathy for ALL others that I come into contact with and with my family, I am much more forgiving and nurturing and it has really made a tremendous improvement in my family and our relationship.
The gift, the ability to transition from strong, "screw-you" male ego, to what I preceive as the feminine characteristics of empathy, love, compassion is what I feel that since we have this capability we are responsible for sharing it. As I said, those that are on the receiving end of this "gift" need not know from where it comes and we should give it freely and again "there is no end to the good one can do as long as they don't care who gets the credit."
Love,
Deborah

[Loretta Ann]

Hey Girls,

I had the feeling we were coming from the same place, but that I was not quite understanding it.

as long as they don't care who gets the credit."

Ya Sis I know what you mean there, that credit thing can get in the way if one lets it. Ones self worth can get heavily damaged if it is dependent upon receiving the credit. Ones emotions can easily get caught in a twister until they have concurred that issue.

Thanks you all.

[Kathy]

Wow! Go to sleep for a few hours, get up in the morning and help the folks get their day started, come to the computer to check on the forum and look what I find. More thoughts, more posts...and the discussion just keeps getting more interesting every day. I LOVE IT!

OK, here's my take on the responsibility thing. I look at that from a slightly different angle. I take it as a responsibility to myself to explore my feelings and attempt to understand where they are comming from. If they are bad feelings, what can I do to alleviate them? If they are good feelings, what is making me feel good and what can I do to keep feeling good?

Then it is my responsibility to make sure that I can benefit from those things in my day to day life, no matter how I am dressed.

By placing the responsibility on myself, for myself to understand myself and try to make me a better person, then anyone I interact with is going to benefit. Whether it is through my posts here on this board or just a smile and friendly thank you to the harried cashire at the local grocery store.

I have always felt an uplifting warmth and vibrancy whenever I have come into contact with another person who was obviously in touch with his or her inner soul. They had no responsibility to me to share that with me. But, just by being who they are, I received the benefit from them.

That is where I want to be. That is who I want to be. Regardless of the clothing I happen to be wearing at the time.

[Loretta Ann]

Kathy,

That is probably closer to the way I have seen it, and it is certainly a high ideal. I am not so sure how close one can come to reaching it, but certainly one should be better of with a goal like yours, as you will come closer to reaching it.

I have found that I always have my better times as well as not so better times. Cross-dressing helps lift me out of the down times, but I will always have times when I am sort of just coasting, unable to be the person I would like to be in every situation. I have learned to accept that, and try and keep my down times as short as possible.

What you stated was very well written, and adds a nice aroma to this discussion.

Thanks Girl.

[Kathy]

Is it a lofty goal? Certainly. Is it attainable (without spending years sitting on top of a high mountain in Tibet)? Perhaps. But is it really the goal that counts or is it the road we travel to reach it?

We all have our ups and downs. That's life. I accept that as you do. The key is to just roll with it but never take your eye off the goal.

[CJ]

You girls ROCK!

Love,
CJ

[Aislin]

This discussion has gone a long way.

A couple of observations:

You never know who you will touch. The candle, kept free of the basket shines so that others, even those far off may join this comunion. By starting this thread you threw the basket away.

My language is developed from my youth. I don't really know how and why, so if I appear to have a higher structure let me know and I will try a different way. Possibly poetry.

The sounds of voices lifted high persuade the rebel within to take a long hard look. In this thread I have found my way again. I thank you all.

Some History of me for you: I have worked the psychic phone lines, tread the high and rocky path, read from the tarot cards for fun and cash, and developed a spirtual side that was not complete until I acknowledged Aislin.

I walk the way of spirt
Giving thanks each morning
for letting me wake
and see the brightness of the coming day.

Tho' nights are dark and dreary
Fighting souless flying things
I give thanks each morning dawn
For all who gaurd my way.

Now sisters dear and sweet
I see the candle, feel the warmth
My nights of dread are lessened
Journey closer to the light
Let not the morning break
Without thanksgiving for the dawn.

Live the passion.

[Bernice]

CDKathy wrote:

I am curious, Bernice, why you felt compelled to make that statement. What is it that makes you uncomfortable? Is it CJ’s way of expressing herself so beautifully? Is it Darlene’s penchant for asking that question that makes one stop cold and think hard about one’s true feelings? Or Deborah’s bold confidence? Or is it my willingness to take a step outside my comfort zone and simply express what I’m thinking and feeling for all the world to read?

Let me try to explain. Also to apologize for having so many irons in the fire that I can't respond on our forum as often as I would like.

Imagine that GOD had asked you to make a short list of the brightest, most beautiful, most loving and supportive people in the entire world. Then a moment later you suddenly discovered they had accepted you into their group with loving arms. Whoaa! All I did was make a short list. I never meant to imply that I was worthy of such magnificent company!

SO, I guess in a way, YES, to all of your yes/no questions. Even after what? Four months? I am still in awe of you ladies! I would absolutely be in awe even if we didn't have another common interest. Could I ever become even half as eloquent and wise as the rest of you? I still have self-doubts. But I will try.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Aislin]

Bernice,

Look deep within your self, can you tell us what you see?

[Virginia]

Kathy, I love what you said! It is what I stumbling, was tryinng to express.
If we love ourselves and and understand why we love ourselves, then and only then are we able to share with othersthis marvelous gift. It realy doesnt matter what clothing we have on just as we say when you go out dressed, it is not necessarily the look, but the confidence we exude! and Smile Girls, Smile.
Love ya all,
Deborah

[Bonnie]

WOW!!! I gotta kind agree with Bernice on this one, this way more than casual conversation. Took me the better part of an hour to read, and will take the rest of the night to digest it all.
I think it was CJ that asked if crossdressing didn't go against societal rules, would we look as closely at ourselves? I'm not sure about everyone else, but I was always doing things that made me ask myself "Whats wrong with your head?!?"
Kathy, I cant speak for all that dont post, but most of the time, I only pop in when I log on to check mail, then check topics, and tell myself I'll respond later. Such is the life of a chronic procrastinator.
Deborah, either you are a ring knocker, or spent WAY too much time associating with them. I only made E7, but still got MOST of what you were saying
Aislin, you went WAY over my head, but did it so elloquently!
I read somewhere that the vast majority of transgendered people tend to be above average IQ. After reading some of the philosophy here I have to aggree. I have had the honor of sitting in on some very deep conversations before, but this one is the one that that will reall prompt some soul searching.
Well, it's time for this one to call it a day, can't wait to see what's new in this thread domorrow.
Huggs Bonnie

[Loretta Ann]

Hi you all,

I think it is important that others here don't think more highly of us than they do of themselves, the compliments are appreciated, but please remember that you need to be the most important person in your own eyes. We love you but we want you to love you too.

Having said that - I have longed for years to find some people that I could have these kinds of conversations with. I had given up, and look what has happened here? I think that says something for us cross-dressers, as Bonnie has indicated.

Aislin, I had no trouble understanding your last post, Perhaps it's just that I have to get familiar with your style.

Again thank you all so much for making this thread possible. You are wonderful.