Third Person Talk and Why It Drives Me Batty

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Thu Aug 04, 2005 7:46 pm

Kay(SO) wrote:Okay, adding a thought again. It's me, the gabby SO...

One of the difficulties some SO's have in supporting or accepting has to do with whether or not there is a third person in the relationship. The first time I was with my husband when he dressed, I did it because it was important for me to see that it was still "him" underneath it all. I needed to see that this other woman in our lives was still my man. That doesn't apply to those who consider themselves more than CD'rs but it applied to me. It bothered me to think about this third person who my hubby was spending so much money on and time with. If there were a third person, then she was getting more from him than he was giving to me and I wanted to punch her lights out.

You get my meaning. Anyhoo, just thought I'd throw this in because I've heard it said by many SO's that they have experienced similiar feelings at some point in their own scenario. I've even heard an SO say that "she" (her husband dressed) is a bi#$% and that she didn't like her at all. I'm glad that I don't have to contend with that separateness, as if "she" is a different person than my "he".

And Beauty, for what it's worth, the speaking in third person drives me batty too. Just me and I'll have to explore what it is that bugs me. Hugs,

Kay(SO)

Hi Kay!

Great post and I totally understand. I think some of the angst I do feel is because I do know SOs personally and online who suffer through having another woman in the house because their CD'r husband changes personalities when they don female clothing or get fully dressed. So this could be a reason I'm not fond.. ok, I'll call a spade a spade.. it drives me batty.

I'm glad I'm not alone feeling this way and like you I hope to discover why when anyone talks about themselves in the 3rd person I freak.

Beauty

Maggie · Post by **Maggie** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:15 am

Maggie thinks she might call it quits for a while. She hopes you all have a nice summer. Bye!

Paige · Post by **Paige** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:19 am

Maggie,

Thank you for the summer wishes. This was sudden. Hope you come beck soon. You will be missed.

Hugs,

Paige

Kay(SO) · Post by **Kay(SO)** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:25 am

Miss Virginia,

I know you said I didn't have to respond but I just wanted to thank you for that lovely post!

Hugs honey,

KaySO)

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 11:16 am

Good luck to you Maggie…Wishing you find contentment.

Love,
Darlene.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 11:55 am

Maggie,
You know you speak for a lot of your sisters and very articulately, I might add. I have watched in wonder at seeing Maggie emerge and so totally enjoy her. Please come back soon.
Love ya,
Virginia

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 5:32 pm

Take care Maggie! Stay safe.

Beauty

Oregon (SO) · Post by **Oregon (SO)** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 10:54 pm

Hmm, can one more gg throw her hat in the ring? It drives me batty to. I actually decided to stop emailing a guy back when I was single because i would get completely confused when we emailed. i could not tell if he was talking abut himself other another girl or who knows.

I will say this... I know everyone wants who does this sort of likes neatly dividing the male and female sides into their little copartments and trust me, what ever you have to do to make yourself happy and make it work is totally cool.

But I think of it like this...I am a wife, a mother, and a daughter. I would find it hard to say Mommy (being my mom side) was exhausted when the day was over, but sexy kathy (my wife side) was ready for fun, but Little kathy (my mom's daughter) had to catch up on email. Or what ever. i just can't see dividing myself into all these pesronas while describing how I feel. becuse no matter what I do, or how I do it, I am still 'me'.

I would simply say it was a long day for me, but I still found time to do my email and then throw on somethingc ute to great my husband when he walked in the door.

Just my .02

kathy in canada

Cathy L. Anderson · Post by **Cathy L. Anderson** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 6:42 am

Hi Darlene,

Darlene wrote:Would you then call a hand a third person? How about the brain? And on and on. Isn't that really stretching it?

You ask a good question: is "my Self," "my dark side," etc. really 3rd person? From the standpoint of grammar, I think so.

Grammatically, 'person' (1st, 2nd or 3rd) determines verb form. For instance, we say: I eat (1st person), but he eats( 3rd person).

Since we say, for example, "my hand catches the ball" and "if my memory serves me" I think these are 3rd person forms.

Note also that the personal pronoun that would replace "my hand" would be "it" (3rd person) and not "I."

Darlene wrote:By the way the reference to the word persona which is connected to Jung was not the important part of my post, but I suppose it serves as a good enough smoke screen to divert attention away from the main focus, as it was the easiest to attack.

Huh? I was just replying to Maggie, suggesting that she shouldn't feel bad. I wasn't attacking you at all. In fact, I had thought your posts had been quite helpful. You shouldn't read an attack into my message. There wasn't one.

Cathy

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 2:19 pm

In PartCathy Anderson wrote: From the standpoint of grammar, I think so.

Grammatically, 'person' (1st, 2nd or 3rd) determines verb form. For instance, we say: I eat (1st person), but he eats( 3rd person).

Since we say, for example, "my hand catches the ball" and "if my memory serves me" I think these are 3rd person forms.

Note also that the personal pronoun that would replace "my hand" would be "it" (3rd person) and not "I."

Thank You for your reply Cathy.

I have never heard anyone say my hand catches the ball. Ones hand does not catch the ball; it takes more than the hand. You need the eyes, the muscles, the brain, and a lot more. If one were to take this third person talk seriously, in this instance one would need to say something like; my hand, my eyes, my brain, my arm etc caught the ball.

Like wise the author of this post is not two different people. The author is presently dressed in a slip and panties as she types this, but she is not Darlene or Richard. For the purpose of this forum he wears the hat of Darlene (which describes his anima.) He is simply a male who acknowledges and accepts that he has an anima nothing more than that. Simple much less confusing; yet clearly getting the point across.

Grammatically, 'person' (1st, 2nd or 3rd) determines verb form. For instance, we say: I eat (1st person), but he eats( 3rd person).

OK then when you eat which one is eating? Would you say Cathy and Clay ate supper, or do you simply say I ate supper?

Huh? I was just replying to Maggie, suggesting that she shouldn't feel bad. I wasn't attacking you at all. In fact, I had thought your posts had been quite helpful. You shouldn't read an attack into my message. There wasn't one.

I did not read an attack into your message. I was addressing the attack that you were responding to.

Cathy I respect much of what you have posted. Some how you got caught in a seperate issue that I was addressing.

Peace,
Darlene

Curly(SO) · Post by **Curly(SO)** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 5:16 am

I am going to join Kathy(SO) and Kay(SO) and say I don't like the 3rd person talk either. Ed has never done it so it's not a problem for me but I can imagine that if had referred to himself in the third person when he first told me about his CDing, I would have found it a lot harder to accept. As Kay said, we need to know that our partner is the same person underneath the clothes. For me, it took a while to get to know this new, previously hidden side but it would have taken a whole lot longer if I thought his CDing was a completely separate person.
I would even go as far as saying that I would cope easier with a permanent change to Ed's body such as breast implants or hair removal than I would with thinking I was married to two separate people.

Love,
Curly(SO)

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 5:20 am

YAY!!!

I am so happy you all agree.

It seems to be the consensus with most of the posters, but it's always a great feeling with the SOs agree with us.

Beauty

Julie M. · Post by **Julie M.** » Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:33 pm

I hope I understand you right, Hon. If not, ignore my ignorance.

I use Julie and Jim strictly as a way to describe how I'm dressed at the time. I get tired of saying "when en femme" or "when in guy mode".

I see myself the same all the time but I know others see an image based on how I present myself. When describing a situation or telling a story and how I present myself is important to understanding what I'm saying, I might use 3rd person verbage.

But that doesn't mean I think Julie or Jim are different people. No, both are me as described by those who know me. As for how I see myself, I'm just a human on this earth most people can't understand but that adapted well enough to thrive.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Fri Aug 19, 2005 3:52 am

Hi Julie,

I haven't ever heard you really talk about yourself in the third person.

You don't talk about yourself as two people.

The way you're referring to yourself is pretty normal.

Beauty

Maggie · Post by **Maggie** » Fri Aug 19, 2005 2:47 pm

Beauty wrote:Hi Julie,

I haven't ever heard you really talk about yourself in the third person. You don't talk about yourself as two people. The way you're referring to yourself is pretty normal.

Beauty

Excuse me, but does this imply that there is something wrong or abnormal about a CD who perceives himself/herself as being a different personality when crossdressed?

Are we all expected to perceive our CD experience and to write about ourselves in some particular way?