CJ I reread your posts and wanted to make a comment that may be at odds with what a lot of people are saying here. And since I wasn't there I could be completely wrong about it all. But I really do want to share my initial experience with therapy.
Granted first off I went for very different reasons than you did. I went because my anger seemed to be causing me serious problems and I couldn't figure out how or what to change if anything.
I explained this and then boy did the therapist infuriate me. Questions that were off base, questions that were far too personal for someone I didn't know, questions that were just wierd. Then finally he said he was willing to see me one more time. How grandiose of him. How generous. I hated him and hated how I felt as he said it. I left feeling very depressed, pathetic, juvenile, less than.
I thought about it for a while. I decided that anyone who could piss me off that much in one hour probably knew something I didn't want to know. I went back the next week and his first question was how did I feel about last time. I told him how pissed I was about his comment about being willing to see me once more. I told him other stuff that upset me. I told him I figured he could pull my covers. He asked what was the point of him doing that, it was my job to tell him the truth in the first place and he got me mad again that he didn't understand just how confused I was.
In the end he was incredibly helpful to me and I consider the whole therapeutic relationship with him a gift from God. When I told him that he got all embarrassed.....
Flash forward to 15 years later. I was having trouble with stuff. I went back to see him and have been seeing him a while now. Last time he got me real mad again although this doesn't happen very often anymore. I will be speaking my mind to him tomorrow knowing that it is okay and that he will speak his.
CDing is small potatoes for me and not the reason I see him. But he is the only person I speak with about it f2f and I have been amazed at his way of considering it from perspectives I have not considered. A lot of it has found it's way into some of my posts here.
I turned a friend of mine onto him. We get together and hate him sometimes even as we are grateful for his prescense in our lives.
I don't know if this is the person for you, how can I possibly even presume to consider such a thought. I do know that many of us go to therapy for help with unpleasant truths. And he has to ask.
If you go again you might ask him what he thinks about a lot of gender stuff. Some people have different orientations than we might think.
What the hell. You work in this field. I'm preaching to the choir. But sometimes the choir needs more help than the rest of the church. I sure did.
Take care and give yourself lots of respect for having attempted something a lot of people would be much too afraid to even consider thinking about. And then you put it all out here too. I'm in awe.
Andrea
Embarking on a "mini" RLE...
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
-
CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Wow! What incredibly thoughtful posts! Thanks! They deserve individual replies.
Andrea,
Yes, being out and about isn't all roses and chocolate. And, you're right; it is good to be reminded of this once in a while. But, you know, pain often has this weird property of becoming the foundation for a solid learning experience. About people. About ourselves. About life itself. And, yes, I've got my trowel in one hand and my plumb line in the other.
I may not be who people say I am, good or bad, but who I am is certainly influenced by my relationships with others--even relative strangers. There's no getting around this; it's life in a group. And it's not so much a matter of putting myself at someone else's mercy as it is a matter of welcoming a critical gaze from someone else in order to help me get a better sense of my own strengths and weaknesses. The image I have in my head right now is one of trying to right a painting hanging on a wall and, after much "back-and-forthing," still not being able to get it level. It just seems fruitful to sollicit someone's help by asking them to stand a few feet away and guide us as we slowly tip the frame this way and that. Of course, I realize the painting doesn't have to be level. I just find that this balance is more esthetically pleasing and harmonious.
Sartre once said that "hell is other people." Well, only if you yourself don't consider yourself as belonging to the category of "people." I do and I don't consciously set out to be someone else's hell, as many people do (however good and noble their intentions be). Other people are often mirrors to us or sounding boards. Insofar as we're aware that they can only reflect and echo to us what they believe they see and hear, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's a good thing. It beats living on a desert island with eroded boulders for sole company.
And the gratitude is mine, Andrea. Thank you for your comments. I'm glad you enjoyed the trip with me on my RLE.
Karen,
You wrote that some of your own experiences made you "want to go waaaaay back into the closet deep." Yes, that's how it felt. For a little while, anyway. But something strange happened over the past year or so. At first, it was disquieting but now I've gotten used to it. And that's the fact that it seems I can no longer access my closet. It's been sealed off. I have too many people "on my back" now who expect (indeed, respectfully and playfully require) me to follow through on my desire to become who I truly am. There's no going back, for me. I'll live.
Carolynn,
As usual, you ask pertinent questions and provide much food for thought (as if I didn't already have enough, woman!
). You wrote:
C.J., I do so much understand your feelings. There is nothing more hurtful to me than to be laughed at, when I am sincere. I am wondering if that was your experience Friday? How was your mood, really, when you awakened? It was early, were you optimistic about your day or uncertain? How much did the "therapist" person affect your self confidence?
You're absolutely right, Carolynn. Sincerity is a key point, here. Although the world may think I'm engaged in some elaborate masquerade, it's actually the opposite that is the case; when en femme, I'm showing myself as "nakedly" to the world as it's possible for me to do so. What others see is who I am, deep down in my own soul--a soul I learned to hide from others... as we all must to if we are to emotionally survive relatively unscathed in a world that has not much use (and, more often than not, little else but scorn) for gentle and sensitive men. This realization brings me to question whether or not it's possibly this that sets people (here, I'm thinking mostly of other, non-gender-variant men) on edge; I mean, is it the fact that we "wear," so to speak, our true natures on the outside whereas most people have become used to having to bury their own that makes them hate us so? Is it envy that makes them aggressive? In embracing our own femininity, we have something that they will never allow themselves to contemplate getting for themselves. I think there's a parallel here between a strident homophobia and latent homosexuality, no?
Regardless, I know I'm being as sincere as I can be when I'm en femme. To have made myself as ultimately vulnerable as this only to be rejected does, indeed, hurt like hell. But, along with that sincerity, that "unashamedness," comes a quiet strength, one that will ensure that I won't let myself be shot down by the ignorant crassness of a few self-alienated souls. I'm stronger than that. And I'm better than that... however much I may bawl my eyes out in the heat of the moment.
To answer your questions, Carolynn: no, I didn't feel super confident on Friday morning. All of Thursady night, I debated how to go about the following morning. I'll admit that I caved in somewhat under pressure. Carole had told me that, my finances being what they are, there was just no way that I could take a cab wherever I wanted to go whenever I wanted to--I'd have to face the "mass transit test" at some point and the sooner the better. Also, I'd told enough people (including folks right here, on the forum) that I was going to do this that I felt it was difficult for me to back out now. Anyway, when Friday morning rolled around at last, I just went with my guts. And my guts told me: "Go for it!" But I was, indeed, ill at ease. The "therapist person," in a few deft strokes, managed to kill whatever little confidence I'd still managed to hold on to by the time I walked into his office. I walked out of there a different person. Truly, I felt like I was a sham, a poor lost soul preyed upon by a momentary insanity. Just what the hell was I doing in these clothes? Why was I wearing makeup, for God's sake? Well, these feelings eventually passed (yeah, like around 5:00 in the afternoon, after much emergency soul-searching while keeping suicidal thoughts at bay). So, no, there wasn't much optimism to begin with. There was none left at all by the time the clock struck noon.
Like I told Carole a couple of hours later, all I felt was this incredibly heavy weariness. I was tired to the very core of my soul. My bones felt like lead pipes and all I wanted to do was to go to bed and sleep. For a long, long time. But Carole would have none of it. At one point, later in the afternoon, she just looked at me, all perky-like, and said "Hey! C'mon! Let's go buy some turnips and Cheerios and manure." Uh, yeah. Okay. I'll admit it worked, though. I felt better by the time I went to bed, after having spent most of the evening baragain-hunting with Carole in various supermarkets. Tomorrow was another day.
Tomorrow's always another day, isn't it? There's no getting around that, either. I'll get back on that horse at some point, I'm sure. Just not right now, you know?
Thanks for the compliment, Carolynn. And, again, thanks for posting your own thoughts here. They help. A lot.
Love,
CJ
Wow! What incredibly thoughtful posts! Thanks! They deserve individual replies.
Andrea,
Yes, being out and about isn't all roses and chocolate. And, you're right; it is good to be reminded of this once in a while. But, you know, pain often has this weird property of becoming the foundation for a solid learning experience. About people. About ourselves. About life itself. And, yes, I've got my trowel in one hand and my plumb line in the other.
I may not be who people say I am, good or bad, but who I am is certainly influenced by my relationships with others--even relative strangers. There's no getting around this; it's life in a group. And it's not so much a matter of putting myself at someone else's mercy as it is a matter of welcoming a critical gaze from someone else in order to help me get a better sense of my own strengths and weaknesses. The image I have in my head right now is one of trying to right a painting hanging on a wall and, after much "back-and-forthing," still not being able to get it level. It just seems fruitful to sollicit someone's help by asking them to stand a few feet away and guide us as we slowly tip the frame this way and that. Of course, I realize the painting doesn't have to be level. I just find that this balance is more esthetically pleasing and harmonious.
Sartre once said that "hell is other people." Well, only if you yourself don't consider yourself as belonging to the category of "people." I do and I don't consciously set out to be someone else's hell, as many people do (however good and noble their intentions be). Other people are often mirrors to us or sounding boards. Insofar as we're aware that they can only reflect and echo to us what they believe they see and hear, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's a good thing. It beats living on a desert island with eroded boulders for sole company.
And the gratitude is mine, Andrea. Thank you for your comments. I'm glad you enjoyed the trip with me on my RLE.
Karen,
You wrote that some of your own experiences made you "want to go waaaaay back into the closet deep." Yes, that's how it felt. For a little while, anyway. But something strange happened over the past year or so. At first, it was disquieting but now I've gotten used to it. And that's the fact that it seems I can no longer access my closet. It's been sealed off. I have too many people "on my back" now who expect (indeed, respectfully and playfully require) me to follow through on my desire to become who I truly am. There's no going back, for me. I'll live.
Carolynn,
As usual, you ask pertinent questions and provide much food for thought (as if I didn't already have enough, woman!
). You wrote:C.J., I do so much understand your feelings. There is nothing more hurtful to me than to be laughed at, when I am sincere. I am wondering if that was your experience Friday? How was your mood, really, when you awakened? It was early, were you optimistic about your day or uncertain? How much did the "therapist" person affect your self confidence?
You're absolutely right, Carolynn. Sincerity is a key point, here. Although the world may think I'm engaged in some elaborate masquerade, it's actually the opposite that is the case; when en femme, I'm showing myself as "nakedly" to the world as it's possible for me to do so. What others see is who I am, deep down in my own soul--a soul I learned to hide from others... as we all must to if we are to emotionally survive relatively unscathed in a world that has not much use (and, more often than not, little else but scorn) for gentle and sensitive men. This realization brings me to question whether or not it's possibly this that sets people (here, I'm thinking mostly of other, non-gender-variant men) on edge; I mean, is it the fact that we "wear," so to speak, our true natures on the outside whereas most people have become used to having to bury their own that makes them hate us so? Is it envy that makes them aggressive? In embracing our own femininity, we have something that they will never allow themselves to contemplate getting for themselves. I think there's a parallel here between a strident homophobia and latent homosexuality, no?
Regardless, I know I'm being as sincere as I can be when I'm en femme. To have made myself as ultimately vulnerable as this only to be rejected does, indeed, hurt like hell. But, along with that sincerity, that "unashamedness," comes a quiet strength, one that will ensure that I won't let myself be shot down by the ignorant crassness of a few self-alienated souls. I'm stronger than that. And I'm better than that... however much I may bawl my eyes out in the heat of the moment.
To answer your questions, Carolynn: no, I didn't feel super confident on Friday morning. All of Thursady night, I debated how to go about the following morning. I'll admit that I caved in somewhat under pressure. Carole had told me that, my finances being what they are, there was just no way that I could take a cab wherever I wanted to go whenever I wanted to--I'd have to face the "mass transit test" at some point and the sooner the better. Also, I'd told enough people (including folks right here, on the forum) that I was going to do this that I felt it was difficult for me to back out now. Anyway, when Friday morning rolled around at last, I just went with my guts. And my guts told me: "Go for it!" But I was, indeed, ill at ease. The "therapist person," in a few deft strokes, managed to kill whatever little confidence I'd still managed to hold on to by the time I walked into his office. I walked out of there a different person. Truly, I felt like I was a sham, a poor lost soul preyed upon by a momentary insanity. Just what the hell was I doing in these clothes? Why was I wearing makeup, for God's sake? Well, these feelings eventually passed (yeah, like around 5:00 in the afternoon, after much emergency soul-searching while keeping suicidal thoughts at bay). So, no, there wasn't much optimism to begin with. There was none left at all by the time the clock struck noon.
Like I told Carole a couple of hours later, all I felt was this incredibly heavy weariness. I was tired to the very core of my soul. My bones felt like lead pipes and all I wanted to do was to go to bed and sleep. For a long, long time. But Carole would have none of it. At one point, later in the afternoon, she just looked at me, all perky-like, and said "Hey! C'mon! Let's go buy some turnips and Cheerios and manure." Uh, yeah. Okay. I'll admit it worked, though. I felt better by the time I went to bed, after having spent most of the evening baragain-hunting with Carole in various supermarkets. Tomorrow was another day.
Tomorrow's always another day, isn't it? There's no getting around that, either. I'll get back on that horse at some point, I'm sure. Just not right now, you know?
Thanks for the compliment, Carolynn.
And, again, thanks for posting your own thoughts here. They help. A lot.Love,
CJ
-
CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Andrea,
Yes, as I've mentioned further up the thread, I'll give this a chance, this therapy. I do work in the field, true. And it sometimes takes months for us to get a clear indication from our clients as to what their true needs are. We're patient with them. I see no reason for me not to afford this therapist the same chance to get to know me.
Thanks.
Love,
CJ
Andrea,
Yes, as I've mentioned further up the thread, I'll give this a chance, this therapy. I do work in the field, true. And it sometimes takes months for us to get a clear indication from our clients as to what their true needs are. We're patient with them. I see no reason for me not to afford this therapist the same chance to get to know me.
Thanks.
Love,
CJ
-
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Hi CJ,
After reading your last few posts I was reminded of something I heard Wayne Dyer say. I will get to that in a moment, but first I wanted to preface it by saying that it is about how we all seem to realize exactly what we expect.
It was hard for me not to notice the stark contrast between your experience before and after meeting with the therapist. I beleive because he focused on transgenderedness as something strictly sexual, it implied you were a sexual deviant. Something of course we all must address if we are to truly have a look at who we are, and what we are really all about.
Once the therapist shattered your self perception, you felt the eyes and indeed voices of those who see you in the way that the therapist suggested. Is it that all of the sudden the public had turned on you, or was it that you became aware in a way that you were not before, making you unable to block out those negative things that people always say and you just don't hear or notice?
Why is it that our experience is almost always exactly what we expect it to be? Now, on to what Wayne Dyer said. I can not quote it word for word so I will do my best to give you the gist of what he was trying to say.
He said that he travels a lot and he meets a lot of people from different places. He said that a woman came up to him after one of his motivational speeches and said that she was moving to his home town and she wanted to know what the people were like there. He asked her "What are the people like where you come from?" She replied that the people in her hometown were very friendly and easy to talk to and it was a very pleasant place. He then told her "the people in my home town are very much the same".
He said that at a later date on the same speech giving tour another person came up to him and said that he also was moving to Wayne's hometown and he also enquired "what are the people like there?". Wayne asked him the same question. "well? what are the people like in your hometown?". The man replied that people in his town were very judgemental and closed minded, people were not friendly and there was no spirit of goodwill. Wayen replied to him "the people in my home town are very much the same".
The message is that we often see and hear exactly what we expect. I know in my own case this is very much true. There are times when Raven or one of my kids or friends become very uncomfortable because they hear things they consider derogatory, or they see people staring and making gestures. But for some reason I never seem to hear it or see it. How can thier experience be so different than mine?
I believe that I am experiencing exactly what I expect to and so are they. It is a matter of selective perception. We really do experience our lives as we beleive we are going to. I often wonder why it seems my experience is such a positive one. Even when people are rude or even mean, I just seem to shrug it off as a person trying to blow out my candle to make thier own seem brighter.
Personally I never have the urge to take off my female clothes, jewelry and makeup, certainly not to gain acceptance from those who never accepted me in men's clothes. For me the real humilation was from not stacking up in men's clothes in the men's world. I don't see how anything could even come close to how isolated I have felt trying to act like a man.
I know this is irrelevant to most crossdressers here who not only enjoy dressing in women's clothes, but also truly enjoy thier lives as men. But then again, most crossdressers would have no need for a RLE. My RLE is ongoing. 16 months now. I guess all those years of not stacking up in the man's world has hardened me to the critisizm of others. It seems I just don't seem to experience it. I don't see anyone elses right to exist as more important or relevant than my own.
I am sure when you reflect on the entirety of what you have learned and what it means to you, you will realize that it is you who must tell the world who you are, not the other way around.
Love always,
Elizabeth
After reading your last few posts I was reminded of something I heard Wayne Dyer say. I will get to that in a moment, but first I wanted to preface it by saying that it is about how we all seem to realize exactly what we expect.
It was hard for me not to notice the stark contrast between your experience before and after meeting with the therapist. I beleive because he focused on transgenderedness as something strictly sexual, it implied you were a sexual deviant. Something of course we all must address if we are to truly have a look at who we are, and what we are really all about.
Once the therapist shattered your self perception, you felt the eyes and indeed voices of those who see you in the way that the therapist suggested. Is it that all of the sudden the public had turned on you, or was it that you became aware in a way that you were not before, making you unable to block out those negative things that people always say and you just don't hear or notice?
Why is it that our experience is almost always exactly what we expect it to be? Now, on to what Wayne Dyer said. I can not quote it word for word so I will do my best to give you the gist of what he was trying to say.
He said that he travels a lot and he meets a lot of people from different places. He said that a woman came up to him after one of his motivational speeches and said that she was moving to his home town and she wanted to know what the people were like there. He asked her "What are the people like where you come from?" She replied that the people in her hometown were very friendly and easy to talk to and it was a very pleasant place. He then told her "the people in my home town are very much the same".
He said that at a later date on the same speech giving tour another person came up to him and said that he also was moving to Wayne's hometown and he also enquired "what are the people like there?". Wayne asked him the same question. "well? what are the people like in your hometown?". The man replied that people in his town were very judgemental and closed minded, people were not friendly and there was no spirit of goodwill. Wayen replied to him "the people in my home town are very much the same".
The message is that we often see and hear exactly what we expect. I know in my own case this is very much true. There are times when Raven or one of my kids or friends become very uncomfortable because they hear things they consider derogatory, or they see people staring and making gestures. But for some reason I never seem to hear it or see it. How can thier experience be so different than mine?
I believe that I am experiencing exactly what I expect to and so are they. It is a matter of selective perception. We really do experience our lives as we beleive we are going to. I often wonder why it seems my experience is such a positive one. Even when people are rude or even mean, I just seem to shrug it off as a person trying to blow out my candle to make thier own seem brighter.
Personally I never have the urge to take off my female clothes, jewelry and makeup, certainly not to gain acceptance from those who never accepted me in men's clothes. For me the real humilation was from not stacking up in men's clothes in the men's world. I don't see how anything could even come close to how isolated I have felt trying to act like a man.
I know this is irrelevant to most crossdressers here who not only enjoy dressing in women's clothes, but also truly enjoy thier lives as men. But then again, most crossdressers would have no need for a RLE. My RLE is ongoing. 16 months now. I guess all those years of not stacking up in the man's world has hardened me to the critisizm of others. It seems I just don't seem to experience it. I don't see anyone elses right to exist as more important or relevant than my own.
I am sure when you reflect on the entirety of what you have learned and what it means to you, you will realize that it is you who must tell the world who you are, not the other way around.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Thanks, Elizabeth! Awesome post!
Yes, I'll admit it; I'm more fragile than you are in this regard. More uncertain. The truth is, despite very negative (and, yes, physically violent) episodes in my life regarding my crossdressing, I have no expectations regarding people's reactions to me being who I am. Oh, to be sure, I have wishes and desires that things go well when I'm out en femme and when I relate to, and interact with, other people (in whatever gender I happen to be at the moment). But I rarely expect them to. I don't know if you can grasp the difference, Elizabeth?
If you can blithely make your way through your life by ignoring the jarring effect you have on others, so much the better. But if you purposefully and wilfully disregard other people's ways of making sense of their world just because you think those ways slight you somehow, then nobody wins. Nobody wins because you go on your merry way, unchanged, and so do they. Now, like I said above, if I lived on a desert isle this wouldn't be a problem. But I don't. I live in a world of people, individuals like myself. Messy, confused, vague, and self-searching individuals. I'm willing to give them this much leeway: they're no less the walking wounded than I am. Being alive means we also hurt. It comes with the territory. That punkish girl shivering on the corner who told me what I was doing was pathetic is no less emotionally vulnerable than I am. Maybe the only difference between us is that I know this whereas she's managed to somehow bury that knowledge. Who of the two of us is worse off?
I understand what you mean, Elizabeth, about our experience being a mirror to our expectations. And there's much wisdom in that view. I just wish the world were so easily "graspable" for me. It isn't. There's a slight difference in our approaches, you and I. Whereas I will "say" to the world (by being who I am): "This is who I am; who are you?" I often get the feeling (and I may be wrong about this) that you (by being who you are) are saying to that same world: "This is who I am; take it or leave it." Is this a fair assessment?
I don't necessarily want to present an ultimatum to the world around me; I want to be in a relationship with the world around me because, despite the crap I often see around me, I do love this world. I find the fragility and vulnerability of people (my own included) a wonder to behold. That we human beings are capable of such great achievements, of such noble and lofty enterprises, and yet still be like scared children deep down inside, makes me love who we are even more.
In other words, Elizabeth, I don't necessarily want to stand in a place that forever puts me in opposition to other people. I see myself as being in the same boat they are. To pretend I'm not (by confronting their own sensibilities come what may) is something I'm not willing to do. I've only ever done this once, recently, with my father... and that relationship is now lost to me. And it's a great loss.
I wasn't thinking (nor feeling) straight when I walked by that girl last Friday. If I'd been truly myself, I would've turned back and gone to chat with her for a spell. Not chew her out--chat with her. Give her an opportunity to tell me who she is and what her own life and situation look like from her vantage point, and ask her why she thought what I was doing was pathetic (and be ready for any answer she would give). This is how you turn foes into friends; this is how you learn about yourself, others, the world. Not by ignoring them, but by being sollicitous of their own experience. Elizabeth, you said that you "don't see anyone elses right to exist as more important or relevant than [your] own." I'd twist this slightly in order to bring out the fact that, on the other hand, I don't see anyone else's right to exist as less important or relevant than my own. And I will behave towards them accordingly.
This is why I'm a little bit more unsure than you are when it comes to putting myself out there. The only thing I truly expect from other people (and my experience does, indeed, mirror those expectations) is that they not fear to be who they truly are around me (whether good or bad), even as I struggle to gather the courage to accord myself the same determination. We don't live in a black-or-white world, however much Mr. Dyer's parables want to make us believe so (I have enormous respect for this man, by the way--I first read Your Erroneous Zones when I was a teen; I see him as a person who's gone very, very far in the exploration of his own inner country and that he's willing to "come back and share the boon" of his discoveries with us makes him a true hero in my eyes).
Anyway, Elizabeth, as usual your posts are thought-provoking and a joy to read. I'm glad that you're part of my world (shall we do the "phone thang" tonight?
--I was simply too tired last night, sorry 
).Love,
CJ
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KarenW
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 35
- Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2005 5:13 pm
CJ you really go much deeper than alot of people think for themselves including me. I tend to sit up here and wish this whole society would cater to me. I want the world to be as I see it and not as it really IS. Losing site of the fact that everything is what it should be. This universe is acting and unfolding, operating just like it is supposed to. And its perfect. Completed. The things we percieve as good or bad are just that. A perception. And judgement only defines you not the things you judge.
Being a huge Dyer fan myself (You'll See it When You Believe It, Real Magic, Erroneous Zones, Sacred Self, Spiritual Solution, Manifest your Destiny), as you can see I have read damm near his whole library, and he once said, 'change the way you look at things and the things you look at , change'. Its all about our perceptions, of ourselves and the world around us.
It is all glorious. Life, the miracle of it all. His main thing, Dyer, is that you are who you are for a reason in all of your uniqueness, and not to let anyone define you by their judgements. Easier said than done ,but your last post reminded me of this , and I needed it too, thanks.
There is beauty in this world but one must make a CHOICE to see it. I kNOW all of this to be TRUE but have had problems putting it into effect in my life. Beauty is truth and truth beauty when you get right down to it.
Being a huge Dyer fan myself (You'll See it When You Believe It, Real Magic, Erroneous Zones, Sacred Self, Spiritual Solution, Manifest your Destiny), as you can see I have read damm near his whole library, and he once said, 'change the way you look at things and the things you look at , change'. Its all about our perceptions, of ourselves and the world around us.
It is all glorious. Life, the miracle of it all. His main thing, Dyer, is that you are who you are for a reason in all of your uniqueness, and not to let anyone define you by their judgements. Easier said than done ,but your last post reminded me of this , and I needed it too, thanks.
There is beauty in this world but one must make a CHOICE to see it. I kNOW all of this to be TRUE but have had problems putting it into effect in my life. Beauty is truth and truth beauty when you get right down to it.
-
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
CJ,
I do understand that your approach is different than mine and I do not think it is any better or worse than mine. It may indeed prove to be a better way. I guess I am just tired of holding up a sign that reads in big red letters
EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE
Now if someone approaches me and inquires about my beleifs, that is an entirely different thing. My attitude in public is much as my attitude is here. Kind of a "this is who I am" regardless of if anyone approves. That is how I am able to be so open about my life. I really do not care who approves or does not.
I have chosen to live the experience I want. I tried it the other way for 42 years, living the experience others want for me, and it never made my life happy. I am not giving up my power to anyone. Why would I allow anyone else to decide whether or not I am going to be happy?
Maybe this is the wrong approach, but I can say difinitively, I am happier than I have been. I am living for me, finally.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I do understand that your approach is different than mine and I do not think it is any better or worse than mine. It may indeed prove to be a better way. I guess I am just tired of holding up a sign that reads in big red letters
EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE
This is a very accurate assessment. However, this does not mean I have closed myself off from the world. Quite the contrary. People strike up conversations with me all the time. This has not changed since I started dressing full time. What I am not open to, is the judgements of others. I do not offer others a choice about accepting me because it is not my choice to offer. They either will or won't. I accept that some people are not going to accept me, and I am unconcerned about why because I do not intend to change to gain acceptance. Nor do I have the strength or desire to attempt to change them. The chances of changing someone else is extremely remote.CJ wrote:
I often get the feeling (and I may be wrong about this) that you (by being who you are) are saying to that same world: "This is who I am; take it or leave it." Is this a fair assessment?
Now if someone approaches me and inquires about my beleifs, that is an entirely different thing. My attitude in public is much as my attitude is here. Kind of a "this is who I am" regardless of if anyone approves. That is how I am able to be so open about my life. I really do not care who approves or does not.
I have chosen to live the experience I want. I tried it the other way for 42 years, living the experience others want for me, and it never made my life happy. I am not giving up my power to anyone. Why would I allow anyone else to decide whether or not I am going to be happy?
See? I really don't know what you hope would be gained from such an encounter. I would never change who I am just because someone thought I was pathetic, so it would be insincere of me to make such an inquiry knowing the answer is of no concern to me. My only other choice is to give others a say so. I have no desire to be talked out of being who I am, not matter how convincing the argument may be. So the reason anyone thinks I am pathetic is not valued information. That means it only serves to injure me. I have had enough of that in my life. I will subject myself to no more.CJ wrote:
If I'd been truly myself, I would've turned back and gone to chat with her for a spell. Not chew her out--chat with her. Give her an opportunity to tell me who she is and what her own life and situation look like from her vantage point, and ask her why she thought what I was doing was pathetic (and be ready for any answer she would give).
Maybe this is the wrong approach, but I can say difinitively, I am happier than I have been. I am living for me, finally.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3344
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:30 am
Appro pos of nothing I am going to quote a friend of mine. "It's none of my business what other people think of me. Who am I to judge their thoughts anyway?" Something I need to remember more often although there are loved ones inmy life whos opinion does not fall into that category.
On the other hand how they treat me is my business. CJ I am very impressed by the idea that you would consdier trying to dialogue with this homeless person although we must of course be prepared for any response.
A
On the other hand how they treat me is my business. CJ I am very impressed by the idea that you would consdier trying to dialogue with this homeless person although we must of course be prepared for any response.
A
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Elizabeth, yoiu said it earlier--"Someone trying to blow out my candle, to make theirs brighter." When someone is laughing at me, or making comments, that tells me that they probably aren't feeling very good. They're lashing out at me to make their own pain go away.
If my 'flame' is bright enough, I have no problem with the idea of speaking to them, very briefly. It's so easy for them to dislike an object in front of them, but it's not so easy if the object speaks and becomes human. Then they have to make a choice about how they're going to treat me.
The driver who tailgates me is just a "thing" to me, and I curse at them and tap my brakes, shaking my fist. It really bugs me! But if that driver were suddenly beside me and said something apologetic, they'd instantly be "human" again, and I'd soften up.
I'm not using the above example to say that we're like tailgaters, and we're the ones at fault! I'm just saying that it's easy to "thing" people, make objects out of them, and then you can feel justified in putting them down and disliking them. But if they speak directly to you, this whole cycle breaks down. What happens then is at least a fork in the road. They may very well just yell louder at me, but at least I've shattered the glass that separates us, for a moment.
This is in theory, mind you. I haven't had a chance to put it in practice. But related to this, I think, is the habit I'm trying to develop. When someone 'sirs" me, I immediately smile and say, "When I'm dressed like this, it's ma'am." It has to be immediate, though--a reflex. Otherwise, it doesn't work as well, or comes off as scolding them. I've come through once with this line since I resolved to do it, and it made me feel good.
If my 'flame' is bright enough, I have no problem with the idea of speaking to them, very briefly. It's so easy for them to dislike an object in front of them, but it's not so easy if the object speaks and becomes human. Then they have to make a choice about how they're going to treat me.
The driver who tailgates me is just a "thing" to me, and I curse at them and tap my brakes, shaking my fist. It really bugs me! But if that driver were suddenly beside me and said something apologetic, they'd instantly be "human" again, and I'd soften up.
I'm not using the above example to say that we're like tailgaters, and we're the ones at fault!
I'm just saying that it's easy to "thing" people, make objects out of them, and then you can feel justified in putting them down and disliking them. But if they speak directly to you, this whole cycle breaks down. What happens then is at least a fork in the road. They may very well just yell louder at me, but at least I've shattered the glass that separates us, for a moment.This is in theory, mind you. I haven't had a chance to put it in practice. But related to this, I think, is the habit I'm trying to develop. When someone 'sirs" me, I immediately smile and say, "When I'm dressed like this, it's ma'am." It has to be immediate, though--a reflex. Otherwise, it doesn't work as well, or comes off as scolding them. I've come through once with this line since I resolved to do it, and it made me feel good.
-
CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Again, good posts (and points well taken!).
Elizabeth,
I'm glad we got a chance to talk last night. It was a great pleasure for me. It also allowed us to explore together each of our own thoughts, ideas, and opinions about this whole issue. Your candle is bright, indeed.
I think that, perhaps, a slight difference between our two respective stances regarding this has to do with the effect that emotional pain has had on us. For some people (and I'm not saying this is your case--far from it), being emotionally battered (or crippled, as you say) has a souring effect on their idea of "connectedness"; it leads them to hold a dim view of human relationships (or, at least, of its potentially harmful or darker aspects). On the other hand, for others (and I would include myself in this lot), having suffered has led them to want to be "creatively engaged" in the pain of others, out of both compassion as well as out of an understanding that emotional pain, though unavoidable, is made bearable when another human being cares enough about our lived experience (and our interpretation of that experience) that he or she is willing to bear witness to it.
Remember the movie, Crash, that came out last year? The film begins with a voice-over narration by the main character. He finds it strange, he says, that in L.A., nobody talks to anybody else; all we know of human beings there are the floating chests and heads we see through car windshields. It takes an accident for people to leave their vehicles and talk. I have no intention of waiting for such crashes before connecting to others. Doing so only ensures that the likelihood is much higher that our emotional involvement with other human beings happens as a result of such "accidents" (or some such "emergency" situation).
When the girl threw insults my way last Friday, it was an accident, a "crash." Though strangers to each other (or perhaps, as Anita suggests, because they were strangers to each other) two human beings "met" in a way that had no positive outcome for either one. Normally, I would've "gotten out of my car" (to pursue the analogy) and talked to her. But I was already stunned from a previous crash--at the therapist's office--not even a couple of hours before. I would've gone to this girl, Elizabeth, not just for her, but for me--to try to see (or sense) what happened (or is happening) in her life that makes her believe that what I was doing was pathetic. Not so that I could change her views (I have no control over that and, as Andrea suggests, it may be that it's none of my business). Not so that I could change who I am (like I told you last night, I cannot do that either). But merely so that I can understand, so that I can know for myself what's going on in this fragile and hurting being that would lead her to lash out like that at strangers. If this is a waste of time, then so is any pursuit of knowledge and wisdom that have the human heart and mind for objects.
I've done enough such lashing out in my own life to know how much of a cry for help it can be.
Last night, Elizabeth, we talked of fear, of change, of the determination to be ourselves, of society, and of self-love and self-esteem--all of them crucial considerations in the promotion of our psychological well-being. What we didn't talk about is humour, or joy, or laughter, or a lightness of heart that, to me, are as essential to that well-being as is anything else. Now, I know that you're as capable of all these as anyone else (we're all human, right?) and that they're part of your daily diet. In my case, I want to focus on these aspects not just of my life but of life in general. Yes, I was hurt by what the punkish girl said. But what she did is no less bizarre, no less poignantly human, than what I was doing. I will not condemn her for it; however, I should've made an effort to see and understand "where her head is at" by just plainly, simply, talking with her, by "shattering the glass that separates us," as Anita, again, so well describes it.
Yes, it's a big load I'm taking on, as you yourself told me last night, Elizabeth. And I agree. But my desire, my seemingly unquenchable thirst, to know what makes us (all of us: you, me, the punkish girl, people) tick is a very powerful driving force in my life. Powerful enough, usually, to allow me to take that load on. With a singing heart, no less.
I think what hurt me more last Friday (because, to be honest, the girl was forgotten by the following day) was the therapist. And I think I know why. I went to him expecting that he'd have the answers to the questions that plagued me and the remedies to my ills. Well, not only didn't he but his cold, clinical approach and his (I can see it now) hilarious suggestions only served to make me feel as though I were boxed into a psychiatric diagnosis. I'm not sick. I'm not ill. But I am distressed by the fact that I live in a society that welcomes diversity with one hand and chucks it in the garbage with the other. The therapist reduced my distress to a purely personal, "intra-psychic" imbalance issue. That made me feel like manure much more than having some girl pass judgment on my appearance.
Anyway, Elizabeth, I really, truly enjoyed chatting with you last night. It's always a boon to have brains (and guts) in one's entourage. You have a lot of both (and a "Super-Sized" heart, to boot!). Thanks for being who you are and double-thanks for not being afraid to show that person to the world.
Anita,
I don't mind you tailgating... phone me, woman!
Love,
CJ
Again, good posts (and points well taken!).
Elizabeth,
I'm glad we got a chance to talk last night. It was a great pleasure for me. It also allowed us to explore together each of our own thoughts, ideas, and opinions about this whole issue. Your candle is bright, indeed.
I think that, perhaps, a slight difference between our two respective stances regarding this has to do with the effect that emotional pain has had on us. For some people (and I'm not saying this is your case--far from it), being emotionally battered (or crippled, as you say) has a souring effect on their idea of "connectedness"; it leads them to hold a dim view of human relationships (or, at least, of its potentially harmful or darker aspects). On the other hand, for others (and I would include myself in this lot), having suffered has led them to want to be "creatively engaged" in the pain of others, out of both compassion as well as out of an understanding that emotional pain, though unavoidable, is made bearable when another human being cares enough about our lived experience (and our interpretation of that experience) that he or she is willing to bear witness to it.
Remember the movie, Crash, that came out last year? The film begins with a voice-over narration by the main character. He finds it strange, he says, that in L.A., nobody talks to anybody else; all we know of human beings there are the floating chests and heads we see through car windshields. It takes an accident for people to leave their vehicles and talk. I have no intention of waiting for such crashes before connecting to others. Doing so only ensures that the likelihood is much higher that our emotional involvement with other human beings happens as a result of such "accidents" (or some such "emergency" situation).
When the girl threw insults my way last Friday, it was an accident, a "crash." Though strangers to each other (or perhaps, as Anita suggests, because they were strangers to each other) two human beings "met" in a way that had no positive outcome for either one. Normally, I would've "gotten out of my car" (to pursue the analogy) and talked to her. But I was already stunned from a previous crash--at the therapist's office--not even a couple of hours before. I would've gone to this girl, Elizabeth, not just for her, but for me--to try to see (or sense) what happened (or is happening) in her life that makes her believe that what I was doing was pathetic. Not so that I could change her views (I have no control over that and, as Andrea suggests, it may be that it's none of my business). Not so that I could change who I am (like I told you last night, I cannot do that either). But merely so that I can understand, so that I can know for myself what's going on in this fragile and hurting being that would lead her to lash out like that at strangers. If this is a waste of time, then so is any pursuit of knowledge and wisdom that have the human heart and mind for objects.
I've done enough such lashing out in my own life to know how much of a cry for help it can be.
Last night, Elizabeth, we talked of fear, of change, of the determination to be ourselves, of society, and of self-love and self-esteem--all of them crucial considerations in the promotion of our psychological well-being. What we didn't talk about is humour, or joy, or laughter, or a lightness of heart that, to me, are as essential to that well-being as is anything else. Now, I know that you're as capable of all these as anyone else (we're all human, right?) and that they're part of your daily diet. In my case, I want to focus on these aspects not just of my life but of life in general. Yes, I was hurt by what the punkish girl said. But what she did is no less bizarre, no less poignantly human, than what I was doing. I will not condemn her for it; however, I should've made an effort to see and understand "where her head is at" by just plainly, simply, talking with her, by "shattering the glass that separates us," as Anita, again, so well describes it.
Yes, it's a big load I'm taking on, as you yourself told me last night, Elizabeth. And I agree. But my desire, my seemingly unquenchable thirst, to know what makes us (all of us: you, me, the punkish girl, people) tick is a very powerful driving force in my life. Powerful enough, usually, to allow me to take that load on. With a singing heart, no less.
I think what hurt me more last Friday (because, to be honest, the girl was forgotten by the following day) was the therapist. And I think I know why. I went to him expecting that he'd have the answers to the questions that plagued me and the remedies to my ills. Well, not only didn't he but his cold, clinical approach and his (I can see it now) hilarious suggestions only served to make me feel as though I were boxed into a psychiatric diagnosis. I'm not sick. I'm not ill. But I am distressed by the fact that I live in a society that welcomes diversity with one hand and chucks it in the garbage with the other. The therapist reduced my distress to a purely personal, "intra-psychic" imbalance issue. That made me feel like manure much more than having some girl pass judgment on my appearance.
Anyway, Elizabeth, I really, truly enjoyed chatting with you last night. It's always a boon to have brains (and guts) in one's entourage. You have a lot of both (and a "Super-Sized" heart, to boot!). Thanks for being who you are and double-thanks for not being afraid to show that person to the world.
Anita,
I don't mind you tailgating... phone me, woman!
Love,
CJ
-
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Hi girls,
CJ,
I really enjoyed our conversation, we did touch on so many issues. I had a great time, I can't beleive how fast the time went by. I certainly could have talked much longer. I enjoy hearing your perspective on things. I don't beleive there is a right or wrong way to approach things, we each must find our own way. I am very much looking forward to our next conversation.
One thing I have noticed from reading your post, Anita's post and Andrea's post is that I have come across as indifferent to humanity. It is not that I do not wish to engage the world, it is that I do not wish to engage those who only wish to be heard as a means of showing themselves to be superior to me. I am not interested in engaging those who think I am pathetic or any other "colorful metaphor" they may have for me, unless they are interested in knowing about me. I don't beleive it is worth the effort to attempt to educate those who do not desire knowledge.
I beleive that everyone who has spoken on the issue is correct to say that those who lash out against us, are showing thier pain to us. I came from a family where we were told we were superior to everyone, and it was us against the world. Everybody and everything was critisized, including the selected family member, when no one else was available for critisizm. It really was the classic "let's blow out someone elses candle to make ours seem brighter".
When I became an adult I moved away and never looked back. I was glad to be out of that environment. It was one that is really just total negativity. In my own life I engaged people, looked for thier good points instead of thier weak points. I found it was easier to look for the good in people, than look for the bad. I found that when I forgave people their weaknesses, they would forgive mine. I enjoyed not being critisized all the time. I enjoyed not being in that negative cycle all the time.
So? I guess I am just sensitised to people who are openly critical of others, in some weak attempt to raise their own standing. I have had such good luck by just avoiding people like that, I guess I made it part of my life philosophy. Life is to short to waste on engaging those who will never see my good points. I am sure I miss out on the few, who like myself, can be converted from the "dark side" to eventually see the light of living life in a positive mode, but it is only because the responsibility is just so huge, the pain too real, and the outcome is so certain.
I do want to live my life in the positive. I want to see the good in people, not thier faults. I want people who can see my good points, not just my shortcomings. That is why I come here and spill my guts to all of you. This is a unique and wonderful place where virtually everyone is willing to see my strengths, help me overcome my weaknesses, and not judge me while doing it.
Love always,
Elizabeth
CJ,
I really enjoyed our conversation, we did touch on so many issues. I had a great time, I can't beleive how fast the time went by. I certainly could have talked much longer. I enjoy hearing your perspective on things. I don't beleive there is a right or wrong way to approach things, we each must find our own way. I am very much looking forward to our next conversation.
One thing I have noticed from reading your post, Anita's post and Andrea's post is that I have come across as indifferent to humanity. It is not that I do not wish to engage the world, it is that I do not wish to engage those who only wish to be heard as a means of showing themselves to be superior to me. I am not interested in engaging those who think I am pathetic or any other "colorful metaphor" they may have for me, unless they are interested in knowing about me. I don't beleive it is worth the effort to attempt to educate those who do not desire knowledge.
I beleive that everyone who has spoken on the issue is correct to say that those who lash out against us, are showing thier pain to us. I came from a family where we were told we were superior to everyone, and it was us against the world. Everybody and everything was critisized, including the selected family member, when no one else was available for critisizm. It really was the classic "let's blow out someone elses candle to make ours seem brighter".
When I became an adult I moved away and never looked back. I was glad to be out of that environment. It was one that is really just total negativity. In my own life I engaged people, looked for thier good points instead of thier weak points. I found it was easier to look for the good in people, than look for the bad. I found that when I forgave people their weaknesses, they would forgive mine. I enjoyed not being critisized all the time. I enjoyed not being in that negative cycle all the time.
So? I guess I am just sensitised to people who are openly critical of others, in some weak attempt to raise their own standing. I have had such good luck by just avoiding people like that, I guess I made it part of my life philosophy. Life is to short to waste on engaging those who will never see my good points. I am sure I miss out on the few, who like myself, can be converted from the "dark side" to eventually see the light of living life in a positive mode, but it is only because the responsibility is just so huge, the pain too real, and the outcome is so certain.
I do want to live my life in the positive. I want to see the good in people, not thier faults. I want people who can see my good points, not just my shortcomings. That is why I come here and spill my guts to all of you. This is a unique and wonderful place where virtually everyone is willing to see my strengths, help me overcome my weaknesses, and not judge me while doing it.
Love always,
Elizabeth
Last edited by Elizabeth on Fri Dec 16, 2005 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Maria
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 2302
- Joined: Sat Oct 22, 2005 12:50 pm
- Location: SF Bay Area
Hi CJ and Elizabeth!
Excellent posts from both of you! It's wonderful that both of you can share a conversation in a positive way.
CJ,
During my teenage years, I had no friends, no self-esteem, poor social skills with people, and a hostile family environment. I remember my parents taking me to a therapist at a local hospital; my parents were concerned about my emotional development. I didn't know why I was having so many aldolescent issues. The therapist saw my issues as part of the bigger family problem. I remember him saying that he has never encountered a complex situation that I was facing. It took me almost twenty years to realize that the therapist was correct. None of my family members were willing to admit openly that they didn't interact with each other in an open, positive way, and that were all resistant to change or new ideas. I can't change the behavior nor opinions of my family members. I learned that change comes from within; I don't see myself as sick nor ill. I am in charge of my own behavior and lifestyle.
I lived in a dysfunctional family for many years. Negativity, egotism, and criticism, was part of childhood. My parents divorced when I was 17, I lived with my father for the next 20 years, and I am finally out on my own as an adult. I kept my crossdressing a secret from my family. Instead of seeing crossdressing as a negativity, I now see it as a positive aspect that will endure during my life. I have learned to integrate the good parts of my male and feminine aspects of my unique and distinctive personality.
I now face my fears and see the open doors to new challenges, opportunity, and hope.
Maria
Excellent posts from both of you! It's wonderful that both of you can share a conversation in a positive way.
CJ wrote:
I think what hurt me more last Friday (because, to be honest, the girl was forgotten by the following day) was the therapist. And I think I know why. I went to him expecting that he'd have the answers to the questions that plagued me and the remedies to my ills. Well, not only didn't he but his cold, clinical approach and his (I can see it now) hilarious suggestions only served to make me feel as though I were boxed into a psychiatric diagnosis. I'm not sick. I'm not ill. But I am distressed by the fact that I live in a society that welcomes diversity with one hand and chucks it in the garbage with the other.
CJ,
During my teenage years, I had no friends, no self-esteem, poor social skills with people, and a hostile family environment. I remember my parents taking me to a therapist at a local hospital; my parents were concerned about my emotional development. I didn't know why I was having so many aldolescent issues. The therapist saw my issues as part of the bigger family problem. I remember him saying that he has never encountered a complex situation that I was facing. It took me almost twenty years to realize that the therapist was correct. None of my family members were willing to admit openly that they didn't interact with each other in an open, positive way, and that were all resistant to change or new ideas. I can't change the behavior nor opinions of my family members. I learned that change comes from within; I don't see myself as sick nor ill. I am in charge of my own behavior and lifestyle.
Elizabeth,Elizabeth wrote:
I beleive that everyone who has spoken on the issue is correct to say that those who lash out against us, are showing thier pain to us. I came from a family where we were told we were superior to everyone, and it was us against the world. Everybody and everything was critisized.including the selected family member, when no one else was available for critisizm.
When I became an adult I moved away and never looked back. I was glad to be out of that environment. It was one that is really just total negativity. In my own life I engaged people, looked for thier good points instead of thier weak points. I found it was easier to look for the good in people, that look for the bad. I found that when I forgave people their weaknesses, they would forgive mine. I enjoyed not being critisized all the time. I enjoyed not being in that negative cycle all the time.
I do want to live my life in the positive. I want to see the good in people, not thier faults. I want people who can see my good points, not just my shortcomings.
This is a unique and wonderful place where virtually everyone is willing to see my strengths, help me overcome my weaknesses, and not judge me while doing it.
I lived in a dysfunctional family for many years. Negativity, egotism, and criticism, was part of childhood. My parents divorced when I was 17, I lived with my father for the next 20 years, and I am finally out on my own as an adult. I kept my crossdressing a secret from my family. Instead of seeing crossdressing as a negativity, I now see it as a positive aspect that will endure during my life. I have learned to integrate the good parts of my male and feminine aspects of my unique and distinctive personality.
I now face my fears and see the open doors to new challenges, opportunity, and hope.
Maria
-
Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Cj,
Honey, I don't know that it would make any dofference if I posted or not. I have read and reread these responses and I stand in awe of my sisters here. There intelligence, love, empathy, respect has served me well as I am sure it will others who take the time to read this insight that is totally unattainable from any other place on earth as far as I am concerned!
I will not comment simply because how I live my life day to day with Virginia is the way we have adopted it, tweeked it, adjusted it to suit us! We love it and I would not even begin to force it or even initiate it on anyone else. We all have to eventually as the song goes. "The Reverend Mr. Black" "You got to walk that lonely valley, you got to walk it by yourself." We are here to support each other, but you, Elizabeth, Anita, and the rest of my sisters here know, the final decision is ours to make!
We all love you, honey and are proud of what you have accomplished, and we can offer suggestions, but your the one that has to take that first step on your journey. You will have lots of input to base your decision on. So take your time, seek what you are comfortable. Remember my favorite Bible verse: "Wisdom is the principle thing, therefore get wisdom, but..... with all thy getting get understanding!"
We love you and we are here for you!
Go forth woman and BE!
Virginia
Honey, I don't know that it would make any dofference if I posted or not. I have read and reread these responses and I stand in awe of my sisters here. There intelligence, love, empathy, respect has served me well as I am sure it will others who take the time to read this insight that is totally unattainable from any other place on earth as far as I am concerned!
I will not comment simply because how I live my life day to day with Virginia is the way we have adopted it, tweeked it, adjusted it to suit us! We love it and I would not even begin to force it or even initiate it on anyone else. We all have to eventually as the song goes. "The Reverend Mr. Black" "You got to walk that lonely valley, you got to walk it by yourself." We are here to support each other, but you, Elizabeth, Anita, and the rest of my sisters here know, the final decision is ours to make!
We all love you, honey and are proud of what you have accomplished, and we can offer suggestions, but your the one that has to take that first step on your journey. You will have lots of input to base your decision on. So take your time, seek what you are comfortable. Remember my favorite Bible verse: "Wisdom is the principle thing, therefore get wisdom, but..... with all thy getting get understanding!"
We love you and we are here for you!
Go forth woman and BE!
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
CJ - I've been following your mini RLE off and on between late nights trying to get a report out.
I laughed when you said the hairdresser told you how to get the same results at home. Yeah right!
I am sorry that your last day was such a downer. Man, that sucks. It always amazes me how people feel free to say whatever stupid stuff crosses their minds, because *obviously* they are the only ones with feelings.
I am looking forward to your discussion regarding the difficulty the world has with ambiguity in gender presentation.
Finally, hugs to you and to your friend Carole. She sounds like a jewel.
-g
I laughed when you said the hairdresser told you how to get the same results at home. Yeah right!
I am sorry that your last day was such a downer. Man, that sucks. It always amazes me how people feel free to say whatever stupid stuff crosses their minds, because *obviously* they are the only ones with feelings.
I am looking forward to your discussion regarding the difficulty the world has with ambiguity in gender presentation.
Finally, hugs to you and to your friend Carole. She sounds like a jewel.
-g