Crossdressers-Haven.com

i am still tyring to decide where i fit in, i really feel that i was meant to be a female. I am very shy and demure and never really fit in as a guy. i am much with hanging out with other girls.
Cherry

Hi CherryLynn,

We all have to decide where we fit in on the gender scale.There was a thread elsewhere about this but I couldnt find it right away.The most important step is to take your time and look inside yourself and you will know.There is a great diversity here on the forum.I like the way Virginia says it.Look into a mirror and decide what the person looking back is worth to you(I hope I said that right).We all fit somewhere,and this is the best place to be

Cherry Lynn, you sound like me a few years back. I did not fit in with the girly CDers, I was not a TS, and I did not fit in with the boys. I just finally decided to forget all of the labels and make my own. I am a guy with both masculine and feminine traits, personalities, likes and dislikes and physical characteristics. Many may think I am just a mixed up person but I do not care. This is who I am. I guess call me a gender rebel.

Just look within yourself and see who you are and be who you are. You do not need to be anyone else. You only need to be happy with yourself.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

KimberlyS wrote: I just finally decided to forget all of the labels and make my own. I am a guy with both masculine and feminine traits, personalities, likes and dislikes and physical characteristics. Many may think I am just a mixed up person but I do not care. This is who I am. I guess call me a gender rebel.

I agree 101%

Me too!

I feel the same way, I am a mix, neither fish nor fowl. And I try to enjoy being "in between". I don't try to pass, I just enjoy being somewhat feminine.

Patti

Hi Cheryl Lynn,

For me I am a guy, but I love to dress. I love the feminine side of myself, but I do not want to be a trans. I love the smell, smoothness, body of a woman, so much so I want to emulate a woman. I don't know where that leaves me in the mix of things, at my age, I really don't care anymore. I am content with who I am, I accept myself. I only wish I could share it more. My wife is having trouble with it again and wants me to stop, but I know I can't.

Well said, Carla.

As you, I am a male, hetersexual, and I never actually wanted to become a woman. Like you, I love women so much that I want to look like a woman, feel like a woman, and act like a woman. The last item is the hardest for me.

It took many years of living in a closet, feeling guilt and shame, but now I have come to accept myself. I have said this before: I don't understand why I am what I am, but I have come to enjoy it.

Companionship is extremely important, and I am lucky enough to have a sweet, loving SO (Paula) who accepts and cooperates fully. Although she wonders why anyone in their right mind would wear a bra if they didn't have to.

Speaking of companionship, my participation in this forum, reading, posting and chatting, has been crucial in my finding myself. I am eternally thankful to all my sisters here for making me feel at home and comfortable. My "Magic Mystery Tour" continues !

Hugs to all

Lydia

Hi Cherry,

It is sometimes not easy accepting a "gift," but a lot of us believe it is a "gift" to have a feminine aspect of ourselves, strong enough to be felt and to recognize.

What I would say is don't fight it!!! You first have to accept that you have this "gift." Once you do that you are starting your "Magical Mystery Tour."
You can read these many threads, search the internet for articles, post threads, but if those do not seem to meet your needs and you feel it necessary to actually talk to someone, you have several options. Looking for a "support group" in your area (and we can help you find a group in your area). However, if you feel that acceptance of this gift is the least bit "overwhelming" then you may consider professional counselling. If you go that route -PLEASE, SHOP AROUND. Ask question, like do they know the difference between a crossdresser and a transexual and someone who is transgendered? Have they ever dealt with a person with "our gift?" If they have NOT, keep looking or ask for referral to someone who has experience.

We are here to support you. So ask questions, participate and enjoy Cherry!!!

Virginia

Just want to thank you all for yr kind comments and advice. It's wonderful to be able to talk with you girls- it can get lonely for a girl.
I have been so much happier since coming to with my feminine side can be fun. Being Cherrylynn allows mealot of freedom to express my feminine desires.
I don't know i am going to end up on my mystery tour but I am glad to be here.
Hugs to all
Cherry

Hi Girls:

Addiction: > a compulsive need....

After having watched in real time my SIL and her alcohol addiction, I took a long look at my behavior and that of others in the TG world. Some will quickly state that they are "addicted" to their behavior.

In the "normal" world, men dress as men and women dress as women (with much more diversity in clothing). It is like playing a sport. Two teams come onto the field and depending on the game, play "keep away" with a ball of some form. Point being, they are following a set of rules that each team has been educated in. They follow the rules! If one team member were to take off their identifying uniform and put on the uniform of the other team, well, for sure, someone would put a stop to that. They broke (violated) the rules of the game. Hence the game stops until the action can be corrected even if it means removing the "odd" player and replacing the teammate with another player that will follow the rules.

Simply put, if you standout, you are going to be replaced, ostracized etc. You can be sure that it will provoke a demand for you to get "back in line." A process is being violated and with that comes corrective measures if not by an authority, by general society. We all know how this comes about for the most part.

So, if we dress with compulsion, are we not just dressing according to our own internal rules as we understand them? Yes! But, we may be in violation of public rules depending greatly on our facial features. Defined by hormones during the developmental process, we have a male or female skull over which our skin covers and defines our sex, regardless of what may be between our legs unknown to anyone else.

So, the key here is our facial geometry. The compulsion to dress in the opposite sexed clothing can be at times, "depending on your ability to pass," acceptable and expected. I have been told simply that what you do is okay, unless it gets in the way of your living a reasonable life. That is, it should not keep you from making a living and enjoying life as we know it. When it does, it is then considered a negative compulsion that is not in favor of a reasonable lifestyle that supports your well being.

Hugs

Danielle Marie

Hi there. After reading what I've read, and I know it's an older post, but I feel I can safely post more about myself and my opinion if you'll have it. I'm a bit nervous really. I still don't feel it necessary to let family members & close friends know. Only my wife & her daughters know about me.

Funny thing about all this... I could type and type, rearrange it, retype it.. but I'll try... and it still never comes out the way I want it to. The feeling, the mood, just isn't there. So, for you the reader that's not like me, you might not understand it all.

I've often wondered where I fit too, but I'm very near the conclusion of where I fit. My life partner & wife (Sandi_W (SO)
), in these early stages of knowing after 10 years of marriage, continues to wonder how far I'll go. Here's the answer. I am a mix of both feminine & masculine traits. I've got both. Most days it's the masculine side. Other times it's the more supressed feminine side. In hindsight, I've known since an early age. See that avatar picture of mine? That's about when I really knew but was only subconcious at the time. I was 8 or 9. Now, mainly masculine in outward appearance with an extra added "something" inside. The width of the boundry between the two is very thin. In my world, one can wear whatever they want as long as they're happy with themselves and don't over do it... but that's just me.

When In public stores, thrift stores, etc. (my wife loves them as do I..) I can spot another CD with an almost 100% certainty. Spotting a gay man is simple, but a CD... well, I think it takes another CD to spot one but of course, it depends on the circumstances. When in the womens sections of stores and faced with another like me, there's a weird connection that "we" seem to have and can just tell. Usually a stare in the face followed by an odd smile is enough to let each other know and it's done. There's no attraction between us. There never is. This seems to solidify that us (the Crossdresser, in all its forms) is generally heterosexual.

Oddly, I'm sure some have sat right next to me at some amusement park, on some ride enjoying the childhood memories my daughter will have... and you never knew it. On top of that, I've been featured in numerous magazines and seen me depending on your hobby... and you'd never know it.

A point I might make is that some crossdressers just don't pass at all, as I probably wouldn't either. Don't get me wrong, with the right makeup & gear, I'm sure I could look great, but that's just not me. That's where it doesn't work for me. That's where it stops. It's what keeps me right where I am, grounded, happy & feminine underneath. I almost giggle a bit but then I quickly realize .. um, Kelly? You're one of them and it's ok. I just give the same accepting smile I give to everyone I encounter as I'm really a non-confrontational soul. I may remember the experience, but I don't dwell on it much.

On a daily basis, I wear a variation of the typical male business attire. Sometimes all business, sometimes more lax... but almost always masculine with a hint of something else. When someone asks, I always pass it off as some retarded observational study because I strongly believe that those that can't handle it are those that I don't want to be around with any regularity. I just despise those that can't live and let live when it comes to this subject. Yes, "those people" that seem to "NEED" to fit into some mold that their society has laid out for them. Boring, uncreative, drones.

I'm quite happy with who I am. Underneath, the glimmer of the feminine side that's there... part of who I am, always there but not always prevelant. It comes and goes.
I care about what I look like. I regularly paint my fingernails many colors, wear womens underwear & jewelry and it's simply an expression of what I believe. Look around at the world and with an open eye, one might find that it's a varied place. What I do isn't hurting a soul and is very mild in comparason to what you can (and will) find beyond the curtain that is most peoples' lives.

This halloween will be the first time I've ever totally dressed top to bottom. To be honest, I'm really looking forward to it. Not to be "more than I am now", but just for the thrill of doing it.

I don't have, and never have had, the need to do myself up completely as a woman. It's more a feeling that's like a dull pain that's always there. Some days are strong feelings and some they're non-existant.

The social upbringing rules really do govern us and overcoming them isn't simple. But the ones that can overcome it, I have a certain respect for. One of those that seems to be trying, even though a social standard gets in the way often, is my wife. I love her and someday, she'll love herself enough to realize that I'm here, still caring, still the same man she married, still the same super husband & father I've always been.

Hope some of that made sense. Have a good evening everyone.


I am ME. Kelly, inside & out.

Hi Girls:

Humans routinely observe each other to affirm their belonging to the same species. We do this as many animals do as well. We are all first female when sperm and egg unite. It is only later in the process that a "switch" is thrown and some are bathed in testosterone to become [male]. My point is that we all start as female. We never really shed ourselves of that start-up mode. We will always have a mix of testosterone and estrogen as do females. The balance is just the opposite percentages.

The more that we in science study the various points and attributes of being human do we find the commonality of our genders. Today, we know so much more about how the mind works (bio-chemicals), and we reason how with just a small change in the balance we profess various traits and conditions that may slightly take a detour from the general population.

It seems to me that it is just about the "now" that we live in. There was a time when men wore lace and even blue eye shadow was considered reserved for the influential and financially sated male individual. It was a specific time period for them, in their "now."

Life here will change again over time. People will continue to go through those changes while living in their "now." I am learning to live in the "now" and accept myself as I see fit. It has taken a lifetime of adjustment to find a balance between the two predominant genders. Overcoming the "taboo" concept of being different has been one of my greatest achievements. Accepting myself, living with myself, that must be first and foremost before living with others.

Hugs

Danielle Marie

Sad to say that i really couldn't pass for a woman but I do love wearing women's clothing. Still trying to figure out who I am- seems at times I'm partly male and female. Have been doing alot of reserach of gender issues online. Being at this site has really helped me- it's wonderful to chat with you ladies.
Hugs
Cherry

Interesting thread , I must have missed this one at the origin.

Only now do I question who I am

10 years ago my hair was long and I would be quite often mistaken for a girl in public , I didn't have to dress as a female for that to happen.
I fully accepted that I was androgonous in looks and personality .
As the years rolled on my looks have required work to look feminine and its harder every year to maintain , I find myself looking more masculine now than ever before .
My personality has not kept up with the physical changes and that has lead me to ask the Question of "who am I"?

yes I know what you mean Paula. Wish I had been brave enough to come out sooner. It would have been so much easier to be a lady when I was 20ish, but fear ruled me. Back in the old days it wasn't easy for us girls to find friendship or support. My mother and sister helped me for a time but dad thought I was a sissy.