Crossdressers-Haven.com

So last night (Friday night) I was watching baseball and I figured I'll be up for a couple more hours so I might as well get my laundry done for the weekend. So I gather my dirty clothes, bring em to the laundry room. As always I am wondering if there are any womens clothes laying out, or in dryers, when my eye catches a laundry basket with female clothes in it. Well I get back to putting my clothes in the washer, but I just couldn't keep my eye off of it, wondering what kind of clothes are in there, well its 2am, there are two big windows in the laundry room. And the lights are on in there, so anyone outside can easily see inside. So I'm not gonna start looking through things.

Well I went back to my room plotting how I was going to get a gander at the clothes, to see if I can add to my collection. Well one hour later I went back to throw my clothes in the dryer. As I past the basket I took a quick look, keep in mind there isn't anybody in the laundry room, well I threw my clothes in the dryer and sat there 'looking at my dryer', while I was thinking about that basket. Well I went back to my room, watched the baseball game and was getting tired. Well I decided that I was gonna go back when it was morning out and there was enough light in there. So I went to bed, set my alarm.

..5:30 am I wake up, grab my basket and head to the laundry room. Well to my dismay with the lights off in the laundry room it was still dark and hard to see well I go over to my dryers, turn em off so it was silent and I can hear if people are coming in from the outside doors. I grab the basket and put it on the floor, I was digging through the basket looking for some goodies, pulling out some gym shorts or a shirt that wasn't good enough to take, I grabbed a strap, curious to what it went to I dug it out, a white dress, with flowers on it, very cute I might add, looked at it for a second then threw it into my basket, then I found a white strapless bra shorty after, threw that in my basket as well. Still digging not finding anything else good, though I'm not to sure cause its dark and I'm going off of what I can barely make out. Then I heard a noise...so I put the basket back where it was. Grabbed my clothes out of the dryer and headed out...Luckily the noise was nothing. I headed back to my room.

I shut the door to my room, shut the shades, make sure the door to my the bathroom/suitemates room was locked. I dug out the dress and bra, got undressed and put em on as I sat in front fo the mirror. Trying to zip the zipper in the back all the way. Stuffed my bra with some socks and grab some panties I had in my safe.

I sat in front of the mirror turning to each side, looking at myself...what I saw was nothing to my day-dreams or hopes. All I see is a man with hairy legs, chest hair, arm pit hair, facial hair and manly body. Nothing to which could presented as a girl. Still staring at myself in the mirror, all I could think about was how much I didn't look anything like I wanted to be. Then I unzipped the dress, took off the bra and panties, threw em on my bed, grabbed my safe and took out all the panties, bras, nylons, garter, threw em in the pile with the dress, then walked into my closet grabbed the jeans I took from some chick. Then I climbed up on my storage rack and grabbed the skirts and top I had hiding in there and threw em on the bed.

Looking at the pile of women's clothes I decided I needed to stop wearing the clothes. So I grabbed two garbage bags and threw all the clothes in the bags tied both bags up. Got my shorts and sweater and shoes on, grabbed my key. Looked at the bag of clothes, picked the bag up and headed outside towards the dumpsters. I got to the dumpsters and threw away all the clothes I bought or stole from the laundry room. Getting rid of one of the pleasures I had in life.

I got back to my room and I decided I wasn't going to take anymore clothes, as much as I might want to, seeing a basket or a dryer with clothes in it, I won't.

I don't need to create a disruption or an end to my career and I don't want people I know knowing. People already have there own image of how they see me, and putting this image into them would throw a dent into my image, and I don't like that, I like to keep a manly image for people, thats a good enough act, and I'll keep it that way. I'm not gonna dress up anymore while I am here in Germany and living in dorms.

The day may come when I get back to the states and get an apartment off base by myself and feel that I am safe and not bothered to be caught, where I might buy some clothes. But for now I am done.

Hugs*Kisses
Robyn

PS - I will stay active in the forum!

Robyn,

I was sad to read the part about stealing the clothing from the laundry, jeopardizing your career. I was wishing your would have returned the most recent ones to the basket and thrown the rest away. But I do commend you for taking that step.

As far as dressing and looking at yourself, thinking you are looking at a man in woman's clothes, I think a lot of us think that at times. I for one, feel I only have a few years left while i can still pass. I get the feeling like when I get too much older I, those days will come to an end, so I can empathize with you there. Regardless, I believe you are doing the right thing, I know you are. You would have eventually gotten caught and would really have a hard time living that down, if not downright kicked out for some theft or other article in the military.

I hope the best for you and know we are here to support you when you need us.

Thanks Carla!!!! I think you speak for a lot of us!!!!

Virginia

I look like a guy in a dress. Nothing more, nothing less. It's what I am. I still enjoy looking in the mirror sometimes although I would probably recoil in fright if I ran into myself walking down the street.

But two issues have been confused. Crossdressing is one and stealing is another. You have contributed to a lack of trust in the world on the part of the women who thought they could safely leave their clothing unattended. The penalty you must pay for stealing is that you have become a thief. Not only that but I suspect grown women don't steal bras out of each other's laundry often so they probably figured this was a man doing something they would rather not think about with their clothing, further disturbing them.

You might try to figure out the value of the clothing you stole and contribute that to a charity or something. Also you might, if you stole them all from the same laundry room, write some sort of anonymous apologetic note and post it.

If you decide to resume dressing please buy the clothes.

Absaroka

Hi Miss Robyn,

I won't add to the excellent comments made about stealing the clothes in the laundry basket, except to say that you might feel better if you make a promise to yourself not to do that again.

In terms of being disappointed over the reflection staring back at you, it takes time, practice, and other enhancements to get it right. My bf wears breast forms, corsets to give himself a waistline, pads on the hips to enhance the waistline, and shaves his entire body. She has had makeovers to learn how to apply makeup, using a thicker foundation to hide the beard shadow. Wigs and paste-on nails also add to the female image. It does take time and effort, as it is much more than just the clothes.

She didn't do this while she lived in close quarters with others, as like you, she discovered it was difficult. Her confidence level was not as high then. But, she plugged away at it bit by bit, reading "How-To's" online, joining support groups, studying women's fashion, learning, growing, until she was confident enough to go out in public dressed. She now passes very well and she is in her late 40's.

I cannot speak for her but I imagine that during the years when she was developing and perfecting her style, she found ways to get in touch with her inner femme privately, when alone. It is a state of mind just as much or even more than the exterior appearance.