Ahh! Christina! Bonjour!
CJ wrote:
Beauty,
You're so up front and I think that's so cool!
When I saw that you'd posted I was like, "Ok, either she's super p'd at me or I didn't come across mean.
YAY!!! It was the latter
::Christina ducks as the violin heads her way::
Sorry!!! I meant to throw it, but not at you.
Seriously, thanks for your post. It's very much appreciated.
You're welcome!
I don't actually go out "hunting" for a GF and that's not really what my friends are suggesting I do; what they are suggesting (and what I should consider doing) is spending more time in places where the kind of gal I do find attractive may be hanging out--downtown cafés, bookstores, etc.
Just my opinion, but I think they are wrong, but are loving with their intentions. It's good to go there and learn how to talk to women, but meet some one there. That's like being hit by lightning. It happens to people over and over and over, but the odds are slim.
Part of my quandary is that I don't want the fact that I'm a CD to remain long hidden--I want this to be out in the open pretty much from the get go. This idea of "hunting" is precisely why I'm uncomfortable with online personals--people hunt there.
You said later in that post you've been patient.
Be patient with telling her. You do need to say it close to the beginning, but if she's just going to be a friend you don't need to tell right away.
About the hunting posters. You're 100% on the money there. Some do hunt, but most are there because they want companionship. The squeakyist wheel theory applies here. Women get loud mouths and they get gentle and they get in between. Because they see both extremes they tend to know who's comfortable with themselves and they are attracted to them. From my experiences and asking the gals, "Why did you respond to me?" (after several talks first)
. . . I saw right away that these women sought a manly man, one that fits a very traditional mold, one I can't see myself fitting into.
You're right. Lots of them are thinking that's what they want, but that's what my wife thought and lots of SO's who are here thought they wanted too. What they truly would like is a little of both worlds. That's what we are.
Perhaps, I didn't phrase my despcription of myself clearly enough. For the record, this is what I'd written:
Yes you phrased it like I thought.
Sharp-eyed, lonely dragon soaring over hills and vales, in search of fulfilling, thirst-quenching contact. Friendship first with those for whom life, the world, and human nature are sources of joy and wonder.
Although some think me occasionally cynical, I have a well-rounded sense of humour (dusted with a light sarcasm) and I feel a profound link to the life around me and of which I am a part. A spiritual explorer, I have a lasting respect for the wisdom found in the traditions of the world's great cultures and civilizations. Attuned to the beauty of difference, I'm open, receptive, tolerant, cosmopolitan, and very much at ease with what is most human in us all. Somewhat of a loner, I nevertheless remain attentive to the pleasures a healthy social life has to offer. Having (being gifted with?) a fluid gender identity, I enjoy travelling along the rainbow of self-expression--both masculine and feminine. I'm fully fluent in the tongues of both Shakespeare and Molière. While free of any addiction to alcohol or drugs (with the exception of cigarettes), I nonetheless consider myself an "experience junkie," in that I actively court the unfamiliar and love to discover the mysteries of life as seen through the eyes of those around me.
My main goal in life? To never cease learning what it means to be.
My main goals on this network? To exchange, to discover, to forge bonds of friendship, to let myself be tamed, to see whether authenticity is possible online (yes, I have a doubt), and who knows? maybe even to meet a soulmate.
This is my first attempt at this kind of online contact. It remains to be seen whether or not it will lead to a friendly "talk to you soon."
I thought that was a lovely and accurate description of yourself, but because I know you I'd say that, but if I read that after not knowing you I wouldn't get your intended meaning. I'd be way shorter. There's no way any gal is going to read through that. I'm not saying take the essence out of it because it's important your personality to come through, but don't try to say everything about yourself. Leave some mystery. It's not like you're putting you're a CD'r in there, so it's truly not all that you are, n'est pas?
By the way, in reference to my earlier post, I use quotes when I say "she for whom I am meant" because I don't truly believe that there is only one such person.
No comment.
Perhaps, as Kersten suggested, I may be too narrowly focused (or, egad! self-absorbed).
but only loving supporting applause
I've started recently accepting invites from friends, especially from GGs aware of my situation, to attend get-togethers, potlucks, private parties, and such. I need to muster up all my energies for these types of affairs, though, as I'm not a particularly social gal (sociable, yes; social, no). I just remain open as much as I can.
BRAVO CHRISTINA!!! BRAVO!!!!
I'm also trying to be as honest as I can with myself; I'm trying to gauge whether or not my crossdressing (amongst other things) is making me feel inadequate as a potential BF more than it should or more than my own level of self-acceptance warrants. In other words, despite the confident image that I project, perhaps my degree of self-esteem isn't high enough for me to just go out there and be myself. Who knows? This is stuff I'm working on, right now.
That is the TOUGHEST part about dating someone when you're like us. Christina? What's a BF?
About being romantic, well, what can I say, Beauty? I really am... and that definitely is a part of who I am. If that's a turn-off to some GGs, then so be it. . . . . . I'm ready to face the possibility that being who I am entails that there may be very few people out there who would consider me their ideal mate. Although I'm okay with that, it won't make me feel any less lonely.
I took out the rest because you ever watch the awards show when the music starts playing before the speaker is done? Well, that's what happened when I read that in my mind. I would suspect that most of the CD'rs here are incredibly romantic because they are in touch with their female gender. If you read some SO posts they say they would recommend CD'rs because of our soft and romantic sides. I've read several posts on some women's boards about women who'll never date men again who aren't CD'rs because they lack that romantic side. I MADE myself not show my romantic side to my wife until I knew we were serious. I guess it worked, no?
I do think you're romantic, but because there are billions on this planet I dont' think your level of romantic is any different than the next, but it has it's own DNA and is unique and only belongs to you. That makes is beautiful. It doesn't mean that you should deny the fact that 99.9% of the women out there will get tired of it. What good is being romantic if it's with yourself? Sting said he was always miserable because he thought to write good songs he had to be alone. He learned that was actually unhealthy and kept him from being all of who he was.
Thanks for the wake up call, Beauty, and I
do mean that! I don't know if it's a guy to guy thing or simply a person to person thing, but your wish for me to open my eyes and be more, I guess, realistic, in my attitudes is well taken. Still, this patience of mine has usually served me well enough in the past and I could no more cut it off from who I am than I could my right eye. At this point in my life, I'm just thankful that
I haven't gone the way of the buffalo.
That was funny!!!
Again, mademoiselle, your input is always helpful and to the point. I thank you for that. You've given me much food for thought.
That's really cool Christina.
I wouldn't advise anyone on anything I haven't done myself. If I do come over to strong it's because you sooo remind me of me when I was lonely and had everything to do with it.
Best of Luck!!!!!
(if love equals writing this knowing I'm going to be late, then I love you a lot!!!
I'm sooo late)
Beauty
to go out looking for "her". Give friends a swift kick in the rear if they suggest that. You can't find "her". You just have to be ready when she walks in your life or you'll (or anyone will) blow it being too romantic or too everything but who you really are.
:: rips violin from hand and throws it against the wall :: 