Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi Ladies ,

This post , I refer to my demise last year (topic- its time to go ... Merinda)

I thought that my days as Merinda were finished , I was getting fatter and older and passing in public would be no longer be taken for granted.
I quit for around 4 months but I never let go of my dream , I returned in a lower case scenario at the end of last year and ran on low power.
I stopped shaving my legs and have enjoyed the freedom of wearing short pants publicly in drab in the hot weather for the first time in years , but still things are still not right , I will dress in black tights, wig and long pullover around the house on occasions with no make up.
I dress up but dont nessesarily have to put in a 100% effort into my appearance to feel good and naturally me.
Perhaps my fading looks were only a part of my problem , I am inclined to now believe that my T- lifestyle is in competition with my drab lifestyle , I need to be BOTH versions of myself.
If I can work out the compramise then I should be able to return to full power , this is a common problem with beginers and I dont know why it would surface as an issue with a well experienced gal like me.

Secondly , with my experience , why didn't I recocnize the problem earlier?

The problem, as I see it, and I'm no expert, is the desire to return to full power without really having a need to do so.

My unconscious need to CD is satisfied in various ways. If that need was to dress full out, then I'd probably feel it to the point of doing something about.

So I see no need to go further in my dressing than I have to to satisfy the unconscious desire.

Most women don't like to always put 100% effort into their appearance and neither do most men. Why should we, when so much more is involved?

Most folks question what does it mean to be who I am from time to time. My evaluation of what it means to be a man is revisited now and then and subject to change. Evaluating what does it mean to be two different genders is probably exponentially more complex.

It would seem to me that this is just where you are at right now. One of lifes unexplained cycles. Accept it and stay there untill if and when you feel a need to do something differently.

Absaroka

In the evenings, I will put on my fem PJ's, robe, and slipers, then just lounge around the house. No makeup, wig, or even forms. On weekends I do fully dress including wig, amkeup, and forms. If we are not going anywhere, I might not put on any makeup. Occasionly I will not even dress on weekends. It all depends on my moods. I will admit most of the time it's en fem. My wife doesn't mind and knows that if she needs the male side of me that I will change in a flash.

DonnaT wrote:The problem, as I see it, and I'm no expert, is the desire to return to full power without really having a need to do so.

My unconscious need to CD is satisfied in various ways. If that need was to dress full out, then I'd probably feel it to the point of doing something about.

So I see no need to go further in my dressing than I have to to satisfy the unconscious desire.

Very well put Donna ,

I will be taking your good advice on board , your statement may have answered why I felt somewhat out of place whilst attending those social group meetings that Celeste organized some years back.