Stopped! , (for now at least)

[Merinda]

This post is in response to those who've questioned my current avatar.

Confusion over what is the best style to dress
Depression because I can't pass in public anymore
Depression because I can't continue to dress in the way I did in the past
Depression because my body mass has increased significantly
Stressed because I can't find clothing to fit (in my style) anymore
Felt like throwing myself under a train late last year
Confused and frustrated trying to find direction for Merinda 2010

February 14 2010
A few weeks ago , I decided to have a final dressup day , I did so and packed my gear away afterwards.

This last week has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders , I feel great , I feel happier than I have been for the last 18 months or more.
I am not in denial , Merinda still exsists , I have hundreds of photo's that show who I am . The femme side of me can be seen by opening a box , I don't need to struggle and get depressed trying to prove myself.

I may return to physically dressing if things change in the future , but at the moment I feel like I've been released from a major burden.

I will remain here as a support member for the time being.

[April Rose]

Merinda, It's good that you had a final dress up day and packed things up rather that tossing them. It shows that you are in the drivers seat.

As for the weight gain, there is no easy answer, its a universal struggle these days, it seems.

I hope you stay on the forum though, always enjoy reading you posts.

[Carly]

Marinda,
I hope you keep posting and let us know how you are doing. My wife forbids my CDing and could use some help in coping.

[Absaroka]

Merinda I hope that you will continue posting. Many of us take a vacation from CDing from time to time and if that feels right for you then that's what you should do. I hope you will continue to share about this, it may be valuable for others to read.

Once more I am struck by the juxtaposition of CDing and issues around aging. So many of us want to be beautiful young women but we are in our 50's and 60's. I find myself often having to ask myself what is the operative word and have to admit that the most important word in beautiful young woman for me is sometimes young.

Zari

[Leeza]

Merinda,

I can understand the need for a break. As is stressed in this forum, we each have our levels of comfort and that level changes from time to time.

I am glad you did not purge and are doing this where you maintain control.

As for weight, most of the GGs I know who care about their looks have some problem with weight, but those who have accepted the weight problem seem to have more fun. A lot of us here have weight problems with both the female and male sides. I would like to shed at least 60 pounds from my male side and maybe a little more for the female side.

As to the age thing, one of my older guy friends told me one time "my mind sayes I am 20 but the body sayes 70." I know we all wish we could have the energy and looks of our younger selves, but I think it is easier to pass as an older woman. As an older woman a lot of them carry more weight and deal with some of the other problems we deal with.

Keep in touch. I have enjoyed your posts and look forward to more of them.

Leeza

[Merinda]

Some may remember my post from August 2008 "its time to go ..Merinda"

I totally left CDing for 4 months but then returned in November of that year , it was a nice break but none of my issues had gone away during that intermission.
I had an unannounced 3 month break last year but once again returned to depression , stress and confusion.
I started this year with no future direction , massive confusion was doing my head in , so I planned an end date.
The plan was to cease dressing by mid March , this stoppage will remain in force until such time as a pathway of opportunity opens up to allow me to restart in a happy satisfied state , not depressed and dissatisfied with my appearance. I firmly believe I have made the right decission.

The final dressup was planned for March 14 but was changed to one month earlier (Feb 14) when the March date became unavalable.

[Leeza]

Merinda,

I wish you the best in dealing with the issues and hope it doesn't take long. Please don't let the issues get you down.

Leez

[Anita]

Hi Merinda—
I also wish you the best in dealing with this. Did the “weight off your shoulders” come from that final dressing and packing? Putting it away for now, and it’s OK? I wasn’t clear whether the two were related or not. I was glad that you felt some happiness again after the long struggle.

It’s been nearly ten years since my first pictures as Anita. I have been encouraged because I see performers in their 60s who are still doing this. You have to be happy with your own appearance, though—it’s not just about pleasing the public.

Weight is a tough issue to deal with. I went on a strict no-fat diet last year for health reasons, and so far my scores for my prostate have lowered each time it is tested, which is good. I had a lot of motivation to do it in this case. It has a side benefit of keeping my weight the same, but that isn’t why I did it.

From what I understand, a big part of your motivation was the youth/schoolgirl aspect of it, and I can see that it would be hard to gradually phase in maturity and/or older values into the picture. You can be proud of your history, and you are—you have the pictures to show for it.

I’d like to see you here from time to time, but I won’t be surprised if you find that the subject matter just doesn’t move you very much, if you aren’t participating in some way. Whatever you do, I'm wishing you the best, Merinda!

[Merinda]

Leeza & Anita ,

My opening post shows 7 major issues that I cant cope with anymore , by no longer participating in physically dressing , all 7 issues are now void.
Removing those issues is the weight lifted from my shoulders.

These have now been replaced by one single issue "not dressing" , I'm sure I can cope with the urge that will be present from time to time.
When this happens , the photo albums will come out and I can absord myself in my past history.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Merinda -

Sorry to hear that you've stopped 'dressing', but then not everyone needs to 'dress' in order for their femme side to exist, to wit Virginia.

Regarding the avatar, well it's not even close to being acceptable under our guidelines and I've had to delete it. If you don't want to have your photo as an avatar, then you are welcome to use another acceptable image.

Looking forward to your continued participation!

- SL

[Merinda]

Regarding the avatar, well it's not even close to being acceptable under our guidelines and I've had to delete it.

The Avatar was meant as a temporary announcement to alert members of my decission , this would have been seen by browsing past any of my posts throughout this forum site . It was to be removed by myself within the next few days since it no longer serves its purpose now there is a topic covering this issue.
I fail to understand why this action has been considered totally unacceptable .

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Merinda -

I fail to understand why this action has been considered totally unacceptable .

Avatars are meant to be either a photo of the member or another image, in keeping with the guidelines of the forum. http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 7253#97253 We have never permitted 'all text' avatars.



- SL