Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi ladies
Been a while since I was here. What with unemployment for about a year you'd think I'd be dressed up everyday and every chance, but no, I maybe dress for a couple of hours a week during the day, on the quiet when no-one is around, My wonderful wife has said she is 'happier' with me not dressing in sight and doesn't look forward to seeing me dressed again. Gone up too from 75 kilos to 83 (165 to 183 in old money) so I can't get into half of my stuff . Anyway I am sorry to have seemingly abandoned my friends here and hope to be around again in the future.
Kay (down but not out).

Hi Kay and welcome back.


I find that when I am unhappy (unemplyment can do that) I lose the desire to dress. And if I do, it doesn't cheer me up. Dressings only fun if I'm already energized.

Zari

Hi Kay, no worries about posting.

Hi Kay,

You know it was your own PM that I refer to when in need!

"Never give up, never give up, never give up!"

Words to live by and we all hope that your country fairs better than ours is tending to!

Virginia

Hi Kay,

I hope all is going well with you, I know the time are tough right now ( still lucky I have employment ). Nice to see you back, I know I do not post very much so not to worry about that.


Hugs,

Erica

Hi Kay:

I find that if I am down, dressing does not always cure me. That is, I try not to dress then and associate being fem with feeling down. Typically, we all have anchors in our life. The last thing you want to do is create an anchor to depression or just a bad feeling with being dressed.

Silly, but, I got into fitness walking lately and it has been a real help for my self-induced depression over my up coming divorce. Fitness walking is very healthy and reduces strees on the knees that one gets from jogging and running.

Fitness walking can be found in books at the library and book store. I have a book; Human Kinetics, "Fitness Walking," Therese Iknoian, 2nd ed., ISBN 0-7360-5608-4.

Great book! 177 pages.

Also it helps to kick in the happy endorphins that we all need to bring up our serotonin levels in the brain that make us feel good. So get walking! I can now do up to 2 shifts each day of 1 hour each and I cover about 3.5 mile each time. (35 miles in 5 days since 04-01-2010).

I am stronger, lost weight in the right areas, have a good appetite for vegetables, rice, fish, nuts and fruits. It really has been an amazing turn-around for me after being in deep depression last Fall. I was on the edge and suicide was looking pretty good. Prozac poisoning, pill caused reverse effects and raised to excessive levels my serotonin even more causing tremours, hallucinations and suicidal thoughts. Aslo called "Serotonin Syndrome."

So, while you obviously are not like that, fitness walking can really lift your spirits. Go for it girl friend!

One more thought. Your spouse married you for the [male] presentation that I am sure you provided to attract her in the first place. Do not ask her to give that up for a fem replacement. Make adjustments so that there is room for both of you while not offending your spouse or worse, losing her because you fail to see the picture.

Hugs

Danielle Marie

Wise words, Danielle. I can also testify to the "upper" that comes from fitness walking ... or bicycling, or kayaking. Especially to counter the depressing effect of unemployment — that is a tremendous blow to the self-esteem, and the hurt continues — hence perhaps the weight gain. Everyone needs reasons to feel good about themselves, and exercise in the fresh air is certainly one of the best.

I wonder, Kay, whether you might get some happy feelings from wearing clothes that are designed for women, but have a more unisex feel: shirts, sweaters, tees, slacks, etc. made in women's brands. Even things like socks, and shoes, where the design can be similar — such as loafers. For myself, I find in situations where I can't put on a dress, wearing women's-designed unisex clothes is a relief and makes me feel truer to myself.

Perhaps this would not suit your wife, but on the other hand, not being more than marginally noticeable, it might not cause her distress in the way that overt CDing would.

Here's sending you big hugs and wishing you a return of better spirits and better times!

Love, Robyn Katie

I have to agree with Robin Katie. All of my clothes are women's variations on styles that men wear except for a couple of items: a man's suit & shirt, wearable to a wedding or a funeral to those folks who would expect something dressy (including the black wingtips in this phrase 'a couple'). That's it. (The exception I make to "all" are skirts with their blouses & actual dresses. But I have lousy legs anyway & don't have a lot of those.

Wearing sensible clothing (when it's shorts, it's khaki-style shorts in a couple of colors that come down to just above the knee) is a great way to also be able to 'pass' without any overt 'tells' (i.e., no jewelry, no earrings, not even a bra) and still get "ma'am" at cashier aisles, gas stations, restaurants...you name it.

Another compromise can be: wearing a man's polo-style shirt but women's shorts, even when around the house. But, yes, it can be difficult not to take your spouse's feelings into consideration.

Hang in there, Kay.

Been there- am there right now, doing that. 47 weeks on unemployment so far, thankful for the recent extension on Federal EUC. I'm also growing heavier, by about 10 kilos this year, to a dangerous 130 Kg.

Although, I get to dress every day and I almost always do. But no matter what I wear, it doesn't seem to affect my mood.

The best you can do (Do as I say, not as I do) is get fit and stay fit, spend at least some time everyday on something constructive, and stay positive. Easier said than done.

No recession ever lasted forever.

Hugs,

Bernice

I too until recently was out of work for almost a year. At the same time I didn't dress any more or less than I did when I was working. I did have time to exercise more and as result I lost about 35 pounds and down 2 dress sizes. I can now compy wear a size 12 dress and some size 10 dress too.

Hi Kay:

I am back again to see how you are doing? Something that I need to point out here is that we all want the best for you. I have been wrestling with my 40 year marriage at an end and my serious addiction to that marriage. So, having learned that words do not always make things right, consider the exercise routine for a period. Take a little time to get your mind off of the unemployment.

I had my own business since 1991 and closed it's doors recently only to re-open with new ideas. It can be very lonely when you are an employee of one and everyone you work for is your new boss of the minute. People daydream in their office about "how wonderful it is to be running the show," but honestly, there are plenty of people out there that want to sell their business and stop.

So unemployment is really just an opportnity to hone your independent skills some more. Time to put on your saleswoman hat and start selling yourself (not in a deviant manner), but as a person of worth! Make a list of your best attributes. A list of your previous successes in business no matter how slight.

We all want to find the job of a lifetime, but how can we when we do not know what it is? Unless as a child you decided to become a specific function, nurse, doctor, barber, beautician, etc., you might need to consider what line of work you want and find out what it takes to qualify.

Many people today around the world are having to "reinvent" themselves in new careers. A huge chunk of manufacturing is gone from the USA and we are having to reinvent ourselves in many previously money making businesses.

So, whatever your situation, I think that you can find a path for yourself that works. Give yourself credit for getting this far in life! What is your next big adventure going to be?

Hugs

Danielle Marie

Morning Ladies
Jus a quick-e from old 'down in the gob' Kay, what a bloody misery I've been, thanks for all your kind words and good advice it is appreciated. Now all I needed was a kick in the panties. Getting fit is somthing I can do finding that job tough but I'm sure I'll get there. managed to dress a bit too, g*d how I need a new wardrobe. Oops gotta go daughter visiting.....
Hugs
Kay

Hi Kay:

One thing that I am certain of, … only you can live your life. I am certain of this. But, here is something to think about.

Step into a closet and close the door. Light on/off optional depending on your need for same. If you are claustrophobic then just sit in the bedroom with your eyes closed to do this exercise.

Okay. So your in the closet. How many people that need you to work for them can find you? How many people can know that you are looking for work?

Step out of the closet and into the adjoining room. Same questions …. ?

Okay.

Step outside of your home. Same questions?

Go and stand on a busy street corner. Same questions?

Think of yourself as the “coin” that was lost in the city that day. I think you get the picture.

The job that you want and need is outside of your current circle. By asking questions, by taking the risks you expand your circle and thus get an ever growing area to control and search in. Eventually, if you are aggressive about your job search, you are going to find “something” that will work for you. If not an ideal job, it is still income producing and you can continue on your “job of a lifetime” search while paying your bills.

During my lifetime, I have filled 12 roles (jobs), each being rather different from the last. Unfortunately, a global economy means just that and jobs are around on average for 5 years. Yes, government jobs are steady and can last a lifetime. You also can be board to tears with those so called “steady jobs.”

I am going to die. That is an absolute. There is simply no way to get around this event. It will happen when it happens and I have absolutely no idea when. Today, tomorrow, next week .. month … year! One thing for sure, no one can contest this statement.

So … keeping that in mind …. What are you doing to help yourself? Time is running out. Time that started on delivery … bam! Clock is running! I have chosen a year, month and day of my death! So I now know how long I have to live, ha ha LOL! Without this demand on me, I would sit and ponder the fuzz in my belly button. Acting on my decision to have a specific time frame left can be the very “kick” that one needs to do anything.

Once you do that, you cannot change it. It is forever more fixed. Believe it, then act on the idea that this is all the time you have left. Get going girlfriend! People out there need your input and advice. Live like you are dying! I am woman …. Hear me roar!!!!


Hugs

Danielle Marie