counseling the counselor

[Karen Marie]

could i get some input from you girls on this.
it's been 12 years since i went through therapy.the lady i saw seemed
very sincere,and to a degree helped me.the problem that i had was
what i refer to as the blame game.she couldn't understand why i was
not angry with my mother.her diagnosis seemed scripted.my mom was
so supportive and encouraged me to crossdress because of her distr-
ust of men.that she made me a little girl.thats probably true,but it's what
i wanted.was this susposed to make me feel better,blaming someone.
angry with my mom,not at all.grateful,yes.she saved me from a life
of insecurity,self doubt,depression.she let me explore and find my self.
i love her dearly for it. thank you all for listening.
bunches of hugs(tearfuly)karen.

[Virginia]

Hi Karen,
A lot of your sisters here have, are or will be going to counseling. I just took the following information to mine. I have directed numerous folks to this site. It is by Carl Jung, if you don't know who he is I bet your counselor does, if not I would definitely find another one. He is considered by many to be the father of modern psychology. The article is entitled "Jung's Anima Theory and How it Relates to Crossdressing."
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
I am so thankful I was directed to this as it has cleared up most of my misunderstandings and helped me to find my way. God Bless and we are with you!
Love,
Deborah

[Beauty]

Hi Karen,

Are you going to the same counselor? If you're not would you go back to the same counselor?

I'm asking because so much has changed for counselors with regard to obtaining knowledge about us.

Your mom sounds loving and supporting. Your counselor sounds like she was ignorant (uninformed) about CD'ing and CD'rs.

Beauty

[Jessie]

I believe (and remember I am not trained but have seen many differnent theropist and couslers over the years) that some time ago the general thinking of counslers was to find some form of reason why you had the problem that you have (though is some cases this can be true). I believe now (or at least with me) my theropist is helping me get around how my own emotions are and try and find out how they can be altered or worked into my life a little better.

Jessie

I hope this helps a little.

[Karen Marie]

thanks girls for the support.
i'm not planning on going back to counseling.i've pretty
much worked things out.i'm happy with my life,enjoying my
feminine self.i am sure glad to here that therapy has finally grown
up.a lot of outdated thinking on cding needed to be swept aside.
again,thanks girls,bunches of hugs,
karen.

[Virginia]

All right Karen!
That is what I told my first counselor - that I was happy with myself, was not hurting anyone as far as I knew and was actually enjoying meeting Deborah! Elizabeth posted (and it brought tears to my eyes) her counsellor told her after she confessed to him how she felt about Elizabeth, " I don't think we will need to fix that!" How open minded. I/we (mySO)have our second session Thursday at 9:00. I took him several articles,including The Anima Theory; some stuff on "Existentialism" by Jean Paul Sartre and "Freud's Sexual Inversion Hypothesis and Crossdressing." To me, Freud just did not take the step that Jung did and in my interpretation is that when dressed and you look in the mirror who do you see? A guy in a dress OR an emerging woman with needs,wants desires, compassion, love, kindness, gentleness? NOt someone to take over the male but to be a helpmate and direct his skills to a more healthy, kind and consider caring individual. That is why Jung said that the merging of the two personnas, create a whole that is greater than the sum of the parts.
Love ya and be beautiful,
Deborah

[Karen Marie]

thanks deb,you're a peach.
bunches of hugs karen.

[Caroline]

Hi Karen Marie,

Quite frankly, I think any counsellor who tries to get you to work out why you CD is a waste of time and money!

Anyone with a modicum of training could listen to your details, then give you all sorts of reasons why you CD--or do anything else, for that matter--but just how useful is that?

Surely it's not why you do it that matters, but the fact that your doing it makes you feel bad enough about yourself to need of therapy in the first place.

The best psychotherapist I've ever had, and the last, practised Cognitive Behavioural Therapy; the purpose of this therapy is not to discover the why, but to make you feel good about yourself. Believe me it works. And with more success than any other form of therapy, according to the professional papers published.

As the British Journal of Psychiatry said about it, "...it is readily comprehensible to the patient, testable by the researcher, teachable to the student, and economical in terms of time and money".

One of the main exponents of this type of therapy is Aaron T. Beck MD, and I recommend his book "Cognitive Therapy and Emotional Disorders" (Penguin Books, £9.99 in UK).

I can also recommend "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns MD (Harper Collins, 2000edition or later, $15.00 US or £10.50 UK). Burns' book is based on Beck's methods, and it really works--even without ever visiting a therapist!

As my (last) therapist said to me everytime I tried to explore why I CD, "So, what's wrong with that ( i.e. crossdressing)?". He would then quietly demolish every argument I put forward, until I could think of no other responses. Once I reached that point, I felt there was no need for further therapy, and he readily agreed with me.

As someone whose name I've forgotten (apologies) posted elswhere on this forum, "Nobody asks me to justify why I like downhill skiing... I just do" (excuse me if I paraphrase incorrectly). In the final analysis, the reasons why are irrelevant, it's only if the fact that we do something which bothers us, or causes us bother, that is the only source of our problem.

Once upon a time the Andaman Islanders were cannibals. If you had been born into that society, you would have eaten your fellow man without any qualms. In that society, cannibalism would only have been a problem for you if you felt that you couldn't eat another human being. In those circumstances, you would look for reason to explain why, but what you would really be doing was to try and find an excuse for behaviour that would otherwise have had you excluded from that society.

In sociological terms, our societies today haven't advanced much from the days of the cannibal Andamen Islanders, but thanks to movements like Black Power, Gay Rights, etc., more and more people are able to stand up and say, "Yes, I am different, but so what!"

So what, indeed. You crossdress? Big deal. There are worse things in life, like supporting George W. Bush and Tony Blair, to name one ,but let's leave politics out of it.

Time to say 'goodnight', and relinquish my soapbox to somebody else.

Take care,

Caroline.