Crossdressers-Haven.com

Wednesday this week my wife, on the way home from dinner, there are some interesting bookmarks on her new iphone. I did not know what she meant. She said there was a bookmark on cross dressing, a bra calculator and others. I was very nervous and said nothing. Then she went on about how she was the only one with breasts and she was the only one that needed a bra. She told me that she thought I had been told not to do anymore except for the two ladies shirts that she knew of. Also she knew I still wore them, even when they did not need to be worn as undershirts, because she does the laundry. she thought it was wrong and she wanted to be sure that this was all old. She wanted me to prove that it was, I told her it was old and I could not prove it.

When we got home I reconfigured her phone so the objectionable bookmarks were gone. The next morning I deleted my bookmarks off of the browser I used. Now I am trying to get some back that I want so I can find thing easier


I just do not know what to do she will not listen to me and I can not tell her how I feel inside of me.

I am afraid this will destroy our marriage and I do not know what to do nor have anyone close to me here that can help or understand what it is I feel inside. I had to say this to someone so thanks for listening to me! I am glad I have you girls here to do that for me!!

Hugs,


Erica

Erica,

I feel for you in your situation. If your wife is not willing to talk about it at all or only in a negative way then you definantly have a problem.

From your comments it looks as though your only choices are: 1 try to forget crossdressing (except for what she will allow), 2 try to hide it (a bad choice as they always find out), or 3 there will be a seperation in your future.

It sounds as though she is so against crossdressing that she won't consider counceling or looking at material that might explain it and the need and the fact that it is something we are born with and not something we do by choice.

I am sorry that I don't have anything any better to tell you and I wish you well in your choice. Hopefuly some of our other sisters will have something better to say.

Leeza

You have the right to be yourself. There is nothing wrong with who you are, at least not because of crossdressing.

Some women have a need for their male romantic interest to be only masculine. I find that to be an absolutely ridiculous concept considering we all came from male and female Its not a black and white world. Left right gay straight male female..these are only concepts we were taught by a society that wishes to define everything in groups.
Perhaps you could encourage your wife to join in the chatroom sometime Erica
and talk with some real people.

Joselle

Hi Erica--
What I find unfortunate here is that there seems that there's no room for negotiation between you and your wife, and that means that you have to "solve" the problem all on your own. So the solution you come up with may be more extreme than was necessary, but you'll never know because you couldn't discuss the intermediate steps.

Your wife has a problem with the fact that you CD, but she's not the one who is living with the problem inside of her. So she may be upset, but she's not as motivated to find a solution as you are. You have to deal with this every day.

It also comes to me that if the two of you don't talk about it, then there's no expression for the anger that both of you might have brewing. She's angry, we know, and maybe some of it's legitimate and maybe some of it's unfair. You might be angry, too, for any number of reasons. Neither of you is going to be able to just "get over it" all on your own.

I would venture to say that maybe you've got to risk alienating your wife, in order to bring this out in the open. Because if it doesn't come up for examination, it may become more and more toxic, and then it's harder to do anything at all.

Erica, there is another thing you can do that no one has mentioned. Seek a good gender therapist or a therapist that is not religiously motivated in her/his therapy techniques and talk it over with them. He or she may be able to suggest ways to open a dialogue with your wife so that maybe she can understand it is not some sex game you are playing when you dress, but a part of you that likely stems from the womb.

I hate to see folks get into feeling they have no where other than between a rock and a hard place to go to. That can only lead to misery for all concerned.

Love and best wishes, Carolynn

Since iPhones aren't that old, how old can the things be that she found?

It's likely your wife already knows it's not old, and wanted to see what you'd admit to, or whether she could cause you to shrink from the truth.

So, it's either sit her down and have a good honest talk, or else hide your activities better.

I wish it wasn't so hard for you.

Erica,

I know just how you feel. I have been in this exact situation. Unfortunately, my sisters are right about what they have said and the advice they have given. I particularly agree with Anita. Once my exwife refused to discuss it or learn about it, the solution was left up to me.

The choice was to be happy or to accept never being happy. My ex made it impossible to be happy with her. So I chose to be happy without her. It turned out to be the best decision I have ever made. Now don't get me wrong here, my marriage had other serious problems and I am fairly certain it was going to end no matter what. It was coming to the decision that it would be best for my children. I would have stayed married, even in an unloving marriage, had there been a nice home environment for my kids. I figured it was my duty that I accepted when I decided to have children.

In the end, the marriage became so bad that my kids were really suffering. I decided it would be best if I killed myself and tried to do just that by taking 35 vicodin. I thought I was going to spare my kids the embarrassment of having a transsexual dad, because I knew I was not going back to the closet.

So I bought some women's clothes, filed for divorce, changed the locks and started my new life. My children decided they wanted to stay with me, except for my oldest daughter who left with her mother. However, she was already 21 years old and had recently moved back in and was basically free loading. She knew I was not going to allow that, so I knew she would go with her mother.

The point of all of this? Well, if your wife is totally unwilling to accept this, then you have to either accept that your marriage could end, or keep hiding it and getting caught. I did that for years. You can take the girls clothes away from the boy, but you can't take the girl out of the boy.

I wish I could help more, but really as my sisters have pointed out, you have to make these difficult decisions and live with the consequences. Only you can know what is going to be best for you. But if she is on to you, which I suspect she is, she is going to be looking and that is going to make hiding stuff really difficult. That means future confrontations are almost a certainty.

One last thing. I don't want to villianize your wife here. She can't help how she feels any more than you can help how you feel. So just remember that she has a right to feel what she feels also.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Final decisionis with you. whether to continue the existing relationship or to move out and start a new life.
One thing you should remember that you are a women trapped in a man's body. Whatever decision you take should be comfortable for every one.


Yours loving sister,

kary

To All whom replied,

Thank you so much for you support and honesty! I read each post and will think it over carefully before making any decisions. I know I have some tough choices in my future. Elizabeth you are right about what you said about her feelings, I do understand but as everyone knows I can not just say it was a fad! Now I will change. I can not help thinking about my life and telling myself that this has been brewing for many years, it just came to the surface and now will not go away. I am who I am and like it. I think I will look into a therapist and see where that will go.

I have a lot to mull over for now.

Hugs,

Erica

Hi Erica,

As you acknowledged, "sage advice" from those of us who have "been there done that."

And YES! please, ponder it! It is not easy and as has been recommended, and hopefully you can pursue, I hate to use the word, "therapy" as it con-notates a cure for something, but it can possibly help if you have the right therapist, ONE THAT IS FAMILIAR WITH "US." If he or she starts flipping through the DSM, run away and fast!

We are not professional therapist here, but on the other hand we have RLE (real life experiences) to draw on and that can be more beneficial than the proverbial couch, in a lot of instances.

Not wishing to be too redundant, but we only have one shot at this "trip around the sun," and it is our own responsibility to make it as pleasant an experience as possible. If you feel you truly have "this gift," I hope you are aware that it does not go away. Ignoring it, repressing it, suppressing it can all be done and some even take it to the grave with them, but I can assure you that they lead unhappy existences, especially when forced to do this by other people.

Please continue to share with us and your chosen path, shared with us can help others who are in their own "Magical Mystery Tour."

Love,

Virginia

Ugh this irritates me sooo much. I know you make sacrifices for the one you love but how can you love someone who does not love what you are and is so much on a different wave length you find their way of thinking down right objectionable.
Whats wrong with the women is this world. seriously the get on my nerves. oooo we want feminism and equality and we can wear trousers and our lover's shirts but if its the other way around its sick. Illogical hypocritical and sometimes self centered little cows I'm afraid sometimes my gender annoy the crap out if me. sorry for the rant i just think she should consider herself lucky to have just an open minded and colourful lover. its just she sounds very conservative and prejudiced. it bothers me. I wish i could shout at your wife a bit and give you a hug. the behaviour is just weird.
although I'm constantly told I'm not a good example of the average female or the average human. apparantly I'm easily pleased which is true. I have been with H nearly 3 and a half years we spend a huge amount f time together most of it in bed (not necessarily sex we just sleep ALOT) but I'm still so happy every time i just see him and run around like a dog I'm told. people should love their partners unique wonderful quirks and just be damn happy just to see them and be cuddled.

I'm curious as to why the bookmarks were on HER phone?

Zari

Zari,

it was like this I used Safari as my web browser when I got it last year, I transferred my bookmarks from an old browser I had used. I did not even think it would matter. Well my wife got her iPhone and when she synched it it had a default to use Safari and link the bookmarks. So she got them on her phone! I should have done that for her and made sure only Internet Explorer, the web browser we use was linked to the phone. I messed up.

Erica

I'm such a paranoid person, I don't even put bookmarks in my own computer which is password protected. And I clear history whenever the browser closes. Many times clients use this machine and it would be challenging to exlplain why the CD[forum address pops up when they try to go to some site beginning with www.cro.........

I was a Boy Scout and the motto is: Be Prepared!

Erica, wish I could say something profound but I can only wish you the best of luck. I am in the process of a divorce here and for my wife CDing is a big issue for it. But she has many mental issues she refuses to deal with.

Unless your wife is willing to talk about it in a productive informational exchanging way it may not be good to talk about it. But also not talking about it often information becomes more and more negative.

Good Luck. If you want to PM me I am here to lend an ear to listen.

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