Tri-Ess... What do you think of it?

Shannon · Post by **Shannon** » Sat Sep 13, 2003 9:44 pm

I was curious what you all think about Tri-Ess?

Are you a member?
Are you active in your local chapter?
Do you find it helpful?
Do you find it open?
Any comments you have....

Just a note, I started this posting with the intent of posting my opinions and thoughts of Tri-Ess, but as I typed it I decided I would hold off and see what others have to say first.

I look forward to your thoughts and comments.

Shannon

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sat Sep 13, 2003 10:15 pm

Hi Shannon,

I'll be happy to give my input.

No I'm no longer a member. I joined in 1987, but didn't keep my membership current. I think the last time I paid my yearly dues was at the end of the eighties.
No I'm not active in a local chapter.
Yes, I found Tri-Ess INCREDIBLY helpful!!!
No, I didn't no find it that open.

Here are a few of my reasons for not joining Tri-Ess again. One was because they have a specific charter. They are super hetero-sexual. I didn't have a problem with that, but I did feel like leaving others out wasn't cool. I guess another reason I didn't stay current was because at the time I first joined I was single and they did have a bit more of a couples feel. I'm sure I'll think of more after this post, but you have what I can think of now.

I think Tri-Ess' bonuses outweigh the negatives though. I owe them a lot of my sanity and acceptance of who I am. In 1987 I thought I was alone. I couldn't believe there were people out there like me. I found out about them from reading an old penthouse forum magazine my friend had in a box.

When I received my first brown envelope with the black and white pamphlet I read it a zillion times. It had pictures and stories from other CDs. I feel my femme side was born that day. From that day I began to slowly accept myself and accept that I was ok. I know where I am today has a lot to do with Tri-Ess.

I'm in a group now where I feel comfortable, so I most likely won't ever join again. However, tomorrow could be different. If there were no group around here for me now, I'd surely look to Tri-Ess to help me find a group.

I hope this is the kind of feedback you were looking for.

Beauty

Alexandra · Post by **Alexandra** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 4:13 am

Shannon, good topic.

Beauty, a couple of quick questions . . .

Is this organization sort of loosely "faith based" like the boy scouts?

Do you feel that perhaps they haven't "kept up with the times" and that other today organizations can equally serve needs of others like triess did for you in the 80's?

I have no solid views on Tri-ess, but I do have an inquiring mind.

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 5:33 am

Shannon I agree with beauty with somethings, Tri-Ess is not open you must be interviewed first and if you meet their standards you have to be voted into the chapter. The wife and I drove 7 hours to the nearest chapter and I will admit we had a very wonderful time. Yes we joined, no we are not active (to far to drive). As far as a local group her in New Orleans I really do not care for them. I'm a simple crossdress who enjoys wearing womens cloths and going out once in a while. I don't live 24/7 an am not into being a full TS. Guess I will have to keep looking until I find another group that is in my comfort zone. Carol Ann

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 12:32 pm

Alexandra wrote:Shannon, good topic.

Beauty, a couple of quick questions . . .

Is this organization sort of loosely "faith based" like the boy scouts?

Do you feel that perhaps they haven't "kept up with the times" and that other today organizations can equally serve needs of others like triess did for you in the 80's?

I have no solid views on Tri-ess, but I do have an inquiring mind.

Hi there precious.

I don't think it's faith based. I think it's just that there are lots of wives in Tri-Ess. So having TS's in a group, for a wife who is discovering and starting to accept their husband as a CD, is just too much. Look at Sharon's stance on TS's on our forum.

I think they would rather have their wives joining them than allow TS's or gay CDs to join their organization.

I stay in touch with Tri-Ess functions and know what they are doing. I have also heard opinions of Tri-Ess on other CD boards and they still seem to have the same charter. I would have joined them again at the end of the nineties, but their presence online wasn't too strong. So I found the group I'm in now. TGEA. I love this group.

Ask more questions if you like.

Beauty

LeftyRainbow(SO) · Post by **LeftyRainbow(SO)** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 4:25 pm

O.K. here goes nothing!

I am affiliated with 3 online support groups for SO's that are directly related to Tri-Ess. In fact , one woman there recommended this site which had to be approved info. from their moderaters or it would never have been posted .
At a time when I was looking for answers , they were there with support (even if it was only their opinion).

I don't believe that they are the right place for me to be as far as distance (the nearest chapters are two states away in both directions).
I did volenteer to help start a Southern New England chapter if and when the demand is there.
I would become somewhat involved because I am an advocate for positive TG relations in this world.

I did not recieve a black and white pamphlet like Beauty but if you log on to a Tri-ess site they have loads of info.
They did however ask questions and approve memborship for even the on-line forums and I think that's just plain smart!
As Danielle has pointed out to us , you never know who is typing in on the other end but I think if you have to wait for an approval or response , you are less likely to bother if you are only there to harass or for HA HA's.

As far as their outreach for hetero-sexuals, I don't believe that it's a bad thing!
Anyone whose spent time in this forum knows I am definately not shy about my "leftist " veiws. I feel ,however, that advertising support for hetero's is essential to break the stereotypes that society has a tendancy to associate gender issues with homosexuality.
I have friends who are gay/lesbian who are just as confused about the sexuality part of my (and my partners) relationship!
They think we are secretly gay and are puzzled by the whole idea of our Hetero relationship.I have also read in the other forums that this is just as common of a myth in both the hetero and gay/lesbian circles.
I was happy to find somewhere that supports the truth for my situation.

In response to the comfort levels for wives and SO's being their insentive,
YES, of course that's the whole point ...if they want their current relationship or marriage to work out.
Their annual S.P.I.C.E event is for both partner's and works on helping
both parties communicate ,understand ,establish trust, etc......
I don't agree with everything they have to say but that is because I am a free thinker and am confident in my ability to gather information for myself.
I try not to judge the information...just digest it!

Food for thought

Alexandra · Post by **Alexandra** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 6:49 pm

Beauty, Carol and Lefty,

Girls, thats a lot of food to digest -- its almost an entire lunch

. I'll have to digest it all and get back to you.

btw, TGEA is . . . ?

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 8:15 pm

Hi Alexandra,

It's www.tgea.net

It's a support group for us TG'd/CD gals in MD, VA and DC.

To join you do have to be interviewed. You just don't want anyone who says they are TG'd/CD'r to join.

Beauty

Shannon · Post by **Shannon** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 9:41 pm

Good thoughts and comments so far.... I am very happy to hear others feelings on Tri-Ess... that is why I started the post....

Now I guess it is my turn.....

1) I am a member of the national chapter.
-Sharon(SO) and myself meet with the "leaders" (I can't think of a better word, it is ment with respect) of the local Houston chapter. They are very nice people. They were very polite and informative. We signed up and payed the dues happily...

2) I am not active (not actually a member) in the local chapter.
- More details later

3) I have not found it at all helpful, but I have not yet given it the chance to be helpful, so that is my fault.

4) No, I don't find it to be an open organization

5) Comments.... okay here it comes

During the meeting we had with the local head people, I found it quite limited and confined. I really felt like I was being judged......

- I have facial hair, and I was told I can not come to "dressed" meetings with facial hair. They explained their reasons for that and they were perfectly valid reasons, but I still felt judged and limited.

- To be honest the main reason I wanted to join Tri-Ess was to get access to the online email support forum they have, which I did....
- I wanted to find something like this forum.
- I spoke with them at this meeting about looking for an internet based discussion forum and they seemed rather hesitent to it. They acted like it was to "permanent" for them....

- Since being a member I have read most of the posts of the email discussion forum, and it is 90% fluff, I have learned next to nothing from it, and it took a DAMN long time to learn that... I hate email forums......
I think this format is BETTER...

- Tri-Ess presents itself as an support organization, and they most definately are. But I feel they are limited to their support... other competing support sources are not welcome.
- I have been trying for about a month to get "permission" to post a comment on their email forum about this forum and I get NOTHING BUT RUN AROUND and lack of comment.... I truely feel they are specifically avoiding giving me an answer..... I have no problem with them saying NO, I would just like they to be upfront and honest enough to give an answer.....

- The main people at Tri-Ess have told me that they have checked out this site and like it... they find it professional and active.... but have yet to give me permission to post about it... I wonder why????

- I am seeing rumors and comments about Tri-Ess starting a Internet Discussion forum for members... from what I am hearing it sounds a lot like this forum.... I HATE TO BE COPIED.....

- Now I DO LIKE that they are very open to having SO's in the group and active... the support of SO's seems very real and open. The only thing I disagree with is how they want to keep it SO's and CD's seperate for the most part (the CDSO email forum to me is just hand waving in my opinion) I feel it is ABSOLUTELY NEEDED to have CD's and SO's talking as a group.... Tri-Ess seems to only pander to this concept.

Am I getting vain? Am I being mean? Am I unjust in my feelings?????

Please let me know....

In closing, I think Tri-Ess is ABSOLUTELY GREAT.... the crossdressing community owes alot to the organization.... They are good people who really want to help.....

but I have problems with them, I think they are out of date, limited and tend to isolate themselves and members who will allow it to happen to them.

Damn... typers cramp.....

Alexandra · Post by **Alexandra** » Sat Sep 20, 2003 12:41 am

"Am I getting vain? Am I being mean? Am I unjust in my feelings?????"

Of course not. All views are needed.

The fact it appears that you started this forum somewhat out of frustration with Tri-ess speaks volumes. On the other hand you and other former Tri-ess members still have positive things to say about that organization speaks loudly too. I'd say we're getting a balanced view of the Tri-Ess.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sat Sep 20, 2003 6:14 am

Hi Shannon,

Your views are right in line with mine.

Tri-Ess is a fantastic idea and will, at least to me, always be the pioneer in Crossdresser support (google phrase)

. Now the next generation of Tri-Ess members needs to bring us into this century. This includes changing of ideas, changing of the guard, and the serious incorporation of the internet into our CDing life.

The local organizations are run more like a Sorority (which they kind of are) instead of a business or support group. I feel Tri-Ess does need to become more like a business. This to me, would bring Tri-Ess back to the forefront.

It would stink like rotten eggs if your idea was taken instead of being shared. You're right SOs and CD's should be together as much as they should be apart.

I do respect Tri-Ess saying, "Great idea. Go create one like you described. We like it the way we are now."

Maybe things will change? Hearing and reading comments like yours is surely going to cause something to happen.

Thank you for starting this thread. I think it's one of the most important threads ever posted on this board. . . . . ok . . . next to Word Association.

:: runs ::

Just kidding, I seriously think this is one of the most important threads on this board. Thank you!!!

Beauty

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Sat Sep 20, 2003 9:03 am

Shannon, I was wondering what chapter you visited?. Reason I ask is because Houston is where the wife and I went (nearest one to us). We were welcome and taken in by the group right off the bat. I found them to be very helpful and the wife was well informed to any questions she had of the wifes. As I said before it's to long of a drive just to get dressed up and go out other wise I would become an active member. Carol Ann

Jadeanne · Post by **Jadeanne** » Mon Sep 22, 2003 9:19 pm

I am finding this thread very informative. I would have to agree that this is the most important thread on this forum.

I haven't really looked very much into outside support groups. I'm currently doing fine with just my wife knowing and supporting, so I consider us a self-contained support group of 2.

Lots of CDers aren't anywhere near as fortunate and I'm glad there are support groups for the people who don't get my level of support at home or want to take their dressing further than my limited comfort zone.

Shannon, thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts.

I hope this forum does well - it looks like growth of members has slowed a bit, but colder weather is coming to the more northern areas and with more people indoors more often, internet time will increase, so more people should be coming to this forum and some current members should be more active.

I started off reading the usenet newsgroups, then found CDDF, and now I found this forum. This is the forum I would choose if I could only choose one. I'm glad there are a lot of choices on the internet, but this is my primary place when I have time for only visiting one forum.

Jadeanne

Shannon · Post by **Shannon** » Mon Sep 22, 2003 10:24 pm

Well thanks for the words everybody, especially your Jadeanne.... I am glad you like the forum.

Carol Ann, it was the Houston chapter.... I am not sure if that completely defines it or not.... is there several in Houston???? I don't know....

I think Jadeanne hit on a good point, that might actually be effecting my opinions on Tri-Ess.... I too receive pretty good support at home and don't really have any desire to socialize with this part of my personality....

Maybe that makes Tri-Ess less appealing to me than it might otherwise be....

I don't know.

FYI for you all....

After I made my post above I received an email from the leaders of the Houston chapter and they made some good points.... I plan on speaking with them more and understanding where they stand on matters (if they wish) and will present the results here if they are okay with that....

Keep the comments coming... I personally am intrigued...

Jessie · Post by **Jessie** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 7:00 pm

I know this may not follow the intial idea of this subject but I did have a question for Janyne C.

I was wondering if the Tri-Ess is strictly for those who are married or in commited reationships. Or if you can be single and be a member. I am just wondering about this that's all.

Jessie