Crossdressers-Haven.com

Do you think there is a difference in how you are treated in public when you are crossdressed vs when youre not?

Odd as it may seem and just probably coincidentally, like in stores, I get cold treatment when I was in boy mode but nowadays, people seem to be nicer to me. I mean I used to NEVER got a "have a nice day" before or a nice smile from store people...

restrooms though eh... I guess back then no one even cares about me but nowadays... I get bad looks em or like looks of confusion. would you believe someone, stranger, even threatened me back then that i could get hurt(beaten up I think) one day while I was waiting inside the men's - like where am I supposed to go???

you know, its funny too that NO ONE, EVER bothered opening the door for me but now one time this guy even went out of his way just to open it for me coz i was carrying a puny pizza.

its just funny sometimes, how different they can be. sometimes i wonder if people for some bizarre reason are just mistaken that im not a boy and thats just really why some are nice to me, at those single time moments but whenever it becomes clear and concrete, things are different.

why do women always get the special treatment hohohohooho

Why do women always get special treatment? A great question, based on a faulty premise.

Sometimes women get special treatment. Especially if they are attractive. Sometimes they get a lot of special treatment and to me it often seemed unfair, partly because in truth I think it's due to men being led around by their hormones.

On the other hand this can work out in a lot of ways.

I think the idea of men automatically holding doors for women smacks of sexist servitude. My solution when younger was to just not do it. As I became older and wiser I realized a better solution was to hold the door for both men and women. End of inequality.

After my first daughter was born I discovered that noone gets better treatment than a man with a baby. Women and other men all become very helpful. I had occaisions of young women I had never seen before in my life offering me rides in their car because it was cold out and I was carrying my daughter in a backpack.

I've also found that the more I hold doors for people, the more they hold them for me. And in this modern age, depending on who gets to the door first, often younger women hold the door for me, especially at the gym.

Zari

Well thinking about it some more i am open to the thought that of course there are others who are jsut genuinely nice and as you said would be equally nice to anyone else.

I dont know, I dont think its really bad it just crosses my mind why or what the probability is.

but that hormone thing that you said i guess is true too, i mean not just men and women and others, but like a really pretty woman vs another who is less desirable.

yeah people talk to me different when I'm butch. more fun more relaxed more jokes. when i'm femme people are especially men more polite and reserved and worry you as a woman will take offense or something,. I prefer being treated like one of the boys.

Yes, and no. It depends on the presentation and the location. Women get treated differently in a tux shop from what men would be treated. At a lumber yard a guy in a tux would be treated differently from guy in construction looking clothes. We all get treated differently depending on what our presentation is and where we are at and doing. That is just part of life and how we relate to people.

That said I have noticed another factor in how I am treated and that is my personal attitude about what I am doing. And this affects all of my presentations from male, through mixed and androgenyous, to femme. If I act like a serious shopper, be a serious shopper, I am treated like a serious shopper.

I remember when I was really nervous out shopping, did not want to talk to the SA's and tried to avoid them. Guess what? They kept an eye on me like I was doing something wrong. But when I just learned to shop and not avoid but interact with the SA's, I began being treated a lot better. Even in guy mode. Talk about being freaked out a bit the first time while shopping in guy mode and the SA says to me "can I start a room for you?". I had several clothing items draped over my arm and had been interacting with the SA's off and on while I was looking. And looking includes picking up items, looking at the back, and holding up to see to you to see if you like the look on you.

IMHO your personal self acceptance of yourself and what you do is the most important part. Followed closely by your attitude.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

automatically holding doors for women smacks of sexist servitude

Zari, I had a retort in mind but I will let it slide. I think it is common courtesy to hold a door open for anyone.

I have noticed a difference when I am out in drab mode and when I am in fem mode. When I am in fem mode, people seem to be more polite, men open doors for me, I once had a gentleman tip his hat to me, other women seem to talk more freely around me, other women ask me how my day is going and etc., and I seem to get touche/feely more by other women.

Dante, I think theyre more worried of not pleasing you and appearing interesting to you hohohoho. I saw your pic, youre freakin gorgeous. Em... ok im just being silly......... hope that wasnt offensive ehhhh....

Kim, you pose reasonable examples. I guess reflecting on myself, as a guy I was dressed, as I said somewhere, like some punk or cholo something(if that is the california term for it? or was it ghetto). as for now, I guess I do look the opposite and my ... I guess if I do like what Im doing, it comes out naturally that you are liking it and youre in some positive... something and maybe who knows... people respond positively to positive things...... I guess thats where the some of the smiles and hello's are stemming from.

JoAnn yess yesss Im not insane and its not just me imagining these things hohohohohohohoho ok im being insane now... Im just feeling extra happy today coz of some other off topic matter. Im not a woman so I wont klnow exactly but I guess they feel like youre still like a part of the gang so like no point in being like secretive or controlled around you

Wendae I agree with you. I came to realize that letting the door slam behind me in someones face is just plain rude. But a lot of disturbed teenagers, which is what I was when I began making these decisions, don't understand that.

On the other hand, I'm old enough to remember when on a date, your date sat in the car till you walked around and opened the door for her. Of course you paid for the whole evening, even though she had an after school job that paid better than your after school job. And you got told that if you didn't pay for the evening, you didn't get any. That sort of thing really used to bug me, and was the root of a lot of these resentments. Once again, when I got older (and had a bit more money) I noticed that when I went out drinking with my male friends we would pay for each other. Of course noone was getting any from that either........

Personally I'm glad that the days of stringent chivalry are over replaced by general politeness and consideration.

Zari

NieA

I think cholo is a mostly west coast term, as I read it sometimes but don't hear it used out here. And on the east coast, at least here, punk is generally taken to mean faggot, with all the negative and insulting characteristics of the term.

LOL thanks NieA no that isn't offensive cas you were direct. I hate that coy thing. Wouldn't mind if people just said your hot and I'm attracted to you. I prefer when people are relaxed and open. men often won't talk about tits and whatnot in front of females friends as they fear being slapped for being pervs or 'sexist' . girls tend not to bore their male mates with shopping and girly notions but have often tried to talk to me about it and i hate that manure. hate if men try to carry my stuff or hold a door open in taht way cas I'm a little girl. i usually hold doors open for men and if they offer to carry something for me I'll offer to carry something for them. yeah i get it I'm weak but I think i can manage one box mate jeez i haven't got cancer and I'm not going to swoon at your strength or want to shag you LOL.
fact is I'm a perv and a sexist myself and i like being treated like a boy.
I doubt most of my mates care if I'm interested in them. with them i don't get these issues as much most of my mates are gay. in fact i have 2 straight mates thats including my lover. when i meet their straight mates at parties if I'm butch or goth or femme I get differing reactions dependant on each.
I prefer the reaction i get from everyone when butch from people. even my mates treat me a wee bit diff if i'm femme it does not encourage me to do it often.

Ab, me I dont see why we should really treat girls just because really. I mean if we both agreed to go somewhere I think its fair to share the bill, I mean unless the girl doesnt realllly want to go and like youre just begging her to maybe but... I thin kits fine time for people to really live up to the 'we are all equal deal' especially these women who demand to be treated special but ask for equality. eh where am I now?....

yeah I hear that cholo thing here really hohoho though I dont exactly know what it means.... but the way they use it at times is funny and it sounds cute, it makes me think of a boy version of Dora the explorer.

Dante, well I think as for women, it might be well known that men hate listening to talks about shopping I mean seriously ive rarely heard of one who even willingly goes with the girlfriend or wife to shop, hackkkk maybe unless after the shopping its meant to lead to somewhere private eerk.

ohohooh well thats funny im like eh getting the opposite. at work women make me carry things just because im a guy even if they are physically more than capable than me to do the physical task. i mean jsut coz im a guy doesnt means im full of muscles.

well me i dont have friends here anymore, I left them in another country so ehhh. and i guess ive been too busy at work to find new ones who are physically nearby

LOL women are just lying cows. they say they want to be equal be treated like bloody princesses as if they are better somehow erm why? I think they bribe men with sex.
Its never been like that for me. I was with other women and with my current partner I'm the sexual monster so I try to seduce him more and treat him special. I don't expect him to do extra stuff for me. yeah i hate it when girls expect men to carry stuff I mean are their legs broken noooo.
shopping is like a slow death. i don't know anything about shoes and i don't care. its very odd even after I've said this women seem to think cas you're a girl then can talk about diff stuff with you. they say 'oh I'm not girly and that into shopping' but they are even if i am physically gagging at the convo. or if men are around they try and impress them and don't talk about stuff like that when they are in the room but if i am there they just chat to each other about clothes and ignore me till i leave. girly girls suck. barbie should die. why ask me about bras unless you are going to get me have a private viewing of you trying them on I'm not interested in colours and kinds and this one has some sort of weird frilly contraption. sexy yes but i don't know which one is better on you errrr the one that makes them look bigger LOL

This thread has reminded me of a story an uncle told of working in an office.

He was retired Air Force who after retirement was working in an office. One of the girls working there was very much into womens lib. One day she asked him to carry a box of paper for her. He asked her if she believed in womens lib and of course she said she did. He looked at her and said "Then carry it yourself".

Leeza

P.S. This happened in the early 60s

Dante, well darn, that sorta sounds tough in the sense that... I guess you cant fit in with normal/typical girls. Well, atleast with your looks I think it will be reversed for boys since they often may not even care about what you are saying since theyre often preoccupied with other thoughts about the woman theyre talking to hohohoohhohoho. if your cute it doesnt matter herrkkkkkk.

have you seen the south park episode where in butters I think was helping the guy with the bad legs how to get laid? he said the key while having a conversation with women is even if you hate what shes saying or dont even understand, just whatever it is, reply "that was really insightful, ive never thought of it that way" or "thats very interesting, please tell me more" ohohohohoohoh and the woman would think you understand her. I wonder how trueeee that is hohohohoho.

but anyway, you probably have other people whom you can just talk to without awkward moments so... dont mind.

well as for me, i dont really care whats the topic I mean people can talk to me about the most idiotic of things to things as serious as AI or whatever and I dont mind at all. not that I can provide input all the time but I can try

Leeza, yeah so much for womens lib hohohoohoho. There should be men's lib!!!!!!! em... that sounds a bit preposterous but ehhhh.