Hi Girls:
Think about it this way perhaps. You are on a diet. You have told everyone that you know, "I am on a diet." It is late at night. Everyone in the home is sleeping except you. You get up and go to the kitchen and think.
What can I eat as a snack and not break my diet?
Tada! A cookie! It is made from wheat, with egg and that is a good thing. Yes, I will have a cookie. Trouble is, you cannot just have one, you have (3) and then suddenly, bam! The mental alarm goes off and the feelings of guilt surround you!
You feel badly now, you broke your diet plan. Time to start over. But, wait! No one else knows but you! The next day, guilt comes around as family and friends applaud you for sticking to your diet not knowing about the cookie episode that you plan on keeping to yourself.
It goes away in time as it becomes less important to think about. But, still, those pangs of guilt show up a little when you think about it.
This is not a science-based answer here. No hippocampus correlation etc., but, it is perhaps similar in reaction. A twinge of discomfort because a "rule has been broken." We all get that twinge even when we dress enfem and then worry about those close to us and there thinking. Because they accept us one day, does that mean they will the next and the next? Hmmmm! The brain works overtime trying to adjust to the idea that we are never really going to be sure. My spouse just went 10 years (married 40 years) and then decided on the TG basis that she wants a divorce and she never saw me dressed enfem, only a couple of pictures in my office!
We were born this way. We have perhaps the wrong equipment as some see it. Others are okay with that as CD's and adjust to the idea. Some never have a problem with that. Some are always bothered by it in the TG community of variables.
Remember, bottom line here. You can change everyting about your appearance with surgery up to a point, but, you cannot erase your memory of days under the "blue" cap! They are with you till the end. Like it or not, you will always know that you had to have surgery to make things right. Bummer!
For the CD people, not caring about such things, you still know that you are crossing over a line that for the most part, was not meant to be crossed. Thus the social line that we are all painfully aware of. We can cross it, but we cannot seem to ever really complertely adapt to it. That comes from starting out as such and CD people do not fit that description. We will always know that we are "adpating" to a concept of appearance that is by and large, a foreign description of our counter physical, biological anatomy that does not conform to the base birth description and functionality.
I wrestle with that today. I did yesterday as well. I do not expect it to be gone any time soon. I ask myself, "how does a [GG] feel when she is crossdressed? Wearing a tie and white shirt and black slacks and shoes for a "Bistro" job? Or in a courtroom, wearing a pinstripe suit and tie! While yes, it is cut for a womans form, no less, she is dressing as a man. Why is "she" not bothered by this.
Answer: simple ...... she still sees herself as biological female and the outfit is just that .... an outfit. She is not trying to represent herself as a man. She is a woman, wearing an outfit that has been reserved for men until that past few years.
Women wear pants or jeans. They are crossdressed by social standards that we can apply. It was illegal in 32 states before 1932 to appear in public that way. While the law was not always invoked, it could be at any time that it was determined that the woman was trying to cause a social problem by doing so.
The law is still on the books in most states. We just do not invoke the law anymore. Do [GG]'s get a twinge when dressed this way. Of course not. They have been taught and accepted like this by society in general. Until men can wear a dress and not be thought of as 2nd class citizens, women in general will always be thought of as the same.
It is still considered being a "sissy," or demeaning to wear that dress and pose as a woman. Woman still are concerned about us doing so and showing up in the ladies bathroom. Let's be honest here. Our concern over our loved ones finding us unappealing is just the tip of the social rejection iceberg.
Bottom line: the mental mechanisim that makes us feel uncomfortable at times, is the same mechanisim that makes us feel unsure at times about "will we be accepted."
That is a tough nut to crack!
Hugs
Danielle Marie
