Crossdressers-Haven.com

April 26 was my birthday and I finally convinced myself that it's okay to dress again. The sky won't fall and the world won't come to an end. Finding this forum helped me see that.

I initially wanted to take some pictures, see what I look like and maybe get one that I could use here for the avatar. So I rummaged through my old stuff (in the last 10 years I had fully dressed maybe 3 or 4 times) and found enough to fashion something decent out of it. I found it amazing how much had vanished. Maybe I threw it out, maybe my wife, whatever.

After the day was done I couldn't believe the inner peace I experienced from that. It was like being on vacation for years on end and finally coming home. This is where I belong, home.

Since I have been off work (slow construction) I have the days to myself. Now I had finally allowed myself to dress up and I knew I'd be back to work pretty soon so I had better take advantage of the off time.

Over the next few weeks I bought new clothes, shoes and even two wigs (my old one was almost 20 years old!) It was kind of like a teenage girl just establishing her shopping savvy only I was trying to re-establish it. Not just in finding great deals but also in picking something out that I really like and would look good on me. The first purchase was so-so. It was somewhat plain, feminine but not fun. I wanted fun. Then I went on a quest for a black long sleeved blouse. In that quest I found a beautiful formal halter dress. This was something I had always dreamed about. My shopping savvy was being honed.

One other thing that was being re-learned was makeup. I think I have it back now but that re-evolution was something. I look back at only a few weeks ago and have to chuckle as a mother would when she sees her daughter's first attempt at makeup. And I do feel more like a mother than a daughter.

I never found that blouse so I once again set out on the quest. I found more things I really liked, shoes, skirts, tops and finally the blouse (but it was a bit small). I took more pictures and noticed everything I had bought was based in black. This girl had very limited taste.

The next quest was to find an outfit that had no black and was more summery. I already had the shoes so all I needed was the clothes. I found a nice top and some Capri pants but really had reservations about how I'd look. Yesterday I knew was my last dress up day as my daughter returns from college today.

So yesterday I made sure I took my time about every aspect of getting dressed. I had learned from my makeup mistakes and really fussed about the details. Once that was done I put on my new outfit. When I saw the image in the mirror it was like I had finally arrived. Now I was really home.

I have said all of this is to get to here. Yesterday I felt like a woman. No sexy outfits, no sultry makeup, just nice bright feminine clothing and natural looking makeup. And I was more me than I had ever been. This was how I wanted to stay, how I wanted everyone to see me. It represented the true me better than anything ever had. I was home and it was so nice to feel the warmth and coziness of being back in my own home. But it's so much more than that. It was an inner peace. I was the girl who had been lost and now was home. I never wanted to leave.

This is what crossdressing is to me. It's not sexual. It's not a fetish. It's just the outer person dressing like the inner person says she should dress. It's me being me. But if it's just me being me it's really not crossdressing is it? It's just dressing.

Love,
Julie

julie,
that was so well put.it's the basic reason that i crossdress.it puts
me totally in touch with my inner self.i've come to realize that fem-
ininity is so much about feelings that go way past the clothes.the outfits
just are another dimension of who we are. bunches of hugs,
karen.

Julie wrote; Yesterday I felt like a woman. No sexy outfits, no sultry makeup, just nice bright feminine clothing and natural looking makeup. And I was more me than I had ever been. It represented the true me better than anything ever had.

Thank you Julie for putting it into words like you have. I have been there at different times, when I am I hate to have to get out of the clothes. On one hand I want to stay that way, while at the same time it has scared me. I guess I would like to be able to go there and return at will.

Julie,
I feel very much like you. When I was working out of town and had my own appartment, I did not go and buy new clothes and dress. I had privacy, I had time, and I had thousands of dollars in per diem money to spend without my wife's approval. But to be honest, a satan night gown and pink fuzzy slippers were enough for me. For me crossdressing is just feeling ok with myself. I also have not dressed in a while, and quite frankly was concerned that if I started again, I would not be able to stop. I also have purged so many beautiful things over the years, I almost buy things with the intention of throwing them away, instead of keeping them now. I guess the best way to describe what crossdressing is to me, is that it is a feeling of well being that I get no other way. If I could get it another way, I would. It is not my desire to cause anyone pain, just to allieviate my own.
Elizabeth

ALL RIGHT GIRLS!!!!!
This is what Carl Jung's says in his Anima Theory. It is the "final step" for a CD'er, it is on going but the final step. It is not the dressing, slthough that is an integral part, but once a CD'er recognizes that it is the emergence of the Anima into actuality and that either combining of the two personnas or the parallel development then we produce a personna that is better than the sum of the two. "The CD'er does not literally wish to become a woman. He is trying to become himself, fully. CD'ing is a positive victory for the natural urge to integrate personalities, and to activate ALL potentials. The traits of male "agency" remain, BUT, THEY now achieve a true sense of purpose through guidance of the Anima. The Anima hopefully produces, spirituality, compassion, love, beauty, empathy, patience.
Ain't it great?!
Love,
Deborah

Deborah wrote:ALL RIGHT GIRLS!!!!!
This is what Carl Jung's says in his Anima Theory. It is the "final step" for a CD'er, it is on going but the final step. It is not the dressing, slthough that is an integral part, but once a CD'er recognizes that it is the emergence of the Anima into actuality and that either combining of the two personnas or the parallel development then we produce a personna that is better than the sum of the two. "The CD'er does not literally wish to become a woman. He is trying to become himself, fully. CD'ing is a positive victory for the natural urge to integrate personalities, and to activate ALL potentials. The traits of male "agency" remain, BUT, THEY now achieve a true sense of purpose through guidance of the Anima. The Anima hopefully produces, spirituality, compassion, love, beauty, empathy, patience.
Ain't it great?!
Love,
Deborah

Deborah,

I'll put this in my words and you can then tell me if I'm understanding this correctly (I'm not very up on pshchological terminology).

By dressing up and then coming out into society as the person we truly are we have successfully melded the parts of our personality into one. The dressing is a projection of who we are.

Once we have done that the person we have now introduced to society is a better person than the one we showed them before. (How am I doing?)

By crossdressing we have become victorious in merging the parts of ourselves together and in doing so we allow ourselves to achieve our full potential.

The Anima (I'm seeing that as the inner self?) is the guiding force that handles the parts and integrates them into a complete person, male and female have become one. Through this it allows us to become more spiritual, more passionate, more empathetic, more loving and more patient. This grows into a thing of beauty.

I'm interested in seeing if I interpreted this right.

Love,
Julie

Julie, I think you got most of it, but remember some of this is open to interpretation. I feel that what Jung is saying that is once the Anima - the female aspect of our personna, emerges it makes the male personna better and the two together produce a greater individual. Jung feels that at that point the actual dressing will, can, shall, may become secondary or even unnecessary but not necessarily. He goes furthur to state the "down side" and that is that the anima is not controlled by the male and "takes over." Thus the female begins to dominate the male and the individual is off on an entirely different tangent, i.e., dressing 24/7; disruption of life style which affects all those around him in order to benefit the anima. And I guess the ultimate SRS. Unfortunately some of our sisters never reach or recognize the various stages they are in and are unwilling or unable or don't care to advance to the next stage. I am sure that there are those of us who are in the stage you and I feel we have acceded to - that being recognition of the anima and the working out the merging of the two personna. Jung says that this last stage (for you and I/and others who recognize it) is on going for the rest of our lives as we begin to use our "gift" to the betterment of all those we come in contact with - dressed or not!
Love ya,
Deborah

Julie you said a mouth full girl. I have thought the same thoughts. But they have never been as clear as you wrote. This forum is opening my mind so much. Thank you

Hi Julie,

I REALLY like your latest pic. The new avatar works, girl!!

Lorna,
Your right! She does look delicious!
Deborah