My wife coping with me as a CD

[Kittie]

I am out to my wife and dress most evenings completely (skirt & top) with bra, panties and tights with a nightie all the time now at night. My wife gave me 2 of the nighties! I have a beard which sadly prevents me going out of the house "en femme" and my wife likes it so any question of shaving it off is rejected. A mutual cd friend has suggested that this is her way of preventing me going all the way CD. I don't think so. I am hoping to extend my CD to earrings, clip-on but I would like to be pierced eventually. I have found suitable earrings. Dresses have been more of a problem but my wife told me my right "girl's size" of 22 and I have 1 on order. I have also found a size 22 of my wife's too small fro her which I really like and must ask to take it over.
Girls I would appreciate your comments

[SilverLady(SO)]

... A mutual cd friend has suggested that this is her way of preventing me going all the way CD. I don't think so. ...

Hi, Kittie -

Sorry, hon, but I believe your friend is right. There could be a variety of reasons why, but I believe one of the main reasons is that she is afraid that you would be recognized while out en femme. That would result in embarrassment for her and/or yourself, which would then generate discussion about your femme side. If that happens, then she could be forced to defend you and/or forced to choose between you or her friends or acquaintances, and she doesn't want to be placed in that position.

On the other hand, she could also be feeling insecure in her own femininity. Her way to not have to deal with that issue is to require your male side to keep the beard and/or mustache. She would then be the only 'female' in the relationship, and she just has a husband who likes to wear women's clothing.

I could be wrong . . . but I don't think so!


Good Luck!!

- SL

[Anne]

Baby steps . . .

[Kittie]

SL thank you for your comments. I think you are right about my wife's caution. I still love her much and it is mutual. she has been very co-operative over quite a few years now and I am grateful. Even with beard I can still enjoy the rest. Without the beard I don't n eed a wig to look feminine

[Dolores(GG)]

I'll play devils advocate and defend your wife a bit here...I think everyone who knows me here knows that I am the main driving force in my bf's CDing and I not only support it, but am the cause of it. That said, he has chest hair that totally interferes with alot of the clothes he could wear out. Still, he doesn't really want it off and honestly, I don't eitheir. I love it. However, it's a bit easier to find a way around that....still, I could sympathize with the idea. Still, she could consent to you shaving it off once in a while and growing it back...special occasions?

It might be a subtle plot on her part, or she might trully like it. I have had a few partners who I really preferred with facial hair. Try to come to a compromise where maybe you get chances to shave it off.

[Wendae]

I agree with SL!

[DanteCarrie (FTM)]

that could be her motive but like dolores i doubt it oddly enough your wife may just have sexual tastes different to you shockingly

I CD i know my partner prefers when I'm femme so i do both. I keep m hair long for him but style it in a way that can be more masculinish.

however i don't resent this my partner is not CD but if he was i would not want the beard to come off.
I love his tiny patch of facial hair its very sexy and i think he looks so much better with. facial hair is one of the few masculine qualities i like on men in general. it looks awesome.
maybe your wife just finds the beard hot and thinks you look more attractive with it.

[Andrea Elise]

Hi, Kittie!

Trying to walk this tight rope is hard. What society and others "expect" and that conflicting with who we really are.

I like to think of my home as the one place where I can relax and be who I really am. But, sadly, that is not the case in all respects.

I am guilty of viewing people as "how I want them to be" and the reality has usually been a slap in the face for me.

I had a mustache for years. Sometimes a full beard and every combination there of. My ex told me if I shaved she would make me wear a bag over my head.

I think that the facial hair was, in some part, part of my denial as to who I was. Now, it is all shaved off, including my head. My soon to be wife is totally accepting of who I am, but I find that I am very reluctant to be dressed in her presence. I think it is still part of my denial mechanisim.

Given all of that, I have to wonder if your wife has an image of you as a man that she simply is not willing to give up on. It is the image of you that she fell in love with and she does not want to loose that. Because she loves you, she is willing to give you the space to dress at home but your beard is part of the image that she holds in her mind of the man she loves.

It would seem she has given you much in the freedom to dress as you choose, out of love for you. Someday she may give you that clean shave, but your beard may be a small price for her happiness.

For me, it seems that I walk upon the edge of a razor. I can not but think it is that way for many of "our kind".

Andrea

[DonnaT]

Yes, your friend could be right. My wife knew that as long as I had a mustache, there'd be less of a chance of me going out dressed.

But, only your wife can really answer the question.

There are a number of CDs who go out dressed and do not shave. They don't want to hide as women, but are totally accepting of there need to dress, not be women.

My wife asked me why, if it was the need to dress, why the need for a wig and makeup.

I told her I could very easily go out in a skirt sans wig and makeup. Her initial reaction was, "not with me you won't!"

So it comes down to this. Do you need to get out and about enfemme?

Would your wife stop you?

Do you need to hide that you are a man if you do get out?

Which would your wife prefer, you out dressed enfemme as a man, or as a woman?

All are questions you need to talk over with your wife, if you find you need to get out and about. No guessing at her answers.

[Kittie]

Thanks for your replies I have learned a lot but will let it rest now

[Karen]

I so much agree with SL, I think she nailed it quite good.

But like everyone says.....baby steps

[Absaroka]

I and everyone I've asked all agree I look much nicer with a beard. So I don't shave it off except for halloween. My beard is also an expression of who I am.

Maybe if you find some genderf--- place you can go there dressed with your beard. I've seen men in beards and dresses up in Provincetown, on Cape Cod.

And there is always our national holiday, Halloween.

In the meantime, baby steps and gratitude towards your wife.

Zari