Crossdressers-Haven.com

I need this to go away...has anyone ever succeed? I'm so sad.

Never mind....I've read enough from others

Laura

Do not despair. It is possible to stop but in my experience the desire never leaves you. It takes time for us to come to terms with this gift. I know I spent a couple of decades experiencing FUD (Fear Uncertainty Doubt) in my younger days. I am happy to say I have come to realise that there is nothing to be ashamed of in this and I don't particularly try to hide it any more. I for one am happy with where I am now.

Best wishes

Laura, why do you need it to go away? The way you said that sounds like you are suffering a lot of anguish about it. What is the trouble?
Supposing that it doesn't just go away, what will be the repercussions?
None of us here can make it go away for you, but we can tell you about our own experiences. In my own case, several years ago I also was in the situation where I hoped it would just go away. Then the worst that could possibly happen actually did happen, and strangely enough I am better off now than I was then.

On another post you said that you were a married hetro male. Gee, so am I. I just have this kinky little fetish, as some might call it. Does it affect my being a good father, or being a good husband, "NO" not at all. I accept me for who I am and fortunately for me, so does my SO. Have I ever wished it would go away, yes, but it never has, so I finally came to just accept it for what it is and I make the best of it.

"Please Gawd, make my arm like the other.... " Are you sure having it all go away is really an improvement?

The anguish of the condition may be less than the anguish of ignoring or fighting the condition. If you accept your condition, then you get to mold it to your advantage.

Just some thoughts, hon.

Laura,
Does it have to go away? I was in a city recently and was involved with my profession. At one of the hotels was a CD convention. It was really hard for me to just run down and join the fun. It wiould have ended my career so I didnt. Am I still going to enjoy my crossdressing. Yes and right now I am sitting with my wife dressed in a copper and black blouse, black skirt and heels. You need to embrace your self and what makes you happy.


Hugs Vivian

Laura. I at times wished this gift would go away and even tried things to get rid of it till a dr in a counseling season told me that he wouldn't do anything to help me get rid of it. He would help me learn to accept it, but he felt that it was a means that I used to deal with situations that were out of control so therefore didn't feel that it would be a good thing to get rid of it.

Now I am a lot older and in looking back I am glad he told me that. I have paid a price for it as most of us have. A divorce where CD was blamed but as a lot of our sisters have said that was just a convenient excuse. My second marriage has been more than the first could have ever been.

I can't say that my second wife is supportive, but she does tolerate my CDing. She also knew about my Cding before we were married. My kids (the yours mine and ours) now that they are older realize that my CDing made me a better parent. All they knew about it was that I was a CD as I didn't dress around them and I don't think as kids they had any idea what it meant.

As they were growing up they often discussed things with me that you would have thought they should be discussing with their mother. At times the girls would embarrass they heck out of me with the conversations. Now they will tell you that there was something about dad that was different. There was something there that the dads of their friends didn't have. Even today I am their mom and dad.

One of the girls made me laugh this week. I had told her about a conversation I had had with the nurse on an ambulance ride. This daughter said, " Yes, my dad is CD and she is the only sane one of my parents."

A number of times I have seen our sisters make the comment that they wished there was a pill they could take to get rid of the "gift". There have been times I have felt the same. Now that I am older (part of the gray haired ladies) and look back I am glad for the gift. I just wish I had accepted it earlier for what it is and not tried so hard to fight it. I can look back and see where it has helped in decisions I have made and advice I have given. I can see where it has helped in the raising of my kids and smoothed some of the rough waters. Now I can see where it helps in dealing with my wife and her problems.

My feeling now is that yes having the gift created a problem, but it gave me more tools to deal with life and life's problems.

Some of what I have said applies to the actual act of Cding but most applies to the mind of a Cder and the way we think.

Sometimes we think of our gift and the price, but I can think of many different “gifts” and the price that the people who have them have to pay. Even the gifts that denifit others require a price. Sometimes it is a price of rejection, sometimes a personal price of health or well being.

Leeza

It's been a long time since I've visited this site, but I appreciate and cherish every one of your responses. Thank you all.

Laura,
You can embrace your CDing at what ever level you can be comfortable with. Underclothes or up to full drag in public. You have to decide how the lifestyle effects your friends and family, then decide what level you want to take it to. Then you have the option of deciding who you are going to hang around with if individuals are put off by it. Rest assured as you get older you stop caring about what other people think because few people actually care about your happiness. Hang in there and you, or any other CDers can hang around me dressed as fabulous as they want to be.

Hugs Vivian

I have a friend who says that he wishes he could be a drug addict. His dream has always been to be a rock and roll star, but he can never be a rock star unless he's a drug addict. So in the mean time he is stuck as a successful, well paid, highly respected engineer.

Obviously he says this as a joke, but the fundamental meaning is insightful, I believe. Blindly wishing for something that is commonly accepted to be desirable or admirable without fully considering ALL the implications is not such a good idea.
For my own part, I can never be like everyone else anyway. I am just too weird. Crossdressing is not even a significant aspect of my weirdness. So if it were to just go away, I would still be unlike everyone else I know and still would not fit in. I think it bothered me when I was young, but that was too long ago to remember. Now one of the best benenfits to CDing is that it announces to the world straight off: "I am not like you and your rules don't apply to me." This saves me the effort of explaining it later.
I don't say that I recommend this attitude for others, everyone has to decide for themselves what they really care about and then behave accordingly.

Laura, how are our feelings about cross dressing now? I hope that you have come to some terms with it. I love to dress in feminine clothing, it feels do right when I do. I hope it gives you some good feelings also.

Hugs,

Erica

Ralitsa I've known engineers who were drug addicts.

Zari

I suppose I didn't make my point very well.
What I mean is that this guy want to be a rock star, but he also sees that there are many things about the rock star lifestyle that he doesn't want. And there is a parallel with that concept to us. Sometimes we want to be "normal" or like everyone else, or we want this to go away, but what are the implications of that? Will is actually make everything all better? Or are we left with all the same old problems, but then we no longer have the comfort and peace that CDing gives to us?
Like many, I fought against it for years, until the one I was married to decided that she would use it against me, basically trying to blackmail me with it. At that point I embraced it and engaged in it even more than I really was inclined to, as a reaction against her. When I did that I found that I personally can be at peace with myself, and accepted this about myself. One could say that it cost my marriage, but I really don't believe it was a significant factor, it was just a convenient excuse for her to use. And in that situation, there really isn't much to the marriage worth saving, and a person who does that isn't someone I want to be married to anyway.

So really my point was that many times what we have is better than what we wish for, and happiness really comes from being satisfied with yourself.

Ralitsa,
Rest assured you are not as different as you think from the rest of us. Being different sometimes isn't as different as other people around us are. We just tend to think we are so far out there, no one could possibly love or accept us. I have two completely different lives and they can never mix. My loving wife married me for the one life but accepts me completely for the other. That works out well for me but I have also accepted some stuff she does that would have also ended a "normal" relationship. I would love to hang out with the wonderful people on this site, but that is the way things are. Sometimes you can't change the way things are.

Hugs Vivian