Crossdressers-Haven.com

I believe I understand my need or rational for crossdressing, but that need does not make my gender feminine. My question is why do we believe that our gender is fully or partly feminine? I am hardwired genetically male, I think and, act like, a male. Is this transgendered nature found in my sensitivity? my decreased aggression, willingness to hang back instead of diving into the lead? My esthetic love of art, music, and nature? a love of beauty? I confess at other times I am and can be aggressive, and take the lead. Desire to dress is different than Gender.

One can be the most manly man ever, and yet still have a desire to cross dress. It is that desire which many consider to be an indication of being transgender, while others believe it to be a fetish.

The ratio of male:female gender in being transgender isn't set in stone, but is variable.

No one is 100% male or female, since we are a product of male and female bonding and thus acquire the genes of both parents.

We (men) are, therefore, partially female.

You've got to ask why, if "being a man" is set in stone, so much effort is expended on teaching male children appropriate (and inappropriate) behaviour for boys. I mean going all the way from "blue is for boys" upwards. It's completely relentless the stuff you're exposed to and IMHO this wouldn't be happening if, on some level, there wasn't some profound fear of boys not being boys (at least in some of them).

At least some large part of this indoctrination is about not being a girl. You cannot "be a man" if you fall into (alleged) female weakness. There's loads of examples of personal attacks aimed at men and boys that assert they're girly or effeminate or "gay". So, then, there's whole constellation of qualities that are supposed to be male and another that are supposed to be female.

So you've got male and female people genetically and male and female gender roles and they don't necessarily match. Society attempts to make them match. Whether you want to believe that that's the reason you dress up, to release a female side society won't allow you to express or otherwise, it's a valid enough argument.

Personally I do find I have "a female side" which kind of knows stuff I, the male person, don't know. I think she knows how to operate in the world in a way that rather evades me. But "she's" not all there is to me dressing up. There's also the compensation for getting bounced about - and the desire to be loved (which Anne Bonny talked about) - and probably other stuff which I half know about.

Also I rather like the smell of powder.

I am me - get used to it. No apologies, I believe Susan has helped make ME a much better person. I have interests that are both male and female and that helps towards making me who I am.

I do not live on a deserted island, I have plenty of friends, most of whom do not know about Susan but they like me and enjoy my company. They do not point and say "that is what women do"

I am lucky - I can see life partially from both sides of the sexual divide. This is good.

What would happen if we lived in a world that did not have male or female clothes, they were just clothes? What it be like to live without stereo-types of what a male is and what a female is? Well good luck finding this place, in the mean time we need to come to the acceptance that we do not fit into the cultural norm, of our western society. So, what is so special about being normal? Anyone can be that if they really really tryed. What a boring world it would be, where would the great art and music come from? Viva the difference, we need differences to make this world interesting!

I find that my expression of femininity sort of 'balances' me, in that there's just times that I don't feel like being all 'alpha-packleader-hunter gather-y', or anything near or far from that on the male side...and besides, the femme' accessories are better.

Michelle said expressing her fem side balances herself. I'm more like expressing my boy side unbalances me.

My expression of fem isn't just the clothes; it includes attitude, feelings, and every part of my being. Gender is what it is and what people perceive of you just helps people put you in a box. I like the question asked, what if you couldn't tell the genders apart because there was all this unisex stuff going on. Would you still give yourself a gender? yep..... I would still be a woman.

Wow, three great answers. Yep we are a mix I do believe that falling somewhere between the extremes. Like I heard the other day some one noted that boys and girls are generally different setting nurture aside, little boys tend to like action, play a little rougher, and a stick can be anything from a bat to a cutlass. Little girls are usually quiet, more social, and like baby dolls more than boys. PET Scans of the male and female brain in thought reveal women and men use their brains differently. I have seen many women who are strong, rough, aggressive, and even dress like men, and I have seen men who were it not for their male bodies are ALL woman! This is also a facinating area of study. Like many here I sometimes slide to one gender or the other, and there is so much involved in the why of that - stress, fatigue, illness, emotions, hormones.... I suppose I have to just accept that there are times when I slide to the feminine and enjoy that as well. yeah, it's true - we are lucky to understand some of both sides but probably more of the male side.

I only saw the first three, not the rest, I will read on in facination, the other great answers.....

Hum... Sliding?? no, that's emotion coloring how I feel about things, but I always like beauty, etc.....

I have a masculine side and a feminine side, just like everyone, but it is my masculine side that likes to wear women's clothes, precisely because I am not a woman.

Zari

I am about finished with these thoughts. Gender is along a line from feminine to masculine and everyone falls somewhere on this line, I suppose the frequency would be equally elevated at either end, an strike null at the center. I believe I am mostly masculine 60/40?? Nothing new here.

You know... women and men can love beauty, be sensitive, tend to be more passive, compassionate and caring but really women would probably score higher marks on these attributes. Even so it is all in how you choose to view personal attributes like these, and associating such with femininity- personally I view them as proof that I have feminine attributes or traits, especially because of my strong desire, my love, my thrill, or joy experienced when wearing women's clothing and experiencing or fulfilling a small sliver of being a woman.

If we were understood, accepted, loved, and encouraged to be who we are especially by women I believe I would achieve what some call "Nirvana".

Anne Bonny wrote:If we were understood, accepted, loved, and encouraged to be who we are especially by women I believe I would achieve what some call "Nirvana".

Personally, I don't think it's about public acceptance for me. I've been in situations out in public and felt cornered en'femme, or even doing things that might be considered out-of-the-norm of typical male-en'drab behavior, eg. shopping in the womens' section of stores as the bored husbands/SO's/boyfriends look on from just outside the area at their own SO's, where I'd had homophobic slurs hurled at me, and my arrogant, sarcastic, confrontational side of my personality rose to the surface...now, I'm not going to say it was some sort of 'superhero rising to the occasion' type of thing, but if I hadn't been a complete a$$hole back to them, I might have ended up in the hospital or worse, on a few occasions...

I mean, I know it's not right, but it's saved my hiney a few times...lol

Fortunately or unfortunately I'm 99% male. I'm not attracted to other men. I do love to dress and it gives me a great deal of pleasure and I feel wonderful, relaxed and at peace with the world. I have no fem traits or interests except my love of dressing and being able to give a good presentation.
We are all wired different. Is it society, upbringing, genetics, PTSD or just born in the wrong body? So what? We are what we are. Life is short. Lets enjoy our gift.
Wendae

Wendae wrote:Life is short. Lets enjoy our gift.

Amen to that, sister.