Crossdressers-Haven.com

Sorry to post here, I don't really know where I "belong" but it seems the closest thing. If it's moved or something it's ok.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit down and I don't have anyone to talk to right now. Alot of things have been stressing me lately but one of them is my body image. I used to be very skinny as a young adult and I quickly gained alot of weight. Now it seems the weight just keeps coming and coming even though I try to eat moderate portions, not eat fried things, exercise. Some of it is my thyroid, some medications I take...I try but somewhere inside feel its just pointless.

What bothers me most is that both my parents act as if they aren't as proud of me because of it. My mom introduces me to strangers with "This is my daughter. She's a little chubby now but she used to be a Barbie!" I'm serious. My father is overweight, since I remember, but he often mentions that I got fat. It's as if because I'm a women it matters more and he can get away with it. My hubby is very supportive but I cant help the sadness I feel over it. The fact that I used to have a very thin, stereotypically pretty body is often brought up and it's as if I ruined something I will never get back. I ruined myself somehow. And part of it has been all the health issues I have dealt with in past years- it keeps me from seeing any results and then I just stop and eat and don't care- why? I get crap even when I do try. Might as well get crap and be lazy.

All this is brought about because I have to get ready for an event tonight. I don't have money to buy new clothes and I kinda don't want to accept it anyways by buying even bigger clothes than what I did last time- so I look like a sausage in hand-me-downs.

I guess to give perspective, I'm 5'7 and seeing another 10 pound weight gain (in the span of a month or less) towards 180. I used to be 130. I know it's silly, and I have alot of friends who look good at my weight, but the constant reminder of what I was and how I am expected to get back there somehow- I don't know how to.

OUCH, that's is really hard Dolores, to have even one's own parents make comments like that. Actually I have a very close friend who's mother does that to her also, and it is really painful.
There is a running post started about eating and nutrition and trying to lose weight if you care to read others ideas. But I guess you don't need ideas, it sounds like you just don't want to be insulted anymore. Just moments ago I posted a reply about being dissatisfied with my looks and it's a hard situation. I guess if there is any consolation, I never had good looks to start with, so I never lost anything. So I'm sure you look a whole lot better than many, especially me.
You said your hubby is supportive, and that's the most important. I can't understand why parents would say such things, it's as if they need you to look like some stereotype in order to validate themselves. It seems like your hubby understands that beauty is not about what size dress you fit into. All I can offer is none of us look like we did 20 years ago, but life is about more than looks, and beauty is about more than looks, and happiness is about more than looks. The only other thing I will say is that eating the right foods should help with your health issues, and the way you feel, and even if you don't specifically lose weight you will feel better for it. So don't give up on yourself, you are worth taking good care of.

Dolores, That kind of comment hurts often more than the person makeing it realizes.

Maybe a talk with your parents letting them know how deep it hurts will help. Then some people think they are helping by makeing that type of comment.

If that doesn't work you may have to fight fire with fire. Mom you look nice for someone who is (add about 40 years to her age) or Dad what is your excuse for the extra 300 lbs that you are carrying. Just a couple of ideas. Of course the above idea may cause a lot of fireworks.

I know that weight lose is not easy and almost impossible for some people. When you throw in medicial conditions and some medicenes it can become impossible. I am fighting the same problem and am lucky to be able to hold my weight steady.

I wish you the best in dealing with both problems.

We love our Dolores for who you are.

Leeza

That is hard on you Dolores. your parents and hubby should be supportive, and give you confidence so that you are better placed to deal with weight issues.

I do think you need to chat openly with your parents as to how their attitude is affecting your well being. This needs to be done without confrontation, phone and say that you wish to meet them for an objective chat about your weight issues, mention that you desperately depressed and need their help.

If you have an underactive thyroid then loosing weight would be very difficult. Undreactive thyroids are easily treatable by blood checks and the taking of a drug called thyroxine.

I used to be skinny like you, but do carry more weight now than i should. I feel what the heck at the age of 60 i no longer have to be slim. But I guess this is easier for a man, even one that CDs.

Best of luck, and hugs
Joan

Sweetheart I know I understand, my problem is I don't pass as well as I once did and yes Carol is in a larger dress .
Fear not my dear as we all still love you.

I don't want to offer any advise, just to reassure you that you are valued and loved, maybe your parent's hurtful comments are intended to encourage you but have just been badly aimed, and your husband knows you, loves you and understands your problems. We are all backing you, please be encouraged.

Dolores, please do not do this to yourself. I can so relate to some of what you are saying so much from the supportive hubby side. I hope you are able to talk to your husband about this as he seems to be your biggest supporter at this point. My ex struggle with weight all her life. She was always putting herself down about her weight. I always though she looked good and told her that. But often what I said seemed to go in one ear and out the other and did not register. It was very frustrating for me. Her grandmothers were good at making a comments on how chubby she was then pushing food on her. Her dad put everyone down my ex included. She hated the way her dad treated her mom, but my ex was doing the same things to me I figured out after 20 years.

Have you talked to your parents? Some times people do not know the impact of their words. And also they may not be thinking they are saying words to be negative to you, just the way they sound or come out.

Along with your thyroid and medications you stressing about it and any other stress can also have a big affect on it. Stress not only affects your weight but also affects how you see you self in usually not a good way.

you can PM me if you want a more one on one exchange.

You are good looking so not let yourself or others tell you different.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

I'm sorry to hear about all this Dolores. It sounds like there are a half dozen issues going on all at once, disguising themselves as feelings about weight.

Medical issues are one thing. If your thyroid is low it is very difficult to lose weight, and a low thyroid can cause other problems. It needs to be addressed. The weight gain can in and of itself also cause medical issues which is a good reason to try to address it. As opposed to an insensitve mother, who is not a good reason to lose weight.......

I've attended a support group for folks with eating disorders for several years. Some eat too much, some not enough and some manage to do both. I hear the same themes repeatedly. One is family acting ashamed of the person. That is the family's problem, not yours. It would be one thing if your mother came to you and said she was concerned about you. Introducing you as someone who used to be Barbie is just rude.

Which brings up the next point. There are good reasons not to be signifigantly overweight. Supporting the beauty-diet industrial comlex and buying into the Barbie myth put forth by the patriarchy and their running dog female assistants is not one of them.

I sometimes talk about missing the days when I could climb mountains all day and eat all I wanted. Some of the women in the group will talk about becoming an aging overweight former sex kitten. It's all the same theme, and it's really about age as much as anything. How many middle aged men here wish they could be young beautiful women. News flash!!! remove the word young from that sentence! The purveyors of youth culture are part of a capitalist conspiracy to make most of us feel bad enough about ourselves to be willing to spend money on something we can't buy.

Okay so I've used some tounge in cheek Maoist references. But it's an effort to evoke outrage. Who are these people to be expressing opinions about you like this? And who decreed that only young and thin is beautiful?

Do what you can to maintain your health. Let your husband know that you appreciate him acting like a grown up. Judge yourself by the person you are, not your waistline.

Hope this helps. The power of the thin=beautiful=worthwhile human being mantra as applied to women is a good reason for me to be grateful I'm a man, and as the father of teenaged girls it is something that outrages me.

Zari

Thank you so much ladies! It is nice to come back to the forum and see so much support. :D

In general, my mother makes comments like those because she is very vain. She is in her 50's but still looks very good, but I'm afraid that is all she strives for. She was a very intelligent woman and now she is only concerned with fighting the aging. Sometimes I feel like I become an extension of that. If I'm not constantly in heels, made-up, and in what she likes for me to wear even if I'm just going to lunch on a weekend- she whines about it. And it's true what KimberlyS said, she complains and then throws food on me. But dealing with my mother- I can't change that.

I did tell me dad yesterday that I didn't appreciate comments and he looked shocked that I was bothered. He said he was just letting me know that certain things didn't look good on me now that I was chubby and I should find something for appropriate- which I think is fine to say, until he says "Like jeans, you know not everyone can pull off jeans." Really? Am I f***ing up jeans now?!

He offered to take me shopping and I just accepted that's my parents and I need to let it roll of my back more.

Ralitas, I will check out the thread. Thank you.
Joan, I do have an underactive thyroid and take meds for that too. The first round of it I lost 30 pounds right away and was close to my old weights- but it's crept back on and no subsequent increases have done anything to my weight.

Right before discovering my throid problem I was working out three hours a day for half a year at 1500 calories and DIDNT LOSE A POUND! I was told by everyone that I must have been eating too much and drove me nuts. I think that experience is very unmotivating today.

Carol Ann and Paula G, thank you so much for your sweet post.

KimberlyS, I am very stressed with alot right now. Your right. I am unemployed and the whole mess of things that comes with that. I'm sure it doesn't help. If I need to I will defienly PM you, and your always welcome to msg me too.

And Absaroka sums it up "I'm sorry to hear about all this Dolores. It sounds like there are a half dozen issues going on all at once, disguising themselves as feelings about weight." I'm sure if I was working I wouldn't have time to feel like an unproductive lump. An your right, there's no reason to be part of that machine. i don't want to look like a supermodel either, I just want to be feel strong and good again. I guess your ladies are right, in the end it has nothing really to do with my weight.

And I realize that i need to be fair to my hubby. He hates me making comments and the possibility that I'm making him feel as if his opinion of me doesn't matter is probably one of the worst byproducts of all this. I need to keep that in mind.

Sorry this is so long and rambling, but I needed that perspective. Thank you so much girls, you are all so sweet. *hug*

Dolores,
I'm living on the husbands side of your issue. My wife's weight has slowly crept up and I know it's not good for her health but she seems not to care. I tell how I love her espescially when complains that she is old and fat. She is still the girl I fell for 40 years ago. If you have any suggestions to convince here I sure could use them And for my part please believe your husband when he supports you. The health issues may be important but we still love you for you.
Carly

Sorry to hear that Dolores.

Dolores(GG) wrote:My mom introduces me to strangers with "This is my daughter. She's a little chubby now but she used to be a Barbie!"

Be ready with a quick "introduction" yourself, e.g., "This is my Mom, and she likes embarrassing me."

Dolores,
As said earlier, we still love you. I have a friend who has been fighting thyroid problems and the associated meds. It's still better than the alternatives of not having the meds. It's a shame family can't realize how hurtful they are and how hard your condition is on your body and your mind.

Curvy, pretty girls come in all sizes and you just happened to get to be more than one size. I'm a curvy girl; I just happen to be convex where I should be concave.

Carly, your post really gets to me because like I said I don't want my hubby to feel as if I'm disregarding it. I dunno, don't take her comments too much to heart. Maybe remind her she's pretty when the subject has not been brought up or go jogging with her? My hun drags me to the gym and I'm glad when he does.

Donna, I know she means well...*sigh*

Davita, I am glad I'm loved! Yeah, the thyroid thing sucks, but I am also on other stronger meds. I take anticonvulsants and they have helped pack on the pounds more than any other thing. And no, family doesn't always know how to handle these things. But your right, curvy girls are nice too. Even concave ones ;D

Know what the weird thing is? I am a art model sometimes. When I am nekkid and in front of strangers I feel just fine. Don't know why.

Dolores,
Naked art model? Well yeah, you exhibitionist you. Oh course you feel fine. Got a bunch of people looking at the beautiful piece of art that you are and recording you for all to see. Kewl

Hi Dolores, I am a little late but you certainly came to a good place for caring support. Sure we are crossdressing men but many of us are husbands, and we idolize GG's.

You can accomplish anything you desire, you do not like the extra pounds you can lose weight with the right mindset, some will power, and the right approach to portion control, exercise is helpful for toning and improving fitness and helping you feel better but it is more important to take in fewer calories than it takes to maintain your current weight. There are many weightloss programs and many of them work you will have to decide what will work for you.

You are having trouble with your thyroid which does effect your metabolism and mediction such as synthroid, lab testing, conferring with an endocrinologist, internist, or a family practice or general practitioner from now on to insure your balance is maintained. Once this is achieved you will feel better, and your metabolism will be where it should be. Write questions down to ask your physician. You may have to find a different physician if you find they see you as just another patient in their morning schedule and do not seem to care about you in particular. You may need an antidepressant and may have to try a few until you find one that works. Many problems can crop up with hypothyroidism which is frequently associated with Type II Diabetes along with weight gain. High blood pressure, arthritis and knee problems, high cholesterol after middle age for women when they lose the protection provided by estrogen, not sure how old you are. And so forth, but working with your provider you can set things right and I believe this is an important first step. You may need to see a counselor to discuss some things that may be bothering you and to dispell the idea that you cannot do anything to help yourself or to find solutions - you can! There is depression, and various reasons for overeating. If geriatric patients can get in shape and run marathons you can find your fountain of youth - get healthy, feel better, and lose weight!

I have always preferred to help myself, sometimes you simply have to work with a physician. But you can start today. I will not write about how to lose I lose weight If you want to see what works for me you can check out my thread: Are there any thin girls out there? it is near the top of this coping for CDs or Crossdresser Talk section. Of course younger women have the monthly fluctuations and weight gain to work through and men don't but after that we can both lose weight.

We all have issues with our bodies - try being a man wanting to look good in a dress but many of us are able to do so, you have a head start on all of us. A few new clothes may help you to feel better until your old clothing starts to fit again in time! Good Luck to you, Anne